**HELP** Scorpio disappearing acts and amputations!!
So this is my first time posting here. I have been reading post for over two years though on the Scary Scorpio men topics...lol I will try and keep this as short as possible and just write the key points but I am 100% and like to talk Cant apologize for that. My scorpio and I have known each other for approx 6 yrs. Four of those years were spent in a strictly friendship role as I was married at the time. My marriage was really bad ( verbally abusive, slept in separate rooms etc, ) My scorpio was a mutual friend of both of ours. Everyone including him saw how horrible my marriage was and he became not only my friend but also my confidante. We shared alot of info with each other, very deep conversations. He was one of the first people I called when I found out my ex was cheating on me and I kicked him out once and for all. When I get pushed to my limit I am done and its over....he never set foot in my house after that night. (This is how I have ALWAYS been....Except with my scorpio....lol
I should probably add that there is an age gap here as well. I am 16 yrs older than my Scorpio. We never meant to fall in love but I guess the heart doesnt know what a number is. Neither of us ever had a problem with the age difference....So, anyways he was there to help pick up the pieces of my broken marriage. Our relationship developed into a Friends with Benefits arrangment for a few months. He has always been they type to NEVER have random sex hookups.....he is very shy around women at first . He would always be the wingman at a bar to get a girl for his buddies and always go home alone. Sex to him is never random. As a matter of fact, the first time we kissed he was shaking like a leaf....lol The first time were were intimate, he had to run to the bathroom when he knew sex was inevitable....lol After that though, it became almost a raping of my soul experience. I have never felt any soul connection as I have with him......We would talk for hours on end and he would have to hold me when we slept, we just clicked in so many ways....the jealous started when I would chat with other guy friends which I thought was cute. The possesiveness I also found amusing and cute. I loved the attention from him because I had begun to fall in love with him. After 3 months I told him how I was feeling. he was happy shocked but told me he needed to figure out if he felt the same way before saying it back to me.....I told him I understood. It was about another month before he told me he loved me back.
This is when the little push n pull games started. His one friend never agreed with our relationship and felt he was losing his Club buddy so he always interfered and my scorp would get distant with me and end it. A week or two would pass and I would hear from him or we would see each other at the same club and if another guy would dance with me he would freak out and come running back to me. This pattern continued for over a year, with the gaps of separation getting a bit longer each time. Everytime we would get back together we would have deep conversations and he would admit to me that he has NEVER had anyone love him as much as I have and it scared the crap outta him. He ended up separating himself from his friends a year ago and got heavily involved with a free poker league where they play everynight in local bars. I also used to play there. A married woman had grown quite close to my scorp and they forged quite a close friendship. Yes her husband has no idea but I believe she has quite an attraction to my man. So anyways, he did his disappearing act last November again and withdrew very deep into his gambling and drinking binges on a nightly basis and spending time with a group of people including this married woman. It was like overnight he became a different person. I am very close to his family and he comes from a European close knit family....He even detached from them and became a cruel, mean spirited person. They were shocked as well. He used to be so happy, funny, kind and gentle. He started lashing out at everyone except the people who he was hanging around with. Then one he started calling my phone a million times. I refused to answer as he had really hurt me. My dad had passed away last october and he had been there supporting me then just disappeared cruelly a month later. When I didnt answer my phone him and his mom showed up at my house. He was crying and freaking out saying how much he missed me and loved me and couldnt live without me. His mom said she was scared as she nevr saw him like this. he started telling me he wanted to marry me etc. I told him I needed sometime to figure things out and we could talk later. I was in shock and just needed a bit of time. When I contacted him a few days later, he had changed again and told me to just move on and he had decided it was better this way.....I was thinking OMG WTF. I was still reeling from my dad passing away and him doing all this. I retreated into my own lil world all winter to grieve both my dad and losing the man that I believe in my heart to be my soulmate. I did see him on occasion if I was at his parents house. He basically retretated to his room if he was home anf dor months just went to work, and went out drinking with this group. His family was still in shock over who he had become. If I saw him he would just give me an icy stare. In March I went to Dominican with his sister and when we came home he started questioning her on everything. Now during this trip I had decided I needed to move forward with my life and that it was finally over. I didnt know how I would do it because to me he is like a drug......No person has every affected me like this before. EVER!!!! Before my trip I had begun talking to someone online and we went on a few dates after I came home. I still loved my Scorp but thought maybe moving on this way would help.
