Virgo Man confused.com
Tades last edited by
Im friends with a virgo male since January of this year. In recent months ive begun to have feelings for him and from what I can tell he has feelings for me. We chat almost everyday and get on really well, there is never a dull moment or awkward silence between us.
He has a tendancy to blow hot n cold with me, one minute I think we are getting somewhere the next he retreats. Its a bit of a cat and mouse game...and the timing just never seemed right.
However things have taken a turn for the worst when he announced to me that he now has started seeing someone officially. This news has really upset me and I cant help but wonder if Ive completely missed the boat with him or is he testing me in someway to see how I really feel...
If anyone has any advice for me on what I should do, please feel free to jump in..ill give more info if needed as this is a very short summary of our 'relationship'
Tades, please check the thread "The heart of a Virgo man". Lots of women have been in your siituation with Virgo men, with exactly the same outcome. It might be an eye openning experience for you.
I can draw some cards for you, I don't know what that Virgo man thread says, however I can give you my impression.
Justice - The Tower - Five of Swords - Four of Wands
This is what I see.
Justice has him weighing your relationship. He wants to see it move forward however something has him blocked. he is afraid of "opening up". He is jumpy now because that day is approaching with the two of you.
The Tower says some part of his life is crumbling (his male ego) and he is flailing about to gain some relief (Five of Swords) from this mental torture he is experiencing.
Four of Wands says that matters will open out for the two of you eventually, once he gets though his own personal drama.
Knight of Cups - He has you in his sights, it is not this other person he is "seeing officially" - that is a smokescreen and he is hoping to "smoke you out" as President Bush used to say. Not buying his story. Not buying it for a second.
The LOVERS - this is where you are headed with him.
I think it is a male ego thing. He is struggling with entering into a deeper union with you and is running. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Tell him you need the cake before he can have the icing (see my post today to Danceur we touched on this cake thing as analogy for deeper relationship). A lot of guys are scared to death of the emotional connection and will run like crazy to escape. He is really taken by you though! (KNight of CUps)
The Hierophant - Play it cool. Let him sweat. He "claims" he is dating someone officially? I am calling bullhockey. Read a good book. Pray to your angel. Tell them to turn up the heat on him.
Six of Cups - do that, let him cook - he will come crawling back soon and THEN he'll be ready for something deeper with you (finally). He will have some "story" about how his "official datee" moved out of town or something. Wait and see!
Typical Virgo guy - They can organize anything except their own emotions.
Let him stew in his own juices.
Tades last edited by
Thank you ever so much for taking the time to do a reading for me. I can identify with everything mentioned above. Im not the most patient person so Ill just have to ride this one out until he is ready and willing to give 'us' a go and as you put it let him cook for awhile
I hope you have a lovely day.
caribchic last edited by
Like the pot of stew hee hee... nice post Astra
Dear AstraAngel, I just read your advise regarding a virgo man. In my case, I am a Cancer and he is a Virgo. We met online in August 2008. We met and we liked what we saw about each other. So we started talking and 2 weeks after, we went on our first date. The date went well and we ended it with a rich kiss. To make my story short, I realized that he is unable to get good work due to some felony records he has (he only told me this after he saw I was head over heels in love with him). So I cordially said, "okay, I wish this information was discussed earlier. Nevertheless, I will look to judge you by your present and future NOT your past. Do the same with me (been married before with a son who is 17)." Before I knew it, he has issues with his roommate and needs to move his stuff out. His stuff was moved to my garage. Then he was physically in my home (moved in) by March 2009. In June 2009, he asked me to marry him (absolutely no pressure from me nor was I even ready per se.) I asked: "Are you sure about this?" He said: "Yes". So I said "Yes" to the proposal. In December 2009, we were married. At home, he is a wonderful husband, loving and attentive. Cooks, cleans, does laundry, you name it! But I started seeing subtle signs he is cheating! We have discussed this before and it was the main reason my son's dad and I divorced to begin with. He was a well-educated man with a great and bright future holding steady for him. So yes, If I could look at a person from a material aspect only, I would have forgiven and stayed with him (son's father). But he continued to cheat and eventually, I filed for divorce (7 years into the marriage). I realized then that I knew he started cheating the first year we were together. So I waited and waited hoping things will change and that didn't happen, leading to the ultimate result: Divorce # 1. At this point, I knew, once a cheater, always a cheater. If a man truly loves his woman, the thought of cheating will even sound gross to him. So I told myself to NEVER wait as long as I did here.
