I could really use some advice....
My husband seems to making strange calls at strange hours. He works at night. I had asked him about the phone calls before and he said that one of his coworkers was borrowing his phone to call his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night I was with him during his lunch hour and he started getting text messages. It was the girl saying that my husbands co worker needed to call her right away and it was very important. I replied letting her know that my husband was not at work at the moment but he would let him know when he returned to work.
My husband became very nervous. He called me after his lunch hour ( he never does that) and informs me that he hasn't seen his coworker. Less than a minute after he hung up with me the called started to the girl. They would talk five minutes. He would call her right back and they would talk a few more minutes. Then a text is sent from his phone saying," Hey, I love you and I'm sorry."
Then she asks him what time he is getting off work.
Another call is made at 1:45 AM. They talk for 6 minutes and it's almost 3 AM before he comes dragging home. When he sees I'm up, he starts talking fast and telling me all about this coworker. When I see the " I Love You" text, I show it to him and he says," I don't effin' know who wrote it!". Then he says his co worker had to have wrote it. Ummmmm, okay.....
Also, in the past month he keeps talking about where his co worker lives. It just happens to be in a town I lived at for awhile. We was in that town one day and he described the house and wondered if he could find it. He turned down the wrong street. I told him I knew what house he was talking about. When I told him I knew and could find him for it he lost interest in finding the house, became defensive and refused to take my directions even though he was driving around looking for it a moment before. It's not the last time he has mentioned this house and he always looks up that street when we drive by it but refuses to drive down it.
So, I guess what I'm wanting to know is, am I just being paranoid or, is this a red flag? He still tells me he loves me, has been more affectionate than usual, physically and emotionally and tells me often how he can't live without me. I just get the sense that something isn't right.
Why not just straight out ask him? I think you have EVERY REASON to suspect he's having an affair?
I did straight out ask him. He told me that he isn't doing anything against me and I need to show him some respect. I don't know what to do!
He's guilty of something.....
Call this female directly.
You will get your answers!
He told me to go ahead and call her. He's mad saying I don't trust him. I caught this man red handed in an affair before. Even though I caught him red handed, it was still 8 years before he would admit to it. I guess my only option is to be still, listen, and wait for him to hang himself.
He said the girls boyfriend was going to talk to me and let me know that he was telling the truth. I pull up next to the boy today and he doesn't so much as say hello.....
Oh, and she texted him before I dropped him off and he didn't say anything about it.
PiscesParadox~ He's having an affair....again !...he's gotten much better at making stories or you jabe gotten worse at seeing the truth....seperate now....get some space for you...let him find out what he's missing or get way and dont go back...this is 2 affairs on you....wake up !!!
More than 2. I'm about to go see him. I guess I'll start packing my kids and I's stuff. * Sigh* I am going to talk to that boy. We'll see what's what. I noticed a girl parked where him and I usually park and meet up. She was looking at me and smiling. I saw her texting and he got the text right then but has never said anything to me about it. He took me out and spent a bunch of money on me today. Guilt?
He made comments about 2 or three weeks ago that if he and I started having problems , he wouldn't stay for our kids. Now I see that it wasn't just a random, out of the blue comment like it seemed it was at the time.
Yes, guilt...its an act and a lie...but more like a con..he's tricking you girl...he knows you might leave ...get the hell out of there now....your not stupid...put 2 and 2 together...that girl was waiting for him and she was the one who texted him...youre a fool if you stay...get out of there....and get your kids away froma cheating man...your kids see you going through this...if you have boys, do you want them to treat woman this way??? and if you have girls...do you want them to be treated like you are????? have some pride and dignity and stop being treated like a tramp...
He said that the boy wants to talk to me before he leaves tonight. The girl sent a text offering to call me. I can't say my husband has alot of time unaccounted for because he doesn't. A little the other night but that is all I'm aware of. The calls and text have just started within the past week.
He's never been able to trick me. I've always seen through all of it. He knows I believe that turn about is fair play and I took him to school last time. The last affair he had the girl came out and admitted everything. She tried to discipline one of my kids after that and I walked right up in her house and exploded. One thing I don't do is back down.
I know it burned him because the only place he will go without me is work and he goes everywhere with me. I just don't want to falsely accuse him because of something that happened long in the past. I want to be sure because falsely accusing someone is like spitting in their face and saying," Deep down, I really think you're a POS." At the same time I have to make my boundaries clear. I want to be very clear with him that I won't put up with this suspicious mess... even if that means leaving.
