Astra Angel...confused and disappointed



  • Hey Astra,

    I don't know where you are now but wherever you are I hope things are going well. I just read the reading/dialogue that you did for Aqua. it was brilliant! she is right, you really should write a book. You are very clever and could do readings for your characters all the way through the book. that would be so fun.

    So I need to update you on the Lee situation and ask a few questions. As you know, we have been in touch everyday since the snow started falling here. Yet one more reason for me to love snow! So he went out to hear music with my roommate and I last Sunday. then lots of text exchanges all week. On Thursday he called to see if I was free to "hang out" on Saturday night. As I turned out I had tickets to a play at the Rep and had not asked anyone else yet. So we went. It was a nice evening. he was pretty hands off all evening and when we went to dinner after the show he sat across from me instead of beside me. (we always sat side by side wherever we went before). Then he drove me home and asked if he could come in for a glass of wine. I probably should have said no but alas i am weak.;) So in he came and we sat on the couch with our wine and you can probably figure out it was not long before he was kissing me, but I did not let it go any further than that. (I have already made it quite clear that we will not be friends with benefits) It was quite lovely though, I have to admit... So several times I stopped him from further explorations and he said "you are making the right decision" " I should go, 5 more minutes" and then we went back to kissing. It was like being a teenager years ago when my parents were not home ;o So in the end he left, said what a lovely time he had and that we would do it again, if I wanted to. duh!

    So the question is, what next? What does he really want? What is he really feeling? Is he moving back towards a relationship or does he just want to sleep with me? Is he just bored and lonely so he calls me. (my friends all say, bored, lonely and sex and that I am crazy to see him) Is he going to break my heart again?

    Oh wise and wonderful seer through the cards... help!

    sadsag

    Don't you love getting so much detail about the love life of someone who you really don't know πŸ˜‰



  • Hi sadsag!

    Hey, thanks for the encouragement on the writing. I do enjoy writing, I even applied for an online job this morning writing advertising for an online site, so we'll see. I do have some books for sale online, though I am still working on getting them printed (or in kindle/nook stores). Two books on angels that I loved writing.

    So, okay... sounds like Lee is after something for sure! I am happy to take a look and see what we can see... not sure how much of a "seer" I am ha ha... but I do like flipping cards over and see what thoughts they spark.

    So let's start out by looking at YOU first. Where is your heart at with him. (Then we'll circle to him, but I want to see how you are feeling first as that does have a bearing on him).

    Six of Pentacles. Well, I always see this card as the "sharing" card... so this sounds to me like you are in a "sharing" mode with him, or want it to be in that place. I understand your hesitance to avoid too much physical intimacy as that is jumping ahead too many squares. You REALLY want him to simply TALK to you and open his heart and be honest... why is that so hard for some people? Weird. Anyway, that is where YOU are at.

    Okay, let's look at him. Where is his heart at with you?

    Justice. Ugh! That is not a pretty card to see in matters of the heart. It is almost like he is expecting something by rights.. like you owe something to him. It could be that the intimacy thing has him a little frustrated if he feels like you "should" be reciprocating. Let's go on...

    Four of Pentacles. Yeah, he is blocking himself from opening up about something. Standing away, holding back, closed off about something.

    And then the Eight of Wands! Which is a card of swift something or other. Swift what?

    The Hierophant. What? He wants to be a preacher real fast? Hmm... you know what I am starting to suspect? He wants to marry you, that is one meaning of the Hierophant. And that could be coming quick.

    KInda makes sense. He wants a relationship with you, and he cares about you. Now he is struggling with his own passions and the fact that he has to reign all that in.

    So, are we on the right track with that?

    Four of Swords. Resting, doing nothing. Quiet.No, he's not struggling with this. He is in a quiet place reflecting about you and life and commitment is what I am getting.

    The Moon, emotions, dreams. So he is dealing with emotions right now... he loves you... he wants to move forward...

    Ace of Pentacles. He is wanting to start something physical with you is what this is indicating. Very strong physical energy trying to come in.

    Six of Swords. Yep. This card is all about s e x and intimacy. So he really wants to go there with you! Now, you have said no. You have him blocked.

    Nine of Wands. He is feeling wounded right now. After the romance the other night and being cut off from what he desired, he now feels rejected. He is standing (or laying down) quiet, and VERY reflective. Let me tell you, he is really turning this matter over in his heart.