Virgo Husband # 2: Saw signs of cheating. Confronted him and he told me to do whatever the ***t I wanted to do. The confrontation was about money he took from my account after EVERYTHING we needed for the next 2 weeks was bought the weekend before. I was dumbfounded and hurt and saw immediately the challenge he has posed to me. He then gave me the silent cold treatment (knowing I hate that) and eventually moved out of our bedroom. We were separated for 6 weeks. My first attempt to speak with him was 2 weeks after he moved out the bedroom, but his response and treatment to me was extremely cold...as though coming to him was nothing but a bother!
Then I sent him a text to see if he will go for counseling...No response! I was just shut off for the next 5 weeks to come, in my home, where he does not pay a dime or a bill! Very uncomfortable. So I drafted the draft divorce petition (I am an attorney), sent him an email and asked him to review. I explained that it seems to me, he wants out of our marriage and I will make this easy for him. I will not ever force a person to love me or be with me. Next morning, as I got ready to go to work, he signed the uncontested divorce petition and left it for me to take.
My friend intervened and he was quick to listen and come to me to work on the relationship. He admitted he has a problem and needs my help. That's it. No more discussions on what happened the past 2 months. That very coming weekend, he took me out and shopped for over $1,000 (mostly for him). I didn't want to change some of my ways to make him feel I am holding out. A few days into this, I realized a lot of things on his end changed. No more calling me to check on me at work or out. I left our home at 6 AM and was out until 11:50 PM working because I was getting ready for a business trip. Not a call to say hello.
So yes, I called him to let him know how I feel and how insecure and upset that has made me. With that, I got the silent treatment for about 2 months. I finalized my petition, asked him to meet me a Public Notary Public to sign off....he said okay. He was there and signed away like he and I were NOTHING! Mind you, as the divorce is pending, until now, he lives in my home, not a word is shared. In fact, we go by a whole month or more of not even seeing eye-to-eye or meeting (big house and he is the lower level.)
How do I feel? Betrayed, hurt, shocked, in search of answers, is this a mind game? Will he still want to come back? Why won't he leave my home despite my repetitive respectful requests that he does so that I can begin my healing process? I am sooooo confused yet strong! I know my worth and if he does not treat me the way I deserve to be treated, I want nothing to do with him!~
Please advise!!! Long I know. But I wanted you to have the most of the situation. What do you see possibly happening with this situation? Any insight you can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly!
Rosie, I don't mean to interfere, but please check the thread "The heart of a Virgo man", started by a wonderful Cancer lady, who at the time happened to be "on the other side of the fence" from you (and me) , so to speak, but exactly with the same result. You'll be surprised how predictable is the male Virgo's behaviour. To sum it up, the average Virgo males are just not capable to be faithful to one woman, especially if she lives with him. They'll cheat, if not physically , then emotionally. They need a distance in order to be emotionally connected. Their dream woman is an imaginary one, and they are not good with reality. Also they can't really let go of any of their attachments. They need to have a cake and eat it too. So, for the sake of preserving your sanity, kick him out as soon as possible, that would be my sincere advice. And stay strong, whatever you do !
Wow, that is quite a journey you are on... the good news all will work out for you. Regardless of how hurt you feel and what the circumstances are. Okay? It is really important to embrace that trust regardless of how life "looks".
