Emotional manipulation



  • This probably belongs in TheCaptain's bootcamp but I am putting it here as I know I am not alone in this. Despite several warnings from a few of you I did not react, but today I asked a dear friend for a quick tarot insight in to our company because there is a major problem there. To my complete surprise the card he pulled was the 3 of swords again and he said I was -here it comes- being emotionally manipulated. Ok so I could no longer ignore it so I googled the term and now I am sick to my stomach because my husband has been successfully manipulating me and I have been too blind to see it.

    My question is how many of you have experience, how have you fought it? And more worryingly abd a qu for the psychics, is he doing the same to the kids? He has accused me of it and I have agreed with him.

    Guys I really feel sick, really physically sick. Anyone have a word of encouragement

    xPaddifluff



  • Emotional manipulation? I think many of us have faced that or ARE facing that without even realizing it. You now have a lot of personal power as you realize what is happening. All I can do is commiserate and share my own experience. Not sure if it was the best way to handle it but... My mother did this to me and tried to keep me living near her and would play on my biggest fears and worries to keep me around. I didn't understand the feeling of guilt for a long time and it's source but once I did, I felt empowered and finally wrote her a letter explaining my thoughts. She did not take this well. It took a year for us to finally rebuild a relationship but it IS much stronger now. In my case, I felt it needed to be address and pointed out. I don't think people even realize they are doing this. It's not a good feeling and very difficult to deal with but I believe that writing everything down can help. That alone can be healing and sometimes release the feeling of bondage. Also, the written word is so powerful and can be referred back to and read often. I would write and re-write your feelings until you have it totally straight in your mind what is going on and give that to your husband. Make it very factual and try to keep any anger or finger pointing out of it. THAT was my mistake as I let my anger come through in my letter. Your husband may not even realize what he is doing. I'm sorry. I know that's a tough one to deal with but nobody should have the power over us to control our actions or how we feel. I hope that helps. All the best xx



  • HI stonyeye, thanks for sharing. I hope and I pray that he does not know that he is doing it, but when I read about manipulators and especially narcissists then it makes me wonder. He does have a dominant personality and likes to be in control, but I never ever thought he might want to control me, whatever on earth for?

    xxPaddifluff



  • Just be aware and look for triggers, things that incite him, my daughter is one and most control freaks are. Will talk more tomorrow! Don't worry.



  • I've found that many relationships (in fact most) are about control. Even in small ways. It is the abnormal person who can let someone live their life without trying to control their actions in some from or another. That sounds jaded. I don't mean it to be. I think it is human nature.. We all want to feel as though we are in control of our lives and the direction and sometimes (often actually) that spills over into relationships with others. I grew up with a control freak of a father. We are able to talk about it now and in his older age, he is able to see his mistakes and apologize. Even now, if he slips back into the role, all I have to do is point out what he is doing and he will back off. It is the reason my mom left him and it took THAT (after 30+ years of marriage) for him to finally wake up and analyze his own actions and the effects he had upon her to the extent that she felt she needed to get away. He really had no idea how controlling he was. I hope your husband is the same and would open to discussion about it. Thinking of you. Love, SE



  • Everyone physically (using your body), emotionally (using their feelings for you), mentally (trying to be clever or more cunning than someone else) or spiritually (pretending to give good spiritual advice when it is simply self-serving or ego-boosting) manipulates other people. The difference is in HOW MUCH we do it as there are many varying degress of manipulation, WHY we do it, and if we do it UNCONSCIOUSLY or CONSCIOUSLY.



  • I think all of us have tried to manipulate others or have been manipulated. It seems to be a matter of degree. I would say that it must be significant if it is showing up in readings. (but then again what do I know) It is important for you to determine how you are being manipulated, if the person is aware that it is manipulation, what is the goal of the manipulation and how are you reacting to it.

    It may be of little consequence if you aren't reacting. If you are reacting then pull up your big girl panties and make a statement like " i am aware that your are trying to control me and my response. I am more than willing to discuss the issue in a more positive manner" I think strong manipulation tactics are a form of anger and the need to control people and circumstances.

    Of course you are nervous but now you know what to begin to look for



  • Manipulation--getting what you want regardless. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.



  • Yes indeed we all do it, I used to be great at getting my way with my father if I wanted it, bit of a tear dropper. Abetterplace tbe big girlie pant talk usually ends up in me being told what my failings are and why he thinks I am reacting the wayI do, conversation is always twisted away from him, he is always right and it usually ends with him saying - well if you think I am so bad maybe you should leave me- followed by a banging door amd a few days of silence. I hate conflict and am usually too caring or unwilling to battle it out so I get hurt.

    Oh I am not alone not at all. I am off now to get some professional help organised for myself.

    Thanks for all your replies, it is not really a tarot subject.

    xxxxPaddi



  • take care of yourself. You can do this. Just because he says that it does not make it so..


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