Astra Angel...confused and disappointed

  • Hi sadsag

    Hey thanks for the nice wishes and I also am wishing a wonderful 2012 for you and I know life will open up in some new fun ways for you.

    I am so sri about your brother passing. I know that is tough... I am sending you comforting energies right now and I trust you will heal through this. His spirit is fine and life goes on in new ways.

    So your friend Lee... hmmm.... well you are doing the right thing by putting your foot down about the coming in and out... so he told YOU that YOU aren't ready to be in a relationship? I didn't qiute get what you said there.

    I did a quick read for you just to place where you are at right now...

    above - Ten of Pentacles

    Situation - Three of Swords

    Crossing that - Nine of Wands

    Below - Five of Wands

    Recently - Judgment

    Coming up soon - Eight of Wands

    So, your general situation is that three of swords, you are feeling some pain for sure, The recent past (your brother passing) is that Judgment card with the people rising up, so your brother is fine, Still there is loss and all... crossing you is that nine of wands which is you holding your own and standing strong regardless of the recent tempest. Below you is this five of wands which shows some conflicts and dialogue though it is not that harmful... could be the background you have with Lee... and then... coming up for you (Let's make this a happy New Year event!) is the Eight of Wands and that says something very nice is coming at you quickly and your life should be entering a new pace where blessings are wonderful... I also drew the Ace of Wands on that wand, so some very powerful energies are cranking up and you are asked to get ready. Could be a trip, a new creative project getting under way, something exciting!

    I am doing okay, some very significant personal changes are not occurring which have been anticipated and now there are here. I am hopeful that some situations I have had to deal with are finally resolved. I am sewing tarot cloths out of silk lately, here is your spread on one of them.

    Happy New Year to you Sadsag! I am wishing you wonderful blessings!


  • Astra,

    I am so happy to see you ae back. I am sad to hear that life issues continue to be challenging. It seems to be that way for many of us. I am hoping that 2012 will be better for eveyone.

    Thanks you for the reading. I wish i had the faith that you do that things will get better. I am feeling pretty blue right now. I know it was right to put my foot down with lee but now i feel so sad. He was hurt and angry and that bothers me. I know it should not because he has been causing me such pain and but still I feel bad. Stupid!

    sorry to confuse you. He told me that he was not ready to be in a relationship but if he was he would be with me. Said he can't even commit to getting a cat right now. That is a switch from when we split. At that time he said I was not the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. he was ready, not sacared and wanted to find the right person. so why then has he been hanging on to me for 4 months. He got really upset when i said he was stringing me along. I don't think he sees it that way. he is one very confused guy. He just keeps telling me how much he cares and misses me. He enjoys my company and wants to see me, (but of course with no commitment in it. Not even enough attachment to be considered dating, as far as I can tell). So what the heck am I supposed to do with that? I made it very clear that I would not be friends with benefits (even though this time he did not touch me or make any kind of pass). he keeps saying we can't be friends. That seems wierd to me too. I just plain don't get it. now i am as confused as he is and i am regretting putting my foot down. I feel like now I have made him angry and I will never hear from him again.

    I went out for a drink with a friend last night. there happened to be a Tarot reader there. very nice woman but I am still partial to you 😉 I did not say anything about Lee but when she turned up the cards she asked me if here was conflict in my life, emotional unrest. the next card she turned up was told her that we have a soul connection. I thought it was interesting. there certainly seems to be some kind of connection since both of us appear to be struggling with disconnecting.

    Well Astra, I am happy to hear that good things are coming. I wish I knew if he was going to be part of those good things but I suspect not. I may have hurt his pride a bit too much. (although the last thing he said to me was that I could call him any time). I won't ask you to pull any more cards right now. I know that you get so many requests and that you have lots going on. No doubt I will be panicing in about a week and be right back here though 😉 I hope you ring in the New Year surrounded by love and light and that only good things come to you from now on.


  • Sadsag

    Okay I hear you, well you are still on the right track with him even though it feels confusing, That is the thing about the Universe, that even though our connections "feel" confusing and weird that all is still working out! Isn't that a wid idea! But its true, we are all heading for brighter tomorrows and ther is no stopping it. So you can relax and know that whatever you need in life will come to you and that all of this is taking you one step closer to your bliss. I just shared some things with Oraclerick, you might want to read my last comment there as there is some food for thought for all of us as fat as how love is a GIFT we possess that we share with others however we must always stay open to our brightest possibilities in relationship.

    I hope you don't mind that I pull some cards anyway.. I like doing it and it is fun for me. Feel free to use it or not as you wish.

    "I am feeling pretty blue right now. I know it was right to put my foot down with lee but now i feel so sad. "

    I drew the Six of Cups which sounds like some nostalgia on your part toward Lee, a lot of past energies there that are easy to feel blue because we are always comparing what is happening now with what has happened, You did the right thing.

    "so why then has he been hanging on to me for 4 months?"

    Six of Swords - sounds like he saw you as the "calm waters in his life" he wanted to move toward.

