Hi Watergirl, what do you think?
In the last few years, I'm learning more about who I am. And uncomfortably finding that some of who I am is at odds with the values of my family of origin.
Was brought up in a family -centered environment. But I realise that I have an aloof streak. And I do not like being around family too much and esp at celebrations. Maybe it's the fuss and fighting that occurs as a result. Or just the noise and the frenzy of prepartions, cooking and cleaning. I just feel suffocated. And would rather be off on my own outside, or taking a dance class, or being with a friend one on one.
Last year, I excused myself from an annual Christmas lunch. Felt I was just being honest and true to myself. And I'm contemplating doing the same this year.
I'm not out to hurt anyone I treasure my famly. I just do not relate to them on the same level that they expect - they love these family things, and annual get togethers and I don't. On any given day, I feel comforted that my family is around me - somewhere in the house - though I do not necessarily interact with them.
You've told me a lot about standing up for myself. And I think I'm doing that here. Thinking people should just deal with it. Or am I just selfish and ungrateful and oblivious to that?
I do enjoy connections with people. But any connections I want to make - I do so while maintaining my freedom and space. For instance, I love B's company when I used to spend time with him. And I have meals with friends sometimes. But the rest of the time, I like to be free to go where the tide takes me, and to have the freedom and space to do nothing at all and just exist inside my head. Or think up choreography.
I think this could hurt me at work - because it manifests as unwillingness to participate in group events.
What do you see?
How can I help family (in particular) to understand that this is me?