Help me understand a Cancer man...



  • Hi Singleboy,

    How are you doing? is anything getting better for you? sorry took so long to reply.. i have been really busy with work and shopping for the christmas..:) I know what you mean when you say that these cancer men have their own "fantasy" and you are so right that they move on the their next prey or victim.. you know what same for me, i am still not sure if he had real love for me or it was just his fantasy.. but we are still not speaking as well and it is so hard for me to believe that he has forgotten me already or really he just did not care and he is so happy without me...wow.. meanwhile, i am still so much in love with him .. i mean 4yrs is not easily forgotten in one months.. but how can he not care so easlily? i don't get it..

    I try to keep my self busy by being with my family or just walking in the malls .. but i still think of him so much.. but you know there were warning signs along the way .. and i thought it was nothing or it will go away.. but in fact it got worst.. and now this is the stage we are at now.. (broken up) i feel like he is so cold and heartless.. and i am in shock by it still.. gosh i really need to get a life and move past him now...

    Singleboy.. only God knows that this has happend for a reason.. and it is not in our hands.. so pls try and let him go.. maybe you would stay with him and he will keep being flirtatious and it will make you more and more jealous and then you would not be in a happy relationship.. it is best you deal with the heartache now and not being with him or you can stay with him and always be thinking what could he be doing when you are not around.. even i have to tell myself this.. and honestly i miss him but i do not miss of his lies as well... hope this helps a bit.. talk to you soon 🙂 take care and try to enjoy your christmas 🙂 by the way, how long were you dating his guy?

    BH



  • Hey guys ohhh my gosh I have been a way for a while sorry!!

    BH how are you hun???? Sounds like you are making progress hugs for that yay!!! So you asked my opinion on how you can move on.. Four years is a long time to get over and it's normal for you to miss him please know it's okay to be sad and hurt but give yourself some credit for knowing what is best for you. Take each day as a new day to do something fabulous for yourself don't let him get the best of you or change you he is not worth the energy. If he has not reached out by now take things for what they are and love yourself more than you love him. Don't look at the breakup as a bad thing look at it as a good thing now you get a fresh start... Send him good vibes and positive thoughts I truly believe in the energy we send out so if you are sad and hurt it reflects in your daily life don't let him have this much power. When things first ended with Mr. Cancer guy I was so angry and hurt all I did was cry I hated the person I was becoming the sadness consumed me and I could not understand it. I made a conscious decision to no longer give him so much credit. Think positive, stay active go out meet people, date give others a chance you will see that when you send out positive energy out it will bounce right back to you...

    Singleboy, BH Why give these guys so much importance in our lives??... We are worth so much more! Yes it hurts like hell to lose them to not have them around because at one point we cared and still some what do but really if it is over it's for a reason. Taking control of our own destiny and not settling is hard to do it's always easier to just go with it but is going with it really what is best? We forget our worth when we are in love at times i now know i deserve someone better, someone who loves me, cares about my feelings, makes an effort I deserve everything I gave him and so do you!!

    Again sorry it took so long I was a lil sad about things that happened with me and Cancer boy I asked him again to leave me alone and was a lil sad over it but I am better now it's a struggle guys but eventually we will get over them and look back and laugh at how silly all of this is...

    TG



  • Hi TG,

    How have you been? i hope that you are keeping good.. I have been trying to keep strong, but of course sometime i want to call him and keep crying.. gosh this is the most hardest thing that i have to deal with.. i though he was my soul mate and love of my life.. but i still can't believe it how he betrayed me.. my heart is not as heavy as before, i am dealing with it much better now.. yet again, i have my days..lol..

    hey, but what is going on with you and mr cancer? are you still with him? you don't sound too good in ur last mail... why did you ask him again to leave you? he came to you.. i thought that things would be better for you.. we have been at this for weeks now with these cancer men, but you and I know best eh! i hope sooner we can really look back at this and have a good laugh.. can't wait for that to come...lol ugghhhhh... why does break up have to be so difficult for us?? why can't it be easy for us as it is for them??

    anyway, how is your christmas shaping up? what have you been upto? any plans for the holidays?? please keep in touch..

    BH...