    So when you say "there is no commitment in it" what kind of commitment are you looking for. I mean, if he is telling you he cares about you and misses you that sounds nice to me? The part about that you can't be friends though, that is weird. Why did he say that? How close have you two been in the past physically? I am trying to get a better sense of where you two have been so far. (And I apologize I should keep chart notes as that would help me keep track of all the details!)

    "i am regretting putting my foot down. I feel like now I have made him angry and I will never hear from him again."

    Eight of Pentacles - don't worry about it, nothing has happened that has been insurmountable for you two. Keep going he does care about you.

    " I thought it was interesting. there certainly seems to be some kind of connection since both of us appear to be struggling with disconnecting."

    I drew STRENGTH which seems to say that there is in fact a very strong connection between you two. As long as you keep an open mind to possibilities i see no reason that you can't work together for achieve a mutually nice relationship.

    I wish I could sit down with you and him both and help you sort this out. It breaks my heart when I sense the potential between two people and there are these crossed wires or something that block something between you.

    Knight of Cups - someone is after you for sure though, I think it is Lee, and I would not be concerned at all about things. Even if it is not, you have SOMEONE crazy about you and you are looking at a most amazing 2012 developing in love for your life.

    I am getting very strong POSITIVE energy about you right now, I mean it is off the scale positive and bright.

    Fasten your eat belt. Something is coming your way and it is nice. Really, really, really nice.

    love, astra

  • Astra,

    Of course i don't mind if you pull cards for me. I would never mind that. I like your positive feelings for my future. I try to find some postiive in my life because how can you live without it? I catually have lots of very positive things going on. I have wonderful sons and family and some very awesome friends. there are so many good things in my life that I don't know why I stress over my love life so much. Lee definitly has me in a spin.

    I wish you could sit down with us too. there is clearly a connection here that just is not going away. Of course I alrady broke my no contact rule. I just could not help myself 😉 I am sure that is not shcocking to you. Yesterday I was having breakfast and a walk around Green lake with a girlfriend. She talked me into going to the climbing gym with her. I have a terrible fear of heights and I climbed up this very high wall 3 times with no problem. there is no way I ever thought I could do that. so she took pictures of it and I texted it to some people. Of course I could not resist sending it to Lee. He knows how terrifired I am of heights. We had a nice little exchange and happy new year wishes. then I went out for the evening with the girls. we had a lovely dinner and then went dancing. this one guy kept asking me to dance and so i did. Nice guy, fun to dance with but no attraction. after about 3 dances he introduced himself to me. Any guesses about his name? Yep, Lee! the Universe has a perverse sense of humor sometimes.

    As for the kind of relationship Lee and I had. It was a pretty instant connection. Not love at 1st sight but connection at first sight. the connection was physical for sure but also more than that. so when we did get to the physical it was pretty awesome. I think that is why he insisits that we cannot be friends. we cannot turn that back. I know that we would both have a very dificult time being together and not touching. the whole time we were together he had this very sweet and tender way of always touching me in some way. There was typically always some physical connection when we were together. so that is one thing, the other is that I know that neither of us could stand to see the other with someone else. so I think just hanging out and having fun together would be hard to do. there would be all of this weird undertone.

    As for the kind of committment? Well that is a good question. We had not really gotten to the point in the relationship where any commitment was made. we were just settling into a comfortable place where it seemed like it may continue to grow when he backed out. Early on, when we first met, we both talked about how we are both intereseted in finding someone to be with long term. Neither of us wanted to just date around and hop from relationhsip to relationship. we have both been married before and so a long term relationship is what feels comfortable. It does not really have to be marriage but at least an understanding that it is intended to be long term. but we had not really gotten there yet.

    And no appologies for not being able to keep track. You are like the on line version of advice for the love lorn. I know that I am not the only one you draw cards for. You should be charging us for all of this support and advice.

    Anyway, I know that things are not resolved between us, no matter what bounderies I tried to set. I don't think he really understands what has been going on for me. I may contact him to see if he wants to talk again but it feels like we just go round in circles when we talk. I come away more confused and hurt all over again. I may just let it go or I may write a letter and just try to explain why I feel so confused. How mixed the messages have been. It won't change where he is but at least he may understand my perpective a bit more. I don't know. I have to sit with it a bit i guess. He has a block that he needs to work through. I don't really know what it is and how it will turn out but I do know that I can't do this for him. It woud be much quicker if he would let me though 😉

    In the meantime I have costumes to make. My son and his friends started a small theater company a few years ago and I have costumed a few shows for them. I am doing one now and my sewing is sitting here waiting for me to get to it. I love your Tarot clothes by the way. A very pretty way to present the cards. Have a wonderful fisrt day of a new and exciting year.

    love sadsag

  • Astra,

    I just thought I would pop on and give you the latest. I did write a long email to Lee. I laid out all of the confusing messages that he has been giving me. I wasn't asking for anything just letting him know how confused I have been and why I asked him not to contact me. He wrote back a very nice note telling me how sorry he was for his confusing behavior. He does not want to restart our relationship. He says he still cares about me and misses me and just wanted to see me. He did not mean to give me the wrong idea or hurt me. He says I can feel free to contact him any time i want to but that he will try to not intrude in my life or my healing process. So that is that. No more readings about lee. Whoever you saw coming for me dfinitely is not him.

