Cancer man dissaster

  • I have been reading alot of the forums and finally decided to tell my story and any sympathy, advice if there is any to give now would be nice. we worked together and i had seen him around the store, he works in department besides me, and thought handsome but gave no attention, then we started interacting a little and don't know how to describe but he caught my attention and i at one moment of looking at him became infatuated. Well i started to make my moves. invited him to gatherings with coworkers to get him closer. he never showed up to any, one time even going to the place but decided not to go in and he couldn't explain why. i let it go and gave up.. then he started flirting, telling me i looked good and so on, so i made my last move and gave him my number on a piece of paper and walked away. he called and we made a date after work. what can i say... great connection, talked all night, he told me alot of personal things. he was so glad we did this and i told him the ball was in his court. we were leaving and i wasnt going to but we ended up in my place and had sex and it was a little crazy but good all around. the next day we saw each other and you would of thought that we had no interaction by the way he acted but let it go and just told him to have a good night and get rest since he went home late and had to get up early. later that week he started responding again and we made plans and was a no show, no call. when i saw him the next day he was all over the place to get my attention and told me he lost his paycheck and so forth, he would make up. we ended up ok and maybe a call would of been nice, he agreed. so there it starts. the flakiness and then the love beams...we hung out for about 2 months in that fashion. when we got together, always after work, it was great. he told me a lot about himself, we talked about everything and the conversation was never lacking and again the love beams that melt my heart and we were going to do this and he was going to take me to his place where he lives with his family. sex was getting so good and passionate,but leave after, giving me kisses all the way out the door. when he saw me at work he would get my attention to say hello or come to my department to say hello kiss on cheek, say things like i miss good to see you..always ask about my day off.everything was intimate. then the biggest mistake...i lend him $100 and he would pay me next paycheck. it wasnt easy for him to ask so i thought it was important. well then it seemed that because he did not have the money, that is when it all went downill. he started lying, he would say he would come over to give me money and would be a no call, no show and no apologies. i got so frustrated and finally told him, do you want this or not? he said no. i said ok and went about my business acting like nothing and laughing with my coworkers. i was dying but played it so cool, i shocked myself since i am one that wears emotions on sleeve. the whole day he would ask me if i am ok and would look my way all the time and say that we would talk and i said about what..? when payday came around he text me that he had money, if he could pass by to drop off. i told him that i hope he knew that i was not angry about money but how he acted. he said that i hope we can sit down and talk. when he saw me he was all a glow and miss you...want to see you... circumstances on both our parts didn't let us get together that week and that was things started to get ugly. he always said he didn't want it to end but never made the time. i always told him we needed to talk. he went into his shell and i had anxiety that was consuming me. i fell for this guy so hard, that just writing this makes me cry. i didnt give him the space that he needed as i pushed him to talk and he would say yes but would sell me out except one time i did him a favor and he came by. i finally started to back away and give cold shoulder and there he was all over the place being highly, unusually social with everyone and trying to get my attention all around me. i was so confused and so in deep with him. i told him we could sit on my break and talk and we did. he said that it wasn't personal. we would get together. we were still on and he missed me. then the next week he was acting cocky and i got all defensive and i did, i got a little out of hand. i pressured him and gave him all the scenerios, i know i drove him crazy because he was also driving me crazy. so one day he just said we should just be friends at work and i said lets be nothing, i was bitter. he acted like nothing happened, like i didn't deserve an explanation of why. i couldn't be told outside of work. this was all within a month after i lend him money. we got into fights at work ( i know bad) and he said that he didn't want anything with me and that all we had left was the money between us (heartbreak when he said that). then he gave me cold shoulder and no anything, i the same. i could hear him all around the store. he was so friendly and loud. then i finally soften up and tried to just say hello. he finally came around and offered me coffee and started talking to me. we didn't see each other for a week and when we did it was how are you all night long until i had to stop and talk to him, he said it was long time no see and he gave me his love beam again and my heart was a flutter. then... i went to a work party and i went honestly bcuz i didn't think that he was going as he always said he would do things and never did, not just to me but friends. and there he was with his ex girlfriend that he made it seem was out of the picture. i sat at the same table as he as that is where my friends were. he was crapping his pants. he would not look at me and his leg was shaking. i had the time of my life, the initial shock left me and the night was mine, i had fun, people complemented me in front of him and i danced the whole night. my friends were in shock. he was never far away. there was no chemistry between him and the girl and they looked ackward. it was there first time out, they were trying again. they were together for 2 yrs but she was too jealous and would not " let me breath". that was 1 yr ago. he even got close enough to touch my legs when he was dancing. at work i acted like nothing and he only said that he was going to pay me the money. i said that unless he had the money in his hands to give to me, not bring it up again as he knows that it hurts. anytime things got ugly the money would pop up even though it really wasnt about the money. he was so loud and social that it was unbearable. before me he was sulking in the isles and you didnt hear from him. all over the place. i would hear him and he didn't even make sense sometimes and would laugh when there was nothing funny in what he or another would say. what a show! a few weeks pass and we are civil, how are you, how is your job. one time i went to return something to coworker and he was there and he would not stop looking and smiling at me the whole time. even when the conversation was on another person. it was so blunt that the other person would look at him and he would just look at me. he kept smiling and turned smiling at me as i walked away. then that same week he comes into my department and was cold with me but started flirting like crazy with my coworker while we were both fixing a machine. " that is the way i like my girls. are you going to invite me to your birthday. you look good, what have you been doing" all in front of me. i played it cool. she doesnt know anything and i really like the girl. i was so pissed! i knew that that was for me but i didn't know what it meant and with my coworker! of all people start problems in my department. nothing...i played the i don't care card even though i think that there was a small attack on my self- esteem. lately he seemed to have been friendlier than usual and we would ask more about our lives. he would come around and say how is inventory (work) and " i am just making sure you are alright" he would call out my friend when i am with her about 6 ft away and come and kiss her hello. mind you, there are plenty of oppurtunities to say hello at the store. and if i was behind him he would say hello to people super friendly, i once heard one guy say, who are you, and he would have to introduce himself. i chuckled at that one. then last week we were talking and then as i was walking away he said we should get together for a beer to celebrate acomplishments at work and asked what day i had off. i said tuesday and he said he would get in contact with me. when i saw him the day before i said are we still on, he said yes. well the day came and no call , no show. when i saw him at work i asked him and he said he would never agreed for tuesday as he had a lot to do. i asked why did you say to hang out only to sell me out. he said that i am mistaking his friendliness for something else and then proceeded to give me a scenerio of how he only meant it as if i was any other coworker and that he is sorry if i got the wrong idea. he floored me... nothing was coming out of my mouth.i said that i am seeing someone (lie) and he is also seeing his ex so what can be the mistake. then i sent him a text saying that it seemed that he might of missed talking to me and that is why i agreed to go out as friends but that i guess i had misread him since i have known him and that there are no worries, that i am not hung up on him. yes a little bitter but i could not help it. what a blow! why am i going to lie, i thought the crab was inching closer to me, sideways. i would of never asked him to have a beer and even though i still had feelings, i was resigned to nothing. and like you i thought that would be the end of my story but then he came into my department the next time we saw each other and again started flirting with my coworker. came over 4 times in 1 hour and when i was talking to my coworker he came, inturupted me and said excuse me to me so he could talk to my coworker. then i found out that he had given her flowers and perfume on her birthday and brought it to work about 2 weeks ago. he didn't know if i worked or not. when i am not there they tell me he just says hello to her but does not stay. all this in front of me. buying gifts and he still has not given me my money. trying to bring problems with my coworkers and for what. have i not been through the ringer enough. so is this what he is really like when he likes someone? he never bought me anything, drinks the times we went out. him and his ex have made their social appearance a couple of times at get togethers. everyone tells me he is a player and a jerk. and i am in full realization that he is manipulative and emotionally immature as we have yet to talk about anything that has to do with feelings. my friends want to kick his ass. and me... i know that if we didn't work together this would of been over for me, sad and all i would of recovered by now. it has been 6 months and the games continue. i should not analyze the actions of a crab bcuz i have read enough to know that is what will drive you crazy bcuz it doesnt make sense. i was terribly hurt and as a pisces did not play games and acted like a big girl while my heart was in pieces. what is it... i think that dealing with a crab is like having crabs! if you had made it this far, thanks. and any stories, advice, scoldings are all welcomed.

