Ok what is it with cancer men?

  • Lizzie - I think if you're pretty sure he's fishing for an answer then you should just muster up the courage and tell him that you like him. You could add, "I wish you weren't already dating someone..." so he knows up front you're looking for an exclusive arrangement. If you want a way to get the conversation started, you could watch for something he says or does to compliment, sort of a back-door approach; "I really like how you (fill in the blank)." Opens an opportunity to talk about other things you like about each other.

    You certainly have his attention from the way it sounds. He may be trying to get a "feel" for what's on your mind, but trust me, if he's really interested in you, he would much rather know at this point what's on your mind. He'll keep fishing if you make him, but you can save yourself a lot of time by just putting it out there, because it may take him a while before he will specifically ask.

    Thanks for your other comments. Much appreciated!

  • Jenever7 - ok here is the latest update

    Last night he let me know he simply does not want to date at all, anyone. That he does not want any kind of a relationship for a while, he said until his divorce is over, which will be in February/March of next year. He simply said he realizes after all of our conversations and some things I've pointed out to him in wrintings etc,,, and sending him his horoscopes every now and then, have really made him self reflect and think and he just needs to be alone and figure himself out. Which I completely respect.

    He also said that me telling him that I wasn't going to date made him think too and he didn't want to hold me back from moving forward in my life when he knows he simply isn't wanting to let anyone in. That he isn't emotionally ready to do that and he didn't want to be unfair to me

    He apologized a few times for being so indecisive and for changing his mind and said it is not normally like him, but he is churning inside and I have known this. We got into a deep discussion about his soon to be ex-wife and that relationship and I learned a lot more. He has healing to do, he is still tied to that relationship. He might not have romantic feelings for her, but he is still tied there and it bothers him that the marriage didn't work. He has his financials to work through to become more stable and from what I understand of Cancers - when you start layering all of this stuff up - what he is doing is exactly what they do.

    He asked me if I would still be friends with him, hang out every once in a while and talk every few days on the phone (his words). Of course, I said yes and told him, because it is true, that I compeltely understand. He JUST moved out of his house with his soon to be ex wife in February - that is NO WHERE near enough time for him to be ready for anything. I actually respect that he was able to go through the processing and come to his current position and decisions.

    I did ask him what kind of ffriend he wanted to be, because with my close male friends, I go to them for advice about other guys. He said he was not ready for that yet and that might take some time for him.

    I am happy with where we are right now, because I was starting to feel like I was giving and bending to accomodate him and where he was at and I don't want to be in a relationship like that, neither does he.

    Any insights??????

  • Hi - cancer men are confusing and I'm a cancer female. I understand his need to protect his heart as I am the same way and trust is hard to earn. The back and forth of smothering love to indifference is hard to take and understand ...what is real. Does he really love me or is he indifferent trying to string me along. He was incredibly devoted until I broke up with him after he made some very careless remarks about wanting to be with other women. We have since gotten back together, He says he forgives me but he has become more indifferent. He used to be like another gf in terms of being so emotionally open to me. Now he isn't. I gave him expensive tickets to an event for his b-day - I couldn't go...so he took another "friend" who I am sure is 100% female and he is being secretive. He seems to need to bolster his ego by trying to make me jealous. I wont and often make the mistake of pretending I don't care. He'll ask if I am bothered about an issue. And I tell him he's seemed very unavailable but then he ignores the topic. He is also acting out now, against family things but I feel like I've been lumped in with another demand and he doesn't love me. He tell me he does and that I'm a great gf but he feels so absent! Any advice?

    Thank you

  • OK I'm and Aries women and dated a Cancer men he just recently broke up with me after an argument. We've been together for 1yr 1/2. We was suppose to move in together but we didn't and every time he was suppose to come he got called buy his job or somebody else to do something. We break-up and get back together but when I give him space he says that I don't love him. He has done things that I have not like. Especially it seems like he tries to keep he's option open or try to say that I do. He also tells me that he will not let me ever hurt him again. When i never did anything to him. I do love him with all my heart and would do anything for him. But he just be confusing me all the time and idk what to do. The final time we broke up he went out with a girl that I know and I told him that i know her but he still did it anyway and that really hurt my feelings. i have never done anything but to be Loyal to him but he keeps saying I don't trust u and ur never going to hurt me again. i keep telling him to stop confusing me with the chicks from his past. What should I do let it be or pursue it still. Cause i have a feeling he's going to come back. We went from talking bout marriage, kids and moving in to this. I have been around his kids who i love as they was my own. All i can say Cancer men are a challenge.

