Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Three

  • I think I'm afraid they will sneak up on me like they did before if I forget about them, so I literally stand guard and wait for them to attack so they can't hit me as hard, hard to let that go, but I'm always ttrying to figure out how.

  • I think panic attacks are all about perspective - what seems like a terrible ordeal to you may seem to an onlooker to be much less than you fear. A friend of mine used to get panic attacks so bad that he always ended up in hospital. But one day while he was in the emergency ward unable to breathe properly, someone was wheeled in with an arrow stuck right through his head. My friend was shocked out of his panic attack by relaizing how much very worse other people can have it compared to him. He has never had another attack since that day of insight.

  • I can understand that, yes. The doctor told me to move forward don't stop living my life, and don't come running back there everytime, and thats what I did. I take steps forward and back a lot, but the thoughts of going to the hospital, I let those pass, I don't act on them, although I think I would have difficulty possibly knowing is there was every truly a reason to go because I've dealt with the fake symptoms so much. At this point, its all in my head and I have to work on it from there. Some people do it without any meds, some people do with only one med, some are on ten, some recover after one attack, some spend their lives in fear, I am forever trying to figure out what I'll be doing, accepting no indpendence, and limitations has not be been something I can do, so I continue to try but I do need to push myself past the comfort zones once that is what they become again. I do what your friend felt though, I wouldn't drive myself to my own therapy, but one day a friend came by collecting for a child with rare cancer, the same form that had taken his teen daughters life the week before very sudden. He was out running around collecting liek crazy to ease wht must have been immeasurable pain. I thought if he can get out of bed today, then I can drive myself to therapy, and I did. Your right Captain, it constantly needs to be brought back into prespective. Thats one of the kickers of anxiety disorders, atleast with me I know its not real , as in I am not facing a life threatening ordeal, and I had that told to me many times in the past, but some therapists encourage patients to say they are dealing with this ilness or that ilness instead of telling a boss or who ever about the real problem because people truly may not understand how paralyzing it can be. I don't blame them at all, never lie about it, but I am defintly not as forcoming as I use to be about it either.

  • What keeps me going is I know that can get better! its highly curable! So I keep that in mind when it feels hopeless:)

  • Captain and BC, I have always known this was a job that was temporary and not for my purpose. It just helped with the money thing but since I have been getting grants for school, I'm not in the destitute arena. I just have to budget more and keep an eye on the spending. I am doing hospice training this weekend and the further I get into working with End of Life people, the more interesting it is becoming. I am hoping to get an internship going with the place that is training me so that I can do part of my internship along with volunteering every week doing hospice. I still do the volunteering with the people who are actively dying also and it is very rewarding. I know big things are coming my way this year. Really big things. I was reading something about the Chinese New Year and realized this is the year of the dragon which I am one. It just was like another bit of confirmation that this is going to be a really big year. My working out thing is really helping align me and get my energy balanced. I talked to my daughter today about getting rid of my scale and she was like ok, go for it. Huh? Wow...I haven't gotten her dependent on it for self-esteem. Thank god. It will go away next week. :0)

    BC, the whole process you are going through is so difficult but it is good to see that you are doing what you need to do to keep it in perspective. Anxiety and panic attacks really are perspective and how you view things. I think you're doing an awesome job. Keep going! You'll get passed this.

  • Bluecat, many advisors say that we humans never do anything (even things that are bad for us) unless we are getting something out of it. Helping others makes us feel good. Eating unhealthy junk food gives us a rush or comfort. Even an abused person stays with their abuser for various convoluted personal reasons that have nothing to do with being unable to break away. Perhaps it would be helpful in understanding your panic attacks if you asked yourself if there could be something they give you that you are not ready to let go of - say, maybe they have become an excuse to get you out of doing stuff in your life or they get you attention from doctors or whatever. It's not a pleasant thing to admit that we all have a selfish agenda, but it does makes logical sense that we all need a good personal reason or incentive for doing anything.

  • Captain, what do you think about panic attacks that are brought on by, say, a drop in seratonin due to migraines? Is there any possible pay-off (anything one might get out of it), or can it ever be simply a chemical thing? I mean, I can think of a lot of ways to take a break or get attention that are much less painful.

  • Sandpiper, every physical response in your body, even chemical ones, are caused by emotional issues. When do your migraines occur - could they be prompted by you wanting to avoid doing something?

  • I used to get migraines about thirty years ago - I worked out they were caused by me wanting everyone to go away and leave me alone for a while. Since I was forced to lie down alone in a dark room while my family had to tiptoe around outside due to the fact that I couldn't stand any noise, I guess I got what I wanted, rather painfully however. Once I figured it out, the terrible headaches vanished like magic.

  • Mine aren't so bad any more (YAY for getting older!). The trigger is barometric pressure-when a storm is coming in or leaving. They have knocked me out of things I really wanted to do, or even just relaxing, I think probably more often than things I wanted to avoid?

  • Backlog of stress? Coming out when it's not so stressful?

  • Could it be a fear of storms, Sandpiper? Bad weather is something that is beyond man's control and as such can be very frightening.

  • 🙂

  • Captain i have a question, if you want I can post it somewhere else, I've been wanting to start a home business of some type, what do you think I would be good at? It would have to have a low start up cost thats for sure, I am pryaing and waiting on answers from the Universe. Thanks! Namaste!

  • Poetic, I feel something to do with food - baking/cooking or a home service of some kind.

  • I think when they hit I was defintly overloaded, I never go to the doctors though, I don't call on anyone , I just deal with them on my own, I've always been embarrased about them. I never want anyone to know it happening when it does. I resent them mostly, because I want my freedom and sense of independence back. I use to run around a hundred miles an hour, but they put a stop that, I probably did resent some of my old responsibilites, but I miss I would gladly take them back just to feel the ability to do it all again. My ignorance was bliss.

  • I think the responsibilities thing might be the issue behind the attacks, BC. Instead of saying "no" to people when they ask too much of you, you have a panic attack that stops you doing anything.

  • 🙂 Thanks, did that already. Love....

  • Oh, wow, Captain-you've floored me again. I'm not afraid of storms-love being outside watching them roll in. I used to even chase them in the car (unless I had a migraine). But last year I rode out an F0 tornado in a VW ragtop, parked up next to a brick building that was closed. I had watched a storm coming in from a dock at the park, but realized it just didn't look right and headed home. My wipers stopped and I had to pull over. After it passed the adrenaline kicked in (full-blown crisis mode) and I flew home to check on my husband (in a wheelchair at the time), then went around checking on the neighbors.

    In fact, I spent most of last year in crisis mode (several major events) and obviously haven't processed it all. Now, how do I tell my body that the crisis is OVER?

  • Poetic, yes but you can do it again in a different way!

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