Help me understand a Cancer man...

  • Hello hoping someone can help me gain some insight on my cancer man. I am a Taurus female who met a Cancer man about 5 months ago I was not looking for a relationship as I had just had gotten my heart broken a month prior and was very guarded. I met him on an online dating site agreed to meet him I guess in part as a distraction. I don't know what it was about me or as I read more about Cancers maybe there was nothing about me in particular as they tend to fall fast and hard but any way he fell HARD and fast. Within the first 2 weeks he was telling me how great I was how excited he was for us and that he couldn't wait for me to meet his family. I was taken aback I had never met anyone so open with their feelings and was both flattered and scared as hell by his behavior. Several times I had to bring him back to reality and ask for us to take things slow all the time though assuring him that I was in this as well so he had nothing to worry about.

    about a month and a half into it he was taking a trip for a family reunion which he mentioned he would love me to go his mom also had asked him to invite me but I declined telling him I felt it was a little soon but would love to have dinner with his mom and brother when they came back he understood and was excited I agreed to dinner with them. I don't know what happened during his trip what changed for him but when he came back it was never the same. Suddenly he was always working late had less time to see me and was so grumpy and moody no longer cared about how my day was going or what was going on. He became so distant I could not understand and automatically "wanted to talk about it" which only pushed him further away. 2 weeks after he came back he text me saying he had a change of heart he could not explain why but his heart wasn't in it no more. It totally crushed me and made me feel like it was all just a game to him I was fooled. I tried to move on but it was so hard especially because soon after he apologized saying yes things were different but he wanted to work things out and make things up to me. I agreed and things were never the same. 2 months later I ended things because it was clear to me that we were only taking steps back as things were not getting any better and never got back to what we were he never discussed me meeting his friends or family or a relationship with me anymore and this bothered me because I knew it meant he was no longer serious about me as he was before. Not only that but he was a different person once caring, attentive, sweet and romantic he now was selfish and bland with his feelings I was no longer a priority to him and it hurt too much.

    We took a month break without talking and recently reached ot to one another for the past month we continued to see each other once a week and continued to sleep with each other finally the other night I told him I could no longer be intimate with him there was no point for us to sleep together if we were not working towards a relationship. He was honest and said he was attracted to me and could not help it. I responded by saying that if he could not just hang out with me without it leading to sex then maybe we shouldn't be friends. That night I got a text from him saying that he was going to leave me alone and he was sorry for any heart ache he ever caused me he cared about me and a little piece of him always will. I am at a lost for words feel so played and confused as to how things could have been perfect one minute and at a drop of a hat completely change. I have not text him back do I just leave it alone? I know the answer is yes but I am having such a hard time understanding his rejection any insight is appreciated. Thanks in advance and sorry so long!

  • I was dating a cancer male for 4 yrs and he had so many secrets and lies going on... it really scared it.. but in spite of it all .. i stayed with him.. and finally 2 weeks ago he broke up with me.. bc he said that i did not trust.. He told me his mom was in the hospital and when i asked which hospital he told me that i did not need to know it... and i when i questioned it.. he told me that he did not want to be with me and he just hang up the phone and we never spoke again.. and yes i am heartbroken but i am not going to call.. it has been too much of a roller coaster ride with guy.. he is so unpredictable... i am so done with all the emotional ride... i miss him.. but life goes on.. Please do not waste any more time and energy on this guy.. if you know him only 5 months now.. then it is best that you run fast as you can and NEVER look back. hope this helps..

  • thanks brokenhearted I agree seems like what once was such an open man is now a ball full of mystery. Sorry for your heart ache stay positive and thanks for the advice.

  • Sure no probs, I hope you feel better.. I realise that it is so easy to get sucked in, but the end result is not good.. I am praying that time will go by quickly for this healing process.. i am so torn.. and i am trying to talk myself into moving on faster.. cuz i don't want to waste another moment on him.. he does not deserve it and i do not deserve to put myself through it.. Take it one day at a time.. time heals all.. hope all goes well for you.

  • TaurusGirly---

    Your story is sooo identical to's scary! I was given some great advice by Bluecat and The Transformed regarding Cancer men, and the part I played in the sudden way he responded to me. These men are very intuitive. Literally. I didn't understand how much until The Transformed explained it to me. I absorbed her info/advice...pondered on it for awhile, and realized that at the time, I wasn't ready for what he was offering, I needed more time...but was selfishly enjoying the sex benefits and the adoration that came with it. (I'm not perfect...just keeping it honest, lol). I just didn't think he was that intuitive to catch on. But he did...and fast!