    Sad as it makes me it is nice to have a final answer. The back and forth and hoping and waiting thing was driving me crazy. Now I can just mourn the loss and move on. Perhaps I will give relationships a break for while. Not that I have had any other than him for quite some time. Still, I am not sure that I can go through very many more of these painful breakups. Being in love is great the but the endings are awful. I know you know how that feels. I am sorry that anyone ever has to go through it but it does seem to be a very common thing. So now I start the new year with a new focus. I don't know what that is exactly but I guess I will figure it out. I hope all is well with you.


  • sadsag,

    well I am glad you at least are communicating with him and seem to be reaching an understanding. Whew! That is more than most of the love lorn are getting on this forum! THere will be a lot of ladies chasing him as he is at least mature enough to communicate. Most guys sound like they don't have a clue. You sure you want to close the door with him? He actually sounds like a great guy for you.

    Of course all depends on you... you are the one charting your love life not Lee or anyone else. You want to "not talk to him ever again" well it looks like you got your wish.

    I think taking a relationship break will be good for you... I would journal your heart out and keep some candles lit and pray that the Universe will guide you in love and that is exactly what will happen. You are on path, and nothing is happening that is not meant to happen.

    King of Swords and Eight of Cups -

    Thats you turning away from him...

    and a Nine of wands and a King of Pentacles.

    Looks like a new King coming into your life... with some wounds... and yet he is strong, he will be good for you.

    love, astra

  • Astra,

    I did not close the door completely with Lee. Perhaps I should have but I just can't bring myself to do it. He clearly still cares about me and I care about him. he always tells me, as he did in his note, that I can contact him anytime. It seems to me that he really does not want the door completely closed either. I am not holding out too much hope but you never know what time will bring. After his note to me I wrote back thanking him for being clear. I told him I don't like the idea of never seeing him again so suggested that we not make that the goal. I promised that from this point on i would understand that any contact was casual and I would not read anything into it. I told him I hoped the new year brings him only good things and that he finds what makes him happy. He wrote back again telling me how dear I am to him and how sad he is to disappoint me. So that is just one more example. He did not need to respond. He could have just taken my good bye and left but he felt the need to tell me one more time that he cares for me.

    It all just seems so senseless to me. Like you say, we are good together. What we were starting to build together had so much promise. Clearly he is not willing to take it much further, at least not how. See how silly I am! I just can't let go of that small bit of hope. I will leave him alone for now. I really do need to let my heart heal a bit, if that is possible. We live pretty close to each other and are likely to run into each other at some point in time. he does not appear to be intereseted in dating anyone else. I think that is one of the reasons he kept calling me. He doesn't want anyone else and he is lonely. he still misses me after 4 months of separation. Why not just go find a substitute? He seems to be unwilling to do that, and he certainly could. He is very attractive and charasmatic and I'm sure he has no difficulty attracting dates. As you told me in the very first reading, he is working on something inside himself. Tyring to figure it out, or fighting his desire to be with me or whatever. I just don't now but it seems to be the case. So I will let him do it. How many times have you heard me say that? 😉 He has a birthday at the end of this month. I will wait until at least then to contact him.

    In the mean time i will take a break from dating. If a new King happens to walk into my life, then so be it. I will do as you say and let the Universe guide me. for now I need to work on my financial situatin. the state is about to take more pay away from us so I need to find a second income stream. Perhaps that i swhat I need to have readings on now. i don't have any good ideas about how to make that happen. It is my goal this new year though so I must get started.

    Thanks again for being here. you are such a blessing and so kind to listen to all of this when you have your own worries. Please let me know if there is any way I can support you. I am a good listener and sometimes there is something very healing in pouring your heart out to an anonymous listener.

    Have a blesed day,


  • Hi sadsag

    Well everything you are doing and your attitude toward your situation with Lee sounds perfect. I wouldn't change a thing, and I think you are wise to leave that door open. When I did the reading above and came up with the two Kings my first thought was that you would have two men in your life soon, however I knew you were trying to distance yourself from Lee so I felt I should simple leave it as you were moving away from him/

    Knight of Cups - that is lee, and there is still attraction and I still think something really nice can develop with him... These types of situations drive me bonkers, I want to get on a plane and fly to where you are and sit down with you two and fix it! Ha ha. I love to fix things, that has always been my nature!

    The Tower shows the energies that threaten the two of you, it seems like something so simple could bring the relationship back into the fold somehow.

    The Chariot laid over the Tower says to me that as long as there is still an ember left between the two of you things could get back to a racing gallop before you know it!

    The Magician, and that seems to be some energies (maybe the 'fixer'!) using magick to see a new path or direction open out from this present reality leading to something nice again with Lee..

    then... the Knight of Pentacles which seems to reflect that King Pent we saw above so I am getting another gentleman will be entering your life. Maybe not right away however he is out there. Be ready!

    The Seven of Cups seems to show him gazing off into space and daydreaming about you... I wonder if he is someone else you already know? I am fishing here... King of Wands... wow... Another King... how many guys would you like to have at once ha ha?