  • damn, only when i pressed the submit button did i realize how long! sorry, i just couldn't stop.

  • Dont be sorry , you needed to get this off your chest . I know how these men can leave you in knots, I will come back and comment on this later , your guy sounds alot like my old cancer friend.

  • thanks...

  • Well where to begin with these strange but fascinating . I have been going back and forth with my cancer friend for a little over a year and a half. It was only just a couple months ago that I cut all ties with him , and even still he does very subtle "acts" to make me start questioning his real motives, but I learned not to pay any attention to them , because they will drive you insane, and I like my sanity so I just talk myself out of doing anything foolish such as calling him. Its funny to me , these cancer men are so transparent , I was laughing when you mentioned when one guy actually said "who are you" poor guy , it is sooo obvious he is crying out for you attention , they love to get a reaction from you , they like to "stir". My cancer "friend" loved to stir up drama . He actually amused me with all crap he tried to pull off , he was only fooling himself, he usually is a quiet , reserved kinda guy , but when I was around , boy did that change trying to flirt with his female friends, acting extra outgoing , jumping around - it screamed LOOK AT ME!!! I knew better than to take offense at his flirting , I knew the "real" him , I am such an observer , and I could see it was all a show. It was his self-defense , he only acted like that when necessary ,when he was hurt and I wasnt reacting . I know it must 've killed him. He always caved and called me , it was real sweet actually ,because then he was his true vunerable loving self . (the guy I fell in love with)

