Whole life changes-any advice

  • Thankyou for sharing , Im trying for a positive outlook , one step at a time

  • Fantastic way of explaining it virgomonkey! Stepping back and finding yourself plus surrounding yourself with animals, plants and positive influences is the way to go! Linda Goodman and Sylvia Browne are my favorite books to read, they explain a lot of things I questioned.

  • As a Pieces myself, I know why your feeling a bit out of the loop. Because of that Crab in Cancer, they are the 1st water sign, and now they will be ruling awhile. We are the last of Zodiac for a reason, We happen to have a little of previos 11 before us, but are smarter, kinder, posotive people there are. Sure we all have bad days, we get up and brush off and go again. I am new to this, hope it helps. Take care.

  • Ruddy- I had a terrible childhood too. I had an abusive father and it wasn't only physical. He told me he didn't like me when I was ten. i remember getting into trouble for eating some ice cream that was in the frig and my mom got in trouble for letting me. he didn't like me because I was supposed to be born a boy. He told me I would never get married because I couldn't make coffee. He told me all sorts of Crp like that. He broke my hand and I never got to go to the hospital for it. there is a piece of my finger bone that is missing and I can collapse my hand and get it out of handcuffs. I'm slightly deaf in my right ear from being slapped so much. so was my mom. We weren't allowed music into our house. We weren't allowed to do what other kids did. I wasn't allowed to date. I was 19 before I had my first kiss. When I got raped, I was afraid to tell my parents because I knew my father would blame me and I would get in trouble. I didn't even know that's what it was called because I knew the guy, he was a co-worker, he had told some other co-workers and, I explained to a female co-worker what happened and she told me it was rape. I had kept telling him No and he forced me down into the seat of a car. Later, I got a boyfriend at and, in order to keep seeing him, I had to move out. I had a little job that my father would pick me up from but, not enough to pay rent. He told me that my boyfriend didn't love me, that he only wanted me for sex. I moved in with my uncle and his woman friend. Later I moved in with my boyfriend. What my dad told me stuck in my head and a baby and 4 years later, I was pushing my boyfriend away, thinking that he really didn't want me. That guy still loves me, 24 years later. I was afraid of my father but, I wanted him to love me and to be proud of me. He Never told me he was proud of me but, he did tell a friend of mine and she told me. I was very self critical because of the lies he had put into my head. I married an abusive person too. I believed the lies and must of felt that's the kind of guy I deserved. We were only married for a year, he cheated on me and he thought he had gotten some girl pregnant, I told him to go be with her. my husband stalked me and threatened to kill me. I got mad enough that I told him to meet me one night in a school yard and we were going to fight to the death. He wouldn't come out of the darkness at the end of the field but, he saw me there in the light and, he never threatened me after that. I feared my father until the day he died. June 9, 2007. After that, I came to understand where his hurt and his ideas came from and, my hurt was buried with him. My parents died 1year, 11months and 2weeks apart. My mom was first. My parents hadn't been living with each other for 12 years. My dad drove my mom to consider susicide. I had to talk her out of it and talk her into coming to stay with me. My father hated me for that. He tried to convince my siblings that it was my fault but, they were like "about time she left" he was very abusive to her and he had been very abusive to my siblings, they were always running away. When my mom moved in with me, she would ask my permission to do anything, even to eat any food in the house, in a shaky voice. I had to say," you don't have to ask," or' I'd love to do it, not problem". It took her a while to realize that she had a right to things and to have things done for her. She asked for a cat, we got one from the SPCA and after that, my kids and her rescuing, we had a zoo!! We even had a Chinchilla that someone didn't want anymore. My mom and my girls were happy.

    The past is past. the only person that hurts when I remember what he did, is me. and it is like I would be saying he was right but, he wasn't he was very, very wrong. I come to realize, my father and all those that abuse, are very self centered. My parents had a lot of secrets.

    You have the ability to decide how you want your past to shape you, now.

    I let you know this to let you see that your not alone about having an ugly childhood, and you can decide how the events of your past, shape you. You actually decide how you want to feel and decide what your going to let go of. It's like Spring cleaning, what do you keep , what do you pack away and what do you leave out to stubble over?

    You do sound like your on your way. Change is scary!! I Know/ feel some more drastic changes coming for me too. My guy is making them happen. he and I are the same destiny number. he is right on with his numerology profile, he's been doing numerology for years. He is an old soul, he's very business(great with money, paid off a 350thou house in 11 years), married to his job and has a company too, which is mainly based in Southern California. I have a 3 day a week job(medical) that pays the bills. I did my guy a favor while he was in Ohio, visiting family for a week,by creating mailing list and making them accessible to him, online. On July 10th, I showed him how to access it, He decided to employ me instead, I didn't ask to be employed, I didn't even ask to get paid! He bought me a much better printer, envelopes, stamps and showed me how he wanted them signed, after doing over a 100 mailers and over 20 hours of work and I have to put them in the mailbox, Yeah I want to get paid now!!(my second job) He had me do the government accrediting so I can work for his company(Pharmacutical) the letter for the accredting request was dated July 7th, he hadn't even said 'employment" to me yet. He has other plans for me too, I can feel it but, he knows how to block me from picking up from him, he knows what I'm trying to do when I rub his back, he smiles with his pretty white teeth and Angelina Jolie lips and blocks! I laugh, he's a clever man and he intrigues me.

    But, I'm ready for some more change, I want it! He knows I want a garden again too!!

  • Im sorry to hear about what you went through , I went through some bad things at the hands of my stepfather . Ive chosen to forgive there is no point in carrying around the anger any longer he is now dead anyway and he was never sorry . The past wont ruin my future. I can choose to live a better life. Its just self confidence i lack.. You sound like your really getting your life on track , and i hope and pray for a lovely life for you. You do deserve it after all you have been through.. tc xx

  • Oh, my life has gotten wonderfully better. I work in the medical field again, I live in a city that I can go out at anytime of the day or night and find something to do. I have very high self confidence. I love learning new things and always seem to get the opportunity to become part of whatever I want to. Sometimes I get pulled into doing something because I have the skills. Only thing I've been missing lately, is having a garden and a backyard to sit out in but, I get to have one of those again sort of. I get a key and alarm code to my boyfriend/bosses house. It's to work on the accounts for his business, on his computer, He's rarely home. he knows that I love taking baths in the jacuzzi bathtub and sitting on the bench in the back yard and reading. When I do either of those things while he's home, he comes looking for me so it will be nice to have sometime alone.

  • Yes, that was for you, Ruddy. Good luck to you! Thats great to hear about your confidence in your career!

  • I had some time tonight to look closer at your elventh house. I read that you have good inspiration and genus in your thinking. I also read that there may be some optsticles to overcome and you may feel hindered by inadequecy.

    I also read that you should sometimes beaware of your aloofness and anti-social behavior and to be aware that there may be some people in your life that are Not your true friends and they may not have your best interests.

    Sounds like being positive will help you a lot!!!

  • I understand the thing about aloofness , it has been more lately, but have suffered a bit of depression and kept myself to myself , at the same time i have sort of left this place in my head in apprehension of moving away so that could be another cause , and i understand the true friends thing too , and am aware of some people who might not be. It all comes out in the end . I am taking this time to try and build my confidence, to realise my shortcomings so i can be stronger for what lies ahead because i know its not going to be plain sailing . I have even started to study the tarot more through books where as i have had a set for a long time but not truly understood it. So thank you for that Desire , I am trying to stay really positive

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