AstraAngel, reading request, please
I am trying to catch up on some folks I missed and saw your reply there.... yes, let give me an update if you like! I hope your 2012 is wonderful in every way and I really appreciate your kind wishes for the holidays, they were nice and January has certainly been an interesting month so far!
Sending you energies of love and abundance for your life!
It's so good to hear from you. I felt bad sending a note during your period of rest but it sounds your like you're refreshed now and that's great! I'm sure all of the energies of everyone's issues can become a bit overwhelming at times. You are truly blessed for all you do and that's what matters
So like you, 2012 has been so interesting for me as well. Actually there have been a ton of changes since I sent you that note last month. To sum it up, I apologized to virguy because after the new year I felt it was petty to hold a grudge over something that turned out to be untrue. I apologized and he accepted...sort of. He wished me a happy new year then said 'smh' shaking my head. My intention was only to apologize and then release him because I felt that it was a new year and would be futile to hold on to a relationship that wasn't really promising. Of course I was still in love with him at the time (jan 5 to be exact) and still am but at some point a girl has to realize that some things just aren't going to work out the way I like. With that said, I went on vacation with my fiancé in an attempt to rekindle some kind of flame. Unfortunately I thought about Virgo guy the entire time. I tried my best to stop but couldn't. So I get off the plane and turn on my phone and the first email was from Virgo man! He asked how married life was. This question threw me off and automatically bought thoughts of my sister (the one that lives in the same town as him) to my head. I felt she had something to do with him asking me that. I defensively responded that I wasn't married but knew what he meant by the question. He responds "oh ok, lol". So I email him and said lets stop beating around the bush, why'd you ask me that, and lets just tell each other what we think we "know" about each other. He says: no need to do that, I just want to be able to say hi to you...I never wanted to fight with you. I respond in agreement, said I also don't want to fight and apologized for being so hostile lately. He responds: no sweat. I respond with a smiley face and he responds with a heart.
That was a few days ago. I've been chatting with some of the ladies on the other thread: heart of a vgo man and they've been extremely helpful in helping me move on so to speak. But I swear for the life of me, I can't get him out of my head. Today I decided I have to stop this incessant thinking about him and wondering if things will ever be. It's hard but I guess it's something I have to do. Astra, it's such a crazy feeling because I feel like Im walking down a never ending road in a foreign country and I don't how or when it will end!
Lastly, I had a really nice dream about him the night after our last conversation. I was walking down the block in his town and i pass a public swimming pool. But before i get all the way past it i stop in the sunlight because it had been shining so bright and i wanted to feel its rays on my face and body. So i bask in the sun for a few then i continue walking and I see him from the corner of my eye. He sees me and calls me over. He had this beautiful and very warm smile on his face. He asks what I was doing there? I say, doing laundry. So he gives me a hug and the embrace was the most beautiful thing I have ever felt in my entire life. I pray I get to experience a hug like that again. So we exchange pleasantries and then that was it...that's all I can remember, lol. Anyway, just wanted to share that dream with you. It was such a good dream!
So, I guess I just wanted to update you on that. Maybe, if you have the time you can pull a few cards, see where things are at. Like, I know he loves me...I can feel it. But is this something I need to just let go of?
Lovesick and curious...
P.s., I don't read cards but am always hear to listen if you need to vent
Your situation breaks my heart. I am probably not the best one to ask for advice because I am probably going to tell you to do something that is not wise, not the right thing, not the smart thing, however it is what I am feeling for you, and I have to listen to my heart.
I started out this reading with you as the Queen of Cups and your friend as the King of Wands
First two cards right out of the gate are the eight of cups and the four of cups, which are both cards of either moving away from him, or forlorn love, feeling disconnected from a love. So already I am thinking "yeah... she needs to move on from this guy..."
Then the two of swords which is sorta like drawing up into yourself, closing off, protecting your heart. So that seems like more distancing from him.
And then... and this was a real surprise... the KING of CUPS... and it hit me immediately, this is all about your fiance! I think you are moving away from him!
Then... the Three of Cups - celebration!
Virgirl, you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really ...
... need to do some serious soul searching sister. I mean, do you really think you can just turn off love like that? You have VERY strong feelings for this guy! YOU LOVE HIM. He loves you. It isn't perfect, and he has his issues... hey we all do... but you are really connected to him.
Your fiance deserves your undivided attention, otherwise you are setting the both of you up for some real unnecessary pain. I think you should call of the engagement and seek out something with Virguy! At least try! Then, if it don't work out, at least you know you DID what you could and you can go back to your ex-fiance and you have NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF - you are doing this for his sake too! He would want you to clear this out of your life and the ONLY way you can do that is to become unengaged and explain everything to your fiance... tell him you are doing this out of respect for him! That shows real character on your part.
