Im going thrue a lot in my life especially love live, need to make some real fast decisions but im not sure what road to follow, my work its also uncertain right now and thats one of the problems of making a decision. I will be honest with you since from what i saw in your replys to others you seemed very understandable and caring person wiiling to help and i felt that your insigth could help me. Im thinking on getting a divorce cuse I feel that theres nothing for me in this anymore emotionally, i've lost the pation for everything that involves my marriage and by doing so, wasnt looking someone very especiall, different and hard to deal with came into my life but i wasnt ready to let everything go, cuse the doubth was always there "Is this the right thing for me?" With this guy I dont see a future, but yet I want one just feel that the timing is so wrong, that we both have a lot to deal with before. But as always the destiny isnt generous with me, the man i love have to go we will be apart and maybe forever. What can you tell me about this, what is the cards advice about all this mess.
You are running away from yourself. AND that is like chasing your own tail! Looking for something better outside your marriage is only going to be a big painful roadblock and a waste of time. Solve your problems first . Your needy places--the emptiness and lack of feeling you are dealing with can lie---give you a big blind spot that only sees that which fits in with your desires. Right now--forget about men. Sorry, as I know that's the last thing you want to hear but right now your judgement can not be trusted to protect you and it is self destructive and without awarness. BUT you do get your gut feelings listen to them!. You are at the crossroads and you are going to get this the hard way or the empowered way. Regret is a heavy thing so try and make the harder choice and take a break from men. In fact it really is the female bond you need. A strong female mentor who teaches you how to mother and value yourself. Put leaving your husband on hold as right now it is all built up energy that wants something to happen--big--right now. You need guidance---either a mentor or a conselour--pray for that energy to come to you and expect to feel afraid--to resist it it a bit as part of your issue is about--intimacy and trust. You unconciesly choose detached--unavailable men and friendship thinking it is bad lucjk but really you choose it--because YOU yourself are afraid of closeness and love--yes sounds crazy but it really is about you playing it safe and not even knowing it---you are not a victim to others. The attractions we have is always more about us than them. You are still a very wounded child who has not put herself back together--you live through others--latch on to their worries and needs like an addiction--you worry more about your love objects than you do yourself. BUT you can change this right now is the turning point and a good time for the universe to back you up. My advice is to take one leap at a time and allow yourself to become a little more alive slowly. It is the dead numb history of yourself--the wounded child who learned to stop feeling that has lead you to a place of needing big drama to feel something---you look to others to FEEL and unfortunetly you choose those who live on the edge and that could bring danger into your life--you are nieve about the "fast life". It draws you in because you can finelly feel something. My advice is to right now disconnect from the man you crave--who has secrets and a life you are in the dark about. Put your energy into work as I feel it will be through a job that you will attract your mentors and spiritual guidance. You may end up with more than one job----this is a good time to put a lot into work. Spend down time on education---spiritual books--positive environments. Stay away from bars and attractions to men. Take up dancing--put yourself in group settings were the energy is big and loud in a good way and the attraction to drama will subside. Focus on putting yourself back together--letting your inner child grow up in a safe place. Be aware always and ask yourself--is this positive or negative? Is this good for me or bad? Then use your head. CHOOSE LOVE. It starts with yourself. THEN the man will follow. BLESSINGS!
Blomoon have to tell you that all this that you are saying makes some kind of sense to me.
Yes I do need to discover and improve myself, have to put me in first and stop thinking abouth the others. All my life i lived thrue others expectations, trying not to disapoint them trying to be perfect. I always put others in front of me, if i hurt anyone i didnt meant to, cuse all my intentions during all this years were to help, nurture and provide. I have lived 15 years in a marriage that i gave all my self into it regarding to everything, including letting go of my friends and my husband started seeing me as a paternal figure instead a wife, he loves me very much i see his pain everyday in his eyes, cuse he knows that i stopped loving him a long time ago, but still stayed cuse was the right thing to do-to much hurt and disapointment for so many people. I prefered to be the one that hurst instead of the others (again).
We are still best friends but not husband and wife
What happend to me this year was a complete change of what i have become due to him, so i wanted myself back, start looking to all i have and realized that life its not material things, its love, hapiness, friendship, feeling things long gone forgotten. i started wishing to live, i was numb, it was such a radical chance that scared me away but my gut was telling me do it, its what you need.