    Chariot. This echoes that eight wands, rushing off to battle. I tell you, I think he is seriously considering a commitment of some sort, marriage, something... he is weary of being alone and wants to move in, or move on with you.

    Hanged Man. Yeah, he is boxed in now. He REALLY wants you and wants to have something with you. Is it only physical?

    Six of Wands. Looks like it. Yeah, watch your step sadsag, Lee is beset by that desire that all men have in common (don't ask me how I know ha ha) ... for 'you know what' and looks like he is feeling that passion intensely right now. So you are very wise to keep things a reserved. I am not even sure about the kissing thing that seems a little intense given his present emotional condition. I would keep it to cool, calm, measured dialogue and explain no touching at all until there these flames die down a little. ANd we see that he is desirous of something serious with you.

    Queen of Wands. You should keep yourself in a creative and strong place of self, stay secure in yourself, stay alone for now if you need to but I would certainly not let anything proceed with him until we start seeing some nice cups. So far it is mostly physical is what I am getting.

    Temperance. Yeah, that is exactly it, keep it very cool with him, and let him simmer on the back burner. No more kissing that is kinda torturing the poor guy. Shake hands only.

    Knight of Pentacles. He needs to discover that you are not going to just roll over for him. That he needs to take his time with you and be sweet and a gentleman (sounds like he is at heart). He needs to really slow down and let the relationship develop slow and gentle. He has some lessons to learn.

    Page of Swords. You two really need to talk it our, there is a lot of "something" under the surface that needs to be opened out, discussed and discovered. I think there is like a gold mine of understanding just WAITING to be mined between the twp of you. S e x right now would only get in the way of that. TALKING and SHARING from your hearts one to the other is where the "real" s e x is right now between the two of you/

    You need to really "know" each other... deeply... communicating is the s e xiest thing a couple can do. Just sharing. Connecting. Communicating! It is a shme that so many today are having such a hard time connecting and simply communicating. But that is the real potential right now with you and Lee.

    The Moon, talk about your emotions, how you are feeling.

    The Devil. Talk about passion and lust and s e x. Open it out. But not while you're kissing ha ha! But talk it out... encourage him to talk and open up. Tell him you REALLY want to know how he is feeling. Pretend you are his psycho-analyst! Listen to him.. see if you can begin to understand this man on a psychological level. Once he gets that you really comprehend (grock) him he will likely fall for you deeper and we'll start seeing those cups!

    Six of Cups. Deep down he wants something sweet with you... every man wants that! It's just the passion and physical stuff that men struggle with... I know my moon is in Scorpio and that is the most intense placement! SO I understand what lee is dealing with. It will work for you two though as long as you COMMUNICATE and talk it out and arrive t understanding one another.

    (BTW, THAT is what our schools should be teaching the children.. .how to communicate and all about relationships between men and women... not all this head knowledge... the planet is failing to prepare our children for life because the focus is 99% on the head and 1% on the heart and it should be the other way around... oh well, every planet eventually gets this figured out but this Earth planet is way behind the eight ball!)

    King of Pentacles seems to be him. A very physical and material man, he is successful or should be... he does struggle in that intimacy area though...

    Two of Swords, that is where the two of you need to head now... clear boundaries. No kissing, Hand shakes only. and TALK. Speak from your hearts and spend hours and hours connecting. I wouldn't do too much of the entertainment stuff with him either. If he gets into a situation where he is paying for the date and feels like he is now owed a kiss... that is not helping the two of you. I would GO DUTCH until we start seeing some cups. Or better, cook at home and TALK TALK TALK and CONNECT CONNECT CONNECT, s e x is definitely not the right thing for you right now, thank God you had the wisdom and strength to not go there with him!

    There... how does that sound? I think something nice is happening it just needs to be handled cooly right now.

