Ok what is it with cancer men?
riverofgrass - Hopefully I am not going to confuse things for you now...but I really think that if you don't give Cancer exclusive attention there is a very good chance he will never make up his mind. What he said to you first, that he "didn't like that you were dating" was probably more the heart of the truth and the rest is just smokescreen now while he weighs out what you are really feeling and what to do about it. We Cancers like physical space and freedom, but that is VERY different from emotional space. Too much emotional space = murky waters. We don't operate well in murky waters, we like things crystal clear where our hearts are concerned - for good or bad.
I find it hard to believe he is unsure about how he feels about you - not so hard to believe that he hesitates to reveal his feelings. When I put myself in his position, and imagine that I were with a man telling me that he was going to date around until I made up my mind, well, I'd already be feeling pretty certain he was just going to find someone he liked better than me (or else why would he need to date around?) As long as he knows your heart is not really invested in him, I believe he will flounder in indecision or even take the "safe" route and crawl away at some point. I realize that you two have an "agreement" but trust me, there is no such thing as an "agreement" for a Cancer who is intimately involved with someone for a period of time. Does your heart really want him? Then tell him, and from your heart ask him to tell you what's in his heart. Cut through all the clutter you're building with these "agreements" and get back to one simple answer: do you want each other or not? I hate to offend you, but as a Cancer I see your indecision and creation of "backup plans" causing a lot of uncertainty for him as well. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that is what the insecure little Cancer in me sees in this situation. You would scare my heart silly with your ongoing plan to date other people.
OMG! mine is a cancer boy too! and everything you said about yours, is mine too! we moved in together, he moved me right back out, but didn't want to get rid of me so now we are just dating! AAARRRGGG!!! i have hopes that it'll get better ( not easier though, lol)
Jenever 7 I just love your insight and the timing is amazing.... we went out on a date last night and it was wonderful - had such a great conversation about all of this stuff - we sat in the car outside my apt for an hour just talking about it all. So I did make it clear how I felt about him in my email and last night, told him clearly all my dates ended in me thinking about him and how those guys were not him and I was simply not interested in the, only in him. He must have asked me 5 times last night why I was dating and how he thought it was a contradiction. I simply told him because 1) you said you were going to date and 2) I know I am ready to take a chance with him, and he isn't sure about me, so I am not going to wait around for him to figure it out....he said ok I understand and said I should date (si he serious or just saying that and why would he just say that if he doesn't want me to date?)
He also said he was not ready for a relationship , which is where he has been for a month now, which honestly isn't that long. I truely do understand, he wants more stability in his life, he wants to know he can be there financially for his daughter and he has pressures which need relief. he also is not used to receviing love and tenderness, afgter going so long without it he has conditioned himself to not have to have it. So just allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to another human being again is difficult enough, much less without being a cancer right? He said he felt for me, he cared for me, we were more than friends, but that he is being cautious because he doesn't want to give me the an impression when he isn't ready. He then said he didn't think he wanted to date other women anymore - saying since he wasn't ready for a relationship that it didn't make sense. I took hold of his chin and kissed his cheek about 10 times, which he liked as he said wait I am confused... it was classic, this is what I told him a month ago, why are you going to date people if you are not looking for a relationship. I left him a nice voicemail today and he sent me a text telling me how nice the message was and that he enjoed listening to it...
These are all good signs.... I think.... what I do know is I am falling in love with him, but I won't tell him that. I feel it and I haven't felt this in a very long time and it isn't overwhleming blow me over connection instant fall in love, it is a nice slow build that is fluttering my heart pieces at a time in the most surprising ways and I am really enjoying it.......I am simply hoping that same is happening for him - except I am more comfortable with my emotions and he is not so I can express them and embrace them, while he is more reserved, in his shell and as you say, waiting to see if I am real....perhaps???
I am a libra, he is a cancer and from what I can tell so far, all of this is pretty typical. Your advice is right on though...I need to cut through the clutter and the "agreements" and simply keep reinforcing to him how I feel, without stealing his freedom and space. I really want to give him the space he needs to come to his own connection with his emotions.
