Hello Hans, im not sure your around anymore, however I still wanted to write & tell you what was happening in my life lately... I left the new job & funnily enough, while I was there i was so concerned about money but since leaving Im not concerened at all. I feel it will all fall into place & be ok. So ive been of work for about 6 weeks, Ive registered for unemployment benefits & assistance in training for a new fulfilling role, whatever that may be? I swallowed my pride & spilled the beans about my trials & tribulations & that I wanted to work in an industry where I could use my real abilities/attributes, helping people, empathy etc...I feel so relaxed & they have responded in kind. Im blown away by their response to me, I told them the truth, was real to myself I was accepted warts & all. Theyve given me full assistance, no pressure & looking at all options in getting me employment & training required. Ive met some wonderful people in these so called Government run industries that I had turned my nose up to in the past, Im pleasantly surprised but more so at how good I feel inside whan I would usually be freaking out by now! As for Jake & I, we are back together. he finally told me what was going on, he got back with his ex (mother of his kids) He told me 2 weeks ago. He only said that he slept with her when we werent together, he said that I was too good for him & desrved better. I asked him why he decided to tell me, what could I do with this info anyway, we werent together? I just said that I couldnt see him being with someone who had cheated on him & continuously held back his kids from him & took him to court but it was his issue & that he had to work it out for himself. I wasnt angry with him at all, I felt for him deeply & didnt want to push him for any explanation or information, i didnt feel a need to although I was shocked & part of me wanted to probe him for more, he just said that we werent together at the time, so I just said that I dont know what he wanted me to say or do with this information & that he had to work out these things for himself. I told him that I love him but I cant respond to whats gone on, id made my feelings about him clear & couldnt say anymore. He contacted me again & invited me to a party I was unsure wether to accept but did & we had a great time. I thenbooked an overnight trip & organised for a massuer/reiki therapist to visit our room, he was dubious about the reiki but I reassured him & sais just to go with it & that we needed to reconnect. We had our auras cleansed & didnt even mention past issues, there was no need...Ive been asking him to think outside the square a bit & to try to keep an open mind about trying new things. I hope that this may be a springboard, who knows maybe I'll get him to a gallery or the new Geaorge Harrison or Woody Allen flick, am I pushing it?? LMAO
On another note...He came to my brothers engagement party & all went well, we were both very comfortable & inebriated. he professed his love for me & it felt wonderful but I blurted something along the lines of "your my soulmate, my husband" aaargh Ive seen him since & he seems fine/normal...Have I put a spanner in the works? I felt unabandoned (due to copious amounts of alcohol) Im enrolling myself & my daughter in a 4 week meditation class & was wondering if Tyra (daughter) will get anythng out of it? It will be a weeknight session & we can be home in time fo her to go to bed at a decent time. Im hoping that it will help her & me with confidence & our relationship? Her fater is having major issues in his relationship & told me his partners son (ex heroin addict) was living with them, I pondered on this & told him that I wasnt comfortable with Tyra being in that environment. He said that her son isnt going to be living there & that he understands my concerns can I trust him on this?
Hans I hope youre well, I understand why you havent responed to me recently & I thank you for that.
Blessing to you
whatever that may be? You need to be able to cope with change, remaining flexible and adaptable in your approach.
am I pushing it?? no.
Have I put a spanner in the works? no.
wondering if Tyra (daughter) will get anythng out of it? no.
Im hoping that it will help her & me with confidence & our relationship? no.
can I trust him on this? no.
That´s perfectly right, nobody else deserves that.
Thanks for your reply.
I have put my trust in Tyras father, should I with hold overnight visitation, or apply for sole custody?
"That´s perfectly right, nobody else deserves that", What do you mean, who or what does this pertain to?
Will jake & I live together soon?
Ive read thru our previous messages, hmmm uve been pretty spot on!
should I with hold overnight visitation: no
or apply for sole custody? no.
What do you mean: that you are called upon to do something completely different to the task at hand
what does this pertain to? that you need to change your focus.