    And I am honored that you trust me to hear those "secrets" of your life, I love to try to help and I appreciate your trusting me! So let me know what you think... you might do some cooking together... or golf, something where you can talk... stamp collecting.... πŸ™‚

    You know... now this is going to sound out there, so throw it out but I have to honor spirit... maybe watch some very steamy romantic movies together and talk about what you are watching. Pause the movie... and let that become a springboard for talking... I drew the six swords again and that thought popped up. I mean that might be a way to deal with these s e xual energies without letting it turn into physical things with you.. mastering the drives is an important lesson...

    the devil card finally turned up.

    love, astra



  • Astra,

    I suspect you are right on as usual. After I wrote to you i went out for lunch for some friends. a couple that I have know for over 30 years. While we were out lee sent me a text. i invited him to join us and at first he turned it down. i said okay and told him my friends said hi and would like to see him sometime. He called, which he rarely does, and came and joined us. That was quite surprising to me but he does like this couple. So we ended up watching the football game and then going to another place to watch the next one. We ended up spending the whole day together. he was, as usual, the gentleman. A bit of touching (rubbing my neck which he knows I like, i have old neck injuries from car accidents) and he held my hand while he was driving. My friends and I had walked to the first place and he drove us after that. While at the 2nd place he asked me to come to his house and watch a movie. we have done that many times in the past. i told him I had plans to meet another long time friend (couple) and did not give him a straight answer. I wanted to think about it but knew it was probably not a good idea. he asked several more times and even when I told him no coz I had to go meet my friends he said to text him when I left them. That texting exchange just happened. I just told him I was tired and wanted to go to bed. he told me that was the wrong decision (in a teasing kind of way) and tried to get me to change my mind. I didn't. i don't get the sense that his feelings are hurt. I think he will keep pushing me but I am strong. I don't intend to give in until some communication about "us" has occurred.

    I know he is in a very physical place right now. It is clear that he wants our physical relationship to restart. I am not willing to go there. i will end up being hurt in the end. I also agree that things are percolating for him. If sex is all he really wanted, he could go get that anywhere. He does not need to come to me for that. he is quite good looking and would have not difficulty finding a willing partner. However, that does not seem to be of interest to him. i do try to go dutch. i offered last night at dinner but he was having none of it. He did let me pay today but it was only one drink for him. He did not eat with us. He is successful financially and he knows that my finances are a bit dicier than his. I also think he is just old school and feels like he should pay. He has never minded paying but I always offer here and there. Once in a while he will let me buy.

    Communication is sooo important. He is not terrible at it but he does not seem to be very willing right now. I have not pushed it much since the night I told him to leave me alone. I am pretty sure he will just say what he said 3 weeks ago, he does not want to restart our relationship. It seems weird to me that it has only been three weeks. I have see him so many times in the last 3 weeks and we have not gone with more than 2 days with no communication of some sort. I think he does struggle with intimacy issues. I don't know if he always has. People don't usually tell you those kids of things. I know he was married and hurt badly when his wife left him. Now he tells people though, that they just were not a good match. i don't think he always felt that way. so perhaps he is just gun shy. aren't we all??? I also think, as the card indicated, that he is tired of being alone. I get the sense that he is lonely. I know he has friends but I think he spends a fair amount of time alone. to some extent he likes that, but I don't think all of the time. I think that is why he came out with us today. when i first saw his text and invited him, he told me he was working on his motorcycle, had it in pieces in the garage and turned down my offer. then changed his mind for some reason. Again, I agree with you/the cards. things need to stay pretty low key right now. that was my plan anyway when he started contacting me again. He said no relationship and I said no sex and so that means friends only. I fully intended to keep it that way but there is a very strong physical attraction between us. I have to be stronger about giving in 😞 I do know better, I am just a weak mortal... I will let things go for a few days. Friday is his birthday so unless he contacts me I will not contact him until then. Friday I do have to send him birthday wishes. He will be 50 and I know he is not happy about it. anyway we both have work and I have a busy week so I think it is best to let things cool down a bit. At least i will try. You know I am not very patient πŸ˜‰

    You are so right about what we are teaching our kids. That book I told you about, healing through the dark emotions, is about that. we area ll in our heads and not in our hearts. We do not allow ourselves to feel. I know Lee is doing that. He told ma as much when he ended our relationship. He said he got all up in his head and he knew he was over thinking it. I also think we should teach child development and parenting classes in middle school. Frankly I think that is much important to us as a society that math or science or some of the other areas we focus on.

    And I do think you should write a book. I wrote one a few years ago. It is a children's story about a pig. Based on a true story about a pig that we had when my kids were little. i sent it off to a few publishers and they wrote me nice letters of rejection. they did give me good feedback though. I have recently (last year) met a man who is a graphic designer and illustrates books. he does beautiful work. I was thinking I would talk with him about it. I want to know if he has been able to get the one he was working on last winter published. I keep forgetting to ask him. My son is also a graphic designer but he does not have time and does not feel like his style is right for my book. too bad since he knows the animals involved. Perhaps I could make my fortune on this book. I read lots and lots of children's literature and am shocked at the quality of what sells. It seems they hit on a formula and reproduce it over and over again. Oh and speaking of that, I was on Craig's list (seattle) last weekend and there was an ad there for blog writers. You could do that. you should check it out and see if it is still there.