That guy when showed up in my life i was suffering because of the change, and we were working together and he fell in love with me in that moment, never left me alone, and i needed so much of a friend in that time, he helped me deal with the change made me realize that life is more then about others is about us, being ourselfs first then provide for others.one thing lead to another and i falled for him, he was always honest with me, he made me feel so alive, so wanted i havent felt like this in years only before i got married. he even asked me to marry him, go with him.
But deep down i knew that this wasnt suposed to happen cuse all my doubts, i have to take my decisions with a clear mind like you say, stay away from man. Until then yes i will miss him terrible cuse what i feel is love, not need cuse with him i start respecting boundaries,privacy, freedom that each person should have in a relationship so that the love can keep flowing.
He told me i do love you, but at the same time this wasnt meant to be, yes its not going to be, we bouth know that cuse i told him im not ready and you are not ready for a solid commitment right now and if i choose you thats what i will want. but bouth of us we are trying but we can let go, everytime we try sum happens, weird stuff and we are back, i think destiny is playing us or sumthing still needs to be said, i dont know.
the only thing i do know and im certain about is that i will always want this man in my life as a friend, his a wonderful being but doesnt know is potential.
right now i go out more times, cuse i dont want to stay inside with my husband alone, but i dont flirt or even want other guys that is a closed chapter for me, been there, got burned time to heal.
I love to be inside with friends and familly playing games or just go out with my dearest friend and have a drink.
And thrue this work im on now (that i have to tell you that is the work i was made for,just love it) ive met a guy that is trying for months for me to go to spiritual meetings he says its going to open my mind, another wants me to do reiki, and im tempted to go,i feel so conected with this side of me again i totally negleted cuse of my husband he doesnt like it, even when i put tarot cards for friends he got upset,something is calling me again i woke up with someone talking to me saying things before they happen or that i didnt know, even when this man that i love is in trouble i know, one day i was restless and is name kept poping in my head, went to bed couldnt sleep finally did it for an hour woke up from this dream sumone was packing is tv my heart was hurting so much, so desperate i knew that sumthing had happen, waited and txt him he was robbed that night (and we werent talking to each other for 2 weeks).
My feelings are getting stronger sumtimes i feel that sum kind of spirit is attached to me.
I dont want to live the fast line i did that already when i was young i want my soul and heart stedy and feel that im still here, im alive and enjoy what life bring us.
im sorry for the long txt but im not sleepy and in my area is 1.00 am and im listening to Adele, just adore her, such a beautifull voice.
One last request can u see what is going on with Ed?
Thanks if you are not a shrink you should become one,lol.
Ed is a mystery because he chooses to be and he has a lifestyle you know nothing about. Not all intense attractions mean soul mate or magic love. Some intense--even psychic connections have other explanations. He is secretive and closed off for a reason---he has a gift for reading others and wears a mask as needed---life can be too easy for him as he can charm and manipulate and then has an angry edge with himself because he can't feel truely proud of himself. . He has a deep emptiness in him and his life is a full of scripts. One day you will look back and laugh at yourself knowing his true weakness. He is a lie. If you could detach from the feelings your head would so question his behavoiur without making excuses---you see a lot of red flags with him but talk yourself out of them---the moment he's near again you get seduced by the attraction. He is an addiction you need to cut off--cold turkey. Energies are calling you towards a more spiritual path. Make the right choice. Ed is not real--Ed is just who ever you WANT him to be. BLESSINGS!
Blmoon, i know your spirits are strong and i know you are not completely wrong about Ed, but his profession demands him to be cautious and reserved, about his behaviours in the past i dont agree with much, and i know he will want to continue to do what he did once but in a more controlled way. Before we got involved already knew a bit of him, cuse my head was screaming out be carefull he is going to hurt you, about the red flags i dont ignore them cuse what they tell me are true, but theres another side that im pretty sure of is that he acts the way he acts cuse like you said his not ruely proud of himself and his feels empty maybe thats why i still want to help him, i feel that this man needs to be loved, needs to feel that he belongs to someone, needs to trust again, have faith. Im a person reader and I never go wrong despite the feelings i might have or not, i have dettached my self away from him, im thinking more in me and what i want and need and lust believe doesnt fullfil me, of course he attracts me but thats not all, im still expecting for him to open to me, cuse he knows he can trust me without questions being asked. But does he? He leaves in a shell, he doesnt share, he hides,he protects himself to much, i feel he have been hurt a lot, and that he had to take of himself very young,that he invented a new Ed a superficial one for everybody and when he loves someone this Ed comes out, thats when i get those feelings, and with me his stepping away cuse he know im not gonna take the leap, it would be a fouls leap.
