Blmoon-A Writer's Thread From Me to You......



  • Hey Blmoon! Thought of your idea of starting a thread for writing as writers and I thought that would be a fantastic idea! So here it is! I do actually have only one script finished and edited (one I sent to a few screenwriting contest). Its 16 pages (It was for a short film contest but there is actually a much longer and-better, deeper version of the story). I planning on getting it made somehow-true film noir style, deep dark contrasting blacks and whites with shadows and all.Cinematography simliar to but better and a lot more realistic than Sin City (the movie).

    Well here it is.....It is called Harmonious Deceit (Copyright 2011-2015). Hope you enjoy!

    EXT.CONEY ISLAND BEACHFRONT-NIGHT

    Brooklyn. 1948. The lush sounds of ocean waves simmer through the breeze. Approaching footsteps crunch against sand. JACKIE ROSS, 33 years old, scarred, tough looking guy, -slightly tattered, holds his bloodied torso with gun in hand as he struggles to walk across the sand.

    jackie v.o:

    Secrets always seem to come out at night. The demons hidden in the shadows, the ghost of the past in the deep holes, and the snakes in the dark corners-Everything shows its true colors-even if it isn't as black as we want it to be. There's no sense of running-there is no escape.

    MONTAGE OF FUTURE EVENTS:

    a.) A man stands still as a door creaks open.

    b.) A woman stares at the streets from her car window.

    c.) A man lies dead and bloodied by the telephone pole in the hotel room.

    EXT.NEW york STREET-Night

    SUBTITLES: EARLIER THAT NIGHT...

    Its late night in New York City. Various neon lights of the local establishments flicker on and off. The rain slicked streets are dimly lit by the streetlights.

    JERRY ROCCO, 32 years old, JACKIE ROSS, and his girlfriend VIVIAN GREEN,29 years old spring around the corner into an alleyway, with a bag of cash and guns in their hands.

    POLICE SIRENS fill the air.

    jackie

    Dammit!

    The group turns the corner into another dark alleyway where their car sits.

    JACKIE, VIVIAN and JERRY jump into the car, JERRY speeds off.

    JACKIE and VIVIAN glance outside the window.

    jerry

    Fucking cops!

    VIVIAN

    Slow down a little.

    The cops speed right past them.

    Everyone's eyes follow the police car disappear.

    JACKIE

    (murmurs)

    Thank god.

    JACKIE leans back as he lights his cigarette.

    JACKIE V.O

    It was supposed to be my last caper, $350,000-the kind of money you go off on for little while. I wanted a chance to get away for good. Next stop was Mexico. I was just hopin everything went as planned.

    VIVIAN tries to light her cigarette but her light won't light. JACKIE lights it for her, VIVIAN smiles.

    vivian

    Been dreamin about this night forever.

    JACKIE

    No more dreaming doll, this is it. (kisses Vivian) And now, our chariot awaits.

    VIVIAN

    You got the tickets?

    JACKIE

    No, I had Ritchie pick em up.

    VIVIAN

    You better hope he picked up the right ones.

    JACKIE

    (a beat)

    Course he did.

    int.flamingo motel-night

    RICHARD TAYLOR, 29 years old, suave type-slick back hair, pressed black suit, smokes a cigarette as he walks toward an open suitcase-muddled with clothes, pictures, jewelery and cash.

    jackie v.o:

    Richard was an alright friend of mine. Blew into town a few years back from god knows where. I could always count on em to slide me outta trouble or help me on the run. But for some unknown reason, he always seemed to be the one running after something-just never knew what or why.

    He looks at the pair of train tickets.

    He throws them in the suitcase next to an old picture of a young boy, no older than 21, smiling ear to ear and an old picture with RICHARD, 24 years of age, sitting on top of a Cadillac next to the young boy.

    RICHARD picks up the Cadillac picture and studies it, up and down. Fond yet painful memories.

    MONTAGE:

    a.) The shadow of a man, with gun in hand stands over the bloodied dead body of a young man in a dark alleyway.

    MAN VOICE:

    I'm sorry Mr.Taylor, your cousin, has been murdered. Shot dead in an alleyway.

    b.) The man slams the trunk.

    richard voice:

    (hysterical)

    What-Who the hell will do something like this!

    c.) The man throws the body over the waterfront.

    MAN VOICE:

    Calm down sir, Calm down!

    man #2 voice:

    He didn't deserve this.

    d.) RICHARD stands, head bent down, eyes burning with anger over the grave site that reads: GIORDANO ROCCO.