I am going to simple answer your questions at this point and then as time allows we can dig into your situation more. You seem to really have a challenge finding a stable, dependable man! That should not be.
is this a mind game? The Star - Hope. No, this isn't a mind game. In spite of your thinking that it is, it is not. Do you feel a deep connection with him regardless of his behavior? That is what you should be investigating. You more than him.
Will he still want to come back? The High Priestess - (Intuition. meditation) - well he is thinking about it for sure. it is in his heart to reunite I see. There are already two major arcana cards here so you have a lot of heavenly energy swirling around this situation there is more positive than you realize here.
Why won't he leave my home despite my repetitive respectful requests that he does so that I can begin my healing process? The Six of Wands (victory) - I believe there is something going on here that heaven is showing you, teaching you, and it requires him to be around. Though you want to move past him, the reality is that he is a part of your life and I see that there is something still to be achieved with him, requiring his presence for now.
What do you see possibly happening with this situation?
Daughter of Cups - Connection. You two will reconnect on a new level and you will be able to continue together in a new way.
Rosie, all of these cards are extremely positive signs for you and him. I would really pray and ponder this matter more and see what it is that you are desiring with him. This is really about you, what would YOU like to see happen here?
love and light
Thank you VoplySoply and thank you AstraAngel! I appreciate your responses to my situation.
Astra, Deep down in my heart, I know too well that I have never looked at or loved a man like I did him. Hence, I know that I LOVE HIM for sure. However, I am NOT one to accept cheating in anyway whatsoever. Perhaps I am too unrealistic or perhaps I am just too jealous. I WILL NOT cheat not because I can't or no man wants me. I am beautiful and many have pointed that out. I am well educated, accomplished and respected in my professional and personal life. So why on earth would someone like me not find a truthful and sincere husband/man to share my life with me and vise-versa? As a friend told me, she said that 85% of men cheat. So I told her that in that case, my search continues in the hopes of finding one in the 15% of those men left that DO NOT cheat.
Anyway, I do hope that this situation works for the better. I do hope that if he chooses to walk back into "us" again, that it will be with a renewed will and dedication. It will definitely take time for me to feel secure but hey, that's the price a cheater ought to pay. Other than that, I am leaving all of this to faith. I do not plan to say one more word to him UNLESS extremely necessary. At this point, if he does not find me worthy of his time and pursuit, then yes, we both need to go our separate ways. This is how I am looking at all this not that I am proud or arrogant. Not at all. Let's just hope my approach is not wrong and that in the end, whatever happens, is the best for both he and I.
THANKS A MILLION and please feel free to comment further or ask any questions that you believe will help in your assessment of this, if further assessment is necessary. Anyone out there who has thoughts on this should please contribute, good or bad. I just want to weigh all options. Thank you.
Dear VoplySoply, I am looking for the thread "The heart of a Virgo man" and can't seem to find it. Can you direct me please? Thank you.
I asked. "Why is he cheating?" and drew the Queen of Cups. Right before I drew the card I had the thought that he was blocked in some area with you that frustrated him and so he goes elsewhere looking for that area to be filled.
I am asking "what area is he blocked in?" and drew the four of pentacles which shows someone hanging on to material. Miserly. There is a material issues somewhere.
Knight of Swords - this is him. The Queen was you, and he is this Virgo Knight of Swords. He is rationalizing something in love. Unable to connect with you in a deeper emotional way (blocked or hindered by material concerns) the Knight runs off looking, chasing... something that he should be discovering in you.
Next we have four cards that fell out - two pairs - a lower pair face downThe Queen of Cups and the Emperor (the two of you, with him now as the Emperor) and another pair with the Knight of Pentacles face up and the wheel of fortune face down.
So, feeling blocked in the relationship with you, (for some reason) he runs off willing to take chances (cheating) with the Wheel in hopes of meeting that need in him.
Five of Cups - He is unconcerned about the trail of tears he leaves behind. He is willing to board any train to find this love he longs for, and he thought (swords) it was with you, however he is still unsatisfied because he is frustrated in that material dimension.