    His actions towards me changed. He no longer became the sweet, attentive person, I initially met. He became cold, and the arguments were excessive. I eventually moved on to someone else. He sensed that his efforts were not being reciprocated. He kept demanding more time. I resisted. Would I love another shot at being with him? Absolutely! The timing was off, and I wasn't quite sure whether or not I saw longevity w/him or even wanted the same thing. He was never confused about what he wanted, I was.

    Being a Taurus myself, I understand you completely! We hate to be rushed. We're put off by men who come on too strong, and we're not very trusting people. We're always questioning the motives of other people. You were just being who you were. But with Cancers, these men are very, very insecure. Any hesitation on your part, spells 'rejection' for a Cancer.

    I also read somewhere that Cancers 'absorb' YOU and 'reflect' it back. I think in his heart, although he deeply cared for you, he 'sensed' that you weren't ready for a committment right now. These men are 'petrified' of getting their hearts broken, and will put up a wall to prevent the 'pain' from re-occuring. He experienced it w/you once before. I doubt that he will place himself in that position again.

    See although Cancers love hard, and fall in love quickly, they still fear rejection, & abandonment, they're just as protective of themselves as Tauruses are. Cancers put up a wall and hide in their shells. Tauruses, we will dig our hoofprint in the mud (stubborness) to prevent the other person from getting in our domain (which usually consist of close friends and family: ie, people we trust). Which always explain the hesitation, initially, on our parts. Trust me, I understand you completely! You were probably thinking, "I don't even know why you want to introduce me to your family members in such a short period of time; I'm sure as hell not ready to introduce you to mine."

    Yes, both astrological signs have their safety nets.

    Cancers aren't bad.

    Just misunderstood.

    I hope this helps. 🙂

  • Thank You so much for sharing girls was refreshing to read. TaurusFemmeFatal I agree that I had a big part in it I am sure my rejection at first scared him as he was honest with me that it did I tried to do my best to be sensitive to his feelings and reassure him that although I was scared as hell I was going with it. I was willing to step out of my comfort zone I felt he was worth it. For a while we were great but somehow our communication was way off we were just so different on that level. If I have learned anything about Cancers or my cancer in general is that they are very clear on what they want. I guess when I no longer was getting the same attention he was giving before I read too much into it and took it as a bad thing. Maybe I should have just went with it and not read into it too much. Funny thing in my case I think the tables turned towards the end I was the one that wanted it to work I think he started to pursue someone new or opened up his options which made him realize I was not what he initially wanted. At least that's what I feel happened.

    I am leaving it alone I feel like if I am what he wants it is something he needs to realize on his own and maybe not having me around will make him miss what we had only then I think will he come back as the man I feel for. Giving him his time as so many Cancer peeps say they so much need. If he doesn't come back then it wasn't meant to be I know I did my part and can no longer wait or hope things change.

    I can't explain what this short friendship/relationship has done to me yes I am very sad and torn over his rejection but to be honest I hope I find another Cancer I agree they are misunderstood and hard especially for us Taurus girls who are all about communication but I have never felt so secure in a relationship as I did when things were good between us.

    Thanks again it's nice when someone can give you a different view on things...

  • hi taurusgirly

    m so sorry abt ur story .. i hope ur better now

    can i know if he ever came back to you or not ?

    as im kind of in the same wave as u r !

  • Hi Taurusgirly,

    I totally agree with you when you said " I am leaving it alone I feel like if I am what he wants it is something he needs to realize on his own and maybe not having me around will make him miss what we had only then I think will he come back as the man I feel for" That is so true, even i am leaving my Cancer ex bf alone to figure out what he wants.. only time can tell.. but meanwhile.. even i must move on too...


  • Hi Capricorngirl

    I am sorry to hear that you are in the same boat as I am is he a Cancer as well? Well what ended up happening is a day after Thanksgiving he text me saying he missed me. I did not reply at first I wasn't sure I wanted to go there. After much thought I decided to reply with a simple "Thank You" I figured if I didn't respond being the Cancer that he is he would take it as rejection and pull even more away from me (I'm not sure that is entirely what I want). So any way I did that and have not heard from him since. I am still confused, sad and hurt but everyday is better and the ball is back in his court until someone else comes along and I call game over completely. I wish you all the best keep me posted, stay positive.