    I also added the JUSTICE card to the Magician so what I see happening (and I pray this is the case for all of us love lost lovers!) is that Heaven has seen the pain in your life... the struggles to find love and have that sweet relationship that you know you deserve and long for... and 2012 is the year of lovers and PAYBACK (justice) in a nice way, where all of that love potential finally comes raining down like a flood and you will have your phone probably ringing off the hook...

    ring ring


    "Oh hi... Sadsag... hey, this is Bob... you remember, we met down at the gym?"

    "Oh sure... Bob... how are you?"

    "Oh I'm fine... say, I was wondering, how about a date this weekend if you are free? I found a wonderful Italian restaurant downtown I would love to treat you to and - "

    "...Oh hang on Bob... I have another call, can you hold for a sec?"

    "Oh, certainly..."


    "Sadsag? Hi. This is Tom... we met the Supermarket on Lovers land the other day, and I was wondering what you are doing this weekend?"

    So you see there could be some fun surprises in store for you soon sadsag... some "good" problems for a change, you know?

    You keep going, you are going to experience a most amazing life this year I am really sensing that heaven has been planning something really special for you... and Lee... and these other guys who are waiting in the wings for you....

    I am sitting in Starbucks at the moment doing this reading... and on the music they are playing that Burt Bacharach standard, "This Guys in love with you" - hey sadsag, hey are playing your song! 🙂

    love, astra

  • Oh Astra,

    You make me smile and cry all at once! You are so funny and sweet. There is no doubt that you are a fixer, but you do not have to fly here, you can drive. I am not that far away and there is not much snow in the mountains yet. Lee has a really good friend in your city. If I hear he is coming your way i will try to hook you up. He could really use a talking to. I often wonder if he tlaks to any of his "boys" or his mom about us. Do they give him advice? Do they think he is crazy and tell him to call me? i wonder. they all like me but they will want him to do what feels best to him. How can this possibly feel best? i know he is hurting. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

    I could not close the door completely. I just couldn't. Not when I still have such strong feelings for him and he still has any feelings for me. He clearly does. Perhaps not enough to overcome whatever is blocking him though. I do keep praying and asking god an dthe Universe to intervene. I thought they had when he called me this last time but it was just more of the same. It was so disapointing. Sometimes I really do doubt that we are being watched over. It is hard to beleive that the best thing for us is really happening. Why do som peole get so much pain and others get none? It is an age old question and there is no real answer for it.

    I like all of the kings you keep drawing. Kings are good because I am really a princess deep down. i have never really had the problem of men fighting over me. It is funny because people always tell me I am attractive (I see plain) and they think that men must flock to me. It is so not the truth. Not that I mind. I am a bit pickier than that and so i would rather be the chooser. I am beginning to think that my chooser is broken though. I will try to keep an eye out for all of those kings you see coming my way. I'll let you know when they ride up on thier white horses! Perosnally i would rather have lee ride up on his Harley. 🙂

    Starbucks is a good place to hang out. People tell me it is a good place to meet men, but that has not been my experience. Perhaps it is the place you will meet your lady love. Your beaurtiful cards will draw her to you. I love that you can take a picture of the cards. that is so coo and they look great on the blue cloth. Astra you are totally awesome!

    It is my bed time now. Sweet dreams to you.


  • Good morning Astra,

    It seems it was only a week ago that I was here but it feels much longer than that. Not much going on here. I am at work but don't feel like working. That is nothing new though.

    As you know, I have no strength in my conviction to walk away from Lee. I sent him a text the other morning because we had such a beautiful sunrise. i just had to share it with someone. We had a very nice, impersonal exchange. i think that is just how it is now. Friendly but nothing personal. i can feel the distance between us growing. Very disappointing but we don't always get what we want in life. I will send him a text on his birthday (1/27). Maybe invite him out for a friendly drink. I don't expect anything to come of it so I don't know what I will do after that. Perhaps nothing. this is getting old and I just think he does not care enough to do anything about it. 😞

    I hope all is well with you. I know you have some stuff going on and I am sending you lots of good energy for a peaceful and painless resolution. Looking back over you notes, i have to say again how beautiful your cards are laid out on your purple cloth. Purple is definitely my color!

    take care,


  • Hey sadsag!

    I stumbled on to something!

    Check this out...

    I created this spread (thanks to my angel) called the LOVER'S HEART SPREAD in my desire to try and see exactly what is going on with you and Lee. So we will use 6 cards:

    1. Queen of Cups - this card is chosen from the deck and placed in position 1 to signify one partner (in this case that is you)

    2. King of Cups - this card is chosen from the deck and placed in position 2 to signify the other partner (in this case that is Lee)

    3. What you desire from the relationship

    4. What he desires from the relationship

    5. Where the relationship stands

    6. The outcome of the relationship

    So in your case I drew

    3 - What you desire - The KNIGHT of SWORDS - you want this guy to get off his butt and chase you!

    4 - What he wants - Three of Cups - Love happiness with you

    5. Where the relationship is currently - The QUEEN of SWORDS - which tells me that you are controlling the relationship and where it now stands is where you want it subconsciously, which is sending Lee signals to do nothing.

