Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Three

  • Well, the day after New Years I started to have some issues with an infection, and that led to some rather strong panic attacks I wasn't use too, they are sooo subconcious, never saw that coming, so I decided to give one last med a try. So far I have tolerated it, and it seems to be helping a lot, I am able to go here and there without attacks, and its not covering up any core issues, those just come out in dreams, infact I've been able to focus on dealing with a lot of those issues without feeling stressfully overwhelmed so far, and like I said no side effects. I would say I wish I had tried sooner, but I don't wish that really, because I got a ways on my own, now instead of attacks I notice when something is freaking me out, but I say "ok I have an issue with this or that, freaking me out", better to deal with that now. I have started to focus on the mind body connection more, and stop myself from projecting anxiety into everything. The fact this med is working tells me I may have a true chemical imbalance because I almost feel the seratonin levels working up there again:) On the outside things haven't changed much, my kids are still my kids, their father still drives me crazy, and recently my dad came back from Afgan, I got my feelings hurt a bit when he asked for me to hold off on visiting because he was stressed out and resting up, but I overcame the hurt feelings ,a nd I'm just handling things now. I asked Paddi Fluff to help me out with an issue fromt he past that needs healing, and I am ready to confront my day time anxiety and get my sleep pattern on track, atleast try, I tend to be more anxious by day then night, not sure why, but the meds don't let me escape from trying to solve it , so far its just relieved some symptoms:) How are you doing Captain? I hope all is well with you!

  • Bluecat, the infection made you feel like things were getting out of your control, because that's what seems to be behind your panic attacks in general. Basically you have to accept that many larger things are out of your control, which is where trust in God/the Universe comes in (do you really trust that God will look after you?), although you can control the smaller day-to-day stuff. You need to know what things are under your control and what are not so you can let go a little and relax more. Nobody can control everything that happens to them but you can control your reaction to them by not taking them so seriously. Are you the type who feels nothing gets done properly unless you do it yourself? If you believe that, you will run around trying to accomplish everything and getting nothing completely done - then just feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and depressed. Stop putting all this pressure on yourself to perform. You really can lean back and let God take care of the big stuff.

  • Thank you Captain, yes I am That Type. I don't let anyone crack the eggs, or load the dishwasher, wash the clothes, I sometimes cringe watching someone do something I would not do the same way. Its a dreadful way to be sometimes, I think to myself "if I didn't have to wash the dishes before loading the dishwasher, would I have time to do something else instead"? I think there was a time I trusted in God to take care of me, and I want to beileve I still do, but my anxiety shows through, I think a lot of the past just made me frightend that I would end up hurt or dissapointed somehow, I learned to not trust to much in myself or anyone else, I never stopped praying that God would take care of it, but I could defintly stand to increase my faith. Its funny you mentioned that actually, someone told me they knew I had prayed for them, ad they appreciated it, I had just been praying for them and asked God to please save them, take care of them, bless them with strength and a better life, and a few hours later they not only knew but mentioned it, it was like a sign to increase my own faith mabe?

  • Bluecat, you need to pray for the same things for yourself. :0) I don't feel the neighbors emotions but I do feel emotions when I with people personally and people that I am particularly close to I can pick up their emotions at a distance. Glad to see you back here.

  • Here's a new one as part of my spiritual growth. My trainer doesn't want me to weigh myself anymore and go off just how I feel. I thought, no problem. Unbelievable what a problem it is to not get on the scale. I am literally getting anxious about not weighing myself. Remember how I said when something didn't sit right with me and I immediately balked at the idea I needed to focus more on it, well, this was one of those things. I didn't think it would be a big deal and I am finding out how tied I am to my scale and it's only been ONE day. I made it through the weekend but broke down and weighed myself before my session yesterday. Today, all I can think about is getting on the scale to see how well I'm doing. I feel great but why do I need confirmation from the scale to tell me that I feel great?

  • Hello All!

  • Hi Poetic!

  • may the angel wings be in flower petals of your favourite fragrance and colour.


    loving silver wings

  • AB, the scales can be very unreliable in weight loss times because the fat you are losing can turn into muscle so it 'appears' on the scales that you haven't lost anything or may even seem to have put on weight. So it can be depressing. I never weigh myself - I can usually tell by the fit of my clothes if I lose or put on weight. I think it may be part of your self-doubt that you don't believe you are getting anywhere unless you see the scales for confirmation. But there are other weight loss advantages that cannot be measured - like feeling lighter and better about yourself and the improvement in your mobility and flexibility.

  • The other problem with scales we can get to obsessed by it, doing it daily, oh i put on a pound. ,, weight can naturally go up and down, especially for women, time month how much fluid you hold, and of course if you go regular, sorry i dont mean to be crude , but that's a fact too. I agree with captain, it how your clothes feel too, set yourself say once a fortnight weight on scales, take it from there, dont fall into the obsessed trap..

    Carbs if not burnt off will turn into fat, so you need to eat for the energy you need, protein is good for muscle too.

  • Aunt B if that was your routine, I can see it would be a little hard to not do it, and then if your told not to do it, well then..., you might just want to ease out of the routine of it mabe, while getting use to new routine mabe

  • Your trading routines:)!