  • I have had the opportunity to go out with Cancerian women in the past and every time it is the same: we know each other like an open book - there is no mystery. I have seen a marriage between two Cancers that was nothing more than horrible, both were great apart but feral together. Being a 7/13 Cancer (thank you for the wishes, mucho gracias amigos) I don't get the 'immature/adolescent' manacle that's being bandied about but do agree many crabs can be a pain in the expletive. Cancers are great but not together in my opinion. However, your relationship seems to teeter on a fine knife edge meaning it is virtually no relationship at all. My view is simple: cut out the communication until his divorce is through, if he still wants to go for it after that then it's probably on, if not, you've had plenty of time to get over him. Voila!

  • well it isn't a relationship anymore - it is a friendship and I am ok with it - actually think it is better since he clearly isn't ready.....but I don't want to stop talking to him - I enjoy the conversations and the friendship and so does he..

  • he is too close to gemini, thats where all the contradictions come from, they are unreliable and play around, confusing because he is a cancer also. best to be busy and date other guys and see if he comes running.......dont give up ur social life until he commits, big time ............

  • Anyone can answer this...it's just a general question. What does it mean when my cancer man's birthday is on the last day of his sign?...Does it mean he has Leo tendencies as well?...Also, I am a Taurus....what kind of compatibility is this?....My b-day is 5/14, his is 7/22. Im confused, and just need a little help with this. Thanks!

  • little lizzie! it isn't just taurus women they drive wild!! thus my name cancer can-as in drive you crazy

  • Ok- everyone...here's an update so far. I wrote him an email, since both of our cell services pretty much suck where we live....anyway, no response yet, but hopefully will let you all know something soon. As soon as I know something at least. Thanks for all your help. I figure why drag it out any longer??...I save myself from heartache if he doesn't want to pursue things, and I can move on. I don't like being stuck in limbo, and I told him that I don't like to be strung along. I also let him know, that I wasn't into liars, or cheaters, so to just let me know if he wanted to pursue things with me, or with this other girl. Anyway....seriously will let you all know something , hopefully soon!

  • Riverofgrass - Wow, it sounds like you had an amazing conversation with your friend and you covered a lot of territory. It sounds also like things are very much out in the open now and all cards are on the table. That's a great place to be with anyone in any relationship I think! You know in the short time we've been exploring your situation on this thread, and despite your ups and downs, you have clearly landed in the middle; you're friendship with this man remains firm and he seems to want to keep the door open and must really value your friendship if he wants to continue contact regularly. I am so impressed with the compassion and understanding you are showing him, and can't help but believe you have impressed him as well.

    No matter what our sign, Cancer or not, when emotions go into overload sometimes the only sane path is to take a couple steps back and regroup. He obviously respects you enough not to want to drag you down with his uncertainties. Based on what you're saying you obviously appreciate the importance of that also. What an awesome friend you are to put his struggles before your personal needs and give him the time and space to get his head together.

    You know, I could still easily see something building between the two of you over time. At the very least you seem to have both found yourselves a beautiful, growing friendship in the meantime. You sound like you've been a real "light in a time of darkness" for him, and as a Cancer, I can tell you, that is not the kind of person we discard easily.

  • LittleLizzie! I'm in shock here, did I miss a post or something? I thought you were in a position of patience with this guy, but overnight you went extreme? Not criticizing you, btw, just so startled by this turn of events. I suppose if we aren't true to ourselves and honest about our needs in a relationship, then heartache will surely follow, so I admire you finding the courage to just risk it all, accept the consequences, and move on in whatever direction results. I'm on the edge of my seat wondering what his reaction will be! Lol.

  • Ms Aries - You need to ask him specifically what it is that you did in the past that hurt him so deeply and try to resolve it. If he can't tell you or is unwilling to work towards finally letting it go, then you need to get away from him. Seriously, no one deserves to be constantly punished over and over again for past mistakes. If he can't forgive you, then I'd say he's not worth the struggle he puts you through. It's going to end up damaging you more emotionally staying with him than if you just deal with one big hurt and move on. Get to the bottom of it with him and decide from there. That's my opinion. Wishing you a good outcome no matter what direction things go. 🙂

  • Jenever7 - : ) big smile - I've been checking this thread and waiting for your reply and it of course made me smile - thank you so much for your insight and advice because it has always resonated with my gut and all paths have led to where I am now, which is the best place to be for where he and I are at in our respective lives. We could have pushed forward knowing there were murky waters, but we were mature enough to say, um no this will end up not working

    I have so much compassion and respect for him and quite honestly I am enjoying watching him go through this process. He told me I've been his guide and in a lot of ways he has been mine as well. Friendship it is and I agree I can see something developing over time, but have no expectations .