Thank you so very much and keep it coming....the insigfht is helping me be able to deal with his not being "ready" and undersand it a bit better..
Does it seem like positive movement is happening with him or am I reaching here?
OK.....Ive never actually asked strangers this before. I am a Taurus(5/14).....typical stubborn, taurus. I have recently began talking with a friend whom I haven't seen in 14 years, who is a Cancer,(7/22), we met again after 14 years of not seeing each other, and I thought the sparks had flown...at least thats what i saw when we kissed each other good night. The only problem is, he has a girlfriend that he just recently started seeing (I didn't know of the girlfriend until someone else told me)....He keeps giving me mixed signals that maybe he just wants to be friends, or maybe more...I have no idea anymore. I am really falling for him. I need help!!.....What do I say to him?...How do I let him know I am interested in more than just being his friend?? Everytime I check on the compatibility meter things it says my lifetime match it someone with that exact birthday.....or a cancer man....UGH!!...I am just at a loss as to what to do. My friends are really no help either, since they sont really get the whole astrology, and zodiac match thing. Can you please give advice on what I should do?....Am I destined to be his friend forever?...am I destined to be his "friend with benefits", or is there something more there between us. Its also a kind of new thing for both of us, since we each just got out of a really nasty breakup. I really and truly like him, since the 5th grade, and have thought about him over the years, and have even searched for him over the internet, and the phone book....something just keeps drawing me to his name....I dont know what it was. Anyway, if anyone could offer advice on how to approach him, or what to say, or whatever, I would be greatly appreciative. Also, dont forget this "thing", whatever it is between us is very very new to us, and he still has a girl......(I dont see how, because every free moment he has, he is talking to me)....but anyway, thanks in advance for the advice.
Bravo riverofgrass! I think you might just make it with this guy. General note: Cancers are always ready for a relationship, that's what lands most of us in trouble, wearing our hearts on our sleeves and then trying to hide the fact to protect ourselves. He's telling you that he cares about you, you're more than friends - I would believe him - that's a mouthful for a Cancer who claims to be being "cautious". "Cautious Cancer" says, "I like you", when inside we might really be thinking, "omg, I think you're amazing, I'll go crazy if I don't see you again soon", haha. He's out on a limb here telling you that you are, in fact, special.
You said that you are falling in love with him but you won't tell him. Realize that there would be nothing wrong at some point, with simply saying something like, "I've realized lately that I feel like I'm falling in love with you - and I don't know what to do with my feelings". That's not a head game - based on what you're saying, it sounds like that's where you are headed, or are very close to right now. Just look at it! Honesty, feelings and "fear" all bundled into one...it's an irresistable combination to a Cancer. It draws out our "mothering, nurturing" instinct. Ideally he would then be willing to "help" you figure out what to do with those feelings, hopefully by digging a little deeper into his own, perhaps even revealing a few more gems of insight on where things are going between you.
I have so much empathy for you riverofgrass as I can so easily see myself in his position (I have children too so that "protective" aspect is there for me as well). Continue to be patient, nurturing, devoted and clear on where your heart stands, and I'm optimistic he will eventually melt. It is especially hard for Cancers to leave anything in the past - all events, good or bad feel like yesterday to us. Some of his past hurt may always be there just under the surface, but keep him feeling safe and secure and it shouldn't affect your relationship and will surely diminish in time.
It was so nice to see your happy and optimistic reply here. Keep us all posted, I want to hear how things go!
Little Lizzie, take it slow on this guy. The "nasty break-up" thing makes me nervous about what he's up to. Cancers in "emotional recovery" can be needy creatures as we seek to rebuild our trust and self-esteem. We have the potential to take what we need from others with considerably more focus on how it makes us feel rather than how it makes you feel or even where the relationship is going. When we "balance" ourselves back out, only then we can finally step outside of things and realize we were being needy and selfish - even using.
