Spiritual Boot Camp - Part Three
The first and second parts were very productive but got a bit long for newbies to wade through so I will repeat the exercises here. If people are interested in reading the previous life stories, they can look back at the original threads here - http://www.tarot.com/forum/topic.php?id=12406&replies=777&totalitems=777 and http://www.tarot.com/forum/topic.php?id=13325&replies=841
This and the first and second threads are all about empowerment and strengthening your sense of self and finding your authenticity. Empowerment means loving yourself enough not to let other people infringe on your rights or walk all over you. I want everyone to feel free to express their deepest thoughts and feelings here. If you cannot be honest with yourself and trusting of the people here, then the secrets inside you will just grow bigger and worse. When exposed to the cold clear light of day, they will shrivel. No one will judge you here - we all have our regrets, weaknesses, guilt, and a share of bad experiences. Don't let secrets eat away at you. Expose them here and don't feel ashamed of the lessons you have been given. That's all they are - lessons to help us grow and evolve into better people. Admit to every negative emotion and release them all from inside you, no matter how bad or ugly you feel these feelings are. Rant, rave, cry and scream if you wish - you can even use capital letters here and it won't be considered an offence. Sometimes all we need is to know we are not alone in our pain.
This is a place of healing and acceptance - healing involves release and the acceptance must be of yourself. Feel free to be who you really are. For those who want to address any issues that may be holding them back in their life, here are some of the exercises that I suggested previously (you can do any or all and either post them or just reflect privately) -
1. The first thing you must do here however is to find the courage to bare your soul and admit you need help...what do you want to change or learn about yourself?
2. Let's go back to the beginning. Can everyone go back to their childhood and post every impression, feeling, issue or most vivid memory you have of that time? Tell me what you were like when you were young and how you think you have been changed by what occurred during your most impressionable years. What feelings did you have then for your parents and family members and friends, what feelings about them you have now, who influenced you the most, and how do you think you were treated back then? Do you feel positive or negative when you look back?
3. I would suggest that you write a letter to your siblings or parents or friends - whoever made you feel bad when you were younger - and read it over the phone or in person to them. Don't send it by post or email or text, as you want to get feedback and not have your words ignored. Or, if they are no longer around, read the letter aloud to the air and then burn it to release the bad feelings
The most important thing to realise when looking back into your childhood is that any bad things that happened were NOT YOUR FAULT. You have to get to a point where you don't take the past mistreatment by those around you at the time personally. You did not cause the adults to behave as they did. You were not unlovable or bad - your caretakers simply weren't up to the job and were acting out their own issues and problems - you just got caught in the crossfire. If they separated or fought, it was not your fault. No matter what they told you - that you were naughty or stupid or usless or ugly or whatever - it was NOT TRUE. They were in such pain that they wanted to make everyone else feel it, too.
4. Look into a mirror and tell me what you see - physical and any other impressions. Note where the lines on your face occur. Try to replicate the expression that deepens these lines. Are they frown signs or laughter lines? Does your face look more or less tense? These lines are a good indicator of the emotions that are most common in you and your life.
5. Throw away something that you have been keeping for a long time but that no longer has any meaning or represents you as a new person with a new life beginning. Declutter your soul.
6. Change something about yourself, preferably something you have lived with for a long time, like a hairstyle, a clothing style, the way you get to work, how you exercise or keep fit (or not), your eating habits - just change something (even if it is a small thing) about your routine to give yourself a fresh approach to life. Get more accustomed to change so you can more easily move forward.
7. Find out if you are ready to find your authentic self and begin to live by design. Respond to these questions honestly and thoroughly. There are no right or wrong answers; rather, these questions are designed to get you thinking about your authentic self.
a) Did you at one time listen carefully to your innermost voice? Describe this moment. When was it and what was the circumstance? Do you suspect that somehow, somewhere along the way, you have lost contact with it?
b) Is your behavioral life, your public persona, at odds with the values, beliefs, desires, passions and visions that define your authentic self? If so, how?
c) Do you know, today, in vivid detail, who the authentic you is? Or are you living a compromised existence?