    Well I better get to bed now. i need my beauty sleep and mostly I need to be rested to deal with 15 special ed preschoolers at an early hour tomorrow... Thank you so much for the wonderful and thorough reading. It was filled with insight, as usual. You are amazing and some day I really hope that I can do something wonderful and supportive for you. IF lee ever gets his head out of his a** and IF there is ever a wedding, you will be on the invitation list πŸ™‚ hee hee

    Sweet dreams my friend,

    sadsag



  • Hi Astra,

    How is it going? Are you still traveling or are you back? I hope something good came from your journey. A new job, new love, new inspiration...

    Not too much happening here. Lee had his birthday last weekend. He went out with his buds on his birthday (made a point of telling me it was all guys) and then we went out the next night. We had a nice evening together, just like we always do. He was as sweet and attentive as usual. Now it has been a week and no word. Not one text 😞 So it goes with this man. It is possible that he is out of town. I know he had a trip to BC planned for early Feb but I don't know the exact dates. i don't know why I let myself get so bothered by it. I guess it is the whole thing of wanting to understand what is going on, or more honestly, wanting what I want to be going on and not getting it. Really that is it. I am not getting what I want and that is so frustrating. i guess that is pretty human. We all struggle with that.

    So the questions,as usual, is where are we now? What's next? Will I ever get what I want from this man? My sun sign horoscope, according to this sight, keeps telling me to be patient. It looks like next week is supposed to be better. We'll see. Sun signs are not all that accurate, as you know. They are just interesting and something to occupy my mind. Not like I don't have plenty of things going on but this issue does seem to take up more space in my brain than it should. I really should stop renting brain space to him. It is a well formed habit now though. They do say it is an addiction and it sure feels that way. Not a fun, that is for sure!

    I know you have been busy and have plenty of stuff going on in your life. If you find yourself hanging out at Starbucks and feel like drawing a few cards, then go for it. They do always seem to point to the same thing though. He is struggling with his feelings, whatever they may be, and there is nothing for me to do. Oh well, at least your cards make a pretty picture πŸ˜‰ Usually just when I start feeling like i will never hear from him again is when he turns up and it has been less than a week for Heaven's sake! I got spoiled with 3 weeks of daily contact... so I came here to whine to you. πŸ™‚

    Hope all is well in your world. At least the sun is shinning and is supposed to stay that way for a few days. That is a nice little gift. i hope you enjoy it.

    Sadsag



  • Astra,

    I have read in other threads that you are out in the woods. No internet is a pain but I would love the peace and quiet. i love the woods. I hope it is healing for you.

    When you are back on line I would love it if you pulled a few cards for me. Nothing urgent. Things are just going along slowly and I am inpatient. L is gone now, out of town til next week. Out of the country actually so there is no chance of communication. He will call me when he gets back, at least he said he would. I won't be able to see him then because I am going to have surgery and I will be out of public life for almost two weeks. so he will have to wait. it will do him good actually πŸ™‚ He is finding that I am not available whenever he wants me to be. I have a life and plans and plenty going on. did he think I was just sitting home waiting for him? Silly man...

    Hope all is well with you.

    sadsag



  • Hi Sadsag, I have been reading through this thread (I'm a Sagi too) and I've been totally immersed especially with some very poignant messages from Astra - my eyes have welled up whilst sitting in the office.

    I feel your pain and genuinely hope that your relationship works out to the best for you.

    Keep smiling πŸ™‚

    YB x



  • Yummy,

    Thank you. I also hope the relationship works out. it is not dead yet as i still hear from him. He sent me a valentine's day text. then checked in that evening, fishing I think to see if I had plans. when he found I did not he wanted to meet. However, i have just had a surgery and will not be out and about until next week. So we both have to wait. I am still unclear on what he really wants so will just have to wait and see.

    The readings and insight from Astra have been amazing. he often brings me to tears with his thoughtful and optimistic posts. And so far, the things he has seen have been pretty right on. he has a gift, that is for sure. And on top of that he is so supportive and empathetic. Reading his posts has gotten me through more than one dark day.

