Help me understand a Cancer man...

  • HI BH!

    How are you?? I have been so busy just now getting "me" time BH I am sending you virtual hugs so that you feel better. I remember earlier last month I was so distraught all I did was cry! But again every day gets better and soon your tears get less and less. And yes girl it's true you WILL live I promise lol I am glad that it is getting easier for you. How long has it been since you guys talked? Sometimes we just need to give them a minute to sit and think about things you do the same think of how amazing your life will be when you do meet the right guy how silly all of this will be.

    Thanks for the kind words Smart and inspiring?? I dunno I am just as confused as you hun trust me I have my days. It is easier when he did not reach out because now I am more confused than ever. I was making steps towards healing my heart but now he wants to come back in my life and I don't know what I should do. I am tired of the games but I don't want to push him away I just want him to be sincere you know??

    Any way it is super late on my end about time for me to go to bed wanted to reply to you thanks again for the sweet words. Don't forget to give yourself a hug for me k have a great day!


  • Hey TG,

    Thanks for the virtual hug and yes you are smart and inspiring 🙂 you know, lately i am missing him so much, whenever i go onto my yahoo messenger i will see him singed on and especially we used to get together after work and on my day off when i am on line he is there too and it looks like he wants me to maybe invite him over again.. but as much as i do want to reach out to him.. i am holding back cuz i feel that if he does not do it on his own.. then i will not get the respect from him .. it has been exactly one month today that we did not speak ( am wanting to cry as i write this to you) but i am at work so i can't uggghhhh... it still hurts.. how come he does not miss me or why is he being so hard headed.. or maybe he is jus so happy without me.. well i know for sure i do not want to be confused any more, this should motivate me! well some of my days are good and some just bad.. but today i miss him.. gosh it is still so hard.

    So tell me TG, why are you confused?? pls be sure of what you are doing with ur cancer guy..i have been so confused with my guy too and i felt that my one played so much games with me.. i was mentally tired of it but, i thought it would end soon but of course it never did.. i miss his company, but not what i had to go through to.. okay bz bz lol ttyl.. have a good day 🙂 sending back a hug to you too 🙂

  • Hey Taurusgirly i have an story very similar to yours, i was hurting because i broke up with a guy and few days later i met this cancer guy... he was so into me, so charming, he was very caring, and going so fast so i really liked him but i was sad because the other guy so a couple weeks later i was honest with my cancer guy and i told him that i was hurting blah, blah blah, i told him because i really liked him and i did not want to hurt him but i think it was a HUGE mistake... He said it was fine, that he was going to be patient, he said thank you for being honest, etc but he kept pushing me a lot, he was not patient at all, he actually cried a couple times and i told him that everything was ok, that i just needed time and i asked him to relax and go slow on this.... time passed (3 months) he was different, he was not that into me anymore, once i gave him a couple flowers and he just said thanks but with no emotions and i told him ... ahhh you did not like them (flowers) you are not romantic ! and he answered to me... you are the one who asked me to cool it off, right? i was in shock and i did not say anything... so one day he just told me he was a little tired of the driving ( he lives an hour from here, but he used to tell me "whenever you want to see me just ask me and i will come to see you") that he was busy with school, work, he was missing going out with his friends, etc all those this that before did not matter for him now became a problem, he was not interested on me anymore... but once again i could not say anything, i was scared to ask him if he was not interested on me anymore so another week passed and he did not come to see me (the first weekend he did not come since we met) he said he had a dinner with his friends so i went out that same night with my friends and oh surprise he was there in the same club i was, so he came to the city to see his friends and he did not tell me, i felt so bad so i left the club ( i am an idiot) so next day i sent him a letter telling him that i was so sad because all this things happening , etc a told him that i was in love with him, that i was sorry because i could not tell him before because i was so scared of being hurt again, etc he replies and he said i trhoug him a curve ball and that we needed to talk... a couple weeks later we talk i explain why i never said anything, i apologized for being cold with him and for hurting him, etc but he said he tried to revive what he felt for me when i told him i was in love with him but he could not, he said he buried away everything because i hurt him, etc he said that his head was telling him to give me another change but his heart did not feel anything, so he confessed to me that he dated another guys while he was with me because he was not getting what he wanted from me but he never over stayed (i dont understand) with them because he could not feel the same for them like he was feeling for me so he "stopped doing that" (i don't believe that) . So he said he did not know if we should stay in touch or go out but i said no because that never works, he said he did not know how he was going to feel in a week, in a month or in six months ( i don't know what he was trying to say)... so we said good bye and he said he rather like to hear from me than not and that i was a beautiful and great person and i said maybe one day and he said yeah maybe one day we can start over and be friends or whatever life bring us....