  • So nice to hear from you I am glad it is getting a lil better I know it can be so hard especially around the holidays. Do you think he will ever reach out to you or you think he is completely done with it? Good for you for not reaching out it is hard to do when you miss someone. BH please remember to put your feelings first above his take care of yourself you are doing great in healing your heart I'm proud of you 🙂

    Soooo about my Cancer guy well he was coming around I was hesitant but was willing to hear him out. I was starting to think maybe it would be different since he was saying he missed me, wanted to see me, and was going to get me back. Then he stopped texting me just like that!! I felt the hurt come back again and I just can't go there no more I was doing so good. I decided to call him to just let him know that I was still here but that if his intentions were not good to please just let me be. He got very angry that I called saying it was not a good time to talk about things that he was not going to go there with me. Just like all the other times he was being selfish how do you tell someone you miss them are going to win them back but when they call you refuse to deal with their feelings?!?!?!?! I just felt very disrespected he makes me feel like a child when we argue so condescending. He went on to say that if I wanted to talk to him I could call him the next morning and he would hear me out then but that he was not going there with me that night it wasn't so much that he did not want to talk to me abt things I mean maybe he was busy and it was bad timing but It was the way he said it with no feeling so cold. I apologized for the call and told him to have a great night. I never called him back and neither did he. I know in his heart of heart he cares about me but not enough to make it work. I want someone who will work at things and compromise give me respect he was not this person and I know I deserve better. I don't think he is a bad person just bad for me!

    So that is why I was a lil sad I miss him a lot and it hurts sooooo much like I wish they could feel how much it hurts it's so unfair. But it is what it is BH I have no choice but to move on....

    Christmas is turning out great I adopted a family this year and this weekend I got to meet them and take them gifts it was so rewarding and made me forget all my petty little problems. There are bigger issues in the world like starving children, struggling families. What are your plans for the holidays are you all done with your shopping??

    Hope to hear from you soon have a great night!

    TG



  • Hi TG,

    So really nice to hear from you 🙂 I feel like you are my best friend..lol : ) thanks for taking the time to write to me and understand me.. Sorry to hear that you have to go through the same thing with you cancer man.. even i feel my cancer guy so cold a lot of time.. that was rude of him to say it like that..you deserve so much more respect and i know that i miss mine too but.. i need to be respected its the reason why i don't call him.. but i sure as hell miss him.. and i don't believe he will call.. it is so sad... i wonder how come he does not miss me or have any feelings at all for me.. he has not called but i don' t want to call either..

    will write more late.. i'm at work.. gotta run 🙂 ttyl..



  • Hi TG,

    How are you? it is really nice to hear about your adopted family 🙂 that is just awesome! what will you be doing on sunday for christmas? I am spending the day with my family.. hopefully all goes well.. i am almost done with my shopping.. i have to work up until saturday and then i will be for a few days.. just want to relax on my days off or maybe go to the movies.. we'll see.. anything else new and exciting with you? take care have a wonderful day 🙂



  • Merry Xmas guys!!! i am so sorry, i haven't post in a while, i have been a little stressed at work and a little sad still. I try everyday to go on with my life, i have fun, go out sometimes but back in my head he is always there ( i am so pathetic LOL). Even when a month ago (thanksgiving) i asked this guy not to text me because still hurts a lot hearing from him hi did it again, he text me today to wish me a merry xmas, idk why he keeps doing that. i was going to be sad if he did not text me today and now i am sad because he text me, i don't understand myself. It hurts because is almost sure that he text me only because we had a "clean" break up and he is just looking to have a friendship with me, that makes me sad, being reduced to a simple friend, well ces;t la vie mon amis!

    Please tell me what your opinion are about that. I hope you guys are doing better with your life, enjoying this holiday with your family and i wish you the best and a lot of happiness .



  • Hi Singleboy,

    Happy holidays to you too:) I know it is hard to get them out of our minds but it is like we have no other choice. it has been 1 1/2 months for me and he has not called me not even to say merry xmas.. such is life eh!! well it did hurt me that he did not call ( and i still think it is normal to miss him) but only with time things can get better ... only on christmas day i missed him terribly but i had to put lots of smiles on for my family and pretend nothing is wrong.. I got home last nite at 11pm and i signed on to my yahoo messenger and he was online.. but i signed off right away.. he never made the attempt to call me on xmas day after being together for 4 yrs.. y should i do so.. i am i trusting God to guide my path.. and you should also let the universe take its course with you life.. just go with it and try try try to be positive at all time.. hope to chat with you sooner ... take care and all for the best in the New Year.. and oh, try to make a New Year resolution to move on without him.. plant it in your head and again stay positive ... have a good one..