    6. The Outcome - Two of Cups - the Relationship will develop into something very romantic and wonderful soon enough.

    The observation I caught sight of in the cards was how this QUEEN of SWORDS was showing up as the "present condition" of the relationship. Which I immediately connected with you! So the sense I received from this is that subconsciously you are not quite ready for a relationship with Lee and so you are signaling the Universe to PAUSE the relationship until you are ready to move ahead. In other words, matters are all determined by YOU not him.

    I think this is what is happening with most if not all of these relationship situations on this forum. A relationship is formed and yet nothing is happening, Why not! The posters are crying out about their companion not responding, when the fact of the matter the companion is responding PRECISELY as is desired by the Querant.

    These subconscious desires are radiating out from you in the fabric of the Universe and Lee is receiving your signals subconsciously and then responding as you desire. So YOU are the one in fact responsible for the present state of the relationship!!!

    This is what is happening with all of us! We think it is something going on with our partner. It's not. It has nothing to do with them, it is all about YOU and ONLY ABOUT YOU! Your subconscious is generating the state of the relationship.

    So you have the sadsag-Lee relationship at a pause until you are really ready to move forward with him. For some reason you are dragging your feet. Subconsciously you are not ready for a relationship and that is what nothing is happening.

    So then to fix things all we have to do is use some guided self-hypnosis to "correct" the subconcious to embrace the love object (Lee) and then the relationship will progress! I have been doing work in hypnosis in my own life and it WORKS!

    It is so simple! This is a breakthrough for ALL of us! Could this be THE ANSWER WE ALL HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR? I am sure this is what is happening.

    Also, you should be able to draw cards for any of these positions to open it out more and discover answers to help reveal steps to take in your own life to activate your subconscious in the direction you want - LOVE!

    love and light,


  • Astra,

    You are amazing as usual! Of course I like what the reading says excpet for the part where you blame it all on me 😉 I know that the ball is in my court right now, even consciously. He told me I could contact him anytime. When I do he always responds, just not the way I want him to. He has been clear, recently, in word and action that ehe does not want to restart our romantic relationship. If you think that is coming from me then I am more than happy to change it. How? Hypnosis? Self hypnosis? You tell me and I will give it a try. I keep trying to stay positive about it but I think in my brain I don't believe he will ever change his mind. i do my affirmations but I don't think you can affect other people's behavior and feelings with affirmations.

    I love the spread and I love what it says. The outcome is good I just need to know how to change my subconscious messages. It would be really cool if it worked for al of us!


  • Hi sadsag

    Well, I can't promise anything however I personally have had excellent results going back to my own childhood (what I remember of it anyway), and talking to myself when I was young... warning myself about what is coming ha ha... and healing myself of a negative view of my father, it WORKED! I now have an awesome relationship with my dad even though he crossed over in 1970. So there is some promise here.

    Here is the process to astral time travel:

    1. Decide what your mission will be. You might want to go talk to your boyfriend in the past, or in the present even. You can travel to where he is right now and talk to him, and hold him if you like and even kiss him. You can even make love to him, although I haven't done that yet with anyone. Sit down, get relaxed, light a candle, you can burn some incense perhaps. Relax.

    2. Close your eyes, and take THREE very deep breaths. Hold them and then release slowly. And then start counting backwards from 10 to 1. Start with 10 and speak to yourself softly, and speak to those parts of your body beginning with the top of your head and working your way down. Something like "My hair is relaxed... my face is very, very relaxed... my neck... very relaxed... I am at peace.... complete peace... I am one with the Universe..." Keep speaking to the different parts of your body and work your way down... 9... talk to your shoulders. stretch your neck and shoulders a little... you are addressing your body and placing yourself into a deep trance state in preparation for your travel.

    3. Keep working your way down. 8... chest, arms.... 7, stomach area, your back... stretch... relax... keep telling yourself "i am totally relaxed and at peace". 6, your hips, buttocks, genitals, and also you can speak to your organs, and release healing energy as you go! This really works, in a lot of ways... 5, your thighs, 4 your knees and legs, 3, shins, lower legs, keep telling yourself "I am one with the Universe..." You are placing yourself into a pure energy state, where you can travel anywhere in time or space. and effect positive changes on any situation and relationship. 2, your feet, 1, your toes... and then, as you have slowly counted down you are going to say "zero" and when you say that you will be in a complete etheric energy state, in absolute oneness with the Universe and angels and all beings in all place of the Universe.

    4. Then you simple travel to wherever and when ever you want. You can go anywhere, talk to anyone, and enjoy your travel. Some call this quantum jumping, I think its time and space travel plain and simple,you can go back to when you were a child and sit down on the bed next to you at some memorable moment in your past. The earlier the better, and explain some things to yourself that will be implanted subconsciiously. Then those seeds will grow and germinate in the future - your present - and that in turn creates a portal, or a new universe where you can enter the life you desire. A better relationship, a relationship healed, or whatever you desire. I wouldn't go crazy with it, start out slow, for your current relationship just make a visit to him now, and talk to him sweetly, and HEAR him talking back to you sweetly the way you desire that you see in your heart. That is creating a new reality for yourself and then you will feel a new lightness in your being once you return to the present or your spatial location. This is fun and free - and it works.