Late one night at the beginning of April I get a knock on my door at midnight. I was shocked to see him standing there. I was shaking actually. He asked if we could talk and of course I allowed him in. He told me all the wonderful heartfelt things from his soul that ALWAYS gets me....he admitted to me that he ran from me because he was afraid. Nobody has ever made him feel the things I have. NOBODY has ever stood by him through all his times when he runs away etc. He wanted to come back and try again, BUT he was still sfraid he would do it again and run away and hurt me. he asked if we could take things slow and basically start off fresh. Here is the kicker, he said because he was so afraid he couldnt give me a commitment. I said so then its an open relationship. He responded and said well no not really.....we are kinda together but not really together. I said so we can date other people than. He says no, thats not what I mean....so basically we spent a beautiful summer together. We saw each other almost every night. he would come to see me after his soccer practices,games etc. He pretty much gave up going out to his free poker league. The issue was he started lying to me and became VERY secretive. He would get phone calls that he would ignore if we were together. I KNEW who it was but he would always lie to me. It was the married whore. I confronted him on several occasions about her and he always lied to me.....She hadnt been seeing much of him over the summer and she was putting pressure on him. I dont believe they ever had an affair of a physical sense because he isnt that type of person. I do however believe he loves the attention from her. I started to really put the hammer down on him as it was starting to cause me alot of problems that he was incessantly lying to me and not telling her we were back together in a sense. When I would ask him did he want me to tell her to back off, he would get upset and say NO let me handle it. Which of course he never did. Finally, the beginning of August I started to feel him becoming distant with me again, I know the warning signs all to well by this point. I confronted him mid August and said something has to give here. Its her or me........he again says she means nothing to him they are just friends and that he loves me. I told him he cannot be with me and friends with her, period. He then starts pacing and gets his backup a bit ans says that he thinks with the stress we are both under maybe we should take a break. I said wow, ok. He then says but I love you and its not over. I dont want it to be like last time when we didnt talk for months. I still want to be part of each other lives. I said listen, I am done trying to beat a dead horse here. I love you with everything I have. I have stood by you through all these tests etc. no other person has done that for you. he stares at me blankly and says what do u mean. I just want to take some time and figure out what I want. You gave me alot to think about. We had talked about marriage and kids etc recently as well. I said, here this is what I think of your break......I will walk u to the door and u can have your break, go do whatever u want. He says, seriously......can I call u tomorrow. I said I dont know if I will answer this time. He was very hurt, he gave me a hug and said I love you baby. I said go and have a nice life. He left.......
I have seen him several times at his parents house and all he does is stare at me........he has now gotten extremely vicious. He is trying to make everyone hate me by spreading brutal lies which he always does when he does his amputation of me. He stalks my facebook on a daily basis, I dont know yet if the drive bys have started. he admitted to me previously he did them and I actually caught him last winter when I was sitting in my living room. His sister now lives with me and he asks her questions about what we are doing or what I am doing etc. He asks his mother questions about me as well. he has now gone back to hanging out with his friends from before and is also back to the poker and drinking nightly thing, as well as full blown interactions with this married woman. I have trid to communicate with him through text a few times but I get no response. His family just shakes their heads as they all know who has his heart and who he really loves. When he asks his mom and sister questions about me they will tell him that I have moved on and why does he care if he doesnt want to be with me anymore......he will always respond.....oh, im just curious and no I dont want her anymore. I had a date a few weeks ago and he found out. He threw quite the little temper tantrum and stormed off. I have stayed away from his house as much as I can if I know he is there, but if he comes in I refuse to even make eye contact with him now.....I just try to completely ignore him and I leave when he gets there.
I guess my question is......and I know this story has been long and sorry for the typos. Im having issues with my keyboard. I have NEVER had such an intense roller coaster relationship in my life. I know he loves me and I love him more than I have ever loved another man in my life. I am a intelligent, classy, independant woman who has her life together. I have never in my life depended on a man for anything......yet, this damn scorpio has taken my life on a journey that has been quite remarkable. No man has ever had this much emotional control over me, it scares me beyond belief. Even after all of this......I still canèt seem to get over him and sever all my emotional ties. I still want to be with him and him only for the rest of my life. Yes, I understand we may have some challenges due to the age difference and emotional maturity so forth......but like I said its like I am addicted to some heavy drug. I have never been addicted to anything in my life except smoking cigarette lol itès been almost two months this time and its not getting easier. He infiltrates my every thought.....waking and alseep.
Everyone, including his family just laughs at this point and says when you least expect it he will be back on your doorstep......its no laughing matter. Part of me wants him to show up because we have so many things to resolve as we were very close friends to begin with.....this was left with no closure whatsoever, and part of me hopes he doesnt show back up. I cannot keep putting myself through this emotional turmoil. I am a wreck!!!! I was so guarded last time as I knew it would happen again due to the pattern of his push n pull but each time I hope he finally gets to a level of maturity that he will be able to deal with his emotions instead of running away. Its like he does this to go and see if he can find somebody else and then he realizes whom he really loves and comes back. Can somebody please give me some input on this behaviour.....Is it normal, will he come back AGAIN based on previous patterns or will there get to be a point when he finally severs it once and for all. Is it also normal for the icing out periods to get longer each time as they seem too.
Again sorry this was so long.....this was just touching on the turbulence. Oh, I must add, when we were together it was always the most beautiful, kind and gentle relationship. We never fought, argued etc. he was the sweetest and most respectful guy.
Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any advice.
@GeminiGurlconfused You're trauma bonded to a narcissist.