Will jake & I live together soon? No.
the moment this is realised bliss arises. It is only out of meditation that one feels blessed. Then life is a festival, a continuous celebration.
I belive Jake is seeing another woman behind my back? He told me that he did sleep w his ex wife while we were apart is it her? Someone else? He made plans to come & see me I waited for him & eventually called too find out when hed be coming he told me he was at the pub w a friend & couldnt drive, he asked me to come to him but i got angry w him because if I hadnt called him I would still be waiting? I swore at him & told him it was off he then accused me of being w someone else behind his back???? Just the other week he told me was in love with me?
I belive Jake is seeing another woman behind my back? No.
is it her? no.
Someone else? Yes.
I would still be waiting? No.
he then accused me of being w someone else behind his back???? no.
Just the other week he told me was in love with me? Yes.
so what is to be done? Open your mind and wait. Look at the trees, look at the birds screeching. Listen to them, don't do anything. Whatsoever is happening around you, just be a passive alertness. The light on the water, the river flowing, the noise, the children playing, laughing, giggling -- you just be there, a passive presence, open, listening, seeing, not thinking.
I dont understand, hes not seeing someone behind my back, its not his ex but someone else?
hes not seeing someone behind my back, its not his ex but someone else? yes, exactly!
Hence, Tao is also life. That´s why when you read this you feel life. And naturally a confusion arises.
My suspicions are wrong?
He loves me?
Then why does he hurt me?
I dont want to own him or visa versa, I want him to communicate with me. Isnt it just polite to tell me he wont be able to make it? He doesnt do this to his mates?
Does he just want me to come to him all the time? as hes bored in my company?
His friends dislike me???? They encourage him to stay away from me?
I might have a new job, i had aphone interview will i be successful?
My suspicions are wrong? No.
He loves me? Yes.
Then why does he hurt me? Because he has others around him who have strong views about what he should do and this, in total, is creating a huge amount of conflict, tension and disagreement.
Isnt it just polite to tell me he wont be able to make it? No.
He doesnt do this to his mates? No.
Does he just want me to come to him all the time? Yes.
as hes bored in my company? no.
His friends dislike me???? No.
They encourage him to stay away from me? No.
will i be successful? no.
This has to be understood: He exists in your mind. You also exist in your mind.
I dont get it. Is he seeing another woman?
Who is she?
Will he come to me soon?
Will we spend Xmas together?
Who are the people around him with strong opinions?
What are their opinions?
Does he struggle with the thought of being tied to a relationship?
Why wont i be successful in the job application?
Is he seeing another woman? Yes.
Who is she? She stands on a cliff, with her back turned, looking out over the sea to distant mountains.
Will he come to me soon? No.
Will we spend Xmas together? No.
Who are the people around him with strong opinions? They are not so interested in actual creation and creativity, or in dreaming up ideas and implementing them themselves. Instead, they are more inclined to take an idea and change the world to match their vision.
What are their opinions? Encouraging diversity and differences of opinion.
Does he struggle with the thought of being tied to a relationship? Yes, certainly.
Why wont i be successful in the job application? Because of someone who is toxic, moody, sulky and withdrawn from others, particularly if things do not go his way.
He wants to be with the woman he first met in me? Who enjoyed the unlimited potential, far off horizons?
