Hey BLMoon

  • first i want to say thanks , you have given me a lot of wisdom to refer back to regarding my health and back situation, and with my relationship . the last month i have been picking up a weird vibe from my wife ... the last 3 yrs or so have been i have had to push her sister out of our relationship. it been a hard roe to hoe but finally made it. there had been manipulation by the sister and she had been controlling my wife to do similar stuff when it came to my family. know she has a coworker giving her bad advise ! geese! after the last ten years of fighting cancer , even though she is cured as you know its always there panicking with every pain or twinge.

    now with my work changing and and slowing and going away, and wanting to try a few new ideas , i saw a psychic on line and she said the ideas i had would work.... then after a few days i went back to that feeling about my wife. i asked about my relationship and she said it wasnt in harmony bt my wife wanted to work it out with me. i was the ideal man in her mind but a few issues she wanted resolved to stay in... it had to with me being totally focused on her and do for her like she is candy and i always wanting to be with her. i kinda feel that from my wife as well. it tugs at me like a magnet when i am trying to work on a hobbie or play my guitar, or have a night out with my friends once a month she gets really needy . i have 500 hobbies and interest and she has lets match a movie together or she is bored.

    i am very independent and she is very clingy. also they said she was manipulative and getting what she wants from me.and getting me to do things she wants..

    next the psychic said i had a competitor for my wife now as we speak... it must be someone at work because she is really introverted and never wants to go where she has to meet new people,

    ..then the psychic pulled a card that the relationship wouldn't last much longer..... its sure got my mind off of my work and developing my ideas. the last week all she is focusing on is, all the stuff we need to get rid of here and trying to give things away as well as keeps pushing me to get repairs to the house and get new flooring which we need but not a have to... but she keeps on and on like she is thinking put the house up for sell, that is what i am thinking or its also the holidays so maybe she is just having anxiety about possible visitors... who knows....

    blmoon i was just wondering if you could give me any insight on this situation , its been about 5 days and all i think about . hard to focus and be creative when your sad.

  • First--any competitor would be short lived. It's the law off attraction--needy people attract predators and deception and at first a man who loves the chase will put on whatever mask the other needs to hear and that can only sustain a relationship for a short time. It leads many unhappy spouses astray only to have reality burst their bubble after the damage has been done. You didn't say it was a male but assuming that's your fear. Male or female it's short lived. As for the house--are you a clutter bug? I have to ask----most hoarders are in complete denial about that so even a psychic would not pick that up right off. I do know that your wife's energy feels like the kind of energy that "holds on to things". If there is an issue with too much stuff in the house it would benefit to purge. It is a good energy to keep an airy flow in the house--it also attracts new things and abundance to you. What I pick up is your wife's need to fill a void--she cannot find that deep satifying feeling of accomplishment her spirit craves--she is not aware of what is really missing. Couples often feel the brunt of each others dissatisfaction in themselves--it's just easy as a spouse will allow it--we tend to take liberties with loved ones we would not with others. On your end it feels like she lives through you. Also a void will show up in some as a need to buy something---they look outside themselves. Instead of enjoying whatever joy there is in the moment they fixate on what is missing. You know that old cliche--it's true there are the people who see the glass half empty and others half full. Perspective is everything. I feel marriage counseling would help you there as on an earthly reality it would help bring into the light any perspect problems at war between you two and it would help keep honesty on the table. This would also give you an ali so you wouldn't feel ganged up on as you do carry those feelings of not just dealing with her but her and outside friendships you feel do not help. A counselour would give you that validation you are craving and could give your wife perspective. I too am very busy with projects and know the storage problems---but as a woman I want my home--to be A HOME. My husband would easily fill my home with manly things meant for a garage or work shed. If you are doing that then adress that and compromise on your work space being limmited to one room with a door that can be shut or a garage or consider adding a shed.On a spiritual level you need to take responsability for choosing a relationship that halts your dreams. This is a hard one--but have you considered you have a deep fear of failure--or really do not at your core believe you deserve success and your wife just serves to validate that.? You have a habit of giving energy to another--it's a long history. Change will come when you can see your choices as choices and not you being held down or victim to your wife. Spirit says right now compromise is best. She is very vocal about her needs and you have yours. Both of you feel like the other is not listening. That's because you both want your needs to make sense to the other but in reality they just won't always as you are different people. A counselour can help you two negotiat fairly. AND a counselour will help you both understand which needs are essential to keep each ones spirit healthy. Meaning if you are creative--you need to create and if you do not you will suffer illness--physically and mentally. If you are empathetic--sensitive--you need space to decompress. Right now you two are at a huge impass and yes at this point is where people breakdown or run. I feel your wife's motivation is more about controll--she wants to scare you and she just gets a step up to a more seriouse threat because she sees no compromise. She needs you and even if she did hit you with seperation it would not end things---it would be just be more tug and war and really she's hoping to just get you to give in to things her way. Honestly, I really do not see her happy even if you did answer all her complaints as she is not happy with herself. Underneath this drama you both would rather war with each other then deal with your own insecurities and imagined failures. If you can agree to disagree and compromise without argument it would move you out of this place of fear and stagnation. In my 40 year marriage we have often bargained. She wants new floors? How about a trade? She has her list--you have yours. Relationships thrive on compromise---a floor for one night a week music jams. Both my man and I play but I do know couples that don't and the one who doesn't hates it and doesn't get it at all. I think a counselour in the mix is best though because he or she could help yoour wife deal with her fears as that's what I pick up most around her--she is in a state of fear most of the time and that is a very hard place to find happiness. I suggest you each make a list of needs in order of importance and see where you can compromise and avoid any arguments or judgements about the whys as you can go forever and nnot understand that. Unconditional love and supporting another who is very different than you takes work. And often outside insite--you seek phsychis--she , friends. You both need ONE wise mediator! BLESSINGS! PS---I agree you have the skills to be successful! How bad do you really want it?

