Blmoon need more advice please

  • Blmoon a few weeks ago you answered my request for insight on my troubled relationship. You had information regarding his finances as well as the life he is living in LA LA land. He has now missed paying his half of the mortgage payment for the second month since he left. I don't know why I am reluctant to contact him regarding the money or if I should even contact him. I can afford to make the payments but I resent having to. On the other hand I know paying would and is a hardship for him.

    Do I fear alienating him? Would it make any difference if I did try and make him face his obligations? I believe he will try and just give me the mortgage obligation as well as any proceeds when the cottage sells. He has said he has no intention of ever returning to the cottage his new home is in the south . I'm not sure I am ready to give up all hope that he will be a part of my life.and the cottage is a tie to him. Maybe it even means more and I can't see it.

    Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated. My Birthday 12/18/44 His 3/18/41

    Love and blessings to you.

  • Sorry for cutting in, but I just had a very strong feeling that I should ask you if it is really love you feel for this man or just a fear of abandonment? I feel like you need to be needed but there are plenty of disadvantaged people out there who could use your help. You don't have to keep wasting your time and energy on this man who behaves more like a child leaving the sanctuary of his home and mother to venture out into the big wide world to meet new people and have new experiences. I really don't feel he will return for good now that he has seen what there is out there for him. He is finally growing up, though he keeps looking over his shoulder as he walks further off down the road, because you, his mother substitute, keep waving at him despite his moving off. i don't even feel it is the other woman that he is particularly moving towards but just maturity and a need to experience a grownup life. I feel it is more the loneliness and rejection of being left behind, more than the actual man himself departing that hurts you. I think given hindsight and the objectivity of distance, you will come to look at this time as your days of freedom rather than desertion. You were always stronger than him and you always looked after him. Now it's time to care for yourself.

  • Oooh I am glad someone else jumped in before me, I read this this morning early and was afraid to answer out of place. That is really bad form on his part if he does not live up to his responsibilities and you really should not be making excuses for him. Go out there and get your money from him and really please stop letting him abuse you in this manner. Sorry for the hard feeling coming off this (Captain will probably comment lol) but oooo you are being used and that makes my blood boil.

    OK off to channel the energy in to something else like vacuuming crumbs from under the couch.

    Look after yourself.


  • Captain The original post was to you or anyone who could help and blmoon answered. She had a clear vision of the circumstances so I went back to ask her more questions. Now you answer with new insight and equally valid and accurate information. It appears the universe wants me to get the information as I am ready to hear it and as I begin to see the answers myself. I'll explain... A couple of months ago as I was grapling with what to do, where to go etc I went to the book store. I was drawn to a book Journey through abandonment. It rang true but then he and I reconnected (sort of) I put the book away. I did not go back after he walked out again without an I am saddened that I was a type of mother (care taker) to him. He appeared to be a much stronger man.

    I believe I do love him but... recently I have been having a hard time not just thinking what do I do now. All of the plans are now different and I will have to replan my entire life. I don't find that exciting yet. I rather enjoy being alone but maybe the prospect of alone for the rest of my life frightens me. I seldom am lonely but fear turning into a hermit if permitted.

    If he is gaining maturity why does he act so immature. A mature person would have contacted and said how do we work out the finances, he would have ended our relationship without a replacement for me he wouldn't be parading her around to his family and friends like a new prize. Does thant sound like a rant. It maybe but he needs to do a lot of growing.

    PAddi don't ever feel like you are pushing in where not wanted sometimes only those on the outside can see what needs to happen. It is sometimes so clear and can't be seen. Will try and find my big girl panties You are correct this is abuse I deserve better. I shouldn't have to fight for better. There were no hard feelings coming off your comments. Just the unvarnished truth of the situation.

    CAptain I think you asked exactly the right question now I need to find that answer. Will it hurt less if I do? Finding this site was my attempt at taking care of myself

  • ABP, 'gaining' maturity is not 'being' mature. Your ex has only started to walk along a very long, steep and winding road to higher awareness. He will stumble, get lost, and backtrack often, as we all do. You are further along this road than he is, which is why you cannot travel it together. He would have to hurry a heckuva lot to catch up to you and he may not be ready or able to do that. Everyone's pace is their own to choose. You must stop dallying to looking back at him and look forward to see all the people who are there on the road with you. You are not alone, not in the least. Your friends and supporters on earth, your guides, and your angels are all there with you, urging you on.

    And yes, finding the right answers will ease your way.

  • Paddi, oh Paddi, there is nothing wrong with your straight talk. What's that about breaking a few eggs to make an omelette?

  • on a practical level I contacted him regarding the mortgage by email and he just deleted the message. Why does the disrespect continue?

  • Get yer claws out girl!

  • sharpening now. Will polish them so he knows he is dealing with a "lady"

    Paddi are you OK Last week you were looking inro manipulation?

  • Hi, He does sound like a brat when he deleted your message--you've been dealing with this a long time. Captain is right-on w/this. Create your own positive environment and leave him out of it. I know it's hard as I have an issue w/letting go and it is abandonment issues w/me as well. Walk away from this.

