Desperate for insight.. Cancer Male.. Soul mate.
Soul mate. I never thought I would think, would FEEL those words and mean it.
I would love and insight on my situation, psychic or otherwise.
Me: 4/18/1980 6:33 am
Him: Cancer 1983 (all I know, sorry).
He has been MIA since Tuesday, when everything was fine. The situation is complicated, so I know from reading on here, a challenge for crabs. He is my first Cancer. We are both attractive, both very attracted to each other, both have Master's degrees. He is recently divorced. I am separated and have a child, which he seemed okay with. He is moving in the Spring for a Program. I am okay with it.
We spent one amazing night together. I felt that I had finally found "the one." We were both practically weeping for each other. Best s.e.x, best conversation, easiest, most comfortable, wild and beautiful connection of my life. And now I'm bereft that he's shut down and I have no way to reach him.
We had loosely planned to meet this weekend. He never answered my calls and didn't show.
I'm trying to work on myself; trying to use this time for me. I can't bare the thought of never seeing him again this lifetime. It's only been a few days... but I'm so afraid of losing him. I haven't felt this way in almost ten years.
Any help, psychic or otherwise, is superbly appreciated...
Oh, and here's a tarot reading I drew: It made me cry. I'm a mess. LOL. Don't worry, though... haven't been leaving crazy messages. Too old for that.
Hi Albadawn, dont panic ok? It will be alright. Get a hold of your emotions and think them through. It seems there's a real major confusion with Cancers, especially the men. It's not about you, so dont beat yourself up and dont internalize it. It seems they have their own way of dealing with issues. I came here because of the very thing your talking about, except I didnt have intimacy. I never experienced silence and disappearing before. Its rather childesh ! It seems that most Cancers RUN away to hide and to figure out their emotions and they dont think about the other persons feelings. Go back through these pages and read on Cancers, its amazing the pattern you will read.There is no reasoning. Whatever you do, DONT communicate, it may drive him away even more. Cancers are very selfish underneath, even though you dont believe that, they are. They seem to get involved by talking the next step, like intimacy and then run because of the pressure. They have a funny fear of being rejected. He may feel afraid that he's not good enough. He's playing on his terms.
Work on you and dont panic. Dont pull him, he'll runaway further. Cancers are terrible at communication after they take and get something. They only worry about their feelings. Thats what he's doing, he's in control of him. You need to see this side of him and it may not get better.
If he's recently divorced maybe there alot going on with him. But there seems to be alot going on with you as well. You just recently seperated, take some time and relax with your daughter. Take this time for you. Why do you need another man at this moment in your life, you're even divorced yet. This is a sticky situation, and you know that. Why did you sleep with him so soon? Did you give in and let your gaurd down. Protecting your daughter should be the most imprtant thing right now.
Cancers are players, they say all the right things, do all the right things, then you open up to them and trust them, and then they totally disprespect you and VANISH !! I think it's cowardly. I'm sorry Dawn, but hang in there. OK?
Thanks. To answer the question of why so soon... I had been emotionally detached from my husband for four years now. Sadly, I believe we were never in love. At the time of meeting the Cancer, I hadn't slept with anyone in two months.
So even though I am at a point where I am just starting the LEGAL, contractural process, I have been separated emotionally from my husband since practically the beginning. The mistake was getting married when I knew it wasn't right.
I wasn't looking for another man. Maybe I was desperate for a connection and this guy provided it. Or maybe he really is the one. Either way, I feel that though I've been married five years, I've been alone.
I don't regret sleeping with him. S.e.x to me is just an extension of communication, of bonding. It was nice.
My child, and myself, are taken care of. But I miss him. I guess that is the thing I have to deal with.
Also, he told me the night we spent together was one of the best experiences of his life... that he felt lucky to have met me. Was that all bullsh*t?
And when we had to leave one another the next day, it was the longest goodbye of my life. He almost cried, for God's sake.