    I wish you all the luck it hurts a lot to lose someone you care so much about but in retrospect when I look at the big picture I know I deserve better. Men any man for that matter regardless of astrology sign is going to do to you what you allow him to do to you. There comes a point where we have to be honest with ourselves and ask if it is really worth it at least that's what happened with me.

    Not sure if you guys are religious or not but something that has helped me is that instead of asking god to bring him back to me I ask him to remove him from my heart and path if he is not meant from me so that I am able to make room for the person who is. This has helped me a lot in looking at things differently. Hope this helps ladies!

    Much love and luck- Taurus Girly..

  • Hi,

    Thanks so much for this, just being able to talk to someone and we can relate to these issues 🙂 I think that you are absolutely right.. we just have to pray to God to help us move and open a path for us... with time it get's easier.. for me it has been 3 weeks.. and i must say i am feeling better.. not yet 100% lol... but good.. i have my days when i can feel really emotional towards him.. oh well.. it is not in my hands anymore.. thanks again.. and good luck to you for the right one finding you 🙂


  • Brokenheart-

    It's been 3 weeks on my end as well it seems longer thanks for the well wishes good luck to you as well I'm glad it's getting a little better for you every day is a new day. Reach out if you ever need to talk I know it helps.


  • Hi Taurusgirly,

    Thanks for this reply, yes actually i do need someone to talk to... it is still not easy for me.. at times it hurts really badly.. but for sure i will not call him.. So tell me.. what have you been doing lately to keep your mind occupied? for me.. i work long hrs, when i get home .. i am so beat..just wanna go sleep.. but of course not.. i have lots to but on my down times and busy times , I cannot help it but think of him.. i must say i do miss him.. cuz i felt that he was my best friend for all these yrs... well at least i though of him that way...and maybe he is just so happy to be without me.. oh well what can i do... Where are you from? I am from ontario Canada.. I really thank you for letting me reach out to you 🙂


  • Hi brokenhearted no worries it's good to talk sometimes it's all we need. How long we're you guys together for? Me and my guy were never officially together we only dated for 5 months but it left an impact on me. So what do I do to distract myself? Ummm I think of all his bad qualities like the fact that he was so cheap such a penny pincher, how he was so selfish and had no sense in fashion, are all cancer men this way? Lol I know it sounds mean but I take him off the pedalstol I put him on it helps knock some sense into me that is until I remember how great he was. It's a win lose type of situation sucks but it's life I guess things don't always turn out as planned. Take it as a chance to start someone new on your terms with someone who deserves you and wants you as much as you want him. I look forward to that I just hope it happens cuz lately I've been feeling very lonely. Lately I miss his company.

    Sooo you live in Canada that's cool I hear it's beautiful there I'm from sunny California been here all my life. K I'm gonna let you go I'm going dancing tonight gonna paint the town tonight and forget about Mr. Cancer man at least for one night 😉


  • Hi TG

    Thanks for your awesome reply 🙂 I was dating this guy for 4 years and yeah he is cheap, penny pincher( turn off) yeah the no sense of fashion too and very very selfish.. but he somehow swept me off my feet... hmmm... , he treated good sometimes.. i got so comfortable with him.. and that is why it is so hard to let go.. he gave me lots of hopes such as to get married to me.. he said by next summer he wanted us to tie the knot... oh well so much for lies i guess..omg he used to tellme every day how much he loved me and how much i meant to him.. and he could not live without me ( even up until the day he broke up with me) hmmm... what was all that about??? no clue.. just a really good liar i guess.. cuz i think if he loved me so much.. he would have call already.. but nope.. he has not.. but i do still miss him... the realtionship had so many restrictions.. such as, don't call me when i get home, i cannot give you my home tele #, i can only call you on the weekends or you can call me only when i am out of the house, he has never introduced me to his family, i can never go to his home.. and the list goes on.. but because i got so comfortable with him.. it is hard to let go... he used to come to see me 4 days during the week and for couple of hrs on sundays... but i wanted more, and he kept on telling me that i need to hold on for a bit longer until he can tell his parents about me and mind you .. this guy is in his 30's although i believed it has all been bullshit.... i still stuck it out.. when he broke up with me recently.. that day he told me that his mom was admitted in the hospital.. and when i asked him which hospital... he refused to tell me.. so when i started asking him more questions about it.. he said that he did not want to be with me and i should not call him ever again.. and then he hung up and i never called him back... but that is it in a nut shell ( sorry to bore you) gotta get back to work now.. we shall chat later 🙂

    Hope you had a great nite last night dancing ( at least one of us is having fun) have a good day.. i heard Cali is beautiful.. Canada is beautiful too 🙂 ttyl.

