Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Three

  • AB, do you know which times/things cause the sparkle lines and which times/things cause the worry wrinkles?

  • Sparkles are when I am happy and things are going good. I love spending time with my friends and family. Nothing puts a smile on my face faster than being around one of my best friends granddaughter. Frowns come from worrying about money, cars breaking down, things that require money that I do not have. Frowns come from feeling inadequate. Frustrated.

  • AB, you seem to have a lot of outside happiness triggers but what about yourself makes you feel happy?

  • Sitting next to the ocean and watching the waves...looking for rocks on the shore. Traveling to places that I've never been. I was incredibly lucky to get a trip to Mexico this year and I enjoyed every minute of it. I love to travel. Being around my kids at times...they are teenagers so there are times they are a source of frustration but when we're all getting along and relaxing it, I love it. I love the warmth of a fire...cuddling under blankets...doing well in school...helping people. Making a difference to someone. Feeling loved.

  • wow Captain, it seems like my lot in life to be a mother! haha.

    Do you see me getting into a relationship any time soon? I feel like the fact that I'm a mother has chased so many men away, and I understand - it is A LOT to take on.

  • AB, I mean what about your own self makes you happy, not what in the outside world gives you joy.

  • AriesMama, actually I feel like your relationship with your son is going to take priority in your life now and be the best relationship you can have at the moment.

  • Until my ex comes back? That seems like an awfully long time. I can see what you're saying though, I haven't really opened myself up for another relationship since my son was born.

  • No I am not advocating that you wait around for your ex to come back - as you suggested, that could be a VERY long time to go without love or companionship.

  • I'm proud of my integrity, my kindness, my compassion and empathy. I am happy with who I am on the inside. I still have issues with the shell I carry but who I am makes me happy. I feel good with how I treat other people. I may not always treat myself with as much care but I work on it all the time and have to remember my shell isn't who I am.

  • What is your shell like, AB?

  • My shell is overweight and aging. I am not too concerned about the aging because we all do it but I get hung up on the weight. Starting back with a weight loss program that I was in tomorrow so definitely going to work on getting rid of it again with support. It was a good environment that was very supportive. I know my weight doesn't define who I am but I also know that people judge based on appearances and when I don't feel good about my appearance.....

  • It would be weird dating someone knowing they're not the one. I guess maybe I'm just old fashioned about that stuff, but I'd like there to be a future with them. Since having my son I've become a lot more picky as well, and I won't settle for less than "my type". Maybe it's just an excuse to give myself longer to get to where I want to be physically and emotionally before I put myself out there again so my "type" actually is interested in me.

    It may be shallow but physical attraction is so important to me, and anyone who is paying me attention right now just isn't physically attractive to me. I like my men to be in shape and take care of themselves...or at least show me they make the effort. And be tall! haha.

    I guess I just want the unattainable: All the physical/emotional attributes of a dominant man, without any of the negative. I'm not sure he exists.

  • AriesMama, are you prepared to be alone all your life with your 'impossibly perfect partner' list? Are you perfect enough for a perfect man?

  • AB, it sounds like you are stuck in the 'little child trying to please her parents' stage.

  • Interesting that you say that because I know my parents have harped on my weight but this year at Christmas, they actually left it alone and didn't say anything but encouraging words when we all talked about our weight. I think if anything, it's me trying to please me. I physically hurt at times because of the weight. I have a hard time standing up and get way more tired than I probably should. I'm tired of feeling this way....of being this way.... I want my body to match how my mind feels most of the time. Healthy and happy.

  • AB, it takes more than one occasion of positivity for anyone to overcome the long years of negativity put on them. Your parents may have changed for the better but you are still struggling to lift decades of their negative comments off your back. in a way, your past self (the child) is still struggling to please the 'past' parents, not the present-day ones. Your subconscious cannot forget their old words and harsh comments. The child in you doesn't believe they have changed and still wants to please them so they will not be so critical and unloving. But your child needs to get off her chest all that she felt - and still feels - for their rough treatment of her. Once you have gotten out all the anger and resentment etc. inside , you will have 'grown up' and will have no need for any fleshy suit of armour to protect you from unkind barbs.

  • It's not that I WANT a perfect partner, I think I'm just coming up with all of these qualities to keep myself single.

    I also do not think I am perfect, but I know deep down that I'm a catch (I think everyone is, to be fair, and we all deserve our 'ideal' partner). I have areas I could improve, and they are goals of mine. A very specific one is to improve my self esteem, the reason why I keep hooking up with these 'losers' is for that reason alone. And like attracts like, right? If I feel great about myself, I'll attract great things. And I'm starting to see that, just from the little bit I've applied to my life. Doors are opening up that I never thought would - especially when it comes to the career aspect of my life.

    As far as my ideal partner, I want him to be physically fit - like me. It would be a great influence to challenge myself. But he would be kind in his encouragement. I think physical attraction is SO important too. I've been in a relationship where I just wasn't attracted at all, and felt it would get better...but if it's not there from the beginning of the relationship I've learned it definitely doesn't come at all later. He also drank heavily and that was a HUGE turn-off. Now I'm realizing it wasn't so much his outward appearance, as his ugly personality that turned me off first, and then it matched the outside to just an all-around terrible situation I'd put myself in. Leaving that was the beginning of finding myself and what I like in a partner, and I felt particularly strong.

    My ex, while he is very handsome would have to change his personality drastically in order for things to get any better between us. We both do. But from the sounds of it - that will happen in the years apart we are going to go through. I saw it initially, and we had something great. But he did a complete 360 when I became pregnant. If he becomes the person I fell in love with, but BETTER, I know I don't stand a chance saying no to him when he comes back. He was my best friend, and I miss THAT person every day. I don't think I'll ever really get over that person. But you learn to deal with those feelings in a different way as time goes on.

  • AriesMama, rather than have a certain agenda or wish list for a partner, maybe just ask and trust the Universe to send you the right person? Otherwise you may be leaving out people who you don;t think would be 'suitable' but who could do you a lot of good. There may be parts of yourself that you don't know about that need a different type of partner to the one your conscious mind thinks it needs.

  • I read this the morning before I went to work and was running out the door and my first immediate thought was...I don't think so. But...I also know that when I immediately reject something it means that I need to contemplate on it more. So, I thrashed it around my head today and yes, there is still a part of me that wants complete acceptance from my parents. I don't think my parents meant to be harsh but in their minds were trying to be more encouraging. I got 3 A's and a B on a report card and it was good but why not 4 A's? That type of thing. I don't keep house the way they do and it is a constant stress to me that people will not approve of my home and the way I keep it. I'm not a decorator. My house is comfortable and cluttered at times. Everyone else's seems so immaculate and well decorated and I feel like mine doesn't measure up but then I also remind myself that it doesn't need to. It's my house and it reflects me. I did finally tell my parents the time before last they came to visit that my house was never going to be perfect and that they needed to just ignore it and come spend time with me. It wasn't worth the stress I go through for their visits and they just needed to accept it for what it was. If they didn't like it, they could always come down and help me out...which they haven't done in a long time. Anyway, I have voiced much of this and at the age of 73, there is some stuff that I don't say because I don't want to hurt them because I don't believe that they ever said stuff to hurt me deliberately. I honestly think in their minds they were not being so critical. I've have made great strides with them in this regard but for the last little bit left, how can I get around that without hurting them?

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