8. Start seeing everyone as your equal - no better and no worse than you are. Be it a saint or a sinner, movie star or criminal, we all have our flaws and strengths. We should not judge each other. We should stand shoulder to shoulder. Be aware that everyone is struggling to survive on this planet, that everyone is screwed up in some way (not just you). Expand your awareness out from yourself and feel others' pain and insecurities. We all have them. Straighten your back, raise your chin and stride out in the world, confident that you are as worthy or valuable as everyone else and that the Universe supports you. You are LOVED.
9. Imagine how you would feel if everyone around you disappeared or left. Would you feel afraid/insecure/gutted? What exactly do you fear happening if everyone (which is very unlikely) suddenly didn't want to know you? Is this fear about feeling unlovable or unwanted, or being abandoned, or simply fearing being left on your own because you feel uncomfortable in your own company or don't really like yourself (and if so, why)? Or is it something else? Could you live well by yourself if it meant forever?
Hello and i need a little bit of help..
I have liked a drink for way to long now, it's been my emotional crunch.. in the past had been my stress crunch too.
That has subsided in time with me learning about me what triggers it now.
The need is there, like if i go three days without , my brain say need a drink, what i have worked out, its like a choice im hungry so i need to eat before i have a drink.
Example.. i have in past , have finished work, got a drink then eat later.. i see i need to ensure i eat enough , as have low sugar level.
I just want to learn to re train my brain from the simple have drink mode.
I will say been a Arian nice to be first lol.
You need to figure out what is triggering your need to drink. How do you feel when you get this 'thirst'? Is it just an automatic response ('I work, then I drink') - that's easy to fix but if there is a deeper reason (like you are feeling lonely or afraid), it needs to be explored.
It used to be lonely, and bored..
I did have still got to the stage that i cant right a email or post without it because it i feel gives me that freedom of my own less confidence in what i want to say..
Its daft, but i tend do that a lot..
I decided on the spur of the moment to stop by the book store and grab a drastically price slashed collectiable book for a friend, when I my child set the alarm off in the cd section, I didn't mean to go over there but I kindev had too, and there they were, Life Purpose oracle, new angel cards, I feel like a child toy with a wonderful new toy, I have to tear these open:) I hope they will let me post for anyone wanting any reads with these:)
Wow I need to slow down my typing, or my thinking one lol, I'm reading my posts and making less and less sense, my mind just goes way to fast sometimes
You can try them out on me anytime, Bluecat.
Scully, you may think drink is giving you courage and confidence but it is really making you say the wrong thing and choose bad decisions.
I feel like number 9 was how I use to feel Captain, like people suddanly stopped liking me, or I would get insecure about it, but I'm working through that, or atleast trying not to care too much, I'm learning to be comfortable with just me and not worry about what anyone else thinks so much. Sometimes I imagine the neighbors don't like me, but then I stop and think about it, and realize I'm not really as dramatic as some of them anyway, so I really shouldn't care right?
Continuing from the other thread, then...
I know, Captain. That has been my stance with my mother for a long while. Whenever she comes to me with some idea that hasn't been thought out, just shows off her own ego and pride (Which she doesn't acknowledge she has - but hey! It's fine. Everybody has it. If she would just admit it sometimes, I might feel more comfortable, though) or otherwise just represents some notion that she needs to change society (And forget that the problems (If they can be called problems) that exist in society are inherently there because of people like her that can't see the system and balance at work and understand it), then I tell her, quite simply, "Sure. Go do it. Stop wasting your time telling me about it, and go do it! Every second counts!"
To date, I believe every idea has flopped in her own head EVENTUALLY, as well as to most people she's told them to. I'm not worried or concerned about that. What gets under my bonnet is when she tries to rope me in, or otherwise speaks for me to other people. She knows I don't agree with most things she stands for or finds, "Flawed," yet she will still insist on telling everybody that I do in fact agree with her. And then she tries to force my involvement with her silly little ideas through guilt-trips, I'll call it mild blackmail, and similar means of persuasion. They rarely ever work out well for her, just as they rarely ever worked out for anybody that tried in the past.
But, onto more important attention-span-worthy things.. The girl! We just had our first date yesterday. I honestly don't know if it went well or not. I didn't get a bad vibe from her by the end of the night, but I did get the sense that maybe I was a little too.. flamboyant. Either way, it was definitely fun and neither of us stopped laughing or smiling the whole afternoon and evening.