    BH



  • Hey guys!

    Sorry I have been away for so long I went away for Christmas and barely getting settled in. Hope you guys had a great Christmas sounds like it was a nice one with family. Broken heart I love your last message to Single boy you are sooo right hun if he has not made an attempt why should you... I have a feeling he is going to reach out to you soom it usually happens when we are moved on they have a way of creeping back lol stay strong hun.

    Single boy I sooo agree with you I would be sad if he didn't call or text to wish me a merry Christmas but then sad when he does I guess we are never happy lol please listen to what broken heart wrote and make a resolution to move on with out him. When someone cares they show it, they make it known no need for us to wonder... If it is so easy for him to be just your friend then it is obvious you guys both want different things best for you to just try your hardest to forget him I know it's hard trust me... ughhhh these cancer guys suck ;( lol

    good luck to you both Happy New Year I know 2012 will be the best for us we just have to have an open mind and heart the rest should fall into place...

    TG



  • Happy New year guys!!! thank you TG and BH for your kind words, i wish you the same for you both, we will have an amazing 2012!!.... I just hope to heal soon, i don't wanna waist more time of my life for this guy. the only thing which is bothering me right now is thinking of him with another guy, last night i was having fun with my friends but i could not stop thinking about him, wondering what he was doing in NYE, the idea of him flirting and taking someone home was killing me, i know i am torturing myself... BH i agree with TG about the fact that your ex is gonna contact you soon, you guys had an story ( me and TG don't have a strong story with our cancer guys like you) i am sure he still thinking of you, but u have to remember that this guys (cancer) are so good hiding what they really feel... eventually he will contact you. Ok girls keep in touch and GOD bless to all of us included our exes. LOL



  • Hi Guys,

    Happy New Year to you all, hope that all is well and best of luck for the year 2012.. Good luck to us and our future. TG, thanks for everything, it means a lot to me.. being able talk to someone and getting feedback.. it is the 2nd day of Jan 2012 and for some reason.. i am missing my cancer guy.. ( i hate it) and the fact that he did not wish me for the new year or christmas.. it really hurts me a lot.. I know deep down i need to move on. which i am! but just some days are really harder than others.. although my holidays was spend good with my family.. i still can't help thinking of him.. it has been 2 months and don't know why i am still hang up on him.. goshhhhhhhhhhh... i though this is supposed to be easier.. pls help me guys to stay strong.. i know he is so bad for me but i can't understand why i feel like this.. Singleboy, i can also relate to what you said about him taking someone home.. i feel that way at times too...

    Please knock some sense into me.. i know for sure that i do not want to call him..

    okay.. have a great one guys..... hope to hear from you soon... BH.



  • knock, knock is Broken Heart there??????

    It's me the lil voice in your head the good one you know the one that is often ignored.... lol I am here to knock some sense into you.... lol stay away from the phone.... no texting... stay away from your messenger... no e-mail this soon will pass and tomorrow you will be ohhhh so very proud of yourself for getting through one more day of not calling that no good Cancer guy 🙂

    You are beautiful, you are kind, you have a big heart, you have so much to offer someone... You deserve the very best from any man that is in your life... It is the second day of January keep on moving forward create the life you want!!! You are capable of anything you set your mind to!!!

    Get that foolish guy out of your head and imagine the great guy your future has waiting for you imagine him exactly how you want him... Tall, dark handsome?? with a big heart, giving, loving?? ooohhhh the possibilities!!!

    Hugs your way can you tell I've been watching tooo much Oprah today? lol

    TG



  • Single boy

    My cancer contacted me on NYE you know because he was alone, had nothing to do and being the selfish guy he is he wanted me to hang out with him.. I answered because

    A) As hard as I try I can never be mean/ rude to him and

    B) I felt bad no one should be alone on NYE...