    ten days later he texts... Hey i am super sorry to message you but i am just been thinking of you a lot and i hope you are doing well and a answer that i was doing well, thanks, don't worry for me... ten more days passed (thanksgiving day) he texts again saying happy thanksgiving and i am thinking of you this holiday have a nice day... i replied till next day and said thanks, i hope u had a great day with your family, i think of you too but i don't understand the reason of your texts and i said if i respected your decision of breaking up , please he has to respect my decision of not being friends because i did not want your friendship, still hurts hearing from you, your texts confuse me and i don't know what you want from me because is easy for you since you have moved on.... so he answered .... by it no means is not difficult for me either , i really care for you and i do think of you very often and i hope when you can tolerate a friendship with me you will call me . So that is my story, i am so sad, i miss him so much and i don't know what those texts meant, maybe nothing but it was cruel of him to send them because for sure he knows this is so hard for me. So tell me please what u think, and thanks for your time 🙂

  • run run run as fast as you can from a cancer man they are crazy google countdown to crazy and read about them it will give you more insight. i was dating a cancer man for about 7 months and started to fall in love. i thought he was falling for me too but i went to vegas with my daughter( he knew i had an upcoming trip) everything was great b4 i left and then when i saw him upon returning he was all moody and grumpy and we didn't talk for a month. anyway to make a long story short we got back together and started building our relationship stronger than before. well at thanksgiving last year we made plans for him to stop by my house because he was going to a friends house for his main dinner. well a day or 2 before the holiday a girlfriend of mine invited me to her house instead (i never would have accepted if my house was the main house for him to come to for dinner) anyway, i called and told him about my change in plans and he seemed fine and we made plans to get together the evening of thanksgiving instead. well he blew me off that night and he never called or text me again. no explanation, no nothing. i was left heartbroken and wondering wtf? i unexpectedly ran into him a few months later and we just busted out talking like nothing ever happened. lol anyway he works in a public place that i frequent every now and then (i don't let him see me too much) and we just talk like old friends neither one of us brings up the incident but i did learn that he still has my # in his phone. i'm like what's the point he never uses it. anyway i was as brokenhearted as brokenhearted could be and it took me exactly 1 year but i am over it. i still love him but the hurt is gone. even when i see him so i think friends with cancer men is fine or maybe friends w/benefits if you are strong enough, but a relationship no it won't happen they are too closed off emotionally and will cause you great confusion and hurt in the end.

  • Hi Brokenhearted!!

    Busy busy day oh my I need a vacation! I hope work is treating you well and that you are taking care. I know what you mean about those days where you just want someone to hang out with or seeing him on your messenger those things are always hard. I'm proud of you BH that you have made it this far without calling. I am so sorry about it being a month on a bright side me and Mr Cancer did not talk, text or see each other for a month and a whole week and then we got back in contact. So maybe soon he will contact you do you want to talk to him what does your heart tell you to do?

    I am confused BH because I was doing good yeah I had my hard days I still cried over him but I was okay with lossing him and for him to come back like nothing ever happened it kind of makes me mad like he is just playing games. I just want to know that he is sincere i want to know that he really means what he says I don't trust him with my heart any more. So yes that is why I'm confused I don't want to push him away again but I also do not want him to think it's okay for him to be coming in and out and not dealing with things.