    RICHARD VOICE:

    I'ma get justice for ya Jerry-even if it kills me.

    e.) RICHARD clips his hair with scissors, clips of his hair are scattered all over the sink.

    f.) RICHARD shaves his face in the bathroom

    g.) RICHARD grabs his ticket off the dresser that reads: CHICAGO to NEW YORK CITY, looks back at his reflection and walks out the room with suitcase in hand.

    END MONTAGE.

    RICHARD tosses the picture down.

    He lifts the gun from his dresser, fills the barrel with bullets and throws it in the suitcase, slams it shut and exits the room.

    int.jackie's car (MOVING)-night

    VIVIAN lies her head on JACKIE.

    JERRY cruises down the roadway with one hand on the steering wheel.

    The distant echoes of POLICE SIRENS return. JERRY looks behind him. The cop car catches his eye as it draws closer and closer.

    VIVIAN

    Shit!

    JACKIE's hands scurry around as he grabs some of the spilled money, throw it the bag and into the back seat.

    JERRY

    Hide the money! Hide the money!

    VIVIAN throws a black sheet over the bag.

    JERRY

    Dont worry, I got this.

    The car comes to a smooth stop. The police car follows suit. JERRY sits, eyes focused on the rear view mirror as he takes a drag.

    JACKIE lowers his gun inside his coat, keeping his hand on the trigger.

    VIVIAN keeps her eye on JERRY.

    The COP approaches the window.

    cop

    License and registration please.

    JERRY

    (digging for his cards)

    On such a beautiful night, you guys find a way to waste time. Whats the trouble now officer?

    cop

    Saw one of your tires out, just thought I'll tell you.

    JERRY

    And you need my cards to help with that?

    cop

    Its just routine, son.

    JERRY hands him the cards.

    The cop eyes read through it as if it was a novel. Something isn't right.

    HE flashes the bright light onto JERRY's face.

    cop

    You from Chicago?

    JERRY

    Never been. Straight from New York.

    COP keeps his eye on JERRY as his eyebrows furrow up a bit.

    cop

    Well I must say you look awfully familiar, mister...uh, Rocco.

    JERRY

    Don't know why. (smirks) Records pretty clean.

    JACKIE squints at JERRY.

    VIVIAN's eyes dart back and forth from JERRY and the COP.

    cop

    (hands back the cards)

    Suppose so.

    JERRY puts them inside his coat pocket.

    cop

    You know, never seen or heard the name Rocco since I left Chicago, but hell I must be crazy.

    JERRY looks down at the staring wheel.

    JERRY

    (a beat)

    Maybe. Night officer.

    cop

    (hesitates to leave) Are sure I ain't seen you before?

    JERRY

    (smiles)

    I'm sure.

    COP walks towards his car, hops back in. JERRY's smirk fades away.

    JACKIE

    What the hell was that about?

    jerry

    Nothin.

    JACKIE keeps watch on JERRY from the back seat as JERRY hops back on the road.

    JACKIE V.O

    I shoulda known at that moment, somethin was wrong. The way the cop asked-I know he had to have known em. But JERRY wasn't from Chicago, or was he? (A beat) At the time, I never thought it'll matter anymore...too bad I aint a psychic.

    ext.ruby's diner-night

    The car pulls up against the parking lot lines, makes an utter stop. JACKIE hops out.

    JACKIE

    Be right back.

    VIVIAN

    Tell him to hurry.

    JACKIE nods, slams the door and struts inside the empty diner.

    RICHARD sits in the far end of the with a cup of coffee, patiently waiting on JACKIE as he takes a drag.

    RICHARD

    Where's the money?

    JACKIE

    (taking a seat)

    Sittin nice in the backseat.

    RICHARD

    Better hope my share is in.

    JACKIE

    Don't worry Ritchie, its all there. Trust they don't know nothin.

    RICHARD

    Sure that bitch aint picked it up and took off yet?

    JACKIE

    (laughs)

    She aint gonna have the time too. (a beat) Fate's comin' her way.

    RICHARD tosses JACKIE the tickets. JACKIE slides them off the table and puts him in his pockets.

    RICHARD

    Change of heart I see. How'd you find out?

    JACKIE

    Just stopped being stupid, should've known dames like her wasn't worth much. Went ahead and made the call. Guess I got plans of my own now.

    RICHARD

    (a beat)

    You aint the only one.

    INT.Jackie'S CAR-NIGHT

    VIVIAN sits still in the backseat, takes a drag and looks in the mirror.

    VIVIAN

    That bastard must really be in love.

    JERRY

    (looks back at VIVIAN) Too bad I got the prize

    VIVIAN leans over, gives him a soft kiss.