He has had exes contact him and he refused to send them on their way. I did it myself. I have one he is very jealous of and I know that it eats him up when we talk. I told him that when he puts his on the curb then I will mine. It hasn't changed anything. I told him that it is a respect thing. He not getting anymore than I'm given. He knows this. He says he is going to clear this up tonight. We'll see.
Well, if you're ok with text messages...I guess then you're ok with this...are you sure you know where he is all the time...something doesnt smell right, and he's had several affairs on you...is love worth that??? or is it your kids ???
Just be careful....you seem smart and you seem to have a big heart...you must to stay in this....think of your kids...you have to wonder when all this is going to end....because if it doesnt, sooner or later he's going to fu&^ up and you'll be gone....
Darlin, I am not tryingt o be mean, but I really think you are being played like a fiddle!!
An I LOVE YOU text? C'mon darling girl...deep in your gut you know.
The question now is, do you want to try and repair and heal or just walk away??
There is absolutely nothing you could say to convince me that he is not having an affair and that it has been going on for awhile.
I'm not okay with the texts. That's the point. He is the love of my life. We've been together almost our whole life. I do try to understand people. People get confused and make mistakes. He defended his love for several other girls for years until I put my foot down. He came home and I had it all packed up. He spent years treating me like he could do better than me. That's changed in the past few years. Our kids actually have done better because I've stayed with him. He's is crazy about them and will go out of his way to get them whatever they want. It's just hard because real love means letting go of ego sometimes. It's a thin line and the boundaries of that line are blurry. My ego has taken quite the beating over the years but I can't say I haven't given it back.
I AM demanding emotionally. I know this. I'm so devoted that I expect the same. Over the years I will say that whatever I've stood through, he has stood beside me, dam*n the consequences. He has also stood against me to defend the girl he had an affair with ( even though she threw him to the dogs). He knows that sort of disloyalty won't be forgiven twice. I know that this is putting him in a bad position if he's telling the truth about the coworker. I really don't want to do that to him. I try to understand that. It's hard for me to because I have no problem being the bad guy but it bothers him. To me it's cowardly. To him, it's politics. He really is a good person with a great heart. I guess that is what has kept us together so long. He has everything I lack and visa versa.
I appreciate you all's advice. Sometimes other people can plainly see what you don't want to. The only time I can't account for all his time is when he is at work. Love is worth it if it is true. You can never know how true love is unless it is tested. The mistakes you make shows how much you mean to someone. Forgiveness comes for those who love you outside of ego. The thing is, if that love isn't a two way street, is doesn't mean anything. Ego destroys alot of relationships that could have been something good if they both are willing work at it and grow. Mistakes allow that learning and growth but there is always a tipping point because none of us can exist totally without ego. The line is different for everyone, with different people. Ego and self worth are two different things. It seems like I put up with alot and it Seems I have little self worth. I have plenty self worth, just less ego if that makes any sense.
Oh, it couldn't have been going on for awhile. Before this we where together from the time we got up to the time we went back to sleep. The past few weeks is the only chance he would have had. I still think it seems suspicious. I won't let it just go on. I'm not saying that. I was afraid of being overly paranoid because of things that have happened in the past. I am a very jealous spouse and a suspicious person my nature. Everyone reminds me of this all the time. The thing is, I'm rarely wrong. That is what scares me! How should I go about it. Just keep my mouth shut and wait?
Hey PiscesParadox~ Well it seems obvious you know and understand this relationship very well. Maybe you're afraid of saying something that may be taken wrong, without more evidence. Then you have 2 options; 1) be observant and see if anything else happens or is supicous 2) go ahead and say something. I dont think Ego is the case here. I study psychology and the Ego maintains order within us. It prevents us from doing what our impulses wants us to do, which can be wrong becasue it wants to satisy an immediate urge, like to text a girl, or flirt with a guy etc. ..the Ego maintains what society deems normal behavior. I think your husband has the Ego that may be showing some behavior that may not be in order of what you know. So either, observe or confront.
If your instinctcs/paranoia are getting the best of you, well then maybe you should pay attention. May times woman suspect something, but because of love, the kids, the home, the work they find excuses to stop them from doing something, thinking it will get better, because I can at least ignore it, even though it's there, but feeling uncomfortable beats all the trouble that will follow if I say something.