    But any way BH tell me what do you do for fun to distract yourself from all this mess? Do you still have ties with anyone he knows maybe you can ask them how he is doing to get a feel for what's going through his head?? I'm gonna keep you in my thought stay positive turn your sad and angry feelings into light ones take care of yourself!

    A big hug right back at ya' thanks BH talk to you soon...


  • Hi Singleboy

    I agree our situations are very similar.

    Honestly I am just as confused as you when it comes to this topic I have no idea why they say they feel one thing but their actions show otherwise. The only thing I can think is that Cancer's don't like emotional confrontation especially if they know it is going no where or that they are hurting the other person. Maybe when you told him you were still hung up on ur ex he took it as why even bother type of thing. They are extremely guarded with their hearts. They also tend to drag out a break up they tend to gradually move out of your life and actually would rather stay friends that's why many of them are still friends with their ex girlfriends.

    Since you already told him how you feel I think the only thing for you to do is be patient and positive let him figure it out on his own. Things always work out in the end I always feel like as long as I know I did all I could I can walk away with no regret there is only so much you can do you tried making it right by talking to him about it and that's good that you asked for respect now just leave it to him to do what he feels is right for him. I always struggle with not knowing how to react to my Cancer guy I don't want to push him away but I also don't want him to think he can come and go as he pleases. It's a struggle but I don't think Cancer's are bad they are actually lovely people with a lot of love to share just hard for them to gain that trust.

    Please know that I am only speaking from my own personal experience and things I have read and like I keep saying I'm really just as confused as you. TaurusFemmeFatale left some great input on this same thread on the first page you should read it maybe it helps you I know it helped me.

    Take care and good luck


  • Hey TG thanks for responding to my post, i hope u are doing well. I think you should be clear with him if he wants to come back to you, you need to ask him to ALWAYS tell you what he feels and what he thinks right away and not to wait till he is tired or upset and about to run away again. In my case i don't think he is coming back, it is been 5 weeks now, i am sure he is dating more guys because he is very flirting and attractive and i have the feeling that he doesn't like to be alone and he likes to feel someone likes him (if he did that while we were together so right now figure that).

    It was hard for my to asked him to respect my decision of not being friends because it was maybe the only "hope" i had to get it back, now he is not contacting me anymore and i know day by day he is farther and farther from me. I think at the moment he finds another guy who he really likes he wont care about me anymore and he won't think of me anymore so that is why i don't accept that stupid game (friendship) because he just want to remain friends while he finds another guy(like you told me, he gradually is moving on and being friends help him ) and not because he really wants to be friends so i am not willing to be that "tool" to do his life easier. They are good persons but i think they are selfish, they never see when they are hurting you, they only thing they can see is what u did to them. He never said sorry when he told me about the other guys, HE BLAME ME for his behaves which is not fair. TAKES TWO TO TANGO. i felt guilty for a long time but now i think about that and i never forced him to stay with me if he was so unhappy ( 4 months) he always said it was ok and he was going to be patient which it was not true. i was honest , i just needed time and he was the one who gave up, he was just caring the first month and then he just gave up and i don't understand why he stayed with me that long if he was that unhappy . so he is not a child and he is responsible for his owns decisions and choices. When we broke up and he told me about the other guys he dated i told him that i never dated no one while we were together and i always respected him and he said... I know , i always trusted you, i never felt so secure and safe with anyone like i felt with you ( now i am mad for that) so he knew i was not seeing another guys but he did not have problems doing that, did he feel bad for that? i don't think so. I miss him so much and i love him and even when i see that is so clear that he will not come back to me i don't know why i keep hoping , that is so bad because it does not let me move on, i can't even flirt with other guys i am not ready and is not fair 'cause while he is having fun, sex, etc i am here crying, hoping and having a bad time.