He talks to you all the time so it sounds like you enjoy each other. Try to let that be enough for now, check your feelings, keep them under control. As long as he has that other gal I can promise you he is not where you want him to be. When he lets her go, only then would I consider that you might have a solid chance with him. You just came out of a nasty breakup yourself you said, so be kind to yourself, take some time on this one, don't rush right into another "nasty" relationship. You owe it to yourself to heal and you deserve a healthy, reliable realtionship.
Ok, now I have a "Taurus" question for you that touches on a personal situation I'm dealing with. What would be the three top things that would cause a Taurus woman to end a relationship? The biggies - the real deal killers no matter how long she had been with a guy - "if he did this (fill in the blank) or if I didn't have (fill in the blank) I would leave him and never look back!" Just curious...... Thx!
Last night after reading your reply Jenever7 I sent him a message and asked him if he was serious about NOT dating other women right now....
His response was "As of now - yes. That may be subject to change though. Why?"
So I responded and asked him to let me know it is does change, because I dont' want to date if he isnt'. That he may not be ready but that I think I'd rather not keep looking until he decides
He said " OK. You need to do whatever you want to do
So I told him that I know that and I will but that I want him to feel safe with me and I dont' see how that will happen if I am actively dating
and that was that.......
NOTE: he is also acutely aware that I was in a VERY controlloing marraige so i know he doesnt' want to put any restrictions on me what so ever in any way.
I hope this was the right move to send him that - because it is true. I don't want to date if he isn't going to date, even if he isn't ready. I dont' want to look around when I found what I want.
His reply though - that is subject to change - is disconcerning.....
i am a typical female - overanalyzing
He putting you through a test, he wants to see what kind of person you are giving you alot of 'freedom'. He is watching and observing you.
Yah, thats how my cancer talks to me, too. He's testing you. Don't date anyone else. You answered correctly, good for you!!
yep karma and maria , us cancer men are funny like that we like to walk sideways around to get a full view of things cautious as a crab lol some are generally cursed like that .
I know for me, and only speaking for myself. I demand loyalty. If you can't be loyal, then you can't be with me. I also enojy having my opinions shared with others. If a Taurus woman can't have her opinions matter, then why do we bother sharing them?....Lastly, Most Taurean women are headstrong, and emotional. They let their opinions, and feelings dictate their lives, a little too much it seems. I hope this helps, If not, then I apologize. I am only speaking of myself, and not others.
Ok, I'm learning alot here. I'm giving up my Fishy to keep my Crab. He's worth it. I can't believe the threads for cancer men is so long & pervasive in this forum. LOL. We all want em but they make us crazy!!!!
Thanks Little Lizzie, that is very interesting. I've read so much about the "warm fuzzy" side of Taurus women that I nearly thought they were perfect. Nice to know that like all other signs, too much of any good quality can actually turn bad, haha. Thanks for sharing!
riverofgrass - I totally agree with the comments made about your last post. I think it might be wise at this point though to let go of continuing to question him/ each other about dating. You are risking putting so much pressure on defining your relationship that you might miss out on just enjoying each other. From where I'm sitting it now sounds like neither one of you is dating anyone else anytime soon, it's only you and him, so why not be satisfied with the answers you've got, relax and put your focus on just enjoying each other!
funny aboout cancer men. I have been with one for over a year and it got really stormy. I am a taurus dead center May 8,he( and my son as well have B.Ds on June 21st With him he is a Gemini with Cancer tendencies and a Cancer Moon and my son is a cancer with a gemini tendency and has a Saggitarius ascendant. whew. These guys DO pull into their shells, change their minds coonstantly, break off with you then do away with that and are back in your lives, want a relationship then don't say they are just friends and really are more. Its just the nature of Cancer men@ They are moody, loving, volatile and mouthy and all the rest but still have hearts of gold. What to do, eh? Wait it out if you don't get too crazy and you will figure out that they can not do without you but you may eventually want to do without the chaos.