    VIVIAN

    (pinches his cheek) Love you Vinny baby. (a beat) That was a close. Damn cop, where'd he come from anyway?

    jerry

    Don't know. He must've picked me up before.

    VIVIAN

    Least he didn't catch on to you and that kid. Could've been the end of us.

    jerry

    Yeah I know. I'll make sure Jackie's a clean kill, not like that other one. Get tired of livin as a dead man but then again, it has its perks. (A beat) We got till the end of the line baby.

    VIVIAN

    (smiles)

    All the way to Mexico.

    They kiss.

    INT.Jackie'S CAR(MOVING)-NIGHT

    Everyone anticipates the rest of the night, keeping quiet.

    JERRY keeps his eye on the road with a sinister smirk.

    RICHARD VOICE:

    Keep a eye on em Jackie, I wouldn't be too surprised if they had plans of their own.

    JACKIE tightens his finger around the trigger in his coat pocket.

    JACKIE voice

    Thats why only got my mind on the cash. Aint got time to be thinkin about what they got in store. As long I get away-I'm good.

    VIVIAN keeps her eye on the moving window with an evil grin.

    The money bag slightly rattles as the car rides against the gravel on the road.

    int.richard's car-night

    RICHARD keeps his focus straight on the road. Sits calm and collected.

    RICHARD v.o:

    Hope everything goes to plan for ya Jerry. That son of a bitch, is gonna pay, I'll make sure of it. Stole your life and your name. Bastard. Least he can't take away your memory. (a beat) Lord, please forgive for what I'm planning to do tonight.

    INT.JACKIE'S CAR-NIGHT

    JERRY pulls up alongside the sidewalk by the alleyway near a group of apartments.

    JERRY

    Here we are ladies and gentlemen, our last night together. The final stop.

    JACKIE and VIVIAN keep quiet as they stay in their seats.

    VIVIAN turns to JACKIE, places her hand on top of his.

    VIVIAN

    (smiles)

    Our chariot awaits.

    JACKIE throws back a smirk and picks up the bag of money. JERRY's eyes follow JACKIE's hand as he walks out the car.

    JERRY hops out and STALKS the two down the dark alleyway as he PULLS out his gun.

    JACKIE, IN A FLASH, KNOCKS over VIVIAN, SHOOTS towards JERRY and runs up a flight of stairs into his dark apartment with money bag in hand.

    VIVIAN and JERRY CHASES right after him, with his GUN FIRING OFF.

    JACKIE skips down another flight of stairs.

    JERRY

    (to VIVIAN)

    Go the other way!

    JERRY and VIVIAN turn around and go back down the other flight of stairs into the dark alleyway, RUN TOWARDS the car only to see JACKIE swerve off.

    VIVIAN

    Shit!

    JERRY and VIVIAN run towards the other end of the sidewalk, where another black car sits. The two jump inside and take off.

    INT.JACKIE'S CAR-NIGHT

    JACKIE speeds down the roadway, getting close to the boardwalk, mind crystal clear-determined to get away.

    He looks in his rear view mirror. JERRY and VIVIAN are close behind. JACKIE speeds up.

    JACKIE reaches his arm out the window and FIRES at the other car.

    SHOTS are fired back. Glass shatters. JACKIE grunts as a bullet slams against his shoulder.

    JACKIE

    SHIT!

    His body LUNGES FORWARD at the steering wheel. His foot slams against the pedal. The car, slides and swerves and against the gravel coming to an utter stop.

    int.jerry's car-night

    JERRY sees JACKIE fall out of the car and struggle to get up. VIVIAN smirks.

    JERRY aims the gun at JACKIE but JACKIE shoots the tire. JERRY and VIVIAN jerk around as the car comes to a screeching halt.

    JERRY and VIVIAN hops out the car and SHOOTS towards JACKIE as he runs away with the money bag.

    JERRY

    Jackie! Jackie! You aint leavin with that bag, not tonight!

    JACKIE turns around, with gun pointed towards JERRY.

    JACKIE

    Neither are you.

    JERRY stays still, keeps his eye and gun pointed at JACKIE.

    JERRY

    You're outta your fuckin mind.

    JACKIE

    Might be (a beat) but I aint leavin.

    VIVIAN

    However you go home is entirely up to you Jackie. Don't make this harder than it has to be.

    JACKIE

    So this is how it ends doll?

    VIVIAN

    Oh don't be so sentimental hun, least you have the memories.

    POLICE SIRENS are heard once again.

    VIVIAN and JERRY, are silent, trying to ignore the sounds as they keep their focus on JACKIE.

    POLICE SIRENS become louder and louder.

