Was this person truely a friend? I need your advice it just dosn't end.

  • How do you know if they are? Surely they make up in the end, I have so much I want to write and tell you my story but I just don't feel I can do it at the moment, never done this before. But I went through absolute hell for having an opposite sex friend, he wanted all the lies and gossip/rumours to settle with our partners, but it was all lies he new that, which they all admitted in the end too, but as far as everyone is concerned he stabbed me in the back which I would never have that at all, just stood up for him and made myself ill. All this was for jealousy and banter which people are sorry for. I always reasurred his misses when he always asked me too but he never helped when asked him too, infact said he can't be bothered. It's a very very long story but not sure whether to write it until I see if people reply. I think its better to talk it helps, now after years of torture about it all, I didn't realise how much all this affected my youngest. She says my mum went through years of being acccused of having an affair, you two were just good friends and still should be. I won't say anymore for now. Just wait to see what replies I get. It hurts me to think I was too busy standing up for my friend as things that were said were horrible and he wasn't my friend etc., also I wasn't aware my hubby was drumming in her head her mum was having an affair with him etc., rather than see how this was effecting my daughter. Now she needs help, and I feel so angry but with who? I know myself for not seeing and my hubby for drumming in her head I was having one, ive eleminated the ones in the town who made all this 100 times worse, so its not them, but first time ever feel angry with the friend for making it look so bad for writing me off and does he really realise way he's made it look like, now im the one who can't talk to him. Do I need councilling too, to get rid of the anger or what ever it is you call it and who is the anger with, (if that's the right word) with im confused. If i get lots of replies then I will write what happened. My hubby wants me to make up now but his jealousy was torture. It dosn't make sense and he's so sorry. Please just advise me even though you don't really know my story.

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  • No anger init at all honey. I took an eagle view at it all. tough to reply when you in your first post cut yourself off in your story. Its like jumping hither and tither.

    Im sorry if you saw it as anger because truly honestly it is not so. If i was I´d not replied at all. In my book is anger a weakness.

  • Was he truly a friend? Sad to say, but I don’t think he was. When he said he couldn’t be bothered, most definitely he was not a real friend. Not only did he not care about what it was doing to you, but he knew your husband and children would also be affected. You have every right to be angry, your life as it was, was shattered. Too many lives were affected and for something that just wasn’t the truth. Anger at your friend or for your husband, these are 2 people who should have stood by you and didn’t. However, after saying that; even though you have every right to feel the way you do, it is healthier to release it than to keep it within you. Counselling, if you choose to do it, can be beneficial, because it brings in an objective perspective. You might even want to consider doing it as a family unit.

  • Well said aquabubbles!

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  • How about you write the story down for yourself and paper? read it through and by it i think you will see the reply to your nagging question.

  • I have a male friend for over 33 years ; and I have been accused by many to be having a affair with him. Not true; however it can be distressing when family believes the lies and all of the other bull. I think he wasn't your friend because he would never have left you to fight and defend for yourself. My friend is the opposite of this guy; and I can go to him with all my problems , secrets and feel confident that they will be taken to the grave. The gossiping has turned more ugly because your husband didn't believe you.; and the fights you two had over this is the fuel that keeps it going. Unfortunately the only one who can get these people to stop is put out there your friendship with this man. I am very open with my husband about my friend ; and had told him I would never give my friend up. I have told his(husband) family, my daughter and his friends, my friends why we are friends ; and frankly how special friends are if you find a good one hold them close. The fact you use was makes me think you held the friendship in more regard; and he didn't or couldn't because whatever went down between the two of you. I know it not easy to accept this ; but what we do in our friendship is what makes or break it. I don't have any suspision of sexual reasons not to believe you so it maybe best for you to not to argue so much ; and just let them know he was a friend and leave it . If your husband cannot believe you it is is own insecurities speaking.Unfortunately your friend feels it too toxic to be friends; and how long were you friends for. If he was a true friend has your back, loves you even though you are imperfect . I have ADHD so when I told my DR. about this friend of mine he thought having such a close friend was great and his advice don't let my husband dislike of him get in the way.

  • Lil Munchkin - you have no worries here... Sure there are a few ppl who have terrible advice - but there are others who have absolute gems of wisdom! I have found many ppl to talk to within these pages... And you know what is the best thing - f they have no idea who you are or what town or people you are talking about!! You will find that there are many people in your situation and going through the same thing - even if they are on the other side of the world (which is even better as you are more anonymous) It is a great environment to air your thoughts as crazy as they are (I know I can be pretty crazy:P sorry sarcastic joke) but you can say what you think and get an honest opinion of it. It is a great place to say what you need to say and not have judgement from your peers and the people you have to see every day of your life...

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  • Munchkin - I understand what you are saying and I can read between the lines.... You have had a friend for 18 years you are both married and then town gossip stated you and he were having an affair - respective partners believed the gossip to be true and you both have been through a lot over a friendship that was platonic..... Your husband has told your daughter through all of this that you were having an affair and now she is suffering and is going through a hard time due to the lies and what she was told.... I can add my 2 cents worth.... My parents split up when I was 5 due to an affair that my dad had with a married woman.. Now unlike your daughter the woman's husband called our home and thought I was my mother and told me all about the affair.... Well I was 5 and had no idea what was going on! But now I am older I can see it for what it was.... I have some trust issues but that may come from that but it also could come from all the other relationships/marriages that I have seen that have either broken down or had cheating in them..... Your daughter is young now but you are correct to think it will effect her because it will.... It has effected me and my siblings 🙂 But we are all ok - we have relationships and we have good ones - it really just makes you more guarded of people... I would like to think we are all well rounded individuals who are living productive and happy lives... I really don't know what your daughter is going through or how old she is but I am sure she will get through this - it will pass....

  • hi my name is my little star and i am replying to the true friend situation here well because i am a PSYCHIC AND A VERY GOOD ONE AT THAT i am really able to suss people out if they are for real or not just by my intuition and i am a NUMEROLOGIST AS WELL well when i have the full date of birth and year well that really tells me how solid a person really is weather we can trust weather they are grounded or not and tell s me weather there emotinons are all over the place or not at the end of the day my heart and a mixture of tools i use gives me the right answer

    my little star

  • hi mylittlestar.... Just wondering if you could help me too??? i am 13/01/1977 and my guy is 17/07/1970... I have been wondering lately if we are meant to be....... If not then no problem...

    Thanks in advance..

  • Little Munchkin I am sorry if you feel I missed the point; and now I know more. I never had any hint you were friends for at least 18 years; and never felt you were anything more than platonic friends. I know how you are feeling because I was also accused of having a affair with my friend which is untrue. . I basically told my husband and everyone to but out. Now as far as your daughter, it may cause problems something you will have to take to counselling I also would not be surprised her anger is at your husband; and it is not at you. when old enough explain things to her from your point of view. My husband tried to convince my daughter that I was wrong for being friends with this guy. However my daughter is fine with us being friends; however was angry that people were talking about her mother. . It is hard ; but you state your tired. I wonder if you two would benefit from marriage counselling because if at this point I am not sure if the two of you will truly get pass this ; and you sound like you have a large circle of friends. NO one should try to make a person be someone they are not ; and it sounds like your husband has tried.

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