Will someone please help me with direction?
I am LOST! I just went through a divorce..we were married 16 years. I have a disabled mother and a teen at home with me. I am trying to begin a new life and change many things about myself but for a while now...a long while...I have felt trapped in a fog of what and how to get anything done. I feel trapped in the eye of a storm...calm and yet afraid to move away from the center for fear of the next battle. Fear is a huge problem and yet...I do not know where I am going. Too much going on to think and focus. i hope someone get's my thoughts and feelings as I cannot even find words for this. Any intuition, thoughts, ect are really appreciated...too chaotic for me ...losing it..lol
Your cry touches my heart and I will offer what I can to help you - others I am sure will offer their thoughts toward you.
You are trying to begin a new life and you are succeeding at that no matter what life "feels like" for you. You are actually a lot stronger than you realize.
Twice you said trapped "I feel trapped..." and "I have felt trapped"... in a fog. You also refer to the eye of a storm. These are weather related.
Twice you state "fear" as being an issue. And "chaotic". So you are using facing energies that feel new to you, and you are interpreting what is happening in ways that your old life (while married) would use.
Here are some suggestions. Try to "re-associate" your feelings with new realities.
When you feel an emotion of "Fear" re-associate that with a new definition and call it "challenge".
When you feel an emotion of "trapped" re-associate that with a new definition and call it "self-control"
When you feel like you "do not know where you are going" and "Chaos" re-associate that with "faith and trust"
Do you see? You would not be in this situation unless there was a divine purpose in it all, You are learning about your new divine life is all. These situations are generated for us by our angels and heaven in order to help us continue on our upward journey to the light. I know, it doesn't feel like an upward journey, does it? Of course not! Not yet... it will though... as you grow and develop and re-associate your feelings with the true reality of your situation.
I am going through a divorce as well, and it is not something I had planned on, so there are new associations I have had t make to understand why this is happening. All I know is that we are in the arms of our Heavenly parents, that on some level we are watched over lovingly. We are all learning about true faith and true love. Mostly I believe we are each learning how to embrace our emotional natures as something beautiful. That is the reason for many of our relationships and marriages failing. The emotional truth of these situations comes out (that there was never a connection to begin with) and we wake up and realize - my goodness! I haven't even yet had a true connection, and an emotional relationship with anyone!
So we are prepared for that... thrust into life situations that try and test us... sometimes it feels tormentive and pointless. We cry out to the skies - WHY is this happening to me? Well, it is happening because you are being prepared for something much better, with angels and life and light and something transcendent. It is beautiful, and yet on this side, we are somewhat blind to it, We can only keep going in faith.
Which is the main thing in your situation, you are developing faith. There is nothing I can do to make the situation go away. The best you can hope for is to see it in a new light and give thanks - "Wow, thank you God (or Heaven or whatever name you like to use), for these present circumstances! They are tough, however you are tougher and I know we will get through this together." Keep saying that to yourself. I always say "Everything will work out" and while my situations haven't changed a lot, I do know that I seem to be getting better about being able to handle it without freaking out (which I have done plenty of).
I have come to the conclusion that it is really our emotional selves that Heaven is working on. Not our "Spiritual" selves. Our spiritual selves don't need any work, Spirit is always perfect and lovely. Because we are primarily emotional creatures, we have to be thrust into emotionally challenging situations in order to grow.
The first phase of our existence we are sheltered from that. We meet someone when we are young and "think" we are in love, we have children, we have a decent job maybe. And life goes along smoothly enough... and then all of a sudden, 15, 20 years later all holy h3ll breaks loose and all of that comfort and security is ripped away from us and we are thrown into situations like you are, where are flailing about like a drowning man!
"Help! Help! I'm drowning! I am afraid... and I haven't ever felt this before! Help! I am feeling trapped! ANd i have never had to feel that before!"
Meanwhile, our angels are all gathered around the "pool of emotions" like lifeguards, watching us.. like swim coaches... cheering us on and giving us tips on how to deal with it... which comes as words from one another.
Your guardian angel is watching over you and saying "Good job SpiritSeeker8"! Keep paddling! Good job... a little longer with the breast stroke... take deeper breaths! Keep it up!... I am going to go get a sandwich, keep swimming a few more laps while I am gone, okay?"
Do you see? It is all training. Not fun. Neither is training for the Olympics swim team all fun. Painful. Hard work.
You are in the Emotional Olympics of Heaven. You are doing great....Believe it or not.
Here are some cards for you since this is a Tarot forum...
Temperance - Keep your balance, You feel like the walls are closing in, go for a walk outside. Rake the leaves.
The Hierophant - Feeling fear and anxiety, read Psalms.
Ten of Wands - feeling overburdened, come back here and tell me and I will keep an eye out for you and keep telling you "nice job! Longer on the back stroke! Deeper breaths!" ha ha...
You are amazing actually I salute you for the present situation you are in and the responsibilities you are faced with, Heaven has something very, very, very nice coming for you soon... very, very, very nice.
Four of Cups - A new foundation in lover... I mean love ;).
light and love,
(Photo of swim girl courtesy of Phaewilk and morgue file on the world wide web, thank you!)
Astra, I am running late today and yet I had to stop in and let you know I so appreciate you and your words of thought. Fear to challenge..there is one of my big blockers and self confidence. I have not been able to stop thinking of what you have shared and will be on later this eve to give you a much better response. You have a most blessed day! Thank you and I will repost tonight.