Would any of you mind sending some good vibes?
I'm going back to the small town that I left about two years ago for the month of December and part of january to visit family. My ex lives there and I miss him very much and have for a long time. I left him in the first place because I was immature and focusing on more material things and didn't think i could handle living in a small town. I had moved there straight from London!!! It was a HUGE change. BUT, I realize that I left a really good and honest man (the only one I've ever considered marrying) for something that's really so trivial. After this time away, I'd gladly trade my city life to be with him .... anywhere. I mean that. I feel like a pin ball that's been bouncing around ever since trying to find my place and have been dating really superficial men. I just didn't know at the time what a gem I had.
I understand that it's not good to look back on the past as we make choices for a reason but I really am kicking myself. I do know that he loved me very much and was very hurt by my leaving but we never ended on bad terms. We had a really good relationship. i was just so focused at the time on what I THOUGHT I should be doing....leading a faster paced life etc. I'd so love to go back in time with the knowledge that I have now and make a better choice. With some aging and marinating, I realize that the city and glamour gets old fast and doesn't mean diddely squat if you're not with someone who you love.
I need to make this trip and am very anxious because i know he'll hear that I'm there and I may run into him. I don't know how he will react to me. I really can't stand the thought that I hurt him. I do plan on contacting him to let him know I'm there (as he'll know anyway) and see if he'd like to visit. I'll tell him my feelings then (if he'll see me) but he's really a very sensitive person and I don't know if he will trust me again or if he has moved on to the point of no return and doesn't want to even think about me anymore. The thought of him saying no hurts a LOT and he very well may do so.
So... I don't expect any miracles and I know it's a long shot but if you'd send some good thoughts my way, I'd really appreciate it. Just the thought of going gives me butterflies. Confronting the past is hard... especially when you want to make amends. Even if he doesn't want me back, I sure could use some good vibes to be strong and not turn into a total mess if I see him with someone else or if he shuts me out. I suppose if he's really happy then I should be happy too and that's what matters most if you truly love someone but it is hard not be a little self absorbed about this one.
Thanks so much all.
I'll gladly send good thoughts and vibes back to anyone else who feels like they could use them in return.
good morning stonyeye I am sending you good vibes & wishes I hope you find what you seek
let us know how it turns out. remember sometimes you have to let go in order to grow (I found out the hard way :)) If it is meant to be it will be so
love light & lots of blessings
Thank you shadowmist!
Al the best to you! x
Stoneye - Of course!! The beauty of real love, it can let people go to find their way. It can even be both people in a relationship. Sometimes the need to search and experience does not mean you quit loving, you just had to do something for yourself.
You sound like an amazing person!
I wish you nothing but the best!
Thank you Taurus7! Your comment made me teary, it was so sweet and understanding. Very best to you as well.