AstraAngel- When you have a minute- your insight with a reading please...

  • Ophelia

    Thanks, your comments are most appreciated. I remember when I first started doing art as a serious pursuit - ie, I was totally immersed in it and devoted to following what my heart was telling me to create... this was back in the mid 80's... I was on a more abstract art path and distinctly remember reaching a kind of crisis even back then, where I felt very strong that I needed to create art that was of a more representational nature. IE, it needed to be something that people could comprehend what they were looking at. I was not receiving any validation for my abstract work, and so I made a conscious choice to pursue landscape art. This worked for me, for many years, and I thought it was a good path... I seemed to find enough positive response that told me what I was creating had a place in the culture. I now see that an artist should not really be concerned about what other people think, you are supposed to be about your own vision and listening to the spirit of art inside yourself. That is not always easy.

    I don't think God sent did a survey or anything when he started to make creation. He simply created and said "there, it's awesome! have fun!" - maybe that should be the artist's attitude as well.

    I think a lot of my psychological issues with art stem from my mother growing up. I never knew my dad he died when i was young. My mother never supported my fine art interests. Not once did she encourage me in it. I would tell her I wanted to be an artist and she would say "no, you need to instead do such-and-such" - we were dirt poor and I guess her fear was that I would not make any money at it. GUESS WHAT MOM, YOU WERE RIGHT! I realize that a parent's views are simply that, their views and shouldn't determine what we do in life, however for me it was like GOD saying "YOU CAN NOT DO THIS!".

    So perhaps I have spent my whole life trying to find validation in art, and the only way practically speaking is to find the interest (and hopefully sales! we all have to live, right?). So i worked my A$$ off creating art that (I thought) was my heart, thousand paintings of landscapes and rivers and sunsets and what I thought were beautiful scenes... and you know, i ended up either giving them away or selling them for literally pennies... I would have boxes of art sitting around and would tell neighbors, hey come over and pick out anything you want for free! I seldom got any takers. And so I felt little satisfaction in it. It seemed like once again, God was saying, "NO - YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THIS". Ugh. I ended up with so many boxes of art, stacked to the ceiling, and I kept adding to the pile every time I went out to paint. And so every time I saw the boxes and boxes of art, my heart would break inside and I would say to myself, "well, its obvious that there is really little place for whatever this is that you are doing." SO that drove me deeper into despair.

    Meanwhile, I am married, and my wife all of these years seldom made any serious effort to help me with my art. Maybe I was dumb to expect her assistance in ways that I felt I needed. She had her own life (she was totally focused on breeding and raising horses through out the twenty years we were married). When we first got married I was doing outside art shows in Florida and she liked doing those, however it was always on my shoulders to figure all of that out... she would sit around and wait for me to say, okay time to go to an art show and then she would help me load the art into the station wagon. The rest of the time she is focused on horses. I don't blame her, hey she had her vision of what she wanted to accomplish in life, and that was fine. However my vision of marriage was two working together as one toward a common goal. I NEVER felt that ever happened in the marriage and I am THRILLED now to see it end. The reality was I worked my tail off 30 years in an advertising career (in addition to what little time I could eek out after the regular job and helping raise three kids), and it was a nightmare trying to pay the bills on her dreams of horses and a farm and acreage and on and on... the art was a nuisance, and didn't really fit in with that grand vision.

    Meanwhile, my soul was crying crying to be an artist and be successful and so four years ago I started painting A LOT, I was determined to get out of this D*MN advertising job I had which was torturous... I would literally cry at my job it was so onerous, the work they make ad people create to make a dollar. So I was convinced this was my time to hit art hard and I would at last make it! Meanwhile, I am coming home day after day with art that I felt pretty good about.. at least it was from my heart.... I felt very little acceptance in my home, all I would hear were things like, "hey you got paint on the floor...".. and most of the work was frowned on. Into the boxes most of it went.

    Hey, if I had a wife and I knew it was her dream to be an artist, and she was working hard at it I WOULD BE LAUDING her all I could, and celebrating her creativity. I think my wife was expecting me to be her horse partner or something which I already felt i was, by helping to pay the lion's share of the costs on whatever she was up to. I am NOT a horse person. If I never see another horse the rest of my life I will die a happy man.

    So I fell apart Dec last year... there were other extenuating circumstances leading up to that event which I won't go into, suffice to say I was totally dead inside over life, and how things were turning out. Was separated at the time from the wife.

    I am still determined to give my art the chance it deserves. I have one painting left, a little 9 x 12 acrylic landscape which I love, and when I look at it I think "you know, this is actually quite good! " And so I know I still have the talent, and it is simply a matter of applying myself regardless of the nightmare of whatever past life experiences I have had. With God's help I will still succeed - at something!!!!!!!! "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." -Phil 4:13. (Maybe by quoting a bible verse once in a while I will impress God and he will work a miracle for me.)

    After last December I pretty much abandoned art as it seemed like a dead end. And started studying the Tarot and spent a lot of nights soul searching... why am I alive? Why do I even exist then? You start asking questions like that when faced with circumstances which seem to indicate that you are on the wrong path.

    At least Tarot seems like something that people like and are asking me for... I never had anyone much asking for my art, it was something I was doing for ME and then hoping to find a place with it in people's lives. That bugged me.. and yet I know that is the nature of art, it is not asking permission to be done by the culture, it IS the culture's voice. Still trying to wrap my head around that. I made some efforts to contact galleries and usually was ignored, not so much as a reply. Okay, whatever. So I don't have much love for the art gallery racket.

    I think I may go back to the landscape work, it was the only thing that absorbed my interest as I was doing it. I recently bought a large stretched canvas and tried to create something "from my head" and it was horrid I ended up throwing the thing out. (It was pretty disgusting I won't describe the subject matter.) The little landscapes I loved, and maybe that is still my true calling, I don't know. I have attached a few samples of my work to give you an idea.

    Did you actually make it to the end of my diatribe? 🙂 thanks for your insights, and should you spot anything significant please feel free to point it out. I am a Capricorn and I know I am "supposed" to succeed in life, it has been a little bit of a challenge trying to see how. Until then I will keep trying to encourage the folks on here with their relationship issues.

    Blessing and love to you Ophelia! I'll figure it out eventually - with God's help! 🙂


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  • AstraAngel,

    Hello from Taurus57! Hey, I'm not following you around on the forum, but just reading through the threads for thought provoking inspiration when I came upon your art work here. It is lovely. You should have no problem marketing your work and I know of just the place to begin; well, perhaps you do as well and that is a little town just east of the Cascade Mountains called Leavenworth, WA. Have you ever visited there? Each year beginning in the spring through the summer and even into early autumn, they have Art in the Park. Artists from all over the Northwest come there to sell their works. There are also many galleries in town where you might also place some of your work. Anyway, just a thought. There's also the internet.

    Best of luck to you,


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