Captain, PLEASE Advise Me on New Beau

  • I recently met a Gemini man and I'd like some insight on things. We began talking back in late August, then finally met in person late September, and things have been non-stop ever since. I think we hit it off and he's actually asked to see me every Friday and Saturday since the day we first met. I must admit, the chemistry is great. Lately he's been asking me for a committed relationship, but I am hesitant to get it one yet.

    Here's the issue: Basically, this coming weekend, he is having his retiremenent party after 20 years of military service. Its a big formal ordeal, but I'm not going. Seems the event was intended to be a "family affair", which his family began planning a year ago. According to him, he had no idea he'd meet anyone-let alone fall or anyone, so taking a date was never considered. My problem is the fact that he claims to be so into me (he took me to a familly function on our 3rd date, and he's constantly asking me for a committed relationship), yet he doesn't understand me being insulted that he hasn't invited me to his retiirement party. I can accept that its a "family only" event, but as I told him, I think the real reason he hasn't asked me to attend has more to do with his son's mother coming. Granted, we only started dating about a month ago, I am PO'd that he doesn't get why I am angry.

    I need some insight. I don't know what to make of this. He has been an absolute chivalrous man from day 1 (opening doors, wooing me, going out of his way to win my affection)...I just need to know if I should give him the benefit of the doubt or cut and run. His b-day is June 16, 1968 and mine is March 4, 1971. THANKS!

  • Jazzy, you are always going to be way more sensitive than this guy. He is more into talking and being witty and keeping it light, while you are into sharing your deeper feelings. Thus, while you seem to be communicating, you might not be actually getting through to each other on a deep level, unless you both try to see into each other's different worlds of emotions vs thoughts. You Jazzy also can dislike your partner's aggressive attitude at times and he can be very unsympathetic to your need for privacy and withdrawal, because of his love of and need for socializing. He requires someone who can share his dynamic lifestyle - someone who has the patience and endurance to keep up with his abundant energy and love for a variety of experiences. He should never marry young, as it can be many years before he finds out who he really is and what he really wants. You may find many of his social contacts rather superficial ones or that he gets overinvolved with a never-ending list of people to see and places to go. You can try to teach him the value of seeking more solitude from time to time. Your friend can identify with and be influenced too much by his family and can get caught up in parental and familial expectations - if they like and approve of you, then he will deepen the relationship. If not...he may back off. He needs to learn to become more of an individual and strengthen his sense of self separate from the family.

    The focus of the relationship could become mutual criticism, yet the two of you also share a hunger for peak experiences - especially those that raise consciousness and forward the pursuit of lofty goals. So this aspect should be emphasized more than the disapproval if you want the relationship to endure in some form. Such endeavours may also feature an intensification of your shared love of the natural world. If the two of you can learn to accept each other completely, a profound experience can await you. The aim of raising consciousness is an admirable one but, if the means are questionable, they may subvert and swallow up the goal itself. The critical atitiude inherent in your relationship can be put to good use, encouraging objectivity and exposing otherwise confused states of mind to the clear light of reason. One problem with your love affair and/or marriage is the danger that drugs and artificial stimulants will be used to gain unnatural highs, thereby fostering addiction. The two of you are capable of an almost psychic connection but, if carried too far, you can become a closed and somewhat isolated unit, cut off from family and friends. Thus, marriage is not recommended here unless you stay in contact with the world..

    Your partner wants to be able to 'do his thing' according to his own impulses, without being limited by anyone else's input. If he can break away from his family's influence on him, he can be a leader, a pioneer, an independent adventurer (who may be hard to pin down). He is however looking for the ideal committed partnership and wants to experience happiness, harmony, fairness and support with one special lover. But often ordinary humans just don't measure up - the perfect love object exists only in his mind. He can go from idealizing someone one minute to being horribly disappointed the next - and probably often has done so. You Jazzy need to feel valuable and wanted and need a lover who will also be your best friend, whom you can love passionately and be adored by in return. But you need to stop seeking other people's approval and just go with the flow. Don't try to force love - receive it naturally in its own time. Spending time wth like-minded others and openly expressing your unorthodox views and visions will attract a lover who will give you the support you need.

    Whether this relationship endures depends on how much you two differently oriented personalities can deal with and accept those differences.

  • BRAVO, Captain. Wow! I can see glimpes of truths in that response already. We certainly are hitting the communication confusion you mentioned. Well, I so appreciate your insight! THANKS TONS!

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