I had a good talk with my friend today.. we tried to establish patterns
I. v come to see two patterns.
One is a pattern i had done long ago, where iv drunk then eaten later.. hence why when my sugar level low i have that feel to repeat that.. so now i will ensure i eat something before i leave off.
The second one is that there have been times, iv had a hard week and it my day off i just want a drink to relax, but will still drink a whole bottle of whine,again i do whilst im eating it goes of.
I've got into the habit off feeling more relaxed to express my emotions in sending emails or posts, i know deep down i dont need to but i still do, and want to really walk away from that.
Kusumura, why is it so important to you that other people don't link you with your mother and her wild schemes? Those who see through her would not believe her about you, anyway, and the opinions of those who take her side shouldn't matter to you.
Glad you enjoyed your first date with your new friend.
Scully, instead of sitting down to eat with a whole bottle of wine, just pour some of it into a glass then put the bottle away somewhere. You don't have to give up drinking altogether - just moderate it.
One of the biggest misconceptions drink and drug users have is that they become more self-assured and thus more knowledgable and full of understanding while under the influence. As the only person who has been sober in a room full of drunks and addicts, I can tell you that the sense they think they are making is... nonsense. Their thoughts are quite jumbled, their words are slurred, and they cannot think or act rationally. But they believe they are making perfect sense. It's an illusion brought on by their addiction. It's why so many drink/drug drive - and why they cause so many accidents.
It's important to me, because it tells me that she doesn't fully consider the fact that I have my own autonomy. And she has told me this on a few occasions. She doesn't believe I can fully comprehend her grand schemes, and so will demand my highest regards towards them. Eeeekkhh.. She just leaves a bad taste in my mouth whenever he try to have a logical debate and she draws some horse's rear-ended-business of a deus ex machina card (Being the book she is writing herself about the horrendous state society is in, and how much better it would be!.. When she cannot even give me a straight answer as to how she would treat crime) that just doesn't float. The worst part of it is that some people either agree with her, or just half-heartedly encourage her along.
Thank you! Let's she if she calls back or something! She most assuredly has my curiosity now. I don't think I've ever held a conversation with somebody in my own format - four topics at once, darting back and forth between them without any segues. Beautiful, charismatic, intelligent (And, this IS me saying this - If she didn't give me a run for my money, she sure as heck won the race! Sh-she-she's smarter than I am!) and, and, and... Hey! That's not fair! I'm not meant to be the one fawning here!
And on the matter of liquid fortification... Perhaps it is the bartender in me rationalising it down in my mind since I'd go ballistic with a machete if I actually paid attention to what I was doing to people - but, some people just.. need a vice. I'm in the same boat as you, Captain, being the sober minority of a room, but I've come to realise that if it isn't alcohol, it's other drugs. If it isn't other drugs, it's petty crimes. If not that, self-inflicted bodily damage/harm/picking stupid fights/taking stupid dares/philandering behaviour (Hey, I /swear/ I'm not there... I think).... It isn't about the drink, drug, or the action, as much as it's about the person doing so by having something dependable that they control.
That said, though, people can't tell the difference between when I'm drunk or sober. One way or another, I'm too instinctive and wild in the name of fun. Not sure if that's a good or a bad, thing really. I suppose climbing onto crown-land monuments and features does have its moments, though.
Idiot friend: "Pst. Hey, Phil. Dare you climb that bell tower like Ezio."
Idiot me: "... [Inspecting said tower] A hundred and it's a deal."
Yes, I remember downing a bottle of wine before attending a party I really wanted to go. I had to go to alone though as I was not asked to bring a guest. I liked the host and was nervous to go since I didn't know anyone else who was going to be there there. This very cute and nice well mannered guy came up and started flirting with me. I thought I was being super funny and charming only to wake up the next morning with burning cheeks regarding how obnoxious I'd been. No surprise that the guy never called. Right then, I decided it's more endearing to meet someone who seems shy then an obnoxious know it all who is under the influence. Not so charming after all. I do have a lot of sympathy for people who drink or do drugs to calm their nerves though and no longer judge if they are loud or behaving poorly. I understand that fear and can understand the anxiety. Many have it and we self medicate in a variety of ways.
