URGENT - please help.



  • My husband is in afghanistan for his job. He comes home every 4-6 months. We have had a lot of ups and downs but something happened a year and a half ago - that I am unsure of. Kinda a "snap" in my husband. We don't nor did ever have the perfect marriage but we are life partners. He is very troubled and always have been. I think he is lying to me about something.

    Basically he rejects all my love and now says that if I don't accept him for how he is now that he will never come home and then next time he does it will be a box. He is making it my decision/making me choose my wishes to work it out and he dies or give him what he wants.

    Can someone please read us and advise me. His dob 4-20-66 10:00 a.m. name Joe, mine 9-23-65 12:31 p.m. name Jenny



  • Someone out there please help. I fear my husband will die. Other treads are being answered and I sit here crying my eyes out wondering why I am not being answered.



  • Your husband is not going to die. He is being overly dramatic with you because he feels you are not listening to him -- he is merely trying to snap you into the reality of the situation and he is doing it in a rather selfish way. The truth is that he is not invested in this marriage any longer and he wants out. He is involved with someone else - someone from his past - and wants to be in a relationship with her. You are not accepting this and he is tired of the emotional drama and clinginess so he says to you that he will die or kill himself - it's a cruel way of telling you that you will not have him no matter what or that he will have his way no matter what. I know you do not want to hear this, but you need to detach yourself from this situation and LET HIM GO. What you are doing now is merely pushing him away even further and he is digging his heels in. So give him what he wants and see what happens. Tell him to go off with this woman and be happy - that you want a divorce. Start the divorce proceedings yourself. Then start to build yourself back up because you are an emotional wreck and have allowed your self-esteem to erode down to nothing. Be good to yourself. Forget about him for a while and let him wallow in the life he says he wants. If you want any chance at all of him returning to you, this is what you must do. What you are doing now is just pushing him further away. Maybe when he sees you moving on without him he will have second thoughts. However, he may be gone for good - and that is an outcome you must become okay with.

    Blessings,

    Watergirl



  • Thank you so very much watergirl for your reply. I am trying to understand why my intuition so strongly tells me that it is not what he really wants and this is wrong with ever fiber of my being. He is "under her spell" and that she intentally has tried to break us up which is working apparently. He tells me he loves me. That is the confusing part. I know he loves me. I think I need to give him the time to sort it out and I have not been clinging to him. I have been living my life, but not matter what I say he twists it to his advantage. I know the "let it go thing" but geeze.... I keep getting a miracle card and relationship harmony card when I do ask the angels. I do not appreciate him blaming me for his impending death. I guess I am angry about that. What about this miracle? Who is it for?

    To perfectly honest. I can't do anything till he tells me the truth. Will he admit what he's doing? I can't move on till he is honest with me.



  • Sweetie, when we are in the midst of something very emotional like this it is common to mistake the wants/desires of our ego with our intuition. That strong feeling you have is your strong desire for that to be so. And it is not possible to simply be under someone's "spell." This is also a common mistake when it comes to situations like this. She hasn't put him under a spell or seduced him in some way. He is a willing participant.

    What I meant by clinging is to continue to try to convince him to do other than what he is doing or to give up what he says he wants for what you want. Just accept it and give him what he wants for now. Break off communication other than what is needed for the divorce. You know the old poem about "if you love something, set it free..." ?? That is what you must do. Please also recognize that not wanting to move forward until you have the "truth" or something of the sort is just a way for our ego to continue to hang on - resistance instead of acceptance.

    The cards you keep drawing - the "miracle" and relationship harmony - is much like the Temperance card of the Tarot. This is about INNER peace and harmony. It is about self-healing, self-love and emotional balance. This is what the Angels want you to do. Find that peace within yourself.

    I wouldn't pull any more cards on it if I were you -- you are too emotionally attached to the outcome so you will not get a clear reading.