    Something like this is the same technology that is powering many of the future technologies. We eventually harness instant space travel to any point in the Universe in the blink of an eye, and time travel forward and backward to anywhen using these processes. but for now we are just using this to heal and help our relationships.

    5. Once your mission is accomplished, begin a countup from zero and tell yourself when you awaken you will be completely refreshed and at peace, and slowly work your way back...1... 2... I am awakening... I will awaken so at peace and so happy... 3... 4... at peace, deepest peace....5, 6, 7... infinite love fills my heart for all creatures in all places, and the universe i awaken into is in complete harmony... 8, 9 .... and TEN... and when you say ten, snap your fingers also this helps create an anchor point in a new Universe.

    You will awaken so at peace! This has helped me a lot and I have made several trips back in time to my childhood mostly, and have talked to myself a lot as a child. I believe these technologies will catch on and the future age of man (the "Instrumentality of Man" is what it will be called) will send scouts back to out time to help us... these we call angels... spirit beings, they are time travelers from the future along with ET's who are all doing the same thing now.

    This is the LOVE that binds the entire Universe together, and the Earth is now under the influence of these technologies and sciences. So some wonderful days ahead. 2012 is the year theses technologies are revealed in full disclosure and ushers humankind into the Age of Love and Lace, the perpetual reign of love and tenderness and compassion, rather than the reign of "whatever" we have had up til now.

    The Egyptians and many of our past cultures used these same sciences and they spun off whole new Universes as a result. We see the ruins, however the reality is they are in a parallel dimension where their culture is in full bloom still. They are jumping now too though and visiting us.

    Basically all ages from all time and all dimensions are now converging - and the climax of this convergence will continue to accelerate this year, leading to the LIGHT of UNITY probably by December 22, 2012 which appears to be where the signs are pointing. Wouldn't surprise me.

    So let me know what you think. It's self hypnosis ...with benefits ha ha..

    here is a card for you to help empower you to begin your trips....

    THE STAR - hope for your future

    Have fun!

    love and light,


  • Astra!

    You never cease to amaze me.Thanks for the self hypnosis description. I have studied Shamanism and have astral traveled many times. However I have never interacted with people during my travels and never thought to go back in time. I have done lots of inner child stuff though but again not in an effort to warn her about things to come in order to change things. Interesting idea.

    So I traveled to Lee’s last night and climbed into bed with him to snuggle. I just talked to him a bit and told him what I wanted. And so ….. this morning he texted me! It’s magic 😉 We got snow here yesterday and last night. All day yesterday I resisted the urge to text him about the snow. I thought of it this morning too but resisted. Not 5 minutes later he texted me, the exact thing I would have said to him. I don’t know what it is but there is definitely a connection between us.

    I know you journal so I will pass on to you one of the things I do. You might find it interesting. I am right handed. Sometimes when I journal I have a conversation with my inner child. When I am me I write with my right hand and when I am her I write with my left hand. It is really interesting how the voice changes and what comes up. I have uncovered some lost memories. Nothing earth shaking just pleasant things from my early years. They are fun to have back. It is nice that you could improve things with your father energetically. I have lost my parents and both of my brothers now, but I don’t feel regrets about our relationships. They all, except the brother who just passed, visit me regularly in my dreams. I love those visits usually.

    Anyway, thanks for the suggestions. It is nice to change things up a bit and it seemed to have worked. It is a small step for him to contact me. I thought he might not since I told him not to 😉 I think it means he still misses me. He still wants to share the little joys of life with me. I like that I am still the one he thinks of at those times. I hope I am the only one though! A step in the right direction but we still have a long way to go to get where I want to be. Only time will tell…

    Let’s both of us keep working on this subconscious message theory. You never know what will happen 😉

    Have a wonderful day,


  • sadsag

    That is great, thanks for sharing that! I am still learning about all of these "interior realm" places but they are so exciting and fun! That is really nice that he texted you I believe this will continue to improve and develop into something really sweet.

    We are all connected "energetically" as you say. I am connected with you, you with me, and everyone else too in heaven and earth. We are all one in love really. So when we astral travel to others, past or present (even future, why not!), we are merging our energies with them, and their spirit picks up on that magically. At least that is my theory!

    That is a great suggestion too on the journaling! I do occasionally write in "dialogue format" where I am talking to my angel, and I will write something and then let her talk to me... back and forth. I love to write dialogue. So your idea is very cool to let that left hand speak as your inner child... very nice! I will try that. I do love to journal, have been doing that for such a long time... used to be all connected with art... now it is little sketches of cards and links between cards and dreams... and sometimes a lot of pain as I pour out my heart in there about my life (which has hit a few bumps over the past few years).

    So thank you so much for all that, we are all modern day explorers I think, of the emotional and spiritual landscape so often ignored. Children wanting so much to play again, fall in love, willing to stumble as needed as we climb up into our treehouses. Skinned knees and all... we sometimes cry... and we have loving "parents" above, and brothers and sisters... one another and all the angels.. to hold us and put band aid on the knee... and send us out again...