Also, we had parked in the SAME parking lot, though we were in the city for different reasons...going to different places... what are the odds?
He didn't seem the player type AT ALL. But I'm not ruling it out. I'm not that naive. If it was all an act, he's a damn good actor, and I'm not a very good judge of character.
Alba~ I understand about emotionally divorced, I didnt mean to pry. I'm sure you have very good reasons. I dont think he lied to you at all. I feel he was sincere and honest. I dont think he's a player, if he is shame on him, but I dont think so. Its just their nature to run and hide. Its very weird. They are good communicators and charming in the beginning. They work at making everything perfect then, in a flash, they screw it up. Its not you, ok !!! Its not you, so take a deep breathe. Its just the way ther are. This birth sign is rather uncanny with their description.
No, be prepared my dear, this may not play out the way you might expect. What I mean is this, he may and probably will come back, if he doesnt, he really is an idiot, But when he does, he might not dicsuss this, discuss the way he left, the way you feel, nothing. It could be very strange to you and hurtful. Thats how they operate. Yoiu will remain in the dark with no clear explanation. If and when he comes back, dont bring it up because it could explode all over the place. Cancers can get very argumentive and you will see a terrible side of their selfishness. You need to get your heart and emotions under control and you need to be smart and think of the next move.
Unfortunatly, youre going to have to painfully wait. Painfully, so go ahead and cry, get a good cry out. Youre going to need to get some serious ground rules in dealing with him. I hope, for your sake and your daughters, that he is in love with you and he's working this out. Thats why they run. They internalize their emotions and they hide away to figure them out. Once he's done that, he will resurface. The sad thing is, Cancers dont think of the people they hurt and how they did it. But evcery story Ive read on here and the internet says that when they get closer and do something that brings the relationship closer and the other person FALLS for them, they run. Its like they are saying, let me see how close I can get, then, once they get there, they frighten themselves and run away.
I know this makes no sense. Get your emotions together, youre in for some confusion. They just suck at communicating once they have gotten the committment from you.
Thanks for your comments. Did you click on the Tarot reading I linked? The Reverse Star followed by Wheel of Fortune most upsets me. It all feels so tragic...
AlbaDawn~ I did read the link. Its not tragic, come on! To be honest, I dont follow that. I'm a male Scorpio and a Christian, I dont believe that stuff. I believe you're in control of your life. Look, love is not easy, and you just found out how unpredictable Cancer men are. Unfortunatly, this is ALL up to him. You wont have any say in it. They do it their way and thats all there is to it. I do know this. If youre attractive as you say, I read how that is imprtant to them, then I feel he will be back. Dont cling, he will actually cling once this gets going in the right direction. But remember, this wont be the last time this will happen. Next time, it may be even longer.
When he surfaces, he wont even mention this. As he ponders this, he feels you are as well. Once he gets over his fear, he will think so have you and there is nothing left to discuss. Now my dear, be prepared. I'm not sure that when they run, if they run and start this all over again somewhere else.
You dont need this drama in your life. Its really hurtful that when you feel you both have discussed everything, and theres nothing to hide and when he makes a move you feel he's decided this is what he wants and then once he gets it and he's gone its scary that you begin to think what did I do to scare him off. What birth sign are you?
I'm Aries/Taurus cusp. April 18th. I didn't say I am attractive to be egotistical. I'm 31 and know by now men find me good looking. But I'm looking for something more. True connection.
AlbaDawn~ I didnt imply that. I know what you mean. Cancers are as emotional as Scorpios, one difference is that we dont run out and hide. We confront and embrace these new emotions. I know Cancers are attracted to beautiful woman as we are, the physical part is very important.