    Nice to hear from a fellow sag. Thanks for stopping by.

    sadsag



  • Hi sadsag...

    Hey, thanks for your kind words and thoughts... Heaven is helping us all I am sure... I had a nice visit back in Georgia with my mom and even some butterflies showed up while I was there! So pretty there in the woods... I miss it already but I have kids here that need me too... I feel pulled in a lot of directions sometimes...

    I hope you are healing up okay? So sri to hear about that surgery and all... well it sounds like you will up and back to normal very soon! I am wishing you continued healing and well being and peace through these days....

    Okay... I will draw some cards for you and see what we can see.....

    you are the Queen of Cups and he is the King of Wands...

    I ended up with some pairs which the first three seemed to paint a mixed bag of pain and your surgery, kind of mixed in with hopes of him communicating...

    Page of Wands/Five of Pentacles. Messages maybe the Valentine txt and you are feeling shut out from his life still.

    Page of Pentacles and the Nine of Wands - the Wands Nine is you broken and bruised, physically and maybe a little emotionally too... and the page pent again expresses this expectation/hope of messages, communication...

    Then the Five of Wands and Four of Swords shows you convalescing and the five wands is some banter in the background, which could be soon to develop between you and him where you two at last get down to business and open your hearts?

    Then, and this is where things seem to finally open out into something wonderful... the Four of Wands and the Three of Cups. I want to say reconciliation or an agreement, the end of something and now there is a new exuberance or new lease on life perhaps. It is very dramatic...

    Then, below all that I drew three twos... the Two of Pentacles, Wands and Swords ... and I was staring at this thinking, these are call couple cards!

    And then, I said to myself, you know... it would be really amazing to draw the Two of Cups now... and I turned over the ext card and laid it in the center of everything... and that was the card!

    THE TWO OF CUPS which is RELATIONSHIP very sweet and nice!

    I thought that was a very powerful sign of something very spectacular coming between you and him... I would keep the faith, stay expectant... I have been giving others readings and the messages have been mostly "move on" ... but in your case it really seems to be a reading of great encouragement and hope for the two of you!!!!

    Something VERY nice is about to come your way about the time you finally get back in your feet and life is feeling stronger... four of wands and three of cups (playing off that five wands of some back and forth banter or sharing with him?) seems to portend a major breakthrough of some sort... at first I was thinking could this be someone new? But the cards never pointed that way.... I think there is a change of heart here and the relationship takes off is what I see...

    2...2...2...2... and that Two of Cups! Very nice.... Anyway, see what you think... I do not like to give false hope however the cards were so dramatic... I had to share... and the Ace of Swords here at the end which is Heaven's thumbs UP!

    Love and light sadsag!

    astra



  • Hi Astra,

    So nice to have you back! I do hope that your time at home was healing and peaceful. Butterflies are a good thing. they are so pretty and peaceful. they have a short but lovely life it seems to me. In my next life I want to come back as a house cat. I think they pretty much have it made!

    It sounds like seeing family was a good thing for you. My parents are both gone so I only see them in my dreams. they visit often though. I have lost both of my brothers but still have 2 sisters. My family just seems to be shrinking. I certainly understand the need to be near your children. Mine have gone away for periods of time but are both near by now. I don't know that they will always be this close but for now I love it. They don't need me so much anymore but they still bring me lots of joy. I hope that yours do too. i know you have lots of changes going on and change is hard. Trust me I have been there! It can be good too although it sometimes takes a while to see that. the fact that you saw butterflies seems significant to me. they are the symbol of metamorphosis. The fuzzy little caterpillar knows change is coming, builds himself a shelter for the process, and then emerges as a beautiful new creature. Inside the cocoon, the process is unclear, messy, gooey and I'm sure no fun. That is where you are right now, in the gooey part, but it will not be this way forever. From inside though, where it is dark, it is very hard to see where you are headed. there you have it. Change according to sadsag!

