HELP!!! Very PISSED OFF Virgo Man
I don't really know where to start. This is my first time seeking advice from here. I am a Pisces female born on the Aquarius cusp. My guy is virgo to the T except for a few exceptions. We have been dating for 5 years. It has been a great relationship at times and others the worst. He is very critical and analytical. The first two years of our relationship was PERFECT I never thought that anything could ever go wrong, then he cheated on me. I was devastated but chose to forgive him. This has happened 3 times now. I know that I should have left him after the first time but yes I am very in love with him and the circumstances of our living situation did influence the cheating events. He was working 3rd and I was on 1st. We live together and were spending maybe a total of 4 days together in a month. We were growing apart due to this. He has quit his job last year and things were going really good until recently. I TOTALLED his car. HIS BABY, HIS LOVE PRIDE AND JOY. He put his heart, sweat, blood and soul into this car. It was a really stupid accident. Being a pisces I am a bit compulsive and have had a few other stupid incidents that he holds over my head everytime something happens. For example, I also flipped a 4 wheeler a few years ago. I know I should stay away from all mobile objects. The problem is that he can drive anything and he is a total motor head and can not understand why I can not perform like him. He wants me to but when I try and f-up he gets so pissed. Anyway, he is now heartbroken over his car. A few days ago he ended the relationship for the 4th time in 5 years. Every time it has lasted about 2-3 weeks. We live together so yes I am still here because he wants me to move out slowly due to his kids being a huge factor. I apologized, I have tried to offer to pay for my mistake, I have tried to help him find the parts to fix his car and pride. He doesn't want any of it. He hasn't told anybody that we are split and neither have I due to the previous times always working themselves out. He is still talking to me but very little. I have given him as much space as I can living together. I don't know what to do. What do you guys think? Will this blow over too? The break up part was very different than usual. Usually I would be a blubbering mess but this time I knew it was coming as soon as I seen the car. I did not cry and have been acting as though it doesn't bother me. What else can I do or should I just leave him alone? The exceptions to his Virgo-ness is the cheating and financial stability (totally disregards all bills). Other than that his profile sounds like somebody who has known him for years (me). I am very much Pisces. We do seem to communicate on different levels and that is another sore subject between us. When things are good our communication is great but when things are bad he critizes my inability to understand him and follow his superiour intellect. The thing is that I totally understand him but express myself differently and not as how he thinks I should. He is very intelligent in the areas that interest him such as electricity, magnetism, and automotives. But when addressed with a subject matter that I am better at, such as more abstract thinking, he tries to constantly prove me wrong even though in the end I am usually right. But that doesn't matter to him, he wants me to think like him and know why the Bernoulli principal works, frankly I just don't give a crap about that. He can't seem to except that aspect in me but is fine with it when it comes to his friends. Non of them can follow him in his thinking and he is perfectly fine with it but not with me?! Argh!!! Please help with any of the ramblings I just posted, I am frustrated and also focusing on all negatives. But there are plenty of postives in our relationship, just can't seem to focus on them right now.
There is a reason you felt a strange sense of resolve after destroying his car. Which is still "just a car"--or is it? He is not fair--all through your post I pick up that vibe---he does not play fair. A very big part of you knows that and is swallowing that anger. He is controling and that runs deep through every aspect of your relationship. He is a contradiction--in that because in reality he is so out of control he over compinsates by needing to be right in a shallow superiour way---and you know that's true that he can control it as he doesn't do that to others but feels it's ok to make you feel "invisible"----surely you have anger over that---yet you are afraid of his ability to be conditional. Meaning you do not feel secure in his love---he can turn it on or off and the way you describe his car it's as if he treats it better than you--OUCH! In a relationship--for better for worse---couples get angery over such thibgs but it is not supposed to be a deal breaker---at some point a loving man would get over the car and return to thank God you were not hurt or killed. The fact that he can't apreciate that is a big red flag. AND considering you forgave him cheating several times? He's lucky you didn't run over him with that chick magnate. You did not say if your transgressions were just mistakes or something worse---like drinking too much. THAT would be a deal breaker, otherwise love is bigger than mistakes. I feel he is punishing you---twisting the knife as long as he pleases but really does not want to break up. This is a good time to stop this bad habit. He controls you because you are too easily convinced that you are bad---you are a guilt gatherer and he plays that card. It allows him to remain superiour over you and allows him to actually do watever and you will still be loyal and forgiving. There's something you need from him and he knows it. Stop feeling guilty--for real---stay away from him---do not argue--just give him a big enough empty space to be REAL about his love---turn the tables. You need to get in touch with your emotions---you have a bad habit from childhood of stuffing your emotions. Be angry that he loves his car more than you--be angry that he cheats----one time can happen to anyone but a lesson is learned--but three times----this man has entitlement issues that make you invisible. Your anger is real as that mess of a car. You deserve better and it is up to you to demand that. You know what is fair---he is not listening. And if you bang your head hard enough trying to get through to him--guess who gets the headache? Ignore him with the attitude inside yourself that puts out the energy that you deserve his forgiveness and he will be sweet talking you again in no time. But you need to deal with this issue not just for this moment but change and heal yourself as this will just keep on happening---you will have to be bad and he will have to be in controll. BLESSINGS!