    Until the dinner bell. 🙂

    Love and happiness


  • Astra,

    I like the inner work too. I started exploring it after my divorce years ago. I love the shaman way of meditation. I find it more helpful and healing then doing the breath work, clear your mind of the Buddhist way. I love the Buddhist teaching but I find the meditation unhelpful. But In shamanism you can travel, see past lives, meet with spirit guides and animals. All kinds of interesting stuff. I have learned so much about myself this way. I used to do chakra healings and I loved it. I was always amazing to me what I could see. I have some places that I go visit in the spirit world to heal hurts and change deeply engrained thinking; changing self perceptions that are not helpful. I think it has helped over the years.

    I have never been a big journal keeper. I have been told to so many times but I find that I write the same thing over and over. I pour out my pain but it is always the same pain. There have been a few bumps in my road too. When I am not in pain I just never think to do it. But the inner child dialogues have been very interesting.

    I think it is cool that Lee contacted me too. There I go getting hopeful again but oh well… It tells me he has not moved on to someone else. We have actually carried on conversation all day around the snow topic. Very light, very casual but that is fine. I will travel again tonight and give him another visit, just keep making suggestions for moving forward. It can’t hurt. I will do some inner child work too. It is time for me to check in with her again too. I have been so distracted and off my routine since my brother passed. I am more settled now and need to get back to it.

    Let me know how the inner child dialogue goes. If nothing else it has been fun to turn up little forgotten childhood memories and get better at writing left handed! I’m glad that I can finally give you something for a change 😉

    Wishing you lots of love and happiness too.


  • Astra,

    So not only did we chat all day about the snow, that evening he texted and asked me to go out and find a place to listen to some music. As it turned out, my roommate and I already had plans to do just that. There was a guitar player that she liked in a tavern not far from us. So Lee joined us. It was fun but no pressure since I had a wingman. He was pretty well behaved. He did touch me (put his hand on the back of my neck, held my hand when we walked) and he tried to kiss me but I did not let him. I have set my boundaries so he will have to live with them until he wants the relationship that i want. If he never does, then so be it. I will not sell myself short though. I suspect he went home a bit frustrated but it is of his own making. He must not have been too upset about it because he texted me a few time yesterday and again today. So we will see. It feel positive to me but then I am the queen of optimism! So keep those positive love cards coming my dear friend!

    It is snowing here again so I am home, no work. We are wimps about snow over here. I hope you are taking your own advice and working on your subconscious messages. Oh yeah, I have been reading a good book. It is called Healing through the Dark Emotions. It is a nice perspective on how we as a society shut down the dark emotions (pain, fear, anger) as if they are bad and how much healthier we would all be if we just allowed an honored them.

    Hope all is well and you are having a good day.

    Love and light,


  • Hi sadsag

    Hey I think that is pretty awesome that Lee is spending time with you! You are getting more results than many here lol... I hope that continues to be something that develops into a very kind and caring relationship that you feel very good about! I think that is wonderful and I am rejoicing with you.

    I have been experimenting with the inner child dialog, writing with my left hand and just letting my subconscious suggest letters/words... a lot of it is gobbledy gook so far however maybe that's what I sounded like when I was 1 year old ha ha.... I did get one word this morning. Robot. I loved all the space stuff when I was a young boy, robots, flying saucers, sci fi all of that was so cool to me... I would like to bring that back, I am a total nut when it comes to spacey far out things. I write books about it and they are so weird but that is just me. Maybe one of these days I will find someone else that may like to read what I have written.... so far though I am not finding much interest. Maybe its just not time yet.

    Okay on being in the snow, we have a big blizzard supposedly bearing down on my area (eastern wa) and that I always look forward to - not exactly. My timing is perfect though as I am planning a flight out of here thur/fri to go back east which looks about the time the storm is here. I will really shed some tears as I leave the frigid temps and snow for temps in the 70's in GA... somehow I will try to bear up under the pain... ha ha...

    That book sounds interesting. I am a big believer in not running from emotional pain. When I was painting landscapes a lot I had these little labels made that I glued to the back of the paining with all of the details on the art, ... and I had a little blurb about me, and my last statement was "Never be afraid of your tears." I had found as I kept doing my art that I was crying a lot too along with it... some kind of healing there I guess... but I also became aware of how most people never want to feel the dark places of life... get a drug or a drink to cope instead... I never ran from them, I embraced them.. also embraced a few beers too though ha ha...

    nonetheless I came through it unscathed. I still cry (usually when I am giving readings I connect somehow with the person I think and I can feel some pain). But for me I am not crying like I used to. I think after you've felt about every painful thing in life there is, (or it feels like that), you finally cry about every tear there is to cry and settle into a more battle scarred but calmer life where nothng much impacts you anymore. Not sure that is a good thing. I am trying to hang on to a belief that there is still such a thing as love... it seems to be in very short supply, most people that I talk to don't seem to believe in it. Maybe I am a fool for still thinking two people can actually have a deep committed and tender relationship... after a string of dead end love, I struggle to keep believing there is still someone out there for me...