    You have been wonderful - I wont' be updating this thread so much since there won't be much to update, but i will certainly try to keep you posted as to the progress if there is any.


  • Riverofgrass - I am so touched by your words here, "thank you" too. As I have been involved with discussing your situation, an interesting thing has been happening to me as well. I joined the forums in an emotional quagmire over a realtionship situation that I am in (Heart of a Virgo man is my thread). Perhaps you should read it, it might make your Cancer man look like a prince, lol! But in thinking about you and your situation there have been many parallels to issues I am struggling with - not the least of which is letting things be for a while and giving my Virgo the space to resolve his problems.

    It's such a challenge to put our egos aside sometimes and accept that we can't always have what we want, when we want it and nothing we do or say can change that. All we can do is sit still, or take a negative approach and walk away. I think the reason you and I have connected so well here is that we were both looking for that "middle ground" in our situations. Not content to just take the easy way out because we both are involved with someone we care deeply about.

    During this past week I also took a position of not giving up on my guy, but recognizing that it was time to leave a lot of space there for him to just be left alone with his own issues. Be there for him as a friend, but expect no more at this time. Just making that decision unloaded a lot of unnecessary anxiety I was feeling over pressuring myself to make some kind of all-or-nothing decision. It had an almost magical affect on our relationship as well, as somehow I think he sensed that there had been a transformation. The "pressure" was off him to deal with my anxieties as well as his own problems. Now I feel us growing closer in genuine friendship, than when I was pushing, whether I pushed openly or not - the pressure was there - to define what we were doing and where our relationship was heading. I'm so pleasantly surprised by how just a change in my perspective has resulted in a whole different level in affection from him. I credit thinking about your situation with altering my perspective and leading to such wonderful results.

    Like you, I don't know what happens next, but I think that I can handle it because I've made the decision that I'm standing by my guy as a friend first, and let that be enough for now. Like your Cancer, my Virgo has huge issues to sort out. Discussing your situation has caused me to think much more deeply about my guy as a person - a person facing one of the toughest situations of his life (the decision of what to do about his troubled marriage) and to simply "get over myself" about the fact that I can't have him as my whole-hearted love interest at this time. What he needs right now is support and unconditional understanding, and "a light in the darkness" as well. As you've figured out also, being that source of strength for a person you deeply care about is not such a bad place to be, now is it? Lol.

    I am reading a book right now that I feel has been very transformational for me in dealing with my current "relationship" and surely any other relationships to come (I leave myself open to that possibility), so I thought I would share it with you. It's "Enchanted Love - the Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships" by Marianne Williamson. If you can get your hands on a copy, check it out. Based on how you've handled this situation, I think that you might find this book very interesting as well.

    I hope that leaving your thread doesn't mean that you'll leave the forums and I'll hope to see you on other threads in the future. Such a pleasure crossing paths with you and I know you already know, but I'll say it anyway, I wish you much happiness!

  • well, Jenever- I guess I just "woke up". I realized that most if not all of my relationships with men were a waiting game. My ex-husband....i waited for him to make a choice between myself, and the girl he was with that the time. The with this last boyfriend...I waited for him for almost 15 years to make a choice to be with me. In those 15 years though, I had lost touch, and gotten married, but all along he had been looking for me, and wanted to have something with me....so when we finally did get together, he wasn't willing to do anything about his drug use, so I had to break it off with him....Im just tired of waiting. I figure if this guy is meant to have a relationship with me, then he needs to really know how I feel, and not just assume that I feel a certain way, when I don't. I simply told him that I liked him, and did not want to have a "friend with benefits" label. and let him know that I was in no way trying to complicate his relationship with this other girl, and told him I understood completely if he didn't want what I wanted, but I just had to let him know how I felt. I couldn't have a clear concious if I didn't. So, on the bright side, he still talks to me on the phone, but as of right now, I am just waiting on a response. That's where things stand at the moment. I still like him, a lot....maybe I will copy and paste the email, so you can see what I said. I am just waiting for the right time to ask him what he thinks because I want to give him a few days to process what I have said, and what I told him I want.