    Thanks for your time again, i really wish you the best, i hope this guy realize what he has with you and i think is always a way to work things out it just takes TWO persons to do that. My blessings to you and your family. Hugs and more hugs. keep in touch girl 🙂

  • Hi Taurasgirly,

    Sorry it took a while to write back, been bz at work.. thanks though for taking the time to write to me:) You know i would like to talk to him still cuz i do miss him.. yeah it is one month few days... he has not called and i did not either.. and no i don't know anyone who knows him to know what he is thinking.. he has never introduced me to any of his family and friends.. so no clue.. i was just left out in the cold with this guy.. i do miss him but everyday that goes by, i will get stronger.. every one tells me that, it must have happened for a reason and that God has better in store for me.. and to tell you honestly.. when i was with him, i felt that i should break up with him b'cuz i felt he was always so secretive and hiding things and lying a lot, to which he got caught.. and when i think of it, i though what if we get married, i would feel this same way and it is not a good feeling.. i think the only reason i miss him is that we have been together 4 yrs and we are so comfortable with one another (atleast i felt that way) I am so comfy with him, which is why I miss him so much.. hmmmmm... it is all part of life and God's plan.. who am i to mess with it 🙂

    So, what do i do to keep my mind occupied? I read book, watch movies, cry (lol) work, hangout the family on weekends..cry I used to live in New York before coming to canada, so i have lots of friends there and none here.. the ppl i work with are all married.. so i am on my own.. so yeah that's about it..

    How is all going with your guy? I do hope that things work our well for you(at least one of us) just take it slow with him,one day at a time and try not to loose focus of your heart, keep it in check 🙂 don't let any one break it again ..keep guard 🙂 even i hated the in and out and roller coaster head spins he would put me into ( or i would allow him to do so) but now, i feel better that i don't have to put up with him again.. i do love him and miss him, but it is no longer in my hands.. but for me to get any kind or respect from him, i need to let him come to me and apologize and be very open with me.. so meanwhile i going with the flow .. so to you my dear friend TG, keep smiling and stay positve (like you told me ) together we will do this.. lol..

    okay i am work on my lunch break.. gonna eat ..i am sooooooooooo hungry.. will chat with you soon again..BH (so i wll change BH to something more positive lol) have wonderful day..hope to hear from you soon 😉

  • BH

    nice to hear from you your last comment made me laugh I was going to suggest you change ur name to something positive lol we are what we project so you my dear are no longer brokenhearted keep telling yourself this until the day you truly believe it 😉

    It sound s like you are getting stronger good for you I am proud of you. Keep it up and you will see you are going to attract an awesome guy. Send that energy out there ask god for the man you want tell him what qualities you want him to have just sending these thoughts out to the universe. I hope your guy realizes but maybe it's good he is keeping his distance until ur stronger to deal with it. Trust me I wish My Cancer would have never reached out I would rather know I did not matter to him and just move on now I feel like I am back where I was a month ago.

    I recently asked him to do me a favor he asked what is that?? I was going to tell him to please leave me alone if his intentions were not good and pure hearted to please leave me alone but I chickened out lol I just told him nothing forget it don't need the favor any more. If it continues to mess with me and my head I am going to ask him to leave me alone as much as I care about him I need to care for myself the same way.

    Any way so sad you are at work today it is such a beautiful day out here very sunny and warm enjoy your day at work it's okay to cry but remember when you are done wash your face shake it off and go on with your day don't let it overcome you...

    Hugs your way


  • Singleboy

    Thanks for the message and the well wishes I'm giving it a lil more time and when the time is right I will have an upfront conversation with him even though I have tried this and gotten no where. I just need to figure out a way to do it where he does not get offended or retreats again.

    Sorry about your guy you deserve someone who wants you just as much as you want them... It's such a great feeling when you are with someone who's intentions you do not have to question like you just know they care they show it with words and actions. You deserve that as do all of us I think we get so caught up on our partners we forget to take care of ourselves. Be thankful for the new start this has created for you stay positive and just know things always happen for a reason good luck hun keep in touch as well...

    Best wishes to you and your family as well...