Knowing what I know about you and virguy... and I was at your wedding... and the preacher says, "is there anyone here who has anything to say to stop this wedding speak now..."
I would stand up and cry out, "Virgirl... what about Virguy! And I would have him waiting outside and he would walk into the wedding right then... crying his head off.... and then you have to decide... do you do the "right thing"... or do you follow your heart?
Follow your heart... that is all that will ever matter in life... that we followed our heart...
I am crying for you... I want you to be happy, I do not want to see you end up heartbroken... I am so sorry, I am a hopeless romantic... and I am not the right guy to be asking advice because I will always tell others to follow their heart no matter what....
I am here if you need to talk more...
Thank you sooooo much for the reading and the advice. I broke down crying while I was reading it, especially after reading the part about following my heart and call off things with fiancé. I've actually wanted you to tell me that I should just move on from virguy because that would honestly be easier to do than to call things off with my fiancé. But me and fiancé are not the same. Since meeting virguy and since my fiancé found out about us, things will never be same.
He and I have drifted in a subtle way. We're together almost everyday but the emotional connection is not really there. I'm not sure if that's because he's afraid to get too close out of fear I would hurt him again. But I need that from him...that emotional connection. I have even said to him that I need him to be more affectionate and that has gone on deaf ears, I mean, it's so bad, he hasn't even given me a hug in over six years. It's not easy being with someone like this especially when I'm very loving and affectionate. His saving grace in my eyes is that he has always been there for me...always. Over the past year I have been diagnosed with a few minor health issues. Nothing life threatening but definitely anxiety inducing just thinking I am no longer a 100% healthy person. While he doesn't go with me to the doctor or even fill my prescriptions, he is always there when I get back home. I can talk to him, lay next to him in the bed when I feel scared, vulnerable or just not feeling too well. Virguy on the other hand lives two hours away so unless I move to his state (he said he would never move to where am I), then I would essentially be alone. So yes, I do love him dearly, but there are factors, real life factors to consider.
I went to a reader before the new year and she said everything you're saying. She also said I would be moving pretty soon, wonder where that is?? I know i'm rambling but before I follow my heart I need some sort of indication he a) feels the same way I do. I know you said he loves me, but does he love me the way I love him? I'm pretty sure the cards cannot reveal those specifics about him but an indication wouldn't hurt. And b) how do I go about following my heart? I know step one is to tell fiancé and move on from him. But outside of that what's next? My plan was to wait until I heard from him again then I would tell him everything, where I'm at, how I feel about him, then ask if he could give me time to work out this situation. What do you think about that?
Astra, I know what I need to do. I don't even need to dig that deep to figure it out. I just need to map out a concrete plan then move forward.
Thank u again
I hope all is well ;). So I did it, I contacted my Virgo friend and I asked him if he had someone else he said he had a friend. I then asked if it was serious or if it had the potential to be serious and he said she's cool and he likes it. So that was my answer. I guess he didn't feel as strong for me as we thought. I've deleted all of his contact info because I don't know if I could just be friends with him. I swear I can't stop crying because everything inside of me wanted to be with him. But I guess its time for me to suck up my tears and move on.
Thank you so much for your loving guidance and advice
All the best,
Okay, I am sri to hear that you are dealing with that.
Hmm... well, if I am reading this right He didn't say you were any less "strong" to him that this other person did he? I am just trying to read between the lines here a little...
Just trying to understand why he had such a hold on you?
You know, I think you REALLY need to do some soul searching before you commit to this marriage, you had better be dog gone certain you are really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really in LOVE with this man.
The fact that you have had these INTENSE feelings for Virgo guy sorta tells me that the REAL issue may be more with your fiance than with Virgo Guy... just trying to read between the lines a little you know?
You are NOT going to get a clear cut answer from Virgo Guy until you call off the engagement. Not that I am telling you to do that. Heaven forbid no! What I am asking you to do is make dog gone certain you are really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really in LOVE with your fiance.
Before saying I do.
You really want to make sure. Virgo Guy is helping you here I believe to hear your heart. I don't think this "friend" of his is really an issue...
I see what is going on with him... he was trying to say that unless you broke off the engagement he can't really give you a straight answer you know? Why? Because HE can't be the one to tell you to do that YOU NEED to follow your heart and do what you need to do.