  • O well, something positive about Cancer man, somebody? May be there is a way of working things out? Any sugestions? Girls lets try to go deeper and understand the rxs. May be it was us to do the wrong thing, or may be we forgot to be our authentic selfs, or may be theese guys were not ready, or simply they needed somebody to stand up and tell them " That's not right, there are other truths than yours!". Any ideas?

  • Hi Popusha!

    Not sure if you read the whole thread but lots of positive stuff was shared. As well as ideas on getting over our hurt. Sometimes it's nice to share the bad stuff as well we are only opening up and helping one another feel better. I have nothing against Cancer men and think they get a bad rap I hope to meet another Cancer I've never felt such a connection to someone... Taurus and Cancer's are actually a great match I think everybody's situation is different I know I played a big part in our relationship not working and have learned a lot from it. Again I invite you to read the whole thread Taurus Femme Fatal shared a lot of good insight with me.

  • Brokenheart wow sounds like he had a lot going on like a double life! 4years is a long time I was with someone 8 years engaged to be married 4 months before the wedding he called it off so I can definitely relate to having a vission of what is to come and have it be taken away. Stay strong hun i promise everyday gets better but we all have our bad days too thats okay in the end they usually realize what they lost. Don't hold anger in order to move on we most first forgive but truly forgive (I'm not at that stage yet) lol I don't know but I think all the energy we put out there good and bad comes back to us. Wish him luck, pray for him and soon you will see your heart won't be as heavy. If after 4 years he couldn't give you your place you deserve better! That's just my opinion though. Any way gotta go run some errands dancing last night was so much fun I didn't want to go but I'm glad I did. good luck at work ttyl..

  • Hey TG,

    So sorry to hear about your engagement breaking off... that is so cold.. I really wonder why when we are so close to our dream.. that it gets taken away! ( is God trying to give us a message here) not sure.. but although this guy had so many restriction, we did get along so good.. when ever i am with him, i am so happy.. i can feel that he loves me so much and to tell you the truth.. even i am so crazy about him.. and i cannot believe it that he is so cold that he did not call me.. its so sad... i always told him how i felt about him and that i am so much in love with with him.. and he gave me so much promises.. gosh it is so hard to deal with it.. although i know in my heart that he was not being truthful to me, i was still so happy being with him whenever we are together.. how can he betray me like this.. he gave me so much hopes... he used to tell me that he loves me so much and cannot live without me and what happen all of a sudden? can someone just fall out of love like that? i did feel like he was keeping me an arms length away.. and he controlled our relationship so much.. i did everything he wanted me to do..although i would have many doubts and suspicions i could not leave him.. sometimes i want to call him to have me back.( i guess cuz i am so weak) but when i think of all the restrictions in the relationship then i hold back from calling him... am i foolish for wanting this?? I really miss him a lot.. hope to hear from you soon.


  • Hi BH2011

    Sorry it took me a bit had a crazy weekend babysitting my niece kept me away from the computer.. I hope you are doing great today brokenhearted, hope you have a little pep to your step and smile on your face 🙂 I know these things sound so hard to do when you are hurting so much but try to stay positive. I'm a manager at my work so I am constantly around people I am always fronting smiling, laughing it forces me to not think about my heartache sometimes though as soon as I walk in my door at home I break down and just cry lol. To answer your question I do not think people can just fall out of love like that I am sure he still loves you but maybe this is something he has thought about for a while and that is why it is easier for him to stay away. We are on the opposite end of the stick so it hits us harder because we don't see it coming but maybe it's something they thought long and hard about. I do not think you should call him doing so will tell him it's okay to do this to you to keep you at arms length and have you on his terms that's not love brokenheart I'm sorry but it's not. When someone is in love with you they put no restrictions and they definitely don't push you away. I know there was a lot of time invested but look at it for what it was and heal your heart don't waste any more time waiting for things to get better. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear just giving you my honest opinion. And yes I do believe it is in god's plan why would he want us to end up with someone who does not appreciate us? I do think god puts and takes peoples from our path but sometimes we are too hard headed to understand.