    JACKIE

    You can keep the memories. Might to want to remember what its like on the outside, from a jail cell.

    Red and blue lights shine on everyone's faces.

    JERRY

    (softly)

    You son of a bitch, called the damn cops.

    JACKIE

    (smirks)

    Yeah, I did. But if you guys don't mind, I gotta get goin.

    JACKIE turns around. JERRY fires twice. JACKIE stumbles to the ground.

    JERRY runs over, grabs the bag and hops inside the car.

    She gives JACKIE a kiss on the cheek.

    VIVIAN

    Sorry baby, just don't think it was meant to be.

    A cop car pulls up. VIVIAN tries to catch up to JERRY

    VIVIAN

    Vinny! Vinny! Wait! Wait!

    JERRY takes one look at the cop car and speeds off.

    TWO COPS hop out with guns pointed.

    COP #1

    Put your hands where I can see em miss!

    VIVIAN turns around, overwhelmed by all the guns and lights. She can't believe in one flash, she's lost it all.

    COP #2

    On the floor now!

    VIVIAN, in a trance, walks towards the cops, hands up and lies down on the ground.

    JACKIE, limp and wounded, struggles to rise up and walk away from the scene while the cops hassle VIVIAN away in the car. He walks onto the nearby beach.

    He limps as he makes it across the sand, blood drips everywhere, stains various spots of the sand.

    JACKIE V.O

    Life...Its crazy I tell you. Even as it dies, something is learned. As I plead for soul, I realize Secrets have no tomb, the skeletons eventually come out to play.(A beat) I might've lost the money but least I get my last laugh(looks out to the ocean),even while I take my last breath.

    JACKIE falls over unconscious next to the shoreline. Water seaps in his wounds and blood traces into the water.

    int.cop car-night

    VIVIAN looks out to the street from the cop car with a blank stare.

    JACKIE V.O

    Its crazy. Fate has its own way of payback even when you think you've gotten away with something.

    int.mirage hotel-night

    JERRY walks up the stairs with bag in his hand. Rubs his hair back as he approaches the front desk.

    JERRY:

    Room 307.

    The hotel clerk slides him his keys. JERRY nods and heads up stairs.

    He stops and looks upstairs. Something is holding him back-he doesn't know what to expect from now on.

    JERRY lights himself a cigarette and walks on upstairs.

    He slowly opens the door.

    Nothing there. JERRY struts inside and closes the door. He throws the bag on the bed and enters the bathroom.

    JERRY splashes water on his face and stares at his reflection.

    He hears a soft knock at the door. JERRY slowly walks towards the door as he pulls out his gun.

    JERRY

    Who is it?

    RICHARD (O.S)

    Vinny Grazo?

    JERRY

    (squints)

    Who wants to know?

    RICHARD (O.S)

    An old friend.

    JERRY looks puzzled as he gets closer to the door and opens it and jumps back into the shadow, hand tight on the trigger as the door creaks open.

    RICHARD stands still.

    JERRY

    How the hell do you know my real name?

    RICHARD

    Just ask my cousin Jerry Rocco.

    JERRY's eyes widen. RICHARD fires, blows RICHARD back to the wall, the telephone falls on him.

    JERRY'S FLASHBACK SEQUENCE:

    a.) JERRY stands over and fires 3 gunshots in a young man sprawled out in the alleyway.

    b.) JERRY slams the trunk of his car, looking over the boy's bloodied body.

    c.) JERRY throws the wrapped up body over the waterfront and watches it splash in the water.

    d.) JERRY snatches the wallet from the young man's pockets. Takes his money, identification card and driver's license and stuffs them in his pocket.

    e.) JERRY walks away from the alleyway as if nothing happened and disappears into the night.

    SEQUENCE ENDS.

    RICHARD aims gun at JERRY. JERRY nods his head "no" as he chokes off his blood, trying to utter the words. RICHARD fires one more bullet in JERRY's heart.

    JERRY stops moving.

    RICHARD

    Now we're even.

    RICHARD sees the cash spilled, all over the bed. He grabs the money and throws it in the bag.

    RICHARD takes one more look at JERRY. He grabs the cash and exits the room, going down the stairs as he tucks his gun in his pocket.

    fade out.

    THE END

    Ok Blmoon!

    Would love to hear what you think? Any Ideas, Concerns, Critiques or Corrections?

    Thank you sooooo much, I really appreciate this 🙂



  • Hey Blmoon I know this is off topic but I really want to know what is bothering my little brother he is an introvert and isnt really into opening up but I get the sense that he has an inner struggle going on that I want to help him with-He is my second youngest brother born on February 15th 2003. What is going on with him?


Log in to reply