Strong, Independent Women



  • Okay, are there any strong and independent women out here who just want to voice their opinion on why you think its a little harder for us to find a strong independent man just like us? Why do some of us keep running into the same type of man that promise us the world only to leave us a few months or years later wondering what the heck just happened?

    I am so tired of the same old crap! I know its not me because I'm always a lady, but I do have high expectations.

    What do you ladies think? Is it us? Are we too strong and independent? Should we play the damsel in distress?



  • Never compromise I say. There are strong, independent men who also want their woman the same way. But i've learnt that you only find them when you know what you want and need and unapologetically go for it. I haven't been that lucky, but i have friends who have stronger and more independent spirits than i do, find love that way.



  • Hold on, in your second paragraph you made a statement that sent up big red flags all over the place. You said, "I know it's not me because I am always a lady." I don't even know what that means. You have to look at the big picture of your life. What is the common denominator that each of your failed relationships has in common, it's you. Look I'm all for being independent and self reliant, but there is one thing you have to remember. Men are still men and they all have testosterone flowing through their body's. Men will never stay, for long, in a relationship where their partner is so independent that they feel, what am I here for?

    You have to play the game a little bit and let a man know that you need him for certain things and only he can fulfill those certain things and I am not talking about ***. A man needs to know there is an outlet for his instinctual needs.

    I hope this helps.



  • Ok, thanks. What I meant was that, Yes, I let the man be the man, but I'm talking about when a woman has her own place, nice job, own car, and such things.

    Why do some men think that is intimidating? Yes, a lot of times, I am the bread winner, but I don't care about that. I just want to be loved and cared for. The guys that like an independent woman are the guys that want to DEPEND



  • Ok, thanks. What I meant was that, Yes, I let the man be the man, but I'm talking about when a woman has her own place, nice job, own car, and such things.

    Why do some men think that is intimidating? Yes, a lot of times, I am the bread winner, but I don't care about that. I just want to be loved and cared for. The guys that like an independent woman are the guys that want to DEPEND on the independent woman. I don't have any kids and I don't need a grown man acting like a kid.

    Maybe I need to find a younger guy. That way I can teach him how I need him to be! LOL



  • This situation is a matter of a poor choice of men. A real man is not threatened by anyone other's toys, accomplishments, or happiness.

    Go against your grain and try dating a type of man you would not normally choose. It took me 40 years to find my lifetime mate. Now, all the problems about me being independent, and self reliant is nothing but a distant memory. I have been very fortunate and successful in my life, with material things. When my second husband and I split I asked him, "What went wrong? Why are you leaving me (we were together for seven years)?. His response, "I tried to tell you in so many ways that money, security, and material things are not my idea of living. I just wanted to love you and have you love me. I tried to tell you in so many ways, but you just didn't get it." At that time I was supporting the family. He said he could never be the man I wanted him to be.

    Just food for thought.



  • Wow...That is truly something to think about. I am 25 years old and I usually date older guys, but now I'm starting to go for the guys my age. They don't seem to mind about the material things.... But you made a great point about just loving him and him loving you.



  • getting into a relationship is kind of like joining a team. The man wants to be captain. That doesn't mean you don't discuss plans and goals together because you do. Pick your battles. Yes, you do have to compromise sometimes but, not your values or morals and if your with the right guy, he will have the same so, that doesn't even become a question. If you have a choice between 2 restaurants, and he really wants to go to a certain one, agree but, throw in there that maybe we can go to whereever next time. Guys like a show of old fashioned woman. Not the boss.

    If you too independent and ALWAYS have to be right and have your way, what do you want a man for? Someone to argue with? Guys like to feel needed. most guys aren't threatened by a woman's success, its her attitude that she's got bigger balls then ANY man, that turns them off.

    I was the type of woman that had the bigger balls then most men I met. I wasn't in a relationship for 12 years. I've learned to compromise. granted, we've only been together for 4 months but, it's been really good. I didn't compromise on my needs and he knows what they are and he meets them. I know what his are too. About the same as mine.



  • OMG - 2knowme - sorry I can't help but think Janome the sewing machine - not that i sew but it just rhymes....

    I just responded to your post in the other forum and was looking around and the part you just mentioned "its her attitude that she's got bigger balls than ANY man" - I do that all of the time!! Between this and the other forum - I have many things to think about and far more growing to do than I had ever imagined..... THANK YOU - this is exactly what I needed to hear.... and at this point in time!!!!

    Funny how the universe always points you in the right direction.....



  • men are built of fantasy. do you want the book read to you or are you the narrator?



