Cancerman I have a question for you......
BC J and I have not only a personal relationship but a working one as well, that puts an interesting spin on our relationship in many different areas. We do not like to be under a microscope to our coworkers, it keeps us in contact inspite of our recent struggles and it gives us each the opportunity to observe each other. Which may sound weird, but when you know someone so well, you can easily see what they are feeling by watching their actions.
Ok, so I said all of that to say this. I have really opened up to him. I put myself out there. I was fine with that, still am. He is still processing what i said. I know it will take him awhile. he will see if my actions match my words, etc...I get it.
But this is what I DO NOT get. When I talk to him now, I can tell I have his total, complete attention. After almost 2 years, he shows me this new side of him. I know he has always listened to me and heard every word I said. He has also been focused. But this, this is more intense. I know both have us have been very guarded.
But is it actually possible that he has let his guard down with me? I was not sure this was something Cancers could do. I do not mean that in a bad way. The shell is a permanent thing ya know???
I would like to say this more bluntly, but....it was almost as if we could control our spark. We both had too, bc it was an intense spark, but now it feels as if we are both shifting to quit controlling that spark. Does that make sense???
This is what I told him that stopped him dead in his tracks, 1st I gave him a mushy gushy card. Telling him what an amazing man he was, few days later, I told him I wanted him and his kids to experience the life my kids and I are experiencing, then I told him, that the way I love him, makes it all about him, that it is so easy for me to make his life important and meaningful, to make him happy and to take care of him as a woman should. And that my focus was going to be on making his life amazing.
Then next day, I told him, I did not care about his past, present or future, that simply being allowed to love him was all I needed. That some people would call me a fool for expressing that, but I didn't care, BC the magnitude of what I feel.
There it is....advice please.....:D and thank you!!
TruePhoneix, you can chime in too. I really enjoy your practical posts. I get it on some deep, odd level.....
Hey Taurus7--Tread very carefully here..back off, now make him work for this...once you move close and think he's ok. by giving him a card and blowing him up, he will humiliate you if your not carteful....he's going to disappear on you so fast and embarrase you at work...he WILL DO THIS....now back off for your protection....it wonr matter about work or how much you thought he'd care...back off now !!! his next move will be to become totally unavailable...do you get this ???
Well.....not so sure about that. Only bc we are 2 years into this. He has NEVER retreated into his shell in that entire time.....I am just being me, if he humiliates me, it is on him and his karma, his reaping what he sows. But I have to remain true to me. At the end of the day, that is all I have.
Hey Taurus7~ I totally understand and agree...your strength, your attitude may be what he needs...he must know that if he acts that way, he will lose you...and if he's smart, whci from what I have read about Cancers, he's not, then he may lose you....you go girl...stay strong but be carefull...I also read that time has no importance on the relationship with a Cancer....I think theres svereal married couples in here and the female has experienced something new....be smart....you sound amazing....
i am amazing!! Thank you for that. He tells me all the time. He is smart, he is just smart with fear. I get that. I do.....at the end of the day.....loving him the way I do, makes me feel whole. I can't explain it well, except for that.....
So this relationship is both meeting your needs on a physical and emotional level and you are very happy??? then, you really need to be careful until you reach high ground with him.....you are very vulnerable and this Cancer can run from his own shadow....when and if he does, he's gone with no reason....and you're out until he's ready....like a coward running from helping an old lady in need....
Taurus7~ one last thing..you said..smart with fear.....fear is one thing you need to worry about because thats the catalyst thats going to make him run....just as a Scorpions instinct is defense....even if he's in the most offensive position...the Cancer will run from fear...
I can comprehend that, but he has not ran yet??? TWO years Doug....two years...so why run now???
If I had to answer that honestly, NO, this relationship is NOT meeting all of my needs, that is why I broke up with him. Yet, I am torn, BC I truly do love him. Maybe I am the only one that is in love between the 2 of us, or the only one strong enough to stand up and fight for it.
OK, honesty is very important to ensure a good answer or get a good idea whats going to happen.....so you left him already...well there you go...your 2 years has been flawed...why did you break up? and now I know why you said, he fears you !....I wouldnt get too cocky if I was you...be carefull...you are awesome but if he's scared, he may run...