    As for me and my ex it is the best thing that ever happened to me we were young it would have been really hard at the time I thought I was going to die I was so depressed he was all I knew we had everything invites, our venue, my dress, my bridesmaids had dresses everything! BUT when I look back I would not have been able to live the life I have. I have traveled, gone out enjoyed myself with friends I have no kids so I am able to come and go as I wish. I would not have experienced all I have if I would have been married. I can look back now I can say i enjoyed my 20's when I get married I won't feel like I am missing out. I am sure married life is awesome and motherhood as well but again we were very young. So you see he was my true love no one has ever loved me like him and I don't think anyone ever will but I got over it I lived, I didn't die from heartbreak it made me stronger taught me what I want in a man and taught me to never settle because there are great guys out there there really is we just need to stop wasting time on the one's that kind of care or kind of treat us good. I always say I rather be alone and single than with someone who makes me sad but everyone is different especially when your heart is not ready to let go. Think postive BH take each day as it comes when you feel like calling him call a friend, write him a letter to get your feelings out but don't send it. Give yourself value make him be the one to reach out if he truly cares he will I promise! And if he doesn't then you know it was god's doing and there is a bigger picture when you are all over it you will look back and be grateful you saved yourself from an unhappy relationship. I'm sorry I am being so up front with it and not sugar coating it again I am sure he loves you and misses you as well but again Cancer's love hard they don't hide it if he is being secretive it is definitely something fishy. Look this weekend my Cancer guy called me! The same Cancer who told me he was going to leave me alone I promise you if I would have called him or looked for him he would not be responsive to me but he had time thought about it and I guess he is realizing he made a mistake but he did that on his own. I was not very responsive I am being cautious and again I feel if he really cares then it is going to work out because I really care so I am leaving it and just letting things happen on their own. I was nice to him heard him out and told him I had a lot to think about he understood. Give it time Brokenheart and you will see things will change for you just stay positive and hopeful again no one ever died from a heartbreak 🙂 thank god! I would be dead long ago lol any way I am sure you are working have a great day at work ttyl.. Sorry so long yikes!


  • Hi TG,

    So very nice to hear from you 🙂 it is good that your niece kept you busy over the weekend 🙂 It is so true all that you said, omg thanks so much for this.. I guess things do work out for the best for us.. we may not see it at the time but, when we get a chance to look back, we can see why it did not work out.. I work as a customer Service rep here and always dealing with customers and even i too need put a bit smile on my face and look happy all the time, and yet sometime i go to the washroom to cry for a bit 😞 and then come back out looking like a clown oh well it takes away the pain for a bit until i reach home again... but although i miss him, i must say i feel better that i don't have to go through what i had been putting up with for the past 4 yrs. My head feels lighter .. i know for sure i will be better. and it is really good to know that a broken heart does not kill and thanks for not sugarcoating any thing.. i want it raw as it gets,.. it is the truth and i need to hear it.. i need to get stronger.. it has been almost one month and he has not called and i did not call... i will not call him, i want, need and deserve respect and yes if he really loves me and care for me and wants me, he will come to me.. i cannot handle the restrictions anymore.. i have been hanging along for too long.. and you said before that he did not call because he has time to think about stuff and it is easy for him to stay away, but he was the one that did not want to take a break, i had told him that i would give it to him if it is what he wanted and he said no.. only when we would argue then only he would want to break up. .. but the only thing we would argue about is his restrictions.. but it did ultimately happen ( the breakup) and for sure the way i feel now is that i rather be alone than to be unhappy ... and i honestly don't feel like calling him.. yeah i miss him like crazy!! but i don't want to roller coaster rides any more.. I do believe in God and i know that he has a great plan for my live .. so i will definitely keep positive (especially knowing now that you don't die from a heartbreak) lol

    and you know.. earlier the same day that he broke up with me, he was telling me that i am the best part of his life and he loved me so much and cannot live without me. oh well i guess it was just all talk.. cuz now i don't hear from him.. hmmmmmm .. wonder what that was about??

    It is nice to hear that your cancer guy called you 🙂 you are very smart and inspiring.. pls be cautious as well .. wish you all the luck 🙂 especially the holiday are quickly approaching ..

    okay TG, it is 11:13pm here and i am so sleepy.. nice chatting with ya 🙂 it really helps me.. thanks for all the advice, I really really appreciate it.. talk to you soon.

    Good nite


Log in to reply