  • thank u dear, ur awesume ! hoarder me ? lol , yes i am a hoarder somewhat, but its things for my work mainly. i have 2 home business but my clutter is under my deck, in my shop, my office and garage. the living ares are clear. one thing i noticed is when i feel like not enough money is coming in i tend to save things i could use to do small projects like wood shelves or a light fixture i changed out when i put in a ceiling fan...... i grew up with little to no money or transportation and had to make do.... i feel that kicking in as work slows.....i do get emotionally attached to things though like my suv as well, its the first new car i ever bought or had. my son was driving it and the trans went out.... its here as well for 2 yrs needing repaired or sold or junked.... but it is the emotional tie to it that has slowed my action to sell it or junk it. having depression pain and fatigue doesn't help things move too quick when i plan to do things.

    i've thought about the other thing with my wife, i feel its probably not too serious but i did get

    an image of a person when i meditated about it and started to tingle and vibrate all over as it came clear who it was..... i know him but only met him a time or 2. he is in the circle of someone in my circle.. the few times i have been around him i didnt like the feeling i got even though others said he was a okay guy. curiosity has set in about this situation if its true. i want to know things about the affair in-case i have to use it later to defend myself. she has just been a hard cookie to be married to but i always sucked it up and went with it.. finally had to put my foot down hard on the sister and get her out of our marriage... that was enough to do me in there. i believe i became distant after having to fight that situation and all the energy it took having low adrenal output.. all the health issues she had and now chemo brain kills her short term memory... so what ever we work something out or agree to something, in a couple of months, its forgotten and i have to go thru it again... its all just been tiring for me.

    always being the main bread winner and now she is gives her more power than before. maybe the reason she felt strong enough to step out.... my carreer eneded after a buy out .. i had worked my way up from the bottom to the top and worked hard ! then 3 yrs into the buyout i was being sabotaged by a young male in the family. i hung on and fought the battle for 2 years but it was the hardest thing i could ever do. the concentration and devotion it took were unbelievable.. finally i felt myself breaking down and it ended . i walked away empty handed and mentally drained. then short 2 year break and feeling good and she gets colon cancer, now we are in another crisis for 10 years. thats is when her sister reall put her meat hooks in our marriage so now that i finished that battle, i dont have much left to give and feel i need about 5 years alone to recover. just thinking, all the bad things started in 1994 when i bought this house ! any possible relationship ?????? never thought of that. it was a new construction but i have seen and heard things here. ...... anyway i am giving her more attention for now to make the holidays go smooth and i luv the counselor idea,,,,,,, i dont think she will, i tried to get her to see one for cancer anxiety and the fear but she refused.......thats all i can write for now, maybe there is something here helpful....

    thanks again , you really are amazing !

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