  • Hi TG,

    How are you? how was your weekend? did you any thing fun? after work on saturday my family came over to visit and even all day today on sunday they were here, so it was really good company for me and a lot of distraction:) it was good .. i am trying to stay busy with them so that i not thinking of him.. i think that i feeling a bit better.. we still have not spoken, and to tell you the truth with the time that i have had no contact i am seeing a lot of things much clearer now.. i was not naive to a lot of stuff and always gave in to him and always believed in him and now i can see how much i was lied to and i swallowed it so know although i still miss his company, i am happier that i do not have to put up with his lies, i found emails of him telling his ex's that he miss them and wanted to talk to them.. he told me it was all BS he was telling them, but now thinking about it.. it was all true he really cannot let go of his past, he tells me that i am his first true love but yet telling other he misses them.. ugggghhhhh!!!!! I pray to God to keep stronger cuz i need it.. I am so mentally tired of all the games he has played on me ( or i allowed him to) TG, i was thinking about it, our cancer guys go in to retreat because they are afraid of confrontation, but why do they create incidents and not have to deal with it? and we should understand that they don't like confrontation and we should accept that they need to retreat? do they like to cause mishaps and then run away? well i think they need to own up to everything that goes on in the relationship and not run away...

    I really hope that all works out great for you and do not have any misunderstanding about any thing and do not compromise! do not be taken for granted ( like i have) and do let any one retreat or run away on you.. we do not deserve any one's uncertainty .. and again.. i really do hope that all goes well for you and you are truly happy and this is for you 100%

    okie hun, its kinda a late here and i have to work in the morning 🙂 have a good nite talk to you soon.

    how about BraveHeart BH 🙂 lol...

  • BraveHeart Bh lol I like it!!

    Hi how are you?? Sorry I have been gone for a minute hope everything is good with you. My weekend was crazy busy with work I seriously need a vacation! I am so happy you are staying busy family always helps I love when my family comes to visit. You sound like you have did a lot of thinking that's good hun keep yourself busy everything is going to turn out great you just wait and see.

    I sooo agree with you about them owning up to their mistakes to be honest that is all I have asked for but it was too hard for him. I don't know why they create issues and then don't deal with it I think to them they will never admit they did anything wrong because in their eyes they do not believe they did!!! uuuggghhh is right? lol At lease that's the case for my guy I just could not take it it was too much giving on my part and being patient and not getting anywhere. Relationships are about compromise on both ends it takes two people to make things work.

    Thanks for the well wishes I don't think it will go anywhere with me and Mr Cancer he was texting a lot wanting to see me and then has stopped again!!!! yeah back to the game playing I just realized I'm not cut out for all the work it takes with him. I know what I want and can no longer waste my time on someone who clearly does not know what he wants... I'm proud of myself though I did not give in I wanted to see his true intentions and he showed them... Any way hun it is suppper late here just wanted to write you since it had been a while... Take care and have a great day!!


  • Hi TG,

    How are you doing? so nice to hear from you 🙂 It is so crazy that he is doing the same thing again.. and it is good to know that you realize his game playing things.. i am proud of you too.. stay strong.. even i too was always the one to compromise and wait and be the nice one in the relationship.. but its true that whatever they do, they never think it is the wrong thing.. . well, i have not heard from mine.. it still bothers me that he does not even care after being together so long.. i still miss him ( i hate my self for this) i know that i do not want him back and i do want to see him or talk to him.. so i am keep strong.. some days are better than others...

    So, what have you been doing to keep your mind occupied? or are you still having feelings for mr cancer? it is so hard to get mine out of my mind.. i think i am afraid of being alone that so bad to be alone or be in a terrible relationship? i know that i don't want to be miserable for sure...or why do i think that i would not meet anyone else? why do i keep thinking of my guy so much? and he does not even care about.... gosh i just want to be over this already... please give me some tips to move on.. and not think of him ever again..

    okay TG, be good take care of yourself 🙂 have a good nite and talk to you soon:) Bh

  • Hey everyone , i feel like BH too, i am hating my self because i can't stop thinking of him, i am not enjoying myself, i don't even want to go out because i don't want to see this guy out in the bars with someone else but is not fair, while he is having fun and sleeping around i am here crying and missing him, dying of jealous when i think he is with someone, it's horrible, i want to move on too, i want to get over this now, i don't now why i am so in love with this guy, i don't understand. I am so sad, some days i feel a little better and i have a little fun but next day i am back to the same shit, how can i handle my jealous it's ridiculous because he is not mine anymore but i can't help it, it is in my head all the time... sorry to be so negative i just needed to tel this to someone because i don't to talk with my friends about the same , they must be tired to hear me out about the same stuff, i feel nobody understand how i feel... thanks again and take care of yourself guys.