    Thanks for the reading. So many twos! yes that is very interesting. As usual we just seem to be in a holding pattern. My surgery has certainly slowed things down. Perhaps that is good. thanks for the well wishes. I am feeling fine. I had some eye surgery and while the surgery was quite easy it has left me very bruised. I have two black eyes. Not so good for public viewing but it is getting better. I have a bit of cabin fever though. We have had a bit of text conversation (our usual and very unsatisfying mode) Other than the communication on Valentine's day, which very much surprised me, it has been nothing special. He was gone for a week with his dad so by the time we see each other again it will have been a month. It feels like a very long time and it feels to me like it is all slipping away. Hopefully your cards are right though and this feeling is just my imagination. Once again, only time will tell. As you know, I have lost faith many times these past few months and it is seeing him again that always restores my hope. It seems just when I feel the lowest he pops up again. I do think you are right though, something is coming. It may be me though finally saying enough. i keep feeling more and more that I need to tell him to step up or get out of my way. i just have a strong feeling that he will step away then and I am not sure I am quite ready to face that. so your reading does give me a bit of hope. Whatever way it goes it seems to point to a positive outcome for me. I'll just look at it that way. πŸ™‚

    Time to get on with my day. It is so, so lovely to have you back. I am sending lots of positive energy your way. Good things are bound to come!

    wishing you peace and love,

    sadsag



  • sadsag

    Thanks so much for your insight... yes that caterpillar is me! Funny, while I was there walking in the woods, I also found three chrysalises, discarded laying on the ground. And I knew that was a sign I would hopefully soon be out of the woods.... metaphorically speaking.... I love to keep hope alive.... one of my favorite license plates to see (I pay attention to everything!) is when I see the letters YCL... I always think... "you're close"... and so I am always looking around every corner day after day after day.... for that deliverance or whatever is supposed to happen next. It can be hard to keep that up, but I have been in that mode for years and figure I have come this far, I am not stopping now.... but thanks your words are lovely...

    Okay

    I just pulled another card for you... (and you are the Queen of Cups in this)

    The SIX of WANDS....

    something... wonderful... like fairy tale wonderful coming for you sadsag... I am so happy for you, I will be watching from below as you soar up into the clouds... and I am wishing for a continued speedy recovery for you....

    love and light, astra



  • Thanks for your reply Sadsag and like Astra am wishing you a speedy recovery too. Keep up the faith - Astra's readings are certainly very positive.

    I shall pop in from time to time if that's OK. Have to support my fellow Sagi's πŸ˜‰



  • Yummy,

    You are welcome to pop in any time. We sagi's do need to stick together. I only know a few sagi's and I like all of them, of course πŸ˜‰ these Aquarius men are a bit confusing though.

    I am feeling quite well. I get my stitches out tomorrow and the bruises are clearing rapidly. then it will be time to contact L and get together.

    Wish me luck!

    sadsag



  • Hi Sadsag, sorry not been in contact lately but I too have been in hospital - in fact I'm still here and hoping to be discharged today.

    How are you and do you have any further update on Aquaman?

    How did the removal of stitches go?

    Stay in touch and please keep me posted.

    YB x



  • Yummy,

    So sorry to hear that you are in the hospital. I hope you are better soon. My stitches are gone so I no longer look like the bride of Frankenstein. Now I just have to wait for the scars to fade a bit and for the rest of the bruising to go away. It is fading. I covered it with make up and have been back to work. it is still visible and so a few people and some of my kids have asked about it. No big deal. All in all it was a successful surgery and I can see so much better and my eyes so not feel so tired all of the time.

    i have seen aquaman. We went out the other night for a movie. I warned him that I was still a bit bruised but he did not seem to be worried about it. I think he was actually curious to see what was up. Anyway it was an odd evening, for the first time it felt awkward and weird. Not really sure why. I just felt weird. It had been a month since I had seen him because he was out of town and my surgery. It just seemed like the evening was full of awkward silences. Neither of us was our typical upbeat chatty selves. So then we saw an intense movie that was really good but not fun. After the movie i did not want to go out for food or drinks. I had been up late with my son the night before (his girlfriend of 4 years broke up with him) and so i wanted to go home to see him and hopefully to bed early. i left our date feeling like it was the beginning of the end. But yesterday he texted me, we chatted about the weekend, he wanted me to go out on Sunday but I had plans, I wanted him to go out on Saturday but he had plans so we agreed on mid week. so perhaps it was just me feeling odd and not him. Perhaps I was just tired and worried about my son.

    So we shall see. i really do not know what will happen. I am so not sure what he wants from me. It has been 6 months since he ended our relationship and yet here he is, still wanting to see me. he is not dating anyone else and as far as i can tell he has not the whole time. he got really jealous the one time he thought i had a date. We do not have a physical relationship so he is not "using me" for that. He would not need me for that and he would not spend 6 months trying to get me to agree. he is very attractive and could get that easily somewhere else. So it is puzzling to me. So i have decided to just hang in for a while and see what happens.