So i read that thrue a picture u can pick up more about a person, im going to attached one and please tell Am I right in my feelings
lets try again
watergirl18 last edited by
I am responding here at Blmoon's request.
The feelings you have for Ed are what is called projection. Everything you say about him and his wound is actually the wound within yourself that needs to be healed. Read your words about him, but think of them as they apply to YOU. I will even change the "he" type words to "I" for you:
"I act the way I act....because I am not truly proud of myself and feel empty."
"I feel that I need to be loved, need to feel that I belong to someone, need to trust again, have faith."
"I live in a shell...hide...protect myself too much....I have been hurt a lot and had to take care of myself very young."
Blmoon and I both have told you that this is about a lack of fulfillment you feel within yourself and that ultimately this issue is not about this man - or your husband. It's about YOU. You can continue to resist this and insist that this is about him and not you, but remember that our life lessons are repeated until learned and each time it has to be repeated it gets more difficult, harder, more painful, more disruptive. This man is not a part of your future, but even if he were to be it would wind up in the same place you are with your husband right now. Feeling unfulfilled and blaming him for not filling that hole inside of you. This is where you will wind up with any relationship you turn to until you heal the wound within. And - NO - your feelings cannot be trusted when it comes to this man. That is your wound speaking - your Shadow - through your emotions. Have the courage and strength to face this instead of remaining in denial. I promise you it will be worth it.
Thank u bouth for the care, but i already make up of my mind, already knew that this wasnt right for me, that we wasnt suppose to be, but after a while we start to think it is especially when you are so confuse and you pay psychics to tell you stuff, i did that and all of them told me that he loved me and i felt that, but my one foot was always back. Its not that I didnt believed Blmoon about is not being right,good for me I did cuse already knew the point of sending the pick was to make sure that i wasnt completely wrong about my guts, cuse usually when a person is bad i feel it immediatly and i didnt, I actually got a long with him, after he contacted me and i felt this guy is really going to hurt you,back off!!! Yep i was needed for attention,feel loved appreciated and he played his cards right.the only thing that confuses me until today is why the heck he asked me to live with him and have is baby, and why he told me that he love me if we were breaking up and why he doesnt delete me from his life? Can u tell?
I sent the pic to know more about this guy, who is this man? thats waht i need to know for my personnal closure.
But my friends last night i did what i had to do and put an end to it and it hurts but i didnt cry so far and will not, im so angry and im using that anger to forget him. Cuse in the end its all about me no one else, so i told him: im beautifull, smart, and sexy have a lot of love to give and receive
im wasting my time with you, i deserve better, erase my phone number.
Cuse because of what you two said i kept thinking they are so right, think,listen to your intuition,maybe its not time to let go my marriage, just time to start healing myself first and see if i want this marriage, cuse guys i feel dirty with all this, this went against all my believes.
have sum to tell you:tonight a friend an older guy that i dont talk to much especially personnal or about life things, unispectably told me this: live your life while u are young,dont listen to what others say if u really want sum, dont dprive yourself of nothing, be u. I was what the heck???
people are coming to me with the weirsdest conversations lately even inviting me to spiritual reunions they are, i dont know what its hapenning. Anyway thank you you were such an angels.
Thank you Watergirl--perfect words. Just popped in to see if you got your message--AND the reason I couldn't look deep ito his pic was I'm empty right now and if I let myself--get inside him for a a close-up---his energy would have put me way over the edge. You should consider that yourself VANIAV--that when you have holes in your self--they wil get filled with other's energy--so choose wisely who you rub up against! Go towards the positive healing energy!
AND Watergirl--I had to blink twice--say your cards---I pulled those same cards about a week ago!