What exactly is the block? Can it be repaired? Is there hope to restore something sweet and deep between the two of you?
Three of Swords - the pain is very deep. This is a difficult energy to overcome. It is truth and it is painful.
Seven of Swords - more swords. More mental energy trying to sort and sift and weigh out and think through and arrive at solutions, answers, concepts and analysis in the hope that swords can fix it. Swords are very tricky energies to handle. They can show great promise and they can also cut like a knife.
The block is something mental over a material concern?
Ace of Wands - yes. There is something in your past with him - Strength - a restraining energy that boxed him in. He felt trapped. Hierophant. Marriage. Ace of Pentacles - your marriage led to material concerns, responsibilities, duties and feeling of obligation... I am getting something related to work and money entered in with the marriage that caused him to feel trapped... as a man, we are very sensitive to being providers and materially successful, You say you are an attorney and therfore it is possible he didn't feel that he "measured" up to you, and he can't be the provider he longs to be... you mentioned money several times in your messages so that energy is strong over you and your relationships,
He feels under pressure to match you at least in material success and can not so he runs to find someone he feels more materially equal to.
Ten of Pentacles - that helps him feel more like a "man" who is materially functional with a female and that could be at the root of this relationship. This has no easy answered though I am simply trying to open out the background here.
Love is the only hope here. Forgiveness. Is it possible you can accept his cheating ways for a while as you seek to reconcile? Invite her over, for tea or something. Embrace his need for another because yuo are so strong materially and in swords. And with the marriage you have the 'law' on your side as well. This man can not win. Love is your only hope... reach out to him in spite of his 'cheating' and try to empathize with him... I bet that were you to do that he would slowly relax and begin to see you as first a good friend... then he remembers you in a more lovely, considerate expression, and then there might be hope for your emotional connection with him
Rosie, you also have some male expectancy concerns, when you say things like "85% of men cheat". I would try to tone that down a little because that is creating an energy in your life that is manifesting as cheating men in your life. Here is a healing affirmation for you in that area:
"Dear Universe. I trust men. Men are kind and sensitive. The men I find are faithful and loving. I see men as beautiful creatures who long for connection with a woman, deeply and tenderly. Help me to see a man in the best possible way and to open my heart, my soul, and me physical expression to men in ways that create deep and intimate unions that can never be shattered. I bless men everywhere and in my universe, all men are lovely and faithful."
There. that might sound like a stretch to you, however you start praying that once in a while and you will begin to attract faith-filled, lovely men energies into your life. Men are simply longing for the same thing as women. Deep intimate union. Men do have a strong s e x ual drive to contend with and can more easily imagine that a soul union can be effected through s e x, however that alone can not create the golden ribbon of love between a male and a female. Only true love can do that.
All will be well for you. Keep the faith. Let me know what you think, I have probably thrown you some 'zingers'. Good!
Zingers, yes you did. Just got an email from him today sent at 11:23 AM asking me if he can sell one of my business trucks and if I will give him $2,000 from the sale so that he can leave my property. I have 2 trucks - one 1999 and the other 1995. I have always told him that I am keeping the 1995 because it is in much better shape that the 1999. I even authorized him to find a buyer for the 1999 truck and once sold, that I WILL give him $2000 to help him move on. However, he keeps coming back telling me that no one is interested in the 1999 but only the 1995. My response to him: I am not planning on selling the 1995 as initially advised. Thanks.
When I get an email or text from him, my heart starts to pound and my hands and feet get cold. I know I want us to work out. I love him. However, not on terms of cheating. Additionally, let me add that his lack of employment, etc has never been a concern and I have always reassured him about that. I also told him that as long as we are, material and monies do not matter. I even went as far as letting him know that once we are in our home of love, no one out there knows who is paying who is not or whatever. I have also gone as far as making him the Director of Operations for my business so that he feels good. His job there was to bring in more clients and grow the business. I invested and started the business SOLELY for him to avoid him ever feeling less of a man. But again, I can only do so much and as much as I have done, I am just not able to understand why he would do something he already knows will destroy our relationship (cheating). Any idea what is about to happen here? To make this easy,
here are my questions and would love to receive your answers based on the cards:
I love him very much. Does he, or has he ever loved me?