On the verge
Thanks everyone - and I am more relaxed and am letting go and just letting it play itself out now - really appreciate all of the great insight and advice
Man, this whole dating a Cancer thing doesn't sound too great. I guess it's a good thing they are blessed with charm, because if they weren't they'd be pretty screwed trying to get women to stick out their craziness.
LOL MariaRia - isn't that the truth, but you know we all have our quirks that are put up with, fallen in love with, done away with etc.... So each sign, each person is unique. I have found the insight and advice so helpful, it has helped with my indeciseviness (typical Libra) and my over analyzing things and hearing the insight into cancers and seeing how it rings so true in my circumstance has really enabled me to feel more comfortable of living each day for today and not living each day for what I want to have tomorrow.
If he stops walking sideways and decides to grab hold with his pincher then I am ready for him to make that choice, but if he continues to walk sideways or crawls back into his shell or walks the other way, then that is the way the cookie crumbles what is important is I believe the persoal risk I am taking to give him the space to figure it out is worth it to me. it is an investment and all investments have potential risks and rewards.
I feel and do believe that my cancer guy has some deep emotions for me, but he needs the space and freedom to work through it all while still needing to know that I am really interested in him and not playing games. I am ok with that - relationships are all about taking risks, sacrafice, understanding, empathy, respect etc and I would want and will want the same from him in the future.....
You are right though, without their charm we'd be running for the hills.
Jenever, since I answered your questions....I have a few for you, if you don't mind. ~~ What is it about a cancer man that just has us Taurean women wild?...lol...also, How would you like to be approached by a female like myself, with the situation I have described in my earlier post. What would you do, and what about you as a cancer would make you do these things??...What is it about your sign that dictates how you approach that sort of situation. By the way, I have let off talking to him as much on the phone, unless it's an occasional "How was your day?", or something of that nature, and then after he responds, I just tell him I hope he has a wonderful day, and will speak with him the next day. That's it. I am giving him space, and if he wants me, he can come to me, Im not going to him. Thanks a bunch!
LittleLizzie, want to hear something really bizarre - I only just realized when I re-read your post that you have the exact same birthdate as the Taurus woman I had in mind when I asked you that question. Spooooky, lol.
Anyway, sorry for the delay getting back to you. I am a Cancer female btw, but my brother is a Cancer and we are quite close, so I do have some male perspective on things. Ok, so if I've got this right he's only just starting dating this gal but he's kissing you goodnight and talking to you every night. You've got history with him (since 5th grade, right). Cancers love history in all it's forms so you score points for that.
I'm not sure waiting for him to come to you is the right answer. I know I told you to be careful and all, but if you ignore us cancers too much we go negative and think you don't care. That can have one of two effects: we either crawl in our shells and try to forget about you, or we flip out and go clingy/needy and overwhelm you with our efforts to win your heart. Keep the lines of communication open so he knows you're interested, but my concern was that you would let yourself get in too deep and get yourself hurt because of not knowing what this guy was really up to. I think it's safe to say he's not fully invested in either one of you right now so your chances are just as good as the "new" gals. If he was open to talking to you more, there's no reason not to, in fact if he didn't like talking to you he simply wouldn't. Again, as long as YOU don't get too attached to the constant communication at this point, or read too much into it until you are more certain of where you stand with this guy, then you should be fine. (Just that you said you were really falling for him, so I felt that unless you took a step back, then you were really adding fuel to your own fire.)
Now when I try to imagine myself in a similar situation, I can say (and mind you I speak only for myself - just happens that I am a Cancer - every person is different), there is no way I'd be spending all that time talking to you if I didn't at the very minimum enjoy you and since I'd kissed you too, I'd say that I was definitely interested. BUT, I could easily go on seeing both of you until I had made up my mind, BUT I'll also warn you, making up my mind doesn't necessarily mean I'll want either one of you in the end. Confusing enough for you?