    Blessings,

    Watergirl

    P.S. You SHOULD be mad at him about threatening death and blaming you. It's completely selfish and immature.



  • The only one dying here is YOU! The weapon your guilt. Everyone dies when it is THEIR TIME to die. How much more can you give and still exhist? Please set the bar higher--do not settle and why would he possibly change anything when he doesn't have to? a big hurt needs a big head--please engage your head--you are a very smart woman. A woman with wounds and a weakness he is exploiting. MAKE HIM CHOOSE! Are you truelly willing to have him no matter what? If that is true--this is exactly what you have--and how's it working for you? Be good to yourself--it is what it is---deal with it with your head. Let your heart feel the pain the grief but let your head make the choice that protects you. HE is killing you. If something happens to him over here it has nothing to do with you. If he loved you like you deserve he would never say such a thing! He is cruel--selfish and has a love hate relationship with women. He puts them in demeaning situations. There IS an even bigger secret than that but it is his to solve--to own. You need to get the emotion out--vent--scream--clean--get counseling--then please choose to use your head and take ACTION--do not be a victim. Do not settle. Leave him alone---really alone. If he wants you please have some boundries he can't cross---respect yourself and stop making excuses for him. He says he loves you? Do you FEEL loved? Love is a VERB! BLESSINGS!



  • PS--I agree about not reading cards when in desperate mode--not good energy for clarity. Also, you must consider the option of reading other "meanings" ---many times there indeed is a positive option but how we get theire is the free will choice of the matter and demands a plan of action.Aso, when things feel out of control yet we pull a positive card it often is saying that the siuation is an illusion--the pain a choice and REALLY it is within our power to CHOOSE LOVE. Meaning instead of grasping at him--letting him hold the power--the miricle really is that it really is within your power to feel joy despite him and that is the core issue beneath all this. It really is your choice. That is the miracle of Grace. The basis for all harmony---it is within us--not outside us!



  • Thank you all. I feel able to look at things with different options with the help of others view of the situation. My counselor supports your opinions as well. I need to process the grief and I have good days and bad days. Today he hit me below the belt by forcing me to choose accepting his decision or that he would never come home and it would be because I made it so. Yes I am very angry at him for emotional blackmail. I miss him but I know he is not him right now I have made huge strides to help myself but like I said today was a bad day. Having you all there to help show the light is a blessing. I am very aware of the truths you all have mentioned but I do still love him but will no longer acecpt his demeaning behavior of me. I do pray for him thatGod will heal him so he could find it back to me. I do just want him to come home so I can move in some direction whichever direction that may be



  • J3nnygr, somehow or something in the war he is fighting has scared your husband and he has lost his nerve. He can no longer sustain a committed relationship with you. Yes I too feel something 'snapped' in him and that it is some some of present-traumatic stress behind it. I do feel a big change in him from the man you loved. Now he wants only light, shallow relationships and life. He cannot handle any seriousness or responsibility for anyone or anything. If this other woman becomes too demanding of him (it is mostly sex at the moment) he will leave her too. But I don't feel him coming back to you because of these deep deep changes in him. There is sadness in him for what has happened but unless he seeks counselling, I fear he will continue on in this superfical shallow way forever.



  • Thank you TheCaptain. What do you mean lost his nerve.? Thier relationship is not physical. He never visits her when he is home. Others tell me she is tired if him and she will not leave her husband for him and using him for gifts and attention She has others she is stringing along. I know he has to want help but I pray thatGod show him the light. I am pretty sure he has PTSD I am hoping he will see the counsellor but she mocks the counseling with him so unless this thing fades I don't see it aytime soon. I wasHopin he'd seek help for our daughter. Does the guilt make him sad? He tried to kill himself in July. Wishes out loud that he might get lucky" by getting shotover there. I think he feels responsible for someone doses death. It's all so incredibly sad.