Did he marry me for financial conveience or did he do so because of love?
Our divorce is pending. However, I will feel better if we can get off the marriage (be divorced) and start all over (in a committed relationship) until he finds me worthy to marry. By that, I mean, he is able to marry me like a man would - buy me a ring, pay for the marriage, etc as opposed to me doing so (as has happened in our current marriage.) This will also help me see if this man really is willing to love me and as result, stop cheating on me. Am I thinking rationally here? Can this ever be the case here?
Lastly, what do you see possibly happening in the weeks to come?
I am so confused still, hurt, lost and anxious to see how things turn (good or bad). Can't eat, can't sleep, etc. Please render further help!
Thank you and you are an angel for taking the time to help me through this!
I took your advise and reached out to him. I sent him an email. In it, I recapped all my feelings that have resulted from this whole situation. I let him know my love for him is not one based on what he can do for me materially but rather, true genuine and dear love. I did point out to him that it has become evident that he may not have loved me to begin with and/or he thought he could love me but just couldn't. I will be happy to send you the email if there is a secure way to do so. However, i really don't want to post the entire email here. I told him that I am reaching out to him one more last time because I care and because I love him enough to do so. However, I reminded him that he is under no obligation to respond or feel otherwise. At the end, I told him I will put some monies together for him to proceed with what he intends to do for himself (i.e. move out as he put it.). I wished him well and the best with the best of intentions and reminded him that time heals all wounds eventually.
Now, it is a wait and see what becomes of this last attempt. Do you see anything? can you please pull a card for the possible outcome you see and how such email may have made him feel?
If all works out, you are the angel that made it so. If it doesn't, you are still the angel watching over me. Could be a blessing in disguise and that is the only way I will look at it all after all said and done! If this is meant to be, it will be. I have set him free. If he returns, then it is meant to be. If he leaves, then I will wait to see the blessing from it....perhaps a guy with the red car or truck! : -) that you mentioned earlier. Let me know.
Dear Rosie, try this :
Hello Astra and VS, I went on my trip and returned and he is still here. Have not seen him or communicated with him for a while now. I am soooo confused and wondering where this is going? Does he ever plan to leave? My divorce is coming up next week and I am still bent on going through with it. Yet, I am unable to see an end in sight. I will truly appreciate a reading from either one of you or both (great for comparison reasons). Please conduct another reading on this endless situation and advise accordingly. THANK YOU!
I'm in Britain right now and don't have my tarot cards with me, unfortunately. I'll be back home tomorrow night and will do a reading for you. I suppose the Virgo won't have any legal rights to be there after the divorce, so you can ask him to leave at the end og next week. Or you can try and ask him the direct question now in a friendly, but firm way. He is probably just trying to save some money by staying in your house for free for as long as he possibly can.
Thanks VS and hope you have a safe trip back home. Once you have rested, I will wait to hear from you. Hope all else is well. Thanks a million!
Rosie, here is a little contribution from me as well.
Why is he still in your place - Justice reversed - there must have been some legal problems, or he might be wanting to play by the book and only to move out when the divorce is finalised, or he might feel that the way he was treated was not fair.
What does he want from you - the World reversed - he doesn't want to complete the cycle.
Why ? - seven of wands reversed - luck of courage and fear or confrontation .
Why did he marry you ? - the Devil - self delusion, addiction.
Will it ever work out ? - Knight of Cups reversed - untrustworthy, deceptive character. Not to be trusted.
Is he trying to extract money from you ? - Knight of Wands reversed - difficulty concerning travel, property transactions, arising from indecisiveness.
Rosie, stay strong. Try not to give him any more money, otherwise he'll never leave, hoping to get more and more from you.