Well get used to it if you really plan on dealing with this guy. Chances are good that he doesn't even know what he wants right now and what he wants may vary from day to day, for quite some time, until something clicks and he figures it out. I can't even say what that "something" might be. Cancers are so intuition-driven. Sure, we'll look at all the logical aspects, but it's just as important that it "feels" right. (I was out with a Capricorn man last night, astrologically a match-made-in-heaven combination, but I just had a funny feeling about him, like he wasn't really the person he claimed to be. He was nice, attractive, intelligent, and despite that I have no plans to EVER see him again. Why? Because something just doesn't feel right about him. That's all the reason I need, and I don't care how illogical I'm being, I won't be talked out of it in a million years. But having said that, see, your Cancer man is talking to you, he hasn't scurried away, so there must be something there.
I will tell you, that the love of my life so far was a 4-year relationship with a Taurus man. What we seem to connect with in you Taureans is something about you that feels very secure and safe. My Taurus was very attentive, reliable and trustworty right from the start. He made me feel so safe emotionally that I couldn't resist him, and the intimacy was perfection. I would have married him other than we were just out of college, he wanted to get married right away, I said let's wait a year, he said "if you love me then you'd marry me", I said "I do love you but I want a little time between graduating college and getting married", he said "if you love me then you'd marry me" (now repeat that same line over and over for anything else I might have had to say about things). Round and round we went until I finally decided that he must not really love me or he'd try to compromise. Instead it felt like an all or nothing deal, and trying to talk about it was like talking to a brick wall, all he knew is that he wanted to get married, and if I didn't, well then we must not really love each other. Sooo not true, but he couldn't budge on the matter, and I simply was not interested in getting married right after I graduated college. It was a sad situation, but I couldn't fight about it anymore, the whole relationship was falling apart over one stupid (in my opinion) thing: "if you loved me you'd marry me".
The moral to my story is, Taurus and Cancer can be an outstanding combination (a part of me will love that Taurus man til the day I die, and I have never found the same level of intimacy with any other man since), but that Taurus stubborness can just as easily be seen as insensitivity to a Cancer. We neeeed to feel understood. But remember, we are also a Cardinal sign - we are compelled to be in charge and to lead - particularly our own lives. For all of our emotionalism, even a sturdy Taurus can't push, pull, kick or bellow us towards any destination we are not ready to go. What determines our readiness to go just leads right back into that confusing "feeling' thing.
Are you sure you're up for this LittleLizzie? You have been warned.... Lol.
Ok, now that I realize you have the same birthday as my Taurus female friend, I can't resist asking one more question. If you found out that your man was cheating on you, would your gut reaction be to grind in your heals and fight to keep him or would you kick him to the curb?
Hopefully I've given you some useful insight on your Cancer. Look, at the end of the day we Cancers have a hard time figuring ourselves out. Never feel bad if you find yourself frustrated with your Cancer - a lot, just try to remember...it's not easy being us. Have so enjoyed our conversations here, thanks!
Jenever:- So sorry for the mix up on the gender.....my apologies. However, thanks you so very much for your response. I can see some of things you mentioned already in him. I am trying to muster up enough courage to tell him that I am interested in being the one and only, instead of being the one on the side. I know that's what he is waiting to hear, since he has asked a few round about questions to me. He won't come out and ask if I like him. I guess he is trying to get a "feel" for me, and what I want out of the relationship, and what I want to do. Because although I am stubborn, and outgoing, when it comes to relationships that are just beginning, i am shy, and a little withdrawn when it comes to telling what I want out of it.
Ok- To answer your question on your friend....I have been in both situations. I was cheated on by my ex-husband, a Sagitarius...... and dug my heels in to keep him.....in the end, it really wasn't worth it. i should have kicked him to the curb when I had the chance. And I was with him for almost 2 years after he cheated. All it caused me was the feeling of limbo, insecurity, and heartache. More recently, I just broke it clean off with an Aquarius, who was a few crayons short of a full box...if you catch my drift....anyway, I broke it clean with him because he had cheated with some random person, and my life couldn't be better. So, I guess what I am trying to say is.....tell that girl to drop that cheater like a bad habit!....She is risking her self worth, and her dignity for what?...to be cheated on again??...