That confused me. We broke up BC a long huge story. I was married for 22 years to an abusive man. I got threatened at my work, he confronted the man. That was amazing. NO one had ever stood up for me like that before.
Huge process, interviews due to man who threatened me ...man was terminated yet filing grievances, one day, my cancer man lost it at work. Was out of control, verbally abusive, not to me, but a woman co-worker of mine.
i understood how it happened, they have a history, but the way he blew it off, bothered me. So I ended it. Too many reminders of my past marriage.
He realized very quickly how bad he let me down, but it was too late for me.
I know he is all about him. Does not want to be told what to do, how to do it. Yet, his response devastated me. We have been trying to figure it out since. Of course he wants me to accept his reasoning. I just can't.
Honestly, I find his way of explaining it to be weak. One thing we Taureans are is NOT weak. I can own the worst of mistakes. I can stand strong and proud even when it was all my fault. Ownership is key to me. This I have issues with.
But at the end of the day, I still am head over heels in love with him.
Taurus7~ Good observation...he will blow up like that again, probably when you're both comfortable and he drops his gaurd and you say something that may trigger him thinking you're bossing him around...he wont be abausive...but he will have a verbal outburst...thats their nature...I dont think they own up to their insecurities...thats why they run and hide....that blow up you saw was an indication of what can and will happen...I lived with a Flight Attendent/Cancer for almost 1 year and never had I had so many ridiculous arguments out of nothing in my life...when you think, they couldnt get any louder...bamb...and she was the sweetist, most adorable girl...man...it shook me to my core...but I had to laugh because here was this beautiful girl, an angel with a mouth like a lion and yelling right into my face...it was funny...like King Kong or something...where she yells at him....I think she was Cancer...and Kong was a Scorpio...LOL...look, if you have thoughts about maybe something out there is better...that might not change...so you need some serious thinking...if youre amazing, then you need amazing...dont settle for less...
I have been thinking about your last comment all day. Awhile back, we were having a discussion. I said to him, I am not sure what to do with being treated nicely. He replied.." what would you rather me do? Treat you like shit BC that is what you are used too??" I got his point.
Then, after our break up, I was having a very tough time, I told him it would be so much easier if he would just be mean to me! BC breaking up with someone when there is not a major issue is tough.
His reply.." Babe..I could never be mean to you..." I know he meant that more than anything he has ever said. BC you see, this is where my struggle comes in. I can see him being at war with himself. He already feels as if he is not good enough for me and my kids. Has he come right out and said those exact words? No, but he has come pretty darn close. He is embarrassed by his past. He is unsure about his financial future, even though he has not directly said it exactly like that, I know him well enough to know what he was implying.
Through all of this though, he has yet to hide in his shell, ignore me, yell at me or so on.
I know that means a lot coming from a cancer with a not so pretty past.
I feel that he is learing and trying to become the man he wants to be. Not for just me and mine, but for his kids and himself. That is why this is so hard. And not hard in a bad way. But in a am I doing the right thing kinda way.
Taurus7~ Thats all well and good what you just said...but I hear doubt in you...sometimes breaking up for your own reasons is ok....you dont need an excuse like an argument or insults to do that...thats the easy way out...but whats worse, is staying in it for the wrong feelings....me, I would be picking up your doubt and I would confront you with it...I would say if thats how you feel, then I repsect that and we should stop before it goes any further....people who care for each do break apart...and they do it with respect....a healthy relationship can break up in a healthy way....I've read Cancers do that, they play the guilt game from fear of being rejected....then things get twisted...that would be very annoying...whatever you do, dont stay in a relationship because you dont want to hurt the other person....thats wrong, for both of you....this relationship gave you something you needed....but it may not be what you need....you'll know when you're ready to move on...and it's ok...once you do, give yourself some time until the next man...look at what you want in this relationship and build on that until you are in the relationship that gives you everything you need....
Relationships are complicated as we all know and you and J have had some ups and downs for sure, but I believe you've had more ups than downs with him, correct? I'm not really one to believe that there is someone out there that can fulfill all of our desires in a relationship. Many people may lead us to believe that, but in reality, once you get to know someone deep, they always have flaws. If J is sincerely trying to be the best man he can be and is willing to work on his flaws, you have a pretty good man. If he would do anything for, you have a pretty good man.
But what do I know, according to TruePhoenix, Cancer's aren't very bright lol.