This Cancer gave you that connection, you felt it, but you didnt see what would happen right after. Give it time. Wait 2 -3 days, dont connect unless he does. Then send out a brief, fun text. Something light. You may not get anything so do it all over again. Youre silence will show that your strong and not clingy, and this gives him space. It gives him time to think. Cancer come out when they are ready. Sounds really silly I know, so childish. Then wait and see your next communication with him and how that goes. Its going to either come together or you're going to get tired of it and lose interest. I know, how can he have felt all that and act as if it doesnt matter. No one knows but him, what hes feeling or thinking and you may never know. Doug
AlbaDawn~ One other thing. You're a communicator, he fooled you on that side. If you like open communication, where you both talk about things and share so much, you may be very disappointed here. They start out to communicate, then once something, anything impacts their emotions, they are gone. This is not healthy. I know I dont have to say this to you. But I adore children and your daughter see's all this stuff with men and this guy, she see's and senses your tears. Give this some time, if it doesnt turn out, get out of it. There will be someone that you meet that will connect with you, through communiation and love on a very deep level. Doug
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this ordeal too.. but this is something that cancer men typically do.. they scuttle into their holes after they experience something intense. Try a search about cancer men, there are lots of us ranting about this annoying behaviour of theirs
They need time to digest whatever happened.. and they like to have their own space.. retreating alone in their shells. When he will feel more confident about himself, he will come to you on his own accord. It's annoying but this is somehow the way they operate. Do not sweat over it! Grab a nice book, do something you enjoy doing, please yourself. Besides they do not like women too dependent on them. They like independent women who can have fun by themselves. When he shows up, pretend as if you did not miss him Just be casual
I hope you get past this and feel better soon. Take care
Alba, trust me, I know these men. They are all about THE MOMENT. They are. When they feel something intensely, they panic. BC the 1st alarm that goes up is...how I am going to get hurt. Then, the next is, everything you could possibly think!!
I am NOT kidding. They are that quick and sharp and that fast.
Do NOT pester him. Worst thing you could do. They take NOTHING lightly! They need space, calmness, peace and security. They cannot handle drama and turmoil. They have enough of their own, trust me again.
Yet, they are the most amazing things ever!!!!!! Oh my.........my cancer and I almost 2 years. Not only are we lovers, but we are truly best friends. Slow down and breath.....
I will... thank you, Taurus7. I'm a Taurus cusp, April 18th.
There is a lot to worry about. I only wish I could talk to him... to tell him it will be okay. That I will be here. That I only want him.
I found this forum because I was looking for insight on Cancers, having never been close to one.
You mentioned they panic when they feel something intensely... They don't forget it, though, do they? Or dismiss it I mean. I'm Aries, so comfortable with risk. I also know when something is rare. I know.
Cancers forget nothing. All you need to do is be calm. You don't need to tell them anything, yet they need to be shown everything. Be gentle, strong, kind and soft.
I don't know how to show him when I'm not seeing him or talking to him. I guess I show him by waiting. And by accepting him when he returns. I understand his fear. I do.
AlbaDawn ~ What if he doesnt come back? Are you going to sit there for how long, waiting...do you think its fair what he's doing to you right now. He's probably doing other things...and if he is, dont you deserve the courtesy of at least a phone call? God girl. is how you feel worth getting kicked around. You and your daughter do not deserve this kind of treatment......No one does...His loss !!!
Try texting him right now, or call him and see how FAST he jumps...He wont !! They dont !!!
I'm telling you right now, get over this and put it behind you...this is no Disney Fairy Tale where he comes rifding in on a white horse and carried you away... this is an asshole who is selfish and weak...you do not deserve this...you learned a valueble lesson here...MOVE ON and do it NOW..
You're definitely a true Scorp, Phoenix. I tend to collect Scorpios... Something about my energy. My only other long-term relationship (besides the marriage) was with a Scorpio. We're still friends, still adore one another, though our relationship was a disaster. Dated one other Scorp and have lots of Scorp friends...