    Here is a card for you, the ACE of WANDS which is a new, fresh and lovely creative and spiritual start for you! So you have a wonderful beginning in something coming soon that will actualize your talents and the lovely places of spirit in you, in some wonderful creative way! Yay! That sounds great for you!

    Wishing you a most wonderful day there in the snow.. I will keep you and Lee in my thoughts and wish you two to settle into something very sweet and nice... that is my prayer for you...

    love, astra

  • Astra,

    Keep trying with the inner child stuff. I started by just asking questions. How old are you? Where are you? What do you like to do? Things that you would ask any child. It has been pretty interesting. Most are things I already know but a few forgotten thoughts have come up.

    I hear you about not believing in love. I have felt that way myself, but basically I do believe in love. I have been there and had a very stable and loving relationship for 24 years so I know it is possbile. It went astray only because my ex had a very classic mid life crisis. He was classic right down the line expect the other woman was not much younger. It was kind of crazy to read books on mid life crisis in men and find the very words he said to me. It really shook my faith in love for a long time. But I am surrounded by people who have very committed loving relationships. The part I struggle with is the hope of finding someone, at my age, who is not so damaged that he can still maintain a real relationship. Everyone has baggage but I have found that men typically don’t process their pain, they suppress it. I know that is a generalization but it comes from my experience. I guess time will tell. What will be will be.

    As for Lee, who knows? I am sure he still feels like he does not want to restart our relationship. It does seem as if he wants to stay in touch and keep some kind of relationship going. And he does not seem to be dating either. Again time will tell. One of us will get tired and stop or find someone else eventually I guess. My friends all think I am crazy to see him. I know they are just afraid I will be hurt again. That is always a possibility.

    As for your pain, I am sure you have not stopped feeling. I hate to say you will feel pain again, but I believe that sometimes we just have to take a break from feeling everything. Particularly when you have just been through a very painful experience. For now you are feeling through your readings instead.

    I hope your trip to GA is better than the trip I had there. My brother was in Savannah. When I was there it was cool and rainy. Not cold, in the 60s but not hot either. The storm that is heading your way is supposed to hit us tonight. I hope you do make it out before it gets to you. We don’t get as much snow as you do so I like our few snow days. It is so pretty ad quiet. I don’t typically have to go out in it though so that I easy for me to say.

    Now, I think you should sit down and draw one of those lovely, hopeful, spiritual cards for yourself. Then you need to believe in the message. That is what I am hoping for you.

    Sending lots of positive energy and light your way.


  • Astra,

    I hope you made it out of town and you are safely enjoying the warmth of Ga. We still have lots of snow. They said it was going to warm up yesterday but instead it snowed all day! It is warming up now and things are melting. I am still off work, schools are closed again. That means we will work well into June this summer. Oh well, June is usually rainy anyway. It has been nice to be off.

    My housemate has been home the last two days as well. I have to say that I am happy she went to work today. I really like her and we get along well but she has just been cranky these past couple of day. I don't know what was up with her but it is nice to have the house to myself for a few hours. She has been ragging on lee too which of course bugs me. We have really different outlooks on love and relationships. She has never been married and her longest relationship has been 3 years. I think she basically sees being in a relationship as giving up herself and her independence. I don't see it that way at all. I have never felt like I had to give up myself, my interests, friends and value to be in a relationship. I don't really understand that thinking. So we don't really see eye to eye on it. Oh well, blah, blah, blah.

    Lee and I have been texting since we were out together last Sunday. Of course I want to read lots into that but I have to be careful. It may not mean a thing. he has said all along that he wants to stay in touch and be able to see me. That is likely all it is. He ran into my son and his girlfriend the other day at Starbucks. They all live in the same neighborhood and since we were all snowed in they ended up at Starbucks together. Lee texted me to tell me. My son, on the other hand, has not mentioned it.

    I have been doing my meditation/hypnosis. I have visited Lee once more but then have been working with my inner child and my spirit guides. I am trying hard to just let happen what is supposed to happen. It is so hard to do and to trust that what is happening is for the best. That takes more faith than I have. I think my Angels are on snow days and not paying much attention to me :(. It must be a big job to be an Angel and have so many people watch over. I love Clarence, the Angel in It's a Wonderful Life. I think my Angels are as hapless as he is.

    It is raining outside now :(... The news is covering the weather non stop for days now. I just turned it off! Ahhh blessed silence.

    I hope it is warm and lovely where you are. i know that Ga this time of year can be nice but look out in the summer. It can be down right miserable. I grew up in Va and have relatives in Ga so I have been there and done that. I am much happier putting up with the snow here. However, lol i complain every spring when I am still wearing wool sweaters into June! I hope all goes well with your trip. When you get back (you are coming back right?) i will have you pull a few cards to see what is up with lee. I hope this trip brings good things and the possibility of new beginnings for you. Positive new beginnings that is. I know that the transition that you are in has you feeling numb right now. That might be a better way to go through a transition actually. they can be quite uncomfortable sometimes. In the end though, I think that good things will come from it. As you know, things are working out just the way they are supposed to even if we cannot see it from where we are sitting.

    love and blessings,


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