    Alot of women come on this thread and all post that they all see a pattern , with these men , that they confuse us women , and really I see quite the opposite. Whether we like to admit it or not , it seems like all the women can pinpoint an exact time or cause for the cancer men to start behaving like this , remember they are extra sensitive , so even with the slightest comment can send these men into their shell, and once hurt, it seems that they always carry it at all times , their guard never really comes down completely 😞

    In your particular case, you know the downfall was the lending of the money . I think he feels less adequate , less of a man , doesnt think he is good enough for you , I think his self-esteem is a big issue here. You probably already know that. Also another issue , his girlfriend , whom he may or may not have feelings for but is just holding on to just because he is still unsure, they need to cling onto something and since the only thing they are sure of is "yesterday" he will cling on to her...... Mine also had a significant other and what striked me as odd, was that like your friend, they also made "appearances together" and you would think that he would try to get me jealous by rubbing it in my face or by showing her affection , which would have killed me , but he didnt? He was actually very serious when she was around , they both were.

    Despite both of us being in a relationship , things were actually smooth , better than smooth it was absolute bliss , but reality came crashing down hard and I can tell you the precise moment when it all started to go downhill, and when his "other" personality started to emerge.

    I hadnt read into his sign , I really didnt even know the general characteristics of the Cancer zodiac sign , but even without that knowledge , I understood his every move very well, and alot of what we communicated was without the need of words , we just felt each other , I could always tell what he was feeling.

  • oops didnt mean to bail out without some attempt to help your situation, I honestly never was puzzled by his behavior , thats no what bothered me , it was allactually very flattering,it all pointed to one thing ,and one thing only , he was absolutely , in love! His actions spoke louder than words, but the one thing I couldnt handle was when confronted about it , he couldnt man up to tell me how he felt through words, c'mon, was it that tough? That was the kicker. I know his devotion to spending every moment (literally everyday for the first year) at my home, even though it meant hanging w/ my family around should have been enough, but not for me, I needed to have a map planned out, where is this going , what are next moves will be? So when asked , he would reply with : "im here , arent I" or one of my favorites: "It is what it is" .

    Things were easier , in the begginning, when I questioned nothing, cause his beauty was so damn distracting, I just went along with whatever he threw at me . So I believe with these men it never really is over ,unless you want it be. Their approach to things isnt very realistic, I believe his imagination would have allowed it to last as long as I was willing, and even when I wasnt so willing , he still tried to make it "go"

    I guess what Im trying to get at , is only you know what you will put up with , you are the only one who can set the limits for yourself. I felt in my case , however , I knew I had to be the one to let it go , cause he could just let the feelings linger and wait for my next move. I know I had the ball in my court , but my morals had the best of me, and thought it unfair to be such a distraction to his family. I have so much compassion for people in general and thats what it came down to , treating him like I would treat anyone , with respect , and I cared for him to deeply to continue hurting him.

  • Thanks for that. It does feel better to hear the comments and it seems that you are more mature than I. i knew the show was for me but it still got under my skin and like i said, a few bitter comments escaped me and by doing that i feel i lost the upper hand i had that said i don't care. just like that. but you are right and i have to make the decision to stop this. if i felt like it would lead somewhere i would probably play a little longer and take the daggers he thinks i deserve but there seems to be no end in sight and maybe he is too hurt to turn back but i cant let him play with my mind and threaten my sanity like you said. i am a highly emotional being also with feelings of hurt and rejection myself. i have scheduled myself to not work with him and will try to do that as often as possible. and believe or not i will always leave the option to talk on the table as i feel both of us being emotional could of talked this out and understood more of each other. but i am going to move on and open myself to other men also which i kinda have been hidden these past months. he thinks he's hurt...?

    thanks, i will look for your posts you know your cancer men and have good advice. it was really helpful because you think your sure of yourself but then..... no i am not crazy! LOL

  • Yeah , I wouldnt worry about the girlfriend thing , I always heard if they arent married or engaged to married they are up for grabs! Did you too have the same interest?

