Shuabby please...I would love your insight...in a bit of a panic.



  • Dear Shuabby,

    I consulted with you some time ago about a friend I have been seeing long distance. We visited recently, last week for ten days, had also spent nearly two months together overseas this past summer. I went on this recent trip with the intent for it to be fun and not serious, no serious "where is this going" conversations. We ended up having one two nights before I left...I avoid these because he wants to see me but can't commit due to work and living situations. These conversations frustrate him, as he is more of a realist than I and feels he has told me all he can right now. He has told me he loves me and at the airport, not to cry that we would see each other again. Even though the night of the argument/ serious talk, he said no that we wouldn't see each other again because I freak out and when will it all stop...

    He confuses me as he says he loves me and even introduced me to his family this past visit, mom, sister, nephew, cousins. I just divorced a man after 17 years, so the dating scene is new to me. Things like this make me think it is 'something' and not just a casual 'hook up when we can' situation.

    Can you reflect on this and tell me what you see from spirit. I've spoken with him twice since returning, both times he called back. But, I called Fri and Sat (sent two FB messages- just videos for him to watch that I thought he would think is funny) to say hi and he didn't return my calls. I have since decided to wait. I am in a panic because I am afraid that he is 'weening' me...like he was afraid of confrontation at the airport, I asked is this a final goodbye or goodbye for now on the way to the airport. He said no goodbye till next time and then I love you to and don't cry we'll see each other soon when we were saying good-bye.

    I will not bombard you here...just wanted some insight into the current situation. Do you think there is a sincere intent with me? Do you think he enjoyed our visit together? Do you think my emotions pushed him away or are his feelings growing and it scares him...like he has them but what can he do and so why continue to hurt us both? Do you think we will see each other again soon?

    We always have a wonderful time together...it is nearly seamless. There are def. moments when we are not gelling so beautifully...but overall we get a long pretty well.

    Please let me know what you hear...and any further insight.

    Best.



  • Opheila74

    You have asked me all of these questions before dearheart. You were married for 17 years a long time to have a companion. Now you are in a intimate relationship with a man that does not have time to be by your side and you have to stand alone and live your life and yet when this man is available love him. Can I ask you a question? In your former marriage did you feel like you wanted freedom and that is why you divorced among other reasons?

    Now, you have freedom and have attracted to you a man that demands freedom in his work life and also his personal life. Why are you so insecure? You can not keep this feeling up and think that this relationship will work as you will not accept that this man has told you the truth and it can not be any other way at this time. Perhaps you have choosen him to make you stronger in your soul which equals your mind , will, emotions.

    I suggest to you that you contact The Captain and give her your names and DOB's so she can look up your charts of compatability for you.

    Shuabby



  • I understand...but I asked some of these in a different context, at a different time in our relationship, before this recent visit. I was wondering if things had changed since this visit. Can you at least answer this...if I can accept this all...will I see him again in the next few months? Will he contact me soon? Did I do anything this last visit to push him away or is he just busy- is his silence a good-bye?

    That is really all I need know...new queries for this now. If you are able to look at those only, I would be much appreciative.

    Best.



  • Ophelia74,

    Yes, you will see him again in the next few months. If showing him your emotions by crying and asking if there is a foundation to be build for the two of you is pushing him away. Than you need to keep your options open and date other men so that he is not so important to you that you feel you stand on shakee ground each time you are with him. If you can not accept deeper advice in regards to your relationship with this man than please ask Watergirl or Bilmoon the next time for advice as I can only help those that LISTEN to what spirit gives me to help them make inform fee will choices for their lives.

    Shuabby



  • Thank-you very much for your wisdom....please understand that sometimes, in times of distress or confusion, it takes a minute to fully absorb things. It takes a bit to recycle...we are not all ready to fully embrace truths. I appreciate your insight fully and wanted to ask you because of it. We all have different styles of processing our lives and stress. Your wisdom is there...part of the cycle...important part...as I am still not quite sure if this is for me. If I can handle dating long distance in an 'open/ non committed' relationship.

    You are right to say what you've said and it is marinating with the rest of it as I make this important decision and transition in my life. I don't make decisions, or take relationships, lightly. That is both a blessing and a curse...and as a triple Pisces...maybe that further complicates things for me.

    You are very wise and your insight has been very deeply embraced.



  • Shuabby...I have appreciated your insight in the past with this situation. I have new questions and developments in the past month and I am interested in your insight. Are you willing to answer more questions relating to those?

    He appears distant lately. I call him, he picks up during the week, not on the weekends. Says he is bored, when we talk it is for some time. There have been a few gliches with technology that have resulted in mis-sent texts and him being called accidentally by my sister. This irritated him and resulted in an argument a few days ago with me trying to defend myself that I did not have her call him, that I am not 'pranking' him, because he received hang up calls. He has a new number and I told him that must be what it is. We spoke for two hours on Monday, I asked him Wednesday if he would be willing to meet up with me next weekend. He said that sounded possible, let's talk, then the argument happened.

    Questions are...he feels distant lately, is he, am I reading this right? Is he pulling away from me? If so, why do you think this is the case? Again, he was loving when I left him, said he loved me, are these feelings the reason he is 'distant'? Does he want me to be in contact with him still? Is he still angry about this conversation, about my sister calling him? Will he meet me next weekend and answer when I call on Tuesday? Is he just busy or ignoring me?

    I am living more i the moment with him, even joined a dating site, trying to appreciate when we do talk and if we do meet, just taking it for what it is, when it happens. I just hope I get a chance to continue doing this.


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