    I invited him to hang out with me and my friends and he declined saying it would be weird, okay I said I mean I was NOT going to BEG him which is exactly what he wanted. When he did not hear from me he continued to text me sad faces!!! Like really a grown 31 yr old man sad faces!?!?!?! I was not in the mood to be sucked into his own pity party so I continued with my night. Hey I extended the invited he declined too bad for him. Well I text him a lil after mid night wishing him a happy new year the plan was if he replied asking me over again I would go see him (dumb of me I know) but again I felt kind of bad for him. Well he replies 2 hours later insinuating he was busy with someone else to answer... Was I jealous?? uummm helll yeah to know he not only flirted with but spent NYE with someone else when I could have had the chance crushed me!! I cried imagining him with another girl BUT really I cried more over how disappointing in myself I was for allowing him back in my heart and for being so dumb to plan to possibly go see him!!!! How stupid of me....

    After the cry fest I slapt myself silly and promised myself NEVER again new year, new start he officially ruined anything even friendship between us. I got over it when I realized all the trouble I saved myself good for him and good for your ex if he found someone to flirt with rather it be another girl going through the confusion than me!!! I have realized you can only control how YOU react to things what YOU do with what is dealt your way. I can not control his hurtful behavior and I no longer want to try to figure it out hurt is hurt, pain is pain. I am trying my best to be positive this all shall pass we need to be firm and strong and give ourselves value if we don't no one ever will!! Best revenge is happy revenge 😉

    Best wishes happy 2012 I know it has great things in store for us!!!!

    TG



  • Hi TG ( Ms Oprah) lol... this is sooo nice.. hahahhahahahah... you brought smiles to me .. thank you ... i have stayed aways from phone and texting.. however i cannot get off messenger..just waiting like an idiot to see when he comes on.. ughhh... story of my life!!!! yes i do need to get him totally out of my mind, head and heart... i know it will happen .. it has to happen.. as i do not want the roller coatster ride again.. and you are right when you told singleboy that it is will be the other women that has to deal with his flirting.. i feel the same way about my ex as well..

    Thanks again TG for knocking that sense into me.. its just that i cannot talk to any of my family members about this and this is the reason i come on here to .hear your thoughts on my miserable situation..

    Sorry about you and your cancer guy on NYE.. well at least you tried and he declined.. but because we are so kind hearted and loving and caring its the reason why we all answer their call.. and then they will still break our hearts.. Good luck to us for 2010 and yes i will dream that perfect guy into my future.. and its like you know me.. love em Tall Dark and Handsome and of course with a BIG loving heart... 🙂 have a good nite.. ttyl 🙂



  • Goshhhhh, i meant 2012* lol... i have gone two years backward...lol..



  • Hi guys, it is me again, i am sorry for being so weak but needed to write this down. I had a break down today, it is horrible, i feel so frustrated, all this memories coming to my head. It is funny but for me it was easy the NC at the beginning (most people have a hard time at the beginning) but now that i see this is really over, two months has passed and you know i always had this stupid hope that maybe he was going to look for me to work things out but with every day passing we have more distance btw each other and that is killing me, it is really over and i feel so sad i just wanted to call him and tell him that i miss him so much, i have this need to talk to him and cry , etc

    That is why i am writing this, i don't want to call him or text him because i know i will be even more sad when he rejects me again. It is hard to explain how i feel... it is like water getting away btw my hands and can't do anything to hold it. why i don't feel any better? we only spent 4 months together God!... thanks for being selfish and talking just about me this time but i feel really bad...thanks guys for your time.



  • i meant sorry for being selfish...



  • Hey Singleboy

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time hun.... I say if it hurts you that much to have no contact then maybe you should call him. Sometimes we have to follow our hearts even if we know it will lead us to trouble. Before you reach out to him i think you should prepare yourself for whatever reaction you recieve.

    Singleboy say you do reach out and he is cordial and nice what would you like to happen between the two of you? Can you see yourself with someone like him? Does he make you absolutely happy and brings out the best in you? I ask because at times we forget our worth and the qualities we want in someone we get so caught up in making it work we forget why it was broken in the first place..

    Good luck hun sending you hugs and best wishes keep us posted!



  • I need some help!!! I met a wonderful, 32 year old Cancer male about 6 weeks ago, on a dating site. Neither of us had a lot of experience with it, nor were we expecting much, but we hit it off very quickly - we emailed and texted, 1 short phone call for 3 weeks before we set our first date. He lives 2 hours away, so we had a date planned for Friday night, and assuming things went well, we'd do something Saturday. Long story short, our first date was wonderful - by the end of the night he was telling me he'd never met anyone like me, or had a connection with anyone like ours. We had a second date...and plans for a 3rd and 4th the following weekend.