  • Ok, wow so I have been having some strange dreams for the past few days, but all the same in a way, I think its the new medicine, I dreamt I was on a cute little town, almost video game graphics, perfect trees, everything, I'm loving this town, this all of a sudden I have to run, and I get this steep hill and have to run up it to get to wherever it is I'm staying, and my legs suddenly decide to go immobile, so I sit down on them and say to no in particular "I do this sometimes". Then I get back up and start running again, I didn't feel terrified but I did feel I was running from anxiety or something. Then I have it again except this time I am driving with my oldest son, and we stop at an old historic fort like place that we have been to before, but no one is really there but us, I'm just talking to him, telling him he can go to the soda machine, then all of a sudden I want to leave, I say to him I want to leave now, and I start to feel anxious, and then we are driving away, next thing I know, I'm alone and running again, up the street, theres people and traffic in my way, then a school bus stops and puts out its Stop sign, and I stop running, thinking I will break the law if I don't, then I take off again as fast as I can. Why am I running?

  • It sounds like you are afraid that just when things are going good for you, they will fall apart - so you are always running onto the next new thing in case nothing good lasts.

  • Well, the other people she has working with her have brought her their scales. I'm reluctant to do this but I think I have to. I have really been fighting the urge all day to get on the scales. Then, I get a call out of the blue and the job that I have been working that I knew I would be working until the end of March is ending tomorrow. So, I immediately went into the thinking about money mode thing and ended up getting on the scale. I needed something to make me feel better. I needed validation from the scale that I was still on track. Yep...need to just stay away from the scale and go by how I feel. She has measured me and we will keep track of that but the scale has to go away. One of the things I worried about was getting the money to keep going to her and I may have to cut down to once a week but I don't want to stop going. As you mentioned, the benefits of getting healthy and gaining muscle over fat is tremendous. And, I want to do this. It's not a temporary get in the mode thing, I really like going and look forward to it. I agree BC, time to do a new replacement routine. :0)

    Captain, I like what you said to BC about the going from one thing to the next. I think that makes a lot of sense. BC, do your anxiety attacks make you run or do they paralyze you? I know when my ex husband had one, he couldn't move. He swore he was paralyzed...among other things.

  • AB, you need to trust yourself more. You really are a good person and you don't need anyone or anything (scales) to tell you so. And I feel losing this current job is to make way for something much more wonderful, and more appropriate to the new you that are becoming, to come into your life. This will be HUGE!

  • Yes Captain, that is true, just when I started to feel a little better, I didn't know how to relax or go with it, I didn't know how to just be. I almost convinced myself the meds weren't working but they haven't had time to go through the full adjustment period yet, and I convinced myself that I'm scared to venture out during the day alone, but this wasn't exactly a problem a few weeks ago. I'm so use to be tensed up, defensive agianst anxiety since I relapsed into it I guess I am afraid of of learning how to let things be just be "ok".

  • AB, yes it does paralyze me more so , I defintly don't run during it, if I don't feel it coming I have to sit on the floor because of jello legs, if I'm driving I do have to resist the urge to speed home, or rush, that makes it worse, anti anxiety techniques trained me to slow everything down, never to run away or rush, but literally go in slow motion so I don't keep the flight or fight going. I've got use to having to slow down, the whole point is to not freak out in the first minute it comes on, that first minute makes all the difference, the hardest part is getting a hold of the racing thoughts, those can take off and run and make a minute feel like eternity. I'm sorry about the job ending so soon, I'm going with Captain on that, and I do beileve you will land on your feet!

  • BC, there was a good piece of advice I read recently (and put on my blog). It said that "many of us focus on what feels bad, when in actuality that’s a perfect time to stop focusing so specifically. When you're feeling less than fab, entertain more general thoughts like "I've been through worse than this;" "It can't last forever;" etc. Get out the magnifying glass when you’re in a good mood only."

    Maybe you've been trying to figure out these panic attacks while you're having them or just after? But the time to self-analyse, go inside yourself for answers, and make decisions is NOT when you are feeling down or fearful. The best time to think things through is when you are in a relaxed positive mood. Instead of dwelling too much on the panic attack while you're having it, just stop thinking and say "This won't last forever and anyway it's not that big a deal!"

    I think you may have gotten into the habit of fearing the panic attack itself rather than what is causing it.

  • Yes exactly Captain! I got so use to them, thought they couldn't get any worse, dealt with all their annoying symptoms, then when it got worse, hit me like a brick, I wasn't prepared, I thought wow, that was the worst, but it was like the first attack I ever had, the Big one that landed me in the ambulance, but that only happend a couple times, I never went back to the hospital again, I never hyperventilated again, not once I knew the whys ans whats of it, but sometimes it feels like no matter how many times I beat it down it will take on a life of its own and come back harder, but its not a monster, its a worry or stress triggered inmy own mind of course, but Yes I Am Terrfied of It still, and that is the core difference I guess between those that forget about them and don't have them anymore and those who don't. I'm hoping to be a part of the group that doesn't one way or the other.

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