Ive tried to encourage new adventures/experiences which weve both enjoyed & our vibrations are in sync, but his attutudes change when I havent been around him for a few days & therefore so does mine. His mates live & work with/around him theyre not the happiest types. Always talking about the negatives in their lives & whos done them wrong etc. Individually I think theyre quite nice. Theyre either in long term unhappy relationships or recently "Burned" by a woman (whoa is me types). Jake has been around these guys for the past 7yrs when his relationship finally ended in court battles etc....So I understand that hes worried about being tied to the "wrong" relationship. How do I encourage more positivity & still have his respect when hes with these guys almost 24/7? I see the lighter, loving, happier side when hes with me & my family or when we cook together for instance or the weekend when my daughter & I watched a movie with him & his kids at his place. He left his mates(live next door) & the kids came to meet up with us, we were all happy to be together we all felt comfortable & there were no problems. There was lots of laughing & cuddles on the couch (his 2 kids, Tyra & Me) Jake sat on another chair & looked on smiling he looked happy, content t& relaxed. He was affectionate & happy that we were there. So a few days pass & we plan to meet up, he acts as if he cant be bothered with me though he does" reciprocate" affection but I have to initiate, When we are in bed hes stuck to me like glue not necessarily for sex which I appreciate, he just wants to be close. We have a beautiful relationship (when were physically together) but I cant stand the duality in his personality what goes on when im not there (in his mind)? I went out Friday night without him & I believe he stayed at the pub with his mates(the next day) & not come to see me like he planned to punish me?This is my confusion! His friends are negative & closed minded & he enjoys their mateship but he also enjoys exploring different entertainment etc with me, I can see it in his eyes & body laguage, his demeanour. If I cant explain this to him cos talking about these things make him uncomfortable or defensive what can I do? This is my frustration.
Thanks Hans I feel good off loading that lol but how can I keep this good feeling in our relationship for the days when Im around him?
As always, thankyou
- when im NOT around him?
He wants to be with the woman he first met in me? No.
Who enjoyed the unlimited potential, far off horizons? No.
How do I encourage more positivity & still have his respect when hes with these guys almost 24/7? By bringing renewed hope and faith and a sense that you are truly blessed by the Universe at this time.
what goes on when im not there (in his mind)? there is a lack of commitment to walking away, whereby one day he is ready to leave and by the next day he is having doubts and wanting to stay.
not come to see me like he planned to punish me? yes.
If I cant explain this to him cos talking about these things make him uncomfortable or defensive what can I do? Have a time of joy and attain a goal.
how can I keep this good feeling in our relationship for the days when Im around him? by being ever present.
Hes still considering to go back to his ex?
By being ever present? In his mind, heart? Around him?
there is a lack of commitment to walking away, whereby one day he is ready to leave and by the next day he is having doubts and wanting to stay?
He wants to punish me for going out without him, Why?
He is happy playing these games?
He wants me sometimes but not all the time? But he wants me there?
Hes still considering to go back to his ex? No.
By being ever present? No.
In his mind: yes
Around him? Yes.
there is a lack of commitment to walking away, whereby one day he is ready to leave and by the next day he is having doubts and wanting to stay? yes.
He wants to punish me for going out without him, Why? Because he is being assured that he will eventually prosper if he maintains his position.
He is happy playing these games? No.
He wants me sometimes but not all the time? Yes, certainly.
But he wants me there? Yes.
Im in his mind & he wants me around but im not in his heart...great?Than how can he love me like he says?
How will he prosper by punishing me:- That eventually i wont go out without him anymore? Or that I will give up & walk away? Which I have...
He just wants the relationship on his terms? If so, I dont know his terms?
Punishing me for going out without him, when he was going out himself seems to me as game playing. he didnt seem upset at the time but apparent the next day?
Im a good person & I do love him??? but im walking my own walk & if he wants to walk with me he can. I leave it up to him.
Thanks Hans x
how can he love me like he says? with ideas, information and theories of someone else.
How will he prosper by punishing me:- That eventually i wont go out without him anymore? No.
Or that I will give up & walk away? Yes.
He just wants the relationship on his terms? Yes, certainly!
If so, I dont know his terms? No.
he didnt seem upset at the time but apparent the next day? no.
Im a good person & I do love him??? No.
you have to learn to accept the responsibility. If love is bitter that means you have not learned the art of love. If I give you a guitar and you only make noise out of it that does not mean that the guitar is noisy; it only means you don't know how to play it. You have to learn.
So he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me?
His intention was to push me away for good?
Why didnt he just tell me he didnt want a relationship with me?
I dont feel bitter, I feel confused.