Captain: Should I stay or move on

  • Hi Captain,

    Please help if you will...I am in such a distraught because of this guy said one thing but behaving the opposite way and I found myself going through emotional roller-coasters on a daily basis. But the connection was so strong since day one, I am worrying that I am letting go something really good. Please advise. His name is Jackson (DOB: 6/1/66) and mine is candy (DOB:12/10/73). Should I stay or move on? How does he feel about me? Thanks a million.

  • Candy, the need to understand others is crucial to this relationship. Astrologically you two are complete opposites with very different ways of being and attitudes. You two will be caught up in trying to figure out the morality of those around you too, but perhaps your subconscious intention is to find a moral stance of your own, whether individually or together. Here you have a true meeting of equals, with mutual criticism and self-criticism playing roles in each partner's growth. The tone of the relationship is intellectual and rational, featuring analysis of each other's belief systems, or lack thereof. Your complexity, Candy, may intrigue Jackson who, however, may utimately be mystified by your character - in fact, your personality may become your field of study as a couple. There may also be a fascination or obsession with the relationship itself, which demands understanding from both of you so that it can be nourished and grow. You need to explain yourself more to your partner and he to you, so that greater empathy can develop between you.

    Curiosity may be the force that brings you two together in the first place. In a friendship or love affair, a growing mutual interest sparks investigation and a curious kind of courtship ritual, a dance through which you get to know each other. This organic process, proceeding to its own rhythm, will often be an indication of the relationship's health. At a certain point, the relationship will either click or not. If it does, it may continue for years, changing and deepening. If it does not, it may simply fade away.

    Marriage can work out here if you work out and accept your differences, often representing a positive evolution for you and Jackson. It can stand the test of time. As spouses, you and Jackson will enjoy creating a living space together that reflects your unusual tastes. Particularly if children are involved, the marriage will be closely identified with its home base, and also with its neighbourhood and social circle. You Candy will feel accepted by your husband, who in turn will be proud of his unusual mate, and inspired by your expressiveness and freethinking.

    To make this relationship work and endure, both of you must not become too obsessed with yourselves. Look to others for guidance if you find it hard to understand each other. Don't anticipate or create problems and keep your curiosity in check. Jackson may have an issue with being afraid of getting physically too close to people for fear of catching a disease or other contamination. Yet his fear really has nothing to do with health but with his need to be in control. It might even inhibit him sexually. It scares him to think of letting nature take its course. He may sublimate this controlling energy into his work so that he then has an excuse to avoid intimacy. He can be an annoying perfectionist when it comes to his work and often worries about money. He has a need for privacy and seclusion in which to unwind. But he needs to play as hard as he works.

    You yourself long to have someone to talk to, to have a real mental connection with a partner. That's why you will often go for the people you end up having nothing in common with. And the older and more sophisticated you become, the younger and more adventurous (in mind) they have to get. You're very mature and grownup and when it comes to being responsible, you always have been. You have survived without real guidance for so long on your own. You don't know any other way. Yet it's in relationships that you act like Peter Pan with your adolescent fantasies about love. If you didn't need to constantly connect with someone and if you weren't so afraid of being all alone, you could enjoy people when they were there and then let them go without feeling they've deceived you or abandoned/rejected you. Many people in the past have disappointed you because you have been drawn to the odd liar or crazy person, or two. Once you find the pattern in your personal and business life - if your mother, say, was selfish and self-centred or if your father was crazy, or you are always being attracted to controlling or deceitful types, then you must make an effort to change that pattern by not closing your eyes when you sense something wrong in the relationship. You can be both real and honest, and still stay connected to others. Don't be too trusting on the one hand or too bitter and cynical on the other when it comes to love. Make good balanced choices and accept people without thinking you have to 'fix' them.

  • Thanks TheCaptain. It is a lot to think about.... for sure.

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