Do I stay or should I go...........

  • I have been with my a husband for 18yrs. We have had alot of up and downs including several broken promises. We have two children, 11yrs/8yrs. My heart has grown colder n colder and with no care in the world. I have become a great mother,an independent woman, have my career but have found my self not in love anymore. I have been thinking about leaving and have voiced it a couple of times, but not followed thru. I have seen myself in my own apt. with my kids and moving on. Its been on my mine for a couple of yrs, but have not done it because of the kids. They are sooo close with thier father.

    Until one day in March of this year, i find, on facebook, my first sweetheart, my first kiss. We start to chit chat back and forth and one thing led to another. I have not felt like a wanted woman in a long time. Feelings that I thought were lost and he managed to bring back.. Well, unfortunatly the fling is over.....I wanted to see if this relationship would even have a possibility, but I could not promise anything with me in the situation that I am in. This ended a couple of days ago...and of course I cannot get him off my mind.

    In May I told my husband that I was done and this time it was over for real. I have moved to the guest room for the past two months and I did not know how difficut it is to actually take a step like this. I have been looking for a place.......and today he tell me that he wants to seek a marriage counsling....something that he swore to me he would never do. I think I am going thru Menopause!!!!!!

  • Hi, You haven't said anything real negative about your husband. Maybe counseling would open communication between the two of you. I think it's always better to try and work it out. I think it's great that he suggested it. Actually, I think things are looking up for you.

    If you are serious about ending your marriage, why did your friendship w/the other person fade.

    Breaking-up, moving are major stresses and life decisions. Maybe doing things a little different in your married life would be the answer for you and your husband. Look at the positive in your marriage.

  • I agree with Dalia. Get counseling. I made the bad mistake of not doing it and listening to someone else and now I'm regretting it. We all have choices but think long and hard about what you decide. A wrong decision has a way of coming back and giving you 10 times more misery. Sometimes you think you are in a bad place but it will turn out that is a lot better than the place you want to go.


  • My first impression is to stay- unfortunately love is not alway passionate based. Your husband does love you and the other man, I feel, is in another relationship. The passion will be slow coming be patient. Your relationship needs nuturing and unfortunately I feel that other parts of your life(kids/career/looking somewhere else for love) is taking presidence. Take time for yourself and build your root chakra. it is damaged. Visualize a white light going through your body (Heavenly father/Earthly Mother- As above so is below) your can manifest heaven on earth - be a CO CREATOR.

  • I have been separated now for almost one year and I have my regrets. My husband wants to reconcile and I am trying to open myself up to that possibility but I've lived under his thumb for so many years I really enjoy my freedom. I have many more friends and dating is exciting and fun.

    The problem is that you have to share your kids. You will give up control of them and you will not be there for every little thing that happens. You will miss those small things like a funny joke or a sad moment and you will not ever regain these moments...your kids will remember that mom was not there. They will feel deserted. Try to work it out. Go away for a long weekend, try to remember what made you fall in love with him at the beginning of your relationship.

    Good luck!

  • Relationships can become distant for many reasons. Most often the long term relationships that grow apart is just what it means. Grow apart. To see this and seek help in some way takes much strength. To get into another relationship while being involved in another is weak. This is not a judgment on character at all. It is part of being human and where we are in our own lives.

    My advice is to seek the counseling. There is no indications of abuse, drugs, alcohol, emotional abuse, significant differences or any other life threatening situation. Meaning, it sound like two people grew apart. We want to teach our children and thy neighbor that life can get to the best of us and to seek help through counseling or another method is the first step to healing.

    It discerns me to see so many get involved in another relationship while still in one at the present. It should not matter the circumstances. Modern day cheating has revolved around our technology. It is so easy to get on face book, myspace, pull out or cellphones and text, e-mail mess, and chat rooms. This has enabled us to build emotional bonds with another when we are not happy with our current relationships. An emotional bond with another while in a relationship is just as good as cheating.

    If above all has proved a relationship must come to an end. Then still seek help to understand and grow so then before you enter into another relationship you are functioning at your full potential. Emotional, Mental, Physical and Social Health are all apart of being at our best.

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