    That weekend came, our Fri night date was great, we went to dinner, had good conversation, and went out afterwards and had a few too many drinks. He doesn't do well with hangovers, so he ended up sleeping in very late at his brothers house where he'd be staying while in town. He felt very sick, and tired, but did not want to bail on me since he was in town, so we agreed on a more low-key date for that night. We went for pizza at a local bar. We were both hung over and exhausted, but were still carrying on conversation, but mainly were just enjoying each others company. The silences were not awkward, although maybe I wasn't being my usual self because I saw how tired he was. We were holding hands, rubbing one another's backs, etc. We went bowling with a few of my friends after, and we both woke up and ended up enjoying the night. With Christmas coming, we knew it would be 2 weeks until we saw each other again.

    That Sunday night, he texted me saying that he feels sick to tell me this, but he feels as though something is missing between us, that I seemed sad the night before, and that I was distant. I had no intention of coming off that way. We went back and forth for 24 hours, my heart was broken thinking he felt that way, but we talked through it. I told him to forget that night, we chalked it up to being tired, etc, we moved on, and kept in touch until this past weekend - the 2 week mark. NYE. We did a low key movie Friday, and party at a hotel Saturday. In the 2 weeks prior, and even this weekend he'd talk about me going on family vacation in April, he'd mention things he wants to do together, he'd say "we're doing that this spring," blah blah blah. He mentioned our connection, and how special it is. He booked tickets for a basketball game for this coming weekend and I was to go to his town.

    I had an odd feeling Sunday afternoon when he didn't tell me he had gotten home safely. His texts were somewhat cold, not the usual him. My gut started to tell me something....it was right. Yesterday he tells me he is sick to his stomach, but that he doesn't know if he sees us going to the next level. He feels a connection, but not the amount of connection he expected, based on how our "relationship" was before we met. He thinks I'm pretty, smart, funny, he has feelings for me but "not enough." He kept saying "F*** maybe I am just f***ed in the head for doing this to you, I hate hurting you." He couldn't give me one single reason, or tell me something I might have done or not done to make him feel this way. I am so lost. He says he is feeling lost and empty too, and doesn't know what is making him feel this way. He has not dated anyone but me in a year, and he broke up with his ex of 4 years for sort of the same...no real reason, just a feeling.

    I am wondering if I didn't give him enough attention, engage him in conversation enough, maybe I didn't text or call enough during our times apart. Everything we women are taught is to not smother men...but it seems as though Cancer men WANT to be smothered, to an extent, or they begin to doubt your feelings for them, and subsequently, doubt their feelings for you. I am torturing myself, playing back that one night at the bar when we were both tired. Yes, early on it CAN be a warning sign, but we had established that we felt so comfortable with each other that we could be ourselves, no awkwardness, just be together and not have the pressure of not knowing what to say. I do tend to get a little nervous when I really like someone, and maybe did hold back a little, but always made a point to do something affectionate, or smile, or make eye contact. I can't help but feel like I just didn't do enough, and now I am regretting it!!! Any insight?? I am sooooo sad and lost!!! 😞 Thank you in advance for reading, I know it was long!!!



  • Hi Singleboy,

    I so agree with TG, if you are having deep feelings for this guy then maybe you should call him.. but just ask yourself .. it is really what you want and will he make you so happy that you would not have to worry about his flirting? It has been 2 months for me also with my cancer guy, and yeah there may be distance getting in the way, but what good is it if he does not make the effort?? if i call and cry to him, he will just walk all over me again, cuz i am week to him.. the very same may happen with you... give it some thoughts before calling him..

    ScorpioCountryGirl,

    Sorry to hear about your guy, they are for stranger than life... i was with my guy for 4 yrs and he broke up with me 2 months ago and i feel that he is so cold and heartless... he did not even call or texed me on Christmas and New Year.. it still baffles me.. but for you it has not been that long, and trust me you do not want to deal with any instabilities with your guy, they are very unpredictable ... it is tough but you should put this pass you and move on.. it is a new year.. be strong.. God knows i am trying to be..

    BH


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