  • I mean, he has lost his courage to face anything that is too stressful or serious, anything which takes responsibility. He just cannot cope with too much of life's duties or burdens or emotions. No, he doesn't feel guilty - in fact, he is trying not to feel anything much at all - that is why he is drawn to this woman, because he senses she doesn't want anything too heavy from him. And I do think they have been physical (if not actual sex, something very close to it). He draws away from family because he feels they need more than he has to give. He really does need counselling - doesn't the army have people who can talk to and help the soldiers who are suffering?



  • He is not in the army. He works for a contractor. They have not seen each other to have sex. We are both 10,000 miles away and he has an STD so I dont think she would want to get that. He comes home and stays home then leaves. She used to live in the south USA but now lives closer to me but I saw all the emails of her blowing off his invites for drinks. maybe itis cyber sex? His boss knows about her so I can't call him to suggest he needs help because I can't trust him. I also saw Texts and emails to prove that. He pray he will get help when he is home. I don't see him continuing on this path for too long otherwise. He may not want to face reality but without me he doesn't know how to pay the bills or what things cost as I do it all. She certainly won't take care of him because that thought terrifies he.



  • Her.



  • If it helps. Her birthdate is 5-12-71



  • Your partner really needs to talk to a professional counsellor about what he experienced in Afghanistan. It's ruining his life and making him crazy.



  • TheCaptain,

    Thank you so much for all your help. All I can do is pray to God to show him that he needs help and to seek it out. I react to the blows like any human would. I try to just step back after and put it in God's hands. Yes, I have known he needs help and I thought by his offer to go to counselling together earlier this year that it would open the door for him. He has gone to two sessions. I can only hope when he does come home in the next few weeks, that he takes the opportunity to go to her individually and start something. I will not abandon him. I will not let him abuse me though. Free will can be a bee-a-ch.

    J3nnygr



  • I feel Joe is suffering from deep depression. His vibes are like those of a soldier who has been through a war. My mother is like this too and, because they are depressed, it's difficult for them to see clearly - to acknowledge or understand that they need professional help.



  • TheCaptain, I need to ask this as it just came to me. Could I not be thinking the obvious? Is he having sex with some over there? They have ethnic food restaurants don't serve food. He has sent way more money than he used to. In your picture read of him you mentioned he thinks I am having clandestine activities. I wonder if that is the fuel he uses to do what he's doing. Or is he really loyal to me. How do I prove I am faithful and trust he has not brought me home a disease if we do end up intimate when he comes home. This other woman I know about he claims is "just a friend" has been in our lives for 10 years but he has keep scret that he still talks to her since 2006. Well I should say when I asked him who his friends were he say " I have no friends, just coworkers".

    I am trying to prepare for his coming home and I need to think this very carefully through. The therapist keeps asking me why do I want to stay with him. Well. I want my husband back and I know this current liar is not my husband. I am trying to get the man inside to come back out and heal. I know people are damaged from life experiences but I love him and know that we are life partners and that this is our second life together as husband and wife. The last time we lost our daughter. This time he lost our daughter or will lose her if he doesn't chase his demons away. She also was our daughter then too. I know I am rambling but, I only have a little time till he comes home and he is trying not to come home at all.



  • Typo end first para - when I asked him who are your friends...he said "I have no friends...



  • Jennifer, if you really want your 'old' husband back, then you have to be prepared to take some drastic action. As I said in the photo reading, once Joes loses his way, it's very difficult for him to find his way back. He is now behaving like a lost and confused child so you have to be the parent here. You have to put your foot down and insist that he seeks professional help. If he says he doesn't want to do so, then you must tell him that he must leave your home for the sake of you and your child until he gets his head together. Assure him of your love and fidelity but be firm and don't have sexual relations with him until you can be sure he is willing to be faithful to you. This is for your good and his. Doing nothing will see him drift further and further away. He needs a sharp wake-up call to shock him into getting help. You must be 'cruel' to be kind here or else all will be lost. If you give into him, you will surely lose him for good.


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