    I hope your hospital stay is nothing too serious and that you have a speedy recovery. Take care of yourself and check in again and let me know how you are doing.

    sadsag



  • Hiya fellow Sagi πŸ˜‰ good to hear you're well on the mend and am delighted for you that you've seen your Aquaman. You're right he's certainly in no rush to get away from you, in fact quite the contrary. Everything is crossed that all goes well between you both. Let me know how things transpire.

    I'm doing OK thanks. Back tomorrow for hospital check up and probably back to work on Sunday

    😞 Have received NO compassion from my employer whatsoever so that's dragging me down somewhat. Between my job and my lovelife I'm slowly losing the will to live πŸ˜‰

    Take care Sadsag and please keep me posted on how all is going

    YB



  • Hope you're doing OK Sadsag



  • Hi Yummy,

    The question is "have you lost the will to shop?" LOL! A friend told me years ago that is when you know it is really bad. I am no longer much of a shopper anyway so i guess that means I am doomed. I am so past the need to acquire things. So hang in there. do something nice for yourself and forget about what all of the bozos think. I know it is easier said than done but still a good thing. Treat yourself they way you want to be treated because you deserve it!

    Happy to hear that you are better, at lesat physically. Being back to work is usually a drag though. Particularly if you get no support there. My bosses and co workers have all been great. I am grateful for that. I am tired of my job, the work I do, but I don't hate it and I do love the people I work with. That helps immensely. It is totally sucky when you don't have good support at work and your love life falls apart. I have been there too. Not my favorite time in history. They are two pretty big parts of our lives and it is hard when there are problems in both areas. I hope one or the other changes for you soon. have Astra do a reading for you. I'm sure he will find something positive to tell you. He is really good at that.

    I am doing fine. I have not had much time on the computer lately. Often I check in at work but I have been just too busy. so here I am on a quiet Sunday morning, finally with a bit of time to get to a few emails and the forum. I am all healed up from my surgery. No more bruising. I can still see the scars but no one else notices them. They will go away in time (about 6 months I hear) and then it will all be history. I can now check it off on my list of things I should do but have never gotten around to!

    You are right, my aquaman does not seem to be going anywhere too quickly. Neither toward or away. therein lies the problem. We had another lovely date the other night. this time we both seemed to be much more relaxed, or perhaps it was just that I was, and so it felt much more natural. He was much more his old, playful, charming self. Then he texted me the other morning just for a chat. he is working today but I suggested that he play hookey (he usually does not work weekends) and go play in the sun with me. We are having an unusually warm and sunny day today. he said he had to work until at least noon and then we would go play. Yay! I don't know what we will do. I am hoping we will go for a motorcycle ride. he has a Harley and I love to ride with him. However, I think that is one of the things in his life that he is not too anxious to share with me. We rode together last summer but it took him a long time to finally decide to take me. Sooo if we go today, then I can take that as a good sign. Otherwise i still have not good idea of where this might lead.

    I would be very optimistic since he does seem to continue the contact, however when he broke up with me lat summer he said that I was the best girlfriend he has ever had and that he would be very happy to just keep going on having fun together for another 6 months, a year, whatever but still end up in the same place. He just does not see a future for us because I am just not the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.. So was that real, or was that fear? he said it would not be fair to me and so he had to let me go so I could find someone else. So those words still haunt me. There is not indication so far that this is any different. We are still having fun together but no proclamations of love or regrets for ending our relationship. So we have been broken up for 6 months and yet we are still together. I don't really know what that means. For now I am just going with it. the thing I am struggling with now is do I see other men? There are a few who seem interested but I am not sure if I should even go there. It would not be fair to them but then on the other hand if this is not going anywhere with aquaman, then I am wasting my time as far as a long term relationship is concerned. On the other other hand, I am having fun and so why not live in the now and worry about the future later? Quite a dilemma for me, miss plan ahead πŸ˜‰

    Oh well, I better get a few thing done before I go play in the sun. Hang in there! Get better and if you feel like sharing the load you can always tell me about it. It helps sometimes to just talk about it.

    love and light

    sadsag



  • Hi Sadsag, good to hear from you. I hope you had a wonderful Sunday. I love riding pillion too. Bet he thought in the past you'd be too scared on the back of his Harley - pfft!!! Doesn't he realise how adventurous us Sagis are who love living on the edge πŸ˜‰

    I was admitted back into hospital last Thursday night with a terrible allergy against something so have been signed off work another week. Am NOT looking forward to returning one iota I can tell you.