To address your concerns... First, of course I won't wait for him indefinitely. But I wasn't looking for a relationship, or love, when I found him. Yes, I'd been lonely. But I wasn't looking for it. So I'm not looking for it elsewhere. If this guy comes around... great. If not, then, yes I'll be disappointed because I do believe we are supposed to be together. (For instance...for years I've dreamed of reading in bed with some blonde dude with green eyes. It was always so intimate...I always thought, "strange that myu dream man's blonde being that I always go for and am attracted to dark hair, dark eyed guys.) The Cancer is him.
Next, I have a son, not a daughter... and while I appreciate your concern for his well being, HE IS FINE. I am able to emotionally, physically, and financially provide for my son, and I do just that. You can't expect a person to stop having emotions, though, and that is bad for children anyway. They need to feel secure but also to know their parents are human. It teaches them empathy... and humanity. Next, while I wouldn't expose my child to boyfriends, etc. until I was certain they were appropriate to do so, I cannot choose who I'll date based solely upon my child. If that were the case then I would be staying with his father. That would certainly be more convenient.
Last, my Cancer didn't want just s.e.x. I didn't need to learn that lesson. Been there, done that. Again... I don't regret the s.e.x. It was amazing. But it's everything that happened in the hours before and after s.e.x, in addition to the AMAZING S.E.X. that makes me want this guy. We're good together. We're amazing together. But both are situations fruckin suck right now, and I'm certain he's just freaking out because A) I'm still married. B) His ex-wife screwed him over financially and emotionally and C) He is planning to move for school in June.
Also, he probably doesn't have me figured out. IF HE WOULD JUST CALL ME, he might.
Yes, he's being disrespectful. Yes, I'm a mess over this. But I wouldn't be if I didn't want him. I've had plenty of guys treat me like sh*t before and I lost NO SLEEP over them. The only one who ever affected me like this was the Scorp.. and we were truly in love.
So... there you have it. If this Cancer ever calls me, or I run into him... I'll let you know. In the meantime, I'm dealing the way I deal. And it sucks, but I'll be fine.
Hi AlbaDawn~ Thank you for your honesty. I love that. I just dont see this guy changing his instinctual ways. He won't come around and the sooner you realize it the better. Dont hold onto this expecting that dream to come true and miss out on your happiness. It sounds like youre getting closer to what you know and think will make you happy. This guy broke you out of your loneliness, tahts a good thing. That means its time for you to meet and be in a relationship again.
The reason Im concerned about your son, is because guys like this come in and create a relationship, with you and your son, then, get what they want and run away because their afraid of the consequences. That just bugs the crap out of me. Me, on the initial date, or at least 2 or 3 dates, if there is anything that I would feel uncomfortable with, and have a problem with, I would stop it then and there, and not wait until AFTER the sex. To me, thats the right thing to do.
Now you just revealed that his ex wife screwed him financially. I think there is alot more there than you know. Plus, he's leaving in June for school. good freakin ridins...You made a choce here and got involved with a man who has several red flags. You have to avoid this stuff. I know the sex was great and you both were AMAZING with on another, and you felt so special and loved. How do you feel now?? Do you feel special? What if he's on the phone right now with his ex? What if he's trying to get back with her or someone else? Do you really know? Why did his wife screw him over? Have you thought about that? Have you talked to her?
Sweetheart, he is not going to call you. If and if he does, you will go through th same stuff. Start thinking about that and pulling away. This guy has really hurt you so stop making excuses for him. He did the worst thing a man can do to a woman, abandon her !
But what if he does? It's only been a week... and from what I've read on here, that's a very short span of time for most Cancers.
Also, I'm not looking for a man. Don't need a man right now. I need him. In my life. In some way. So, when he comes back around I'll talk to him about that. And if he needs to retreat sometimes, that will be okay, too. As long as I know where I stand. Right now I have no idea. I'm perfectly fine doing the long distance, occasional thing for the next couple years.
I'm not making excuses for him. I know his silence is not socially acceptable behavior. But I feel, instinctually, that he's in a bad place right now. Which is why I need to talk to him. Which is why I came here! I'm slowly feeling better about it though... so, thanks for that.