  • Ya, i didn't believe the ex thing for a second and i wouldnt be surprised if that was over. we did... we even looked through movies and talked about ones we would see and music. We had different cultural backgrounds but i do live in miami and that is encountered all the time and i dont think that was an issue for him but then again...what do i know. but we had so much to talk about and ended because it was getting late not because there was lack of conversation. so frustrating... and the love beams.... :-).....:-(

  • Oh , dont get me started on the love beams, Im curious what exactly were the bitter comments that were lashed out? (If you dont mind sharing)

  • well, one i described above " i have misread you since i've known you" another "let's be nothing" when he said he wanted to be friends on the sales floor. .they were childish. i always had a way to make him laugh at the end even when things were bad. we somehow never stayed mad until the very end when i said the above and i was so mad at him. i know i should've kept my mouth shut and given him more space but what can i say.... i didn't and maybe that is why he freaked out, but i really was thinking that enough is enough. and i had been reading that they don't take those things really well. i know... i regreted that. he never even told me he needed time or to slow down. just that he didn't want it to end. sometimes i feel like he waited for me to loose it, and it was coming, as sure as night, just so that he would have the reason to be just friends since he didn't want confrontation. how about you? did you keep cool the whole time? your friend seems so alike. i read it several times..crazy how similar.

  • Your right , they don't like confrontation at all , they never want to be the bad guy , they would rather just go and hide. They would rather just leave you hanging , just in case it doesnt work out with the next one , they could just casually come back around to you like no time had ever past . It frustrated me that he could never end it , I would try to talk to him to see where it was going , and he would always dance around it . These men are clever, they never really "breakup" with you , I believe they do that to leave the door open , so to speak for the possibility of "round two,three.." This all ties in with their insecurities.

    "how about you? did you keep cool the whole time?"I think I might have overplayed the strong woman role . Iwas dying on the inside , but always kept my cool .Im very calm naturally, so I dont really know if thats necessarily a good thing. Probably didnt help Mr.crabby step out of his shell. Really I think we both drove each other crazy , If he could speak on his behalf , he would probably complain that I never expressed myself either. I learned to pay close attention to what his actions would say , those spoke louder than any words that ever came out of his mouth , like when we were out at mutual gatherings (both with our significant others) he would always watch me , and evenwhen he was engaged in aother conversation ,you could tell somehow he was still listening in on my every word I would say especially when I was speaking with my man, just to have a better advantage , he wanted to one up him. I felt everything he did and said was well ochestrated as though he put alot of thought into his every move.

    Now since our break-up , I've only seen him at a couple of gatherings and although he was quiet for the most part, I felt he was bothered that my husband had placed a chair for me to sit dead center of where everyone had a good view of me( I made sure I looked good that night ) My husband I feel , loves to show me off. So my cancer friend said to my husband , " I can put a chair here, its probably more warm here." My cancer friend had placed a chair for me in a corner of a party by an old mop and a bucket , basically a deserted area where it looked like anyone who sat there was being punished! Ha , I almost laughed out loud! I told him , "thanks ,but Im fine here" It was clever though , how he tried to make it as though he was looking out for me, Bull**** its all for his own purpose. He always looks out for himself.

  • well, there is an end to my story ... and its ugly. he got fired 5 days after our last interaction. good i tell 2 days later, i don'y know why... maybe because it didn't matter any more, i told my coworker after she mentioned that he had gotten fired, that he was the guy. ( i had given her scenerios of our situation for advice. she is a no nonsense kind of girl). she said why didn't you tell me? he's a guy that just talks. i found that he has flirted and asked her to have beers at times. that they have talked on the phone once in a blue moon. he had told me that he had never wanted to go out with anyone in the store before. then she did what i didnt expect, she called him and told him off, that she didn't want anything to do with him and he was such a dick to me. basically he trashed me to her in a nasty fashion. to lenghs as that fucking ugly bitch, she was nothing. she couldn't say more, she only did that to make me hate him and see him for what he was because i still didn't completely dislike him and defended him a little with all my rationale (ha!). she never wanted him but she is a little flirty. now he calls and text her constantly saying how much he loves her, misses her. gave me one last dagger. he text me very politely that he has not forgotten about the money he owes me and if i could please tell his beautiful girl that he loves her and misses her. so.... how fucked up did this get. takes me back to high school. i am trying not to analyze now our time together and if what he is saying is true. this has been the worst affair i have ever had and to think that it was all bullshit and he is just an ego maniac.

  • Im so sorry to hear this. I dont know how old your cancer friend is, but clearly he is immature to say the least , and you sound like a wonderful person who doesnt deserve to be treated so cruely ,his getting fired is the best thing that could happen to you. For all that he has put you through see that $100.00 dollars he owes you as a small price to pay to have him outta your life!

  • thanks for listening. i am glad that it is over and that he is not in sight. it is still haunting me but less and less. good lesson for me... when a red flag goes up, listen and stop and don't try to analyze the situation but take it for face value and run!!!! you have been great! thanks again for your input and support.

Log in to reply