  • Breather, what the heck does that mean? All the guys I've ever met were no script for a Disney movie! Men are pretty basic, women are the fantasy builders, they usually put too much thought into what a guy says and wonder what he means even if he just says, "I'm going to bed"



  • Good Heavens...

    Isn't everyone rather daunted, narry - rather say: put off, by outright STRIDENCY?

    Who needs it, 'tis the worst form of egotism surely...



  • hi tingleberts,

    what does STRIDENCY mean! Am a German!

    Anni



  • STRIDENCY: "presenting a point of view, esp. a controversial one, in an excessively and unpleasantly forceful way"

    Which is how an awful lot of "strong, independent women" come across these days - there's absolutely nothing wrong in having a firm opinion on any subject whatsoever, it's just that when it's kindof forcefed upon one it gets a bit too much to take sometimes, and the tendency is to just turn away and drift elsewhere to less intense and far more pleasant conversation...



  • Hi, Well, we're trying to figure out this problem. I have been in a few long-term relationships. All were different. In each, being self-sufficient helped the relationship. I don't think that was the factor in the relationships declining. Sometimes, you try your best and you think the other will do the same. Not always the case. You are what you put into it. I do think I could have been more selective.

    If someone has alcohol issues, that's something that you can not change. If someone has financial woes, that's something you can not change etc., etc. If someone tells you something, chances are that's the way they feel. You live and learn. They, hopefully, live and learn.

    My lesson was not to assume that someone knows how to treat another person. If you are the primary wage earner and someone doesn't understand that your tired or busy, then that's not your problem. That's lack of understanding.

    To find true love, compassion and understanding is truly a blessing. If you find it, you have found a special person. The married life is a special calling. I can not say that I have found it. I may never but will always try to follow Yahweh's (God's) calling.



  • tingleberts,

    first thx for the defintion of STRIDENCY.

    Couldn't find in in none of my dictionaries.

    I agree with you, people in general cannot be place in categories according to their zodiac signs.

    But still their certain signs who seem more attrated to one than to others!

    I had a time I did people ask for their sign also paying attention to my friends and people whom they with or they've met.

    There still is a personality more or less shaped by experience we had, destiny, and other influences.

    Their people who are looking for quality then quantitiy! Most off them are not even aware of this, unless you point it out to them!

    People never can be figured out.....but isn't that a big issue to make it so interested to met people?

    Of course what concerns relationships/marriages...........their shouldn't be to man secrets.....especially when it will affect the partner also in the long run!

    But all of us change everyday somehow............when we learn.............have our eyes open........being a good listener able to read between the lines!

    Most men have difficulties to name their emotions............when it comes to a serious point!

    But it's sweet to watch them telling us with their actions!

    Sometimes it's more easy to talk to a friend............because they not as deeple involved (by feelings) like the couple itself, which do cause missunderstandings sometimes, because they holding back with telling eachother how they really feel.

    Being totally open to a person means also to become vulnerable............then the cover (body) which protect us from people to look at our inside seem to be a cleaned window where everybody can look right inside of us!

    But being serious about a person no matter whether male/female connection or friendship wise, I always took the risk also the get hurt!

    If I let somebody in my life I show them what they get, also with my girlfriends...........so they have a choice! I hate games!

    I'm about fairplay..................that way a lot off people open up to me............can get kind of exhausted sometimes, especially when I'm out a balance myself..........but still, this way I've met great people who just stayed around me!

    They've told me it's easy to talk to me and that they trust me, because I'm very open and honest to them!

    If they abuse me, one or the other way. I've a lot of patience, not so with myself :-), so.........it's all about take it or leave it, when you get a chance to see what you're getting into!

    But when somebody use me by my good heart and keep doing it, believing I'm an airhead, because of my patience and holding back words not to hurt them the same way they do me......then I let them now.............I share everything with you, help you more then I do for myself, as far it's in my ability, but don't take advantage of me.

    Yes I've been used a lot.....I do know I let people go a long way.......propable because I went through so much and people think I can put up with everything!

    That's not true........throughout my life I became more and more fragile by heart and soul, then my mind has to take over and make me go for a decision.

    I can't give up on myself, because of others, almost did it (my exhusband the dad of my 3 children) but if I didn't know till then, there I knew, he's selfish to the bone, forgot about my needs and me period, jsut to have what he wanted!

    So I believe a Gem goes good with a scorpio...........those women like to be 'hunted' somehow and it takes them a while to open up and show their feelings...... not all of them, but from what I've experienced from women I'm friend with or socializing with!

    Never put all the people by their signs in on box 🙂 but you do know that!

    Thanks again!

    Anni


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