  • RiverofGrass I too am a libra and I too kept getting involved with Cancers. I swore off them after the second failed emotional trainwreck of a relationship. I was engaged to the first one for two years and he played mind games and was evil and nasty to me, his favourite thing to say was I would rather go to work than be with you. He never really wanted to marry me, it was him just keeping me happy, and therefore keeping me around. The second one refused to commit and once again was extremely nasty. It may just be me, and I may ask for the treatment I got but I truely believe that Cancers and Libras is a recipe for disaster. Their moods are no good for us, you are always trying to balance out their moods by being over caring or extremly happy, while all the time you are sinking into despair. I know a great couple - Cancer and Virgo and they do so well together... I hope everything works out the way you want it, but dont let yourself get hurt...

  • Jenever7 - hmmm very interesting. I have also been in the position you are in with a married man and that was one of those deep connections rootedin many life times together. It was a tough one for me and I struggled with what you are struggling with. I realized that it was so unhealthy for me and I was accepting so much less than I deserved and in doing so, as you point out, putting so much pressure on a person I cared deeply for at a time when what he needed was exactly the opposite. I walked away from that situation and I am glad I did. We still talk once in a blue moon and he is still in his troubled marraige, confirming my choice.

    What I learned in that situation was how to not be needy, that if I really look within myself I have everything I need and it is through this peace that I can be strong enough to believe in the phrase "what is meant to be will be".....without me trying to manipulate or control the outcome.

    I am so glad our conversations have helped you as much as they have helped me and I will think positive thoughts about your situation and hope you do as well. Please divorce yourself from an outcome and be at peace with being a key part of his life, and him of yours, even if you do not end up together.

    None of this is easy, it takes me quite a few thought processes and reconditioning of my thoughts and feelings, but in the day to day, I know I have made the right decision and removing the "drama" and the uncertainty and the "spinning" frees me and allows me to enjoy life

    as it will you....

    Thank you for the book suggestion I am going to look for it and I'll let you know how I like it. Good luck with your situation, it is a really really tough one.

  • Exactly like my cancer, i moved in with him and then he tells me he doesnt love me and he never will. I did everything for him. His mum told him how he could do this to me and he replied to her "Dont mention it anymore I have to live with the guilt" (what guilt) he used me. He was a once a week gambler when he got paid and I was to the resue when he didnt have money. I sent him a tex to say i left something at his house when I moved out and that I wasnt contacting him for the sake of it and for him not to think I was chasing him, I told him in a text message that I have no feelings for him anymore after the way he treated me. He didnt reply, Im at my wits end, we have been on and off for 2 years. I do still love him, but I think he loves his gambling more. Im at a wits end,

  • Littlemisslovesick-I am a Virgo and in my first Cancer relationship and we are finally at a really good place and I was over joyed to see your post of knowing a great Virgo/Cancer couple!

    Jenever7- I want to thank you for your wise words as a Cancer! I totally agree that trust is to be earned of you, and once you know in your heart you are safe, then the beauty unfolds. My guy is beginning to seek me out anytime, anything is wrong. He has shared so much with me about very private things and with that I know that HE knows I am holding his heart lovingly and will never purposly hurt him. I feel the same. He has hurt my feelings a couple of times and he was so sweet and loving to make sure I knew how remorseful he was and that his intentions were not to hurt me. Also, once I admitted I was in love with him, things began to get even better. He has told me too, but it isn't something we voice regularly, our actions tell the tale!

    Everyone-isn't it amazing the bonds you can form with another here?!! I have ended up with 3 very good friends due to the Cancer man and he is confusing thread. Y'all should go read all that if you have cancer guy questions! It was and is remarkable the similarities we were able to discuss.

    I luckily have not been treated nasty or ugly by my guy; and although after almost 9 months, 5 1/2 extremely close to each other, he insists we are non-boyfriend/girlfriend, I know he has been faithful to me as I to him. He treats me so well, he cooks for me, baby's me, fixes stuff for me and if I am sad or mad, he steps right in and takes things over for me until I am all better! Not too long ago another girl told him I was trash and man he sure set her on her ear! I know I have him to watch my back too. Now we have had our moments, but that's to be expected. 3 weeks ago, he gave me the key to his house; he wants me to move in, but I won't, I in my "Virgoness" am not ready to give my independence up just yet....maybe in a few more months. Plus he has 2 children, 8 & 10 to consider and my child is 24. So I want to make sure that we are solid enough for that so as not to have his babies love me and get attached only to hurt them.

    Well goodnight all! I've enjoyed the posts here and I am sorry for the pain each of you has endured. Us Virgo's aren't all bad ;+) I know, no one said we were! LoL

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