I learnt the hard way about drink - to the point where i don't remember much of my twenties at all. Drink and drugs are dangerous because they dull the inhibitions that we usually have against immoral, out-of-character, or criminal behaviour. i'm still grateful I didn't end up in jail for the stupid stunts I pulled. Psychic medium Alison du Bois became an alcoholic because it was her way of shutting out the voices. But in my experience being drunk or drugged just leaves you open to all sorts of dark entities influencing you, not to mention being prey for many evil humans as well.
First and only time I got the point of, "Wheewwww that w'ozzzz alooo oooffff driin-euurgghh..." was at a Halloween party when I was sixteen. After downing an entire casket of some wine to myself, and a number of some type of vodka and cream cocktails that had little glowy sticks in them, I don't really remember much. I know I had the INTENTION of being suave, sophisticated Mister James Bond, but the reality was quite different, I'm sure. In between black spots of memory, I'm passing winks to random girls who are just looking at me giggling and people are whispering in the background. Well, I figured out later from a friend that there were only two girls, who had both come later, that I had not tried to make a pass on or ask out.
Now, I did try to throw up at some point. I don't believe I actually hit the toilet at any point. After somehow ending up in front of a girl dressed as Raggedy Anne, I keeled over onto all fours and proceeded to puke right into her skirt. It uhm... Probably wasn't such a turn-on to her from that point on that she had chosen not to wear panties that night. From there, a friend ransacked me for my phone, managed to call my father to come and grab me (Who happened to be in the middle of.. well. He wasn't very happy when he saw me, but he was quite, "Stern") and then I passed out for a while until he had me by the scruff of the neck and bundled me into his car and irrately pulled over a few times going through the central Sydney city so I could continue emptying my stomach.
I only needed to touch the stove once to figure out that hot things hurt. Ha. Ha.
I too learned hard way with alcahol, I become a totally different person, and have seen others do it too. I have a few embarrassing stories, and luckily my friends are forgiving enough to laugh it off, but I defintly don't drink anymore. Just last year I let a friend talk me into going to a bar for Mardi Gras, big mistake, someone ruffied my drink, but luckily I didn't leave with anyone and didn't pass out until we got out of there and to a restaruant, where I remember getting out of the car and hitting the pavement next thing I know theres a ambulance, I was lucky I just ended up sick. Before that I left the bathroom door open and continued my conversation with my boyfriends coworker after way to much wine, I've let people put their numbers in my phone, praying I didn't give them mine. Some of the stuff I can look back and laugh, but some of it I can't, and I figured better to be done with alcahol if I couldn't keep my senses about me. I would probably figure the same way if I started to crave the urge to drink, I would rather nip it in the bud before it become a serious issue.
I started to read this thread as I was trying to figure out if someone here could help me find a new path in my life.
I didn't have a bad childhood. I was raised by a very strict tense mother. With the "cleanliness is next to godliness attitude" I was easier to just play outside than invite friends in. That continues for me today. I detest housework. I generally find clutter, not dirty, fairly comfortable but am now finding that is stressful for me. I have been thinking maybe it is because my personal life, as far as my relationship with significan other, is so messed up that I need to find something I can control and manage. . If that is true than I need to get started because I generally find that rather than doing the cleaning I spend my time researching spiritual matters. .
I am generally a very strong person but have just been finding myself at loose ends without goals or vision. If you handed me a sheet of paper for a bucket list I would have nothing to write at this time. I don't think I'm depressed as I planned a trip with my daughter and the granddaughter 'cuz it would be fun for all of us but just feel like I am floating through life. Or perhaps waiting for something. I'm not sure.
I seem to have a very deep fear of being abandoned yet both times I have been I seem to be able to fight my way through it. There must be a lesson in that for me but I fail to see it.
I'm not sure I believe that the problems and insecurities come from the Family of Origin but can see how FOO issues can play into current reaction to problems. I will go back and start at the beginning of the boot camp instructions and start some really deep thinking. I should start some really deep cleaning and decluttering ;=]