  • Singleboy , what is your sign ?

  • So NOW you've met the REAL side of his nature, you are lucky ........ i didnt find out what a moody , and uncommunicative person mine was until after we were Married, What a DISASTER.

    Cancer guy, Aries woman....... he did'nt support me or trust me, from the beginning, what a shock, i thought this person would have my back, unconditionally. he failed to see i was a unique individual and lumped me into a category of all WOMEN, they are flirty, and always drink too much (his ex) i was a trouble maker (his opinion) and gossip (jeez just trying to make conversation) even his friends could see his thinking was flawed, but he would'nt listen

    should have lived together first, then i would never have married

  • Hey Singleboy,

    I can certainly relate to what you are going through, although it has been over a month that we broke up and i have not heard from him, it makes me so miserable still since he has not made the effort to contact me at all.. it hurts so much and we have been together 4 yrs.. and i feel that he is so cold that he cannot even look back.. but to tell you honestly..i was so miserable and stifled in this relationship that i wanted out so badly.. and i think the reason i want him and miss him it is because i became so comfortable with me just being here with me at times... but for all of the lies and manipulation i DON'T miss at all..

    I understand your heartache singleboy, sometime there are no answers for what they are doing to us, but i guess that we do have to accept it and just move on.. try to do things to get distracted.. and yeah i understand to part about jealousy... even i am so much i like you.. and he used to watch other women in front of me all the time and when i told him about it he told me that he swear to God that he was not watching anyone...all lies... i caught him so many times disrespecting me but i still stayed with him for my own reasons... i too miss him still but, even i have to move on.. we must do it.. they say cancers are so loving and caring but what happens when they get so cold? but i am tired of the mental rollercoaster ride... i just want to move on and not look back.. but time will heal all ... please stay strong and positive.. i am here if you need to talk..


  • Don't ever be concern about competing with someone else.... I never have... In fact I told mine many times to take it up with someone else.... because unless he wants to be with me... I don't ever want him anyways....

    I broke up with him..or walked.. sending him to the curb over his disrespecting me.... He continues to come for me... for what???? That is still TBD...But Hey I carry on with my life.. and imo ... he can go seek out some bimbo... His choice always...

    It does not mean it doesn't hurt... however I am of the opinion... that unless he really want to be with me ... I just don't care to be with him... His loss... BTW.. at this point he knows that...

    If you fret... over his behavior... you are showing that he is in control of you.... Show him a different side of you....The one that shows him... he doesn't matter... one way or the other...

    Never Ever compete with someone else for his affection... You will lose every time..... Instead take the high road... and send him into someone else's arm... You know Hit/Miss relationships are a dime a dozen... Just Saying...

    Good luck.

  • HEY BH, thanks for your words, it is good to talk with someone who knows how i am feeling right now, i am so sorry that he lied to you that way, some people are lie that, but that is something which is gonna make them so unhappy when time passes and they realized what they have lost weather if they loved us or not. I think Cancer guys don't know what love means, they are in love with being in love and they idealized the person (a mistake) so when they see the real person they just run away looking for the next love so they can do that over and over and if they do get it ( charming prince/ss doesn't exist) they never will have a stable relationship , that is why i think they flirt a lot, always looking for "a better" person, but is only their own fantasy. i am a person who likes to fight for a relationship, i know everyone has bad and good things , i feel guilty maybe the way everything happened between us, i won't never know what was real or what was just his fantasy, sometimes i think he just had a crush on me and he said he was love, you can't fall in love and go out of love in that period of time, no way.

    Earthangel2... i am not sure anymore about my sign, in some places they say i am a taurus in others a gemini... MAY 21 i feel more a gemini but idk hahaha

    • if they DON'T get it (that is what i meant)

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