So in need of a psychics help please!
Hello. I am so hurt and confused over my guy friend. We have been friends for abt 3 yrs, long distance. Recently i moved to his state, since being here he has been doing this 'get close, push me away' thing. One minute saying he wants more than friendship with me, telling me to "come kiss him". Then the next minute telling me to "stay away".
He has been extremely moody and just plain mean lately. He tells me he has been single and alone for 20 yrs and doesnt know how to cope with me in his life. He keeps finding reason after reason to stop contact with me, but usually always returns a month later. His behavior is hurting me so badly, i care a lot for him but i'm not sure he cares abt me in any way, he's been acting very cold towards me lately.
He keeps saying that i am "tempting his faith". He is very religious, and i come from a religious family as well, so i'm not sure why he feels i'm trying to lead him away from his faith. He was on a website not long ago asking a priest for help with our situation. We havent spoken in abt 2 weeks, he told me to "just go away", so thats what i did.
Will i hear from him again? Is there another woman he may be interested in now? Can someone please help me make sense of all this, maybe see what could be going on with him?
Our DOB's if needed are... mine 9-8-76... his 12-27-60
Thank you so much in advance, i'm so heartbroken and stressed over this.
It is going to be very difficult for the two of you to establish your relationship in the same physical space, for you both tend to be territorial and possessive, and will find it hard to share what you see as your own. In fact, seeing each other only from time to time may be the only way this relationship can exist. Marriage is definitely not recommended unless issues over personal space and ownership can be resolved. A divorce would certainly reveal the extent of these controlling attitudes, featuring some vehement fighting over property, children, pets or whatever you both think you 'own'.
A love affair however should be less troubled than a marriage because the two of you may place a much higher value on ideals, affection and consideration - in short, intangibles. Your matchup can be quite sensual - in fact, gustatory, tactile and sexual areas will draw you both like a magnet and can prove the solid basis of your relationship. Still, avoiding the common ownership of possessions is a good idea for this romance. Your partner needs a lot of time to make up his mind so you need to respect that and you must not seek to impose your will on him. He has a restless, curious mind and finds it hard to focus on just one thing at a time. He needs to get away from everything and everyone from time to time too, but he shouldn't indulge this escapism to the point where he becomes scattered and loses his credibility. Alcohol may also be a problem for him. He fears being trapped or tied down and forced to narrow his interests in a relationship so he will always need to be free to come and go as he pleases. If you become too critical of him, he will just cut all contact with you. The straight and narrow road just isn't for him so you need to ask yourself if you can put up with this man and all the issues that are likely to come up in this relationship.
Hello, wow i am blown away by the accuracy of your post. You picked up on him so well, he actually told me some of the things you mentioned above. I've also wondered for quite awhile if he has a problem with alcohol, though he has told me he does not drink, his mood swings and disappearing acts have given me an idea that there may be a problem of some type present.
I'm respecting his wishes and have not contacted him in any way. Can you tell me if he will return? And also, does he care abt me me in any way? He doesn't show it if he does, he's extremely cold most of the time.
Thank you so much for your help Captain, i'm just totally amazed by your post. You really helped clear some things up for me.
Basically this man is a creature of habit and set in his ways to an extreme degree. It is very doubtful that he will ever be flexible enough to let someone get right inside his life to share all that he is and has. He is not big on sharing. The bottom line is that he cares more about his life routines not being disturbed than he cares for anything or anyone else. he sees other people as less than perfect. The ideal situation for him is to have his own place while his partner has hers and he visits when the mood strikes him - she doesn't visit him at all and leaves him be to go off on his little 'adventures'. He cannot stand for other people to disrupt his life. He really only wants a part-time girlfriend and he senses you want more, so he backs off. He will never change so you have to decide if you can put up with this behaviour or not. Really he would be happier living in an isolated cave like a religious hermit..
Oh my gosh, you've again hit the nail on the head! He is extremely set in his ways, he actually came out and told me once, that i, as well as others, are an inconvenience to him and his life. He has made plans with me then broke them soon after saying he doesn't want to be obligated to anyone for any reason. He asked me to come visit with him one evening, when i did he wouldn't let me in his apartment, stated his reason as 'its not worth stepping into'.
After being alone for 20 yrs i thought he would welcome having a female in his life. He is a loner, hardly any friends, alone most of the time. In a way i feel sorry for him, feel that he is missing out on so much. I don't guess he's all that lonely and unhappy though, he seems extremely wrapped up in himself.
Again, you have amazed me, picked up on him to a T. Thank you so much for your help. Not sure what to do in this situation, i care a lot for him, but i feel he sees me as nothing more than a disruption. Don't think i can take much more of the pushing and pulling he does with me. He wants to be close to me, but won't allow me to be close with him. Now i understand why.
Thanks so so much. You've been a huge help to me
You're welcome. I sense so much that is good in you and you have so much to give - it would be a shame if you wasted it on someone like this guy who can't appreciate it. Maybe he will, but only after you've gone.
Thank you for such a kind comment =). Hopefully someday i will find a guy who will appreciate it.
Thanks again, your help and guidance is extremely appreciated Take care