  • I am trying to walk, I think. My head is ready but my heart doesn't seem to follow. For some reason my letting go mechanism isn't working. I need to find something to replace the hole he left. I can think of lots of ways that he has treated me callously since he left so feel I am beginning to see that the emptiness isn't him but the fact the plans are gone and I can't seem to see any others. Maybe that is fear, insecurity, lack of imagination or just laziness.. We were moving towards retirement and had things arranged so that I could stop working by Chistmas. He did retire and left me holding the bag so to speak. I could still do that but don't know why I would. I guess that's the hole that I need to fill.

    Can't he see that the nonpayment keeps me tied to him. I will continue to contact for payment on occasion and the irritation keeps him in my head. I would assume it works that way for him also. The cottage will not sell during the winter so this will go on for months.

  • You know ABP I think you and your hub are about the same age as my parents (I am 39). It is sad to see the same games being played at that age which I would associate with wisdom as those that the young 20 year olds are complaining about here. I hope you find a way out. I am okay, it is no fun walking in a constant state of red alert to avoid manipulation but researching it has made me change some of my ways too and we did manage to have one adult conversation so far. Baby steps. I cannot change him but I can change myself.

    Hugs to you dear better place your screen name gives me a rush of hope every time I read it, it sounds greatxxP

  • Paddi one would think that by this time in a life things would be pretty settled. In fact that may be part of the problem. I have read somewhere that once anything stops growing then it dies. I had come to a place of contentment or perhaps complacent and up pops this fairly major "learning opportunity". Maybe the universe wasn't ready for me to drift off into the sunset or maybe there are lessons that I hadn't accomplished.

    The good thing about this all going on late in life is the small children are not involved and they can't be used for drama or leverage. The only people standing out there are the parties involved. I do believe I am blessed by being the injured party (which is no picnic) and not one of the other 2. I think they must have so much more spiritual work to do and my path is hard enough.

    I did read that the fastest growing age group for sexually transmitted disease is 60 years and above. so there are alot of restless people out there

    Keep your guard up for the control freaks AND MANIPULATORS. I am happy you had that conversation> I think the first one is the hardest.

    Yes I am moving to A better place. (ever so slowly)

  • ABP, Daliolite is right - you must focus on being positive, and that includes sending positive, not negative thoughts to your ex. Imagine if he could hear every bad thought you have had recently about him. Would that make him want to do right by you - of course not! We all subconsciously pick up the vibes people send at us, so try sending your ex messages of forgiveness and of asking him to do the right thing by you. And forgive and love yourself too. If you open yourself up to finding a new path for yourself, the Universe will certainly fill the void in your life.

  • I guess I have become more negative recently. I know that thoughts are things and I should do better for my own sake.

    I have been treating him with respect and consideration for many months, even to the point of being reluctant to ask him about the money.

    . I'll work on thoughts of forgiveness which may come with acceptance. which will come in time.

    This is pretty frustrating like running in circles

  • ABP, make sure you are not sending your ex subconscious contradictory messages like "I want this to be over and done/Don't leave me, come back home.' Any conflicting messages will just keep the situation going around and around in a neverending loop. Someone has to get off the merry-go-round once and for all.

  • I am better today. The past month has been a roller coaster of conflicting feelings and thoughts and very emotional. I'm not sure why I feel better and calmer but I do.

    I posted a happening regarding a new car transmission and how spirit made me aware I am being cared for in Anything goes. Perhaps just the realization that there are many positives in my life that I couldn't see.

    Maybe just the sadness of his leaving is more about my reaction and fear of being alone and not the leaving itself. I am basically a very strong woman, as many are once the fog clears

    As I have been told we all must grow at our own rate. I miss him but My life is going on. I have more happy than sad moments. Finally

    I had a dream last night, and I never remember, regarding a big snake, really big. It seemed to go on for hours. I watched it on the floor just coiling and rolling. The was no fear just a detached observation of he/she is trying wrestle with something. Like a strong determination to see or capture something. Maybe that is me wrestling with a new life path.

    Thank you for your insight into my situation it has helped me take a few more steps forward

  • The snake....kundalini force and regeneration.

    Doesn't the snake shed it's skin?

    You are shedding the old skin and moving toward a new life force within yourself.

    Casting off the old to begin anew.

  • Watergirl

    That is reassuring for me. I do not like snakes they always startle me and make me uneasy in real life. You always offer such calm insight to all.

    I think the most memorable part outside the calm determination of the snake was my detached calmness. I couldn't pull my eyes away I just watched and when I wakened it was naturally with a "that took a long time" thought.

    I often read your replies and they all support each individuals personal growth. Most I can apply to myself so I just go about gleaning from others.

    Many blessings to you and much healing light


  • I have heard that people who have lost loved ones often dream of snakes. Snakes are often seen as symbols of life, death and rebirth. The fact that when awake you fear snakes, yet in the dream you did not, undoubtedly means you are facing your fears more calmly and objectively.

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