HE can't influence you one way or the other. Justice won't allow that. He doesn't need any more bad karma in his life.
I am really crying out to you virgirl to listen to your heart and it DOES NOT HURT TO WAIT IF YOU AREN'T ABSOLUTELY 100% SURE. You will NEVER go wrong postponing a marriage, however you can go very wrong jumping into a marriage before you are absolutely 100% sure.
I can't tell you what to do, however I know a really loving man would understand if you needed some time to ponder your engagement, I mean BE HONEST with him and say you have some "stuff" you have to deal with, and call it off ...for now. A man who really loves you will say no problem, because he wants YOUR BEST and right now I think your BEST is taking some time to weigh this out.
I can't tell you to do that you know. BREAK IT OFF! I cant tell you to do that , that is something YOU need to decide. I mean, if I were to get on here and say Virgirl, BREAK IT OFF! ... that would be telling you what to do and I can't do that. So I am not going to tell you to BREAK IT OFF! I am going to tell you to
Follow your heart.
love and light
Oh and here is a card for you...
Three of Pentacles - WORKING IT OUT.
Thank you so much!! I wish you could be my spiritual life coach! You are just remarkable.
About virguy, you're right, he didn't say she was any stronger. After he told me she was cool and he likes it, I told him that's really nice and to make sure he invited me to the wedding. He responds hahahah you're funny! I didn't respond after that because at the moment I read his email I felt raw and naked and alone and scared and all of these crazy feelings all at one time. I immediately went to the bathroom and had a really good cry for a few reasons:
1. He is such a great guy and some lucky lady has his heart.
2. Envious of him because of his happiness in his relationship. And my unhappiness in mine. The physical chemistry (which is very important to me) is so not there between me and fiance. Virguy and I had that department nailed shut! Our attraction was second to none!
3. Upset because I don't have the guts to break it off with my fiance. I actually rationalized that we should hurry up and get married because I literally do not want to meet another man, fall in love and go through this again.
4. Finally I realised I HAVE to soul search...have to! A light bulb went off inside that said Virgirl, non of these external things will ever fulfill you, forever, 100%. I need to fall in love with myself and stop looking for all of these external factors.
About virguy not actually saying she was stronger than me raises a bit of curiosity in me, especially because prior to me asking about his relationship status it appeared as though he and I would be getting on again. Let me recap our conversation:
Me: hey, just checking to see how you're doing
Him: I'm good and you, why don't you just say you miss me
Me: well aren't you confident! I'm doing great.
Him: that's good
Me: you're funny
Him (again): so what's up w/u
Me: same old, nothing much and oh, missing you, lol
Him: so does that mean you don't miss me
Me: i plead the fifth
Him: okay well hopefully we can be cool again
Me: of course! I want you to be my ace for life
Him: how are u going to work that out on your end? Us being friends again?
Me: there wont be a problem on my end. You don't have to worry about that.
Him: you're up late, where is your buddy? Me: i see this is going to be difficult, us being friends again
Him: why do you say that?
Me: because you know everything about me and i know nothing about you. I'm sure you have someone (i could be wrong). You know i have someone (that will be over soon-- I'll tell you about that later). I get the feeling you wont want to be friends until i'm absolutely single. Right or wrong?
Him: wrong. I'm ok with being friends. I'll always be your hunny bunny
Me: awww, that's why i missed you sooooooo much!
Then after this exchange i asked about his relationship status and he told me and then i contacted you. Ugh! What a day!!!
Oh and no, i am not in love with my fiance. I love him but I am not in love with him. My only fear is that i leave and this was something that could be worked out...maybe i can fall in love again?
My new mantra has to become: I have nothing to fear but fear itself!
Oh and only the man above knows why he had and has such strong hold on me...I wish I knew...
Oh and one last thing, there has been no wedding planning to date ever since the incident with his child's mother. I think he thinks that if we get married he won't be able to see his kids again...maybe that woman was an angel in disguise. I've tested it to see where his head is at on the whole matter and lately he can only think of all the bills he has to pay before even planning a wedding.g. so my point is, I sense some hesitation on his behalf also.ehaps his heart is telling him this may not be the right thing to do.
One last thing...I promise; you are right about him wanting me to end the engagement but not wanting to be the one responsible for that happening. Thinking back on our conversation I can remember thinking he wants to be with me if and only if this relationship is through, after he asked how we were going to be friends if my "buddy" was still in the picture. I'm not 1000% sure that meant he actually wanted to be with me or if he was alluding to the incident where my fiance found an email from him and in turn contacted him.
Okay, that's it, no more posts until I hear back from you;)