    Have not been having a good time of late I guess and this Gem man I was seeing I've decided to sever him. Have deleted his mobile number which to me is a way of moving on. While I was in hospital he never even called me, he only felt warranted to send bloody texts to me - do I need someone that uncompassionate in my life? NO WAY!!

    Will tell you more along the way but want to hear about your fantastic day and hopefully he's warming to the idea of having you in his life permanently.

    Write back soon Sadsag.

    YB x



  • Yummy,

    I am soo sorry to hear that you are back in the hospital. How frustrating that must be. i hope that your allergy issue is not serious. I know they can be. I have pollen allergies which I know are nothing compared to life threatening allergies. My ex husband and my boys all have deadly allergies to seafood. i have seen too many blue faces to not take it seriously.

    I certainly agree, if your Gem guy did not contact you while you were sick, cut him loose. Of course that is easy for me to say but much harder to do if there are feelings involved. I can't seem to let my aquaman go even tough I suspect that I should. Why do men have to be so obtuse?

    We did have lots of fun on Sunday but alas it was not on the bike. The weather turned unexpectedly cold so that was not a good option. I am sure he was not thinking about it anyway. He went out on Saturday with his buddy and of course I was not invited 😞 I love riding with him but I don’t think he really gets that. He is not used to having a passenger. He put it off for quite a while last year and then finally took me. The first time was really silly because I kept screaming! Every time he would accelerate I would slide back on the seat. Since there was no bar behind me I was just sure I would go right off the back. He thought it all quite funny and got lots of mileage out of teasing me. That did not bother me. Then he put a bar on his bike (which really surprised me because he is very fussy about how it looks) and we spent some lovely days and weekends riding together. That’s when he found that I was not frightened even when he went really fast, which he likes to do. I really get the sense that this is one area of his life that he wants to keep just for himself and the boys. That is pretty silly since all of his boys, except one, have wives or girlfriends who ride with them. It is just one sign that he is not ready to really include me in his life. He has 3 long (10 day) rides planned for this summer and I will not be invited.

    Harleys are in my blood though. My dad had one and he and my mom met because she saw it and wanted a ride. The pictures of my dad are pretty cute. He looks like a 50’s greaser, Harley, hair and all. Aquaman’s Harley looks a lot like my dad’s 50s bike.

    I am really in a quandary about this man. I just don’t have much faith that he will step up and really let me into his life. I keep trying to be strong enough to just walk away but cannot quite seem to do it. Mars is retro right now and so that is supposed to be slowing things down. Perhaps. Do I have the patience to wait until next month? I honestly don’t know. I guess time will tell. When we are together he is totally there. He is silly, sweet, gentle, and attentive and it feels so loving but then he pulls away. I get lots of little text messages that let me know he is thinking about me but still I only see him once a week or so. ARRGHH Take a deep breath sadsag and let it go! Ohm

    I better get to work now. I am on company time. Get better Yummy. I will look forward to hearing from you soon.

    sadsag



  • Yo Sadsag, good to hear back from you. Haha you made me laugh telling me about your screaming on the bike - brilliant πŸ™‚ Am feeling your frustration with the intermittent way he's acting, that would do my head in but I hear what you're saying - you have deep feelings for this man and don't wish to bin something that could easily develop into something permanent. If you can hold out then do because if he's not playing head games then you've evidently got under his skin. Why else would he keep resurrecting?

    As I say, stick with it if you can and just enjoy the moment but I would also date others - don't be exclusive to him, irrespective if he's not dating anyone else as that's his choice.

    Last day off work today before weekend and then have to face the music. My God I feel soooo guilty about being off work, that's cr@p isn't it. I couldn't avoid hospital spells.

    I hopefully have an interview in a few days for a job in Qatar and fingers crossed that it comes up trumps. Will keep you posted.

    Still haven't heard from my Gem man. It's been almost a week now since he text me. I've deleted his number so if he does text I won't know who it is πŸ˜‰

    Hope to hear from you soon Sadsag

    YB x


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