Captain - Please help!

  • Hi Captain,

    My d.o.b (03/11/1971) and his d.o.b. (23/02/1963)

    I have a dilema - I split with my boyfriend of nearly 5 years in May this year after a small disagreement (not the first time this has happened and always his doing). We have had only infrequent contact since the split and he has now admitted that this was deliberate on his part as he said it would of been so easy to get back together again. In this time I very briefly dated someone else, which I've told him about and he said this hurt him as he couldn't imagine me with anyone else. We have now spoken at length about a lot of things, which he would never do in the past, we both still have feelings for each other and he has now said he would like us to go out again but taking things really slowly. He recently turned down the offer from a long standing friend of his (who also lodged with him for 7 months) to start a relationship (she interferred in our relationship when she was lodging with him) and also his ex wife has said she misses him, but he says thats just because she has split up with her boyfriend and she doesn't like to be alone, which I know is true.

    I spoke with a psychic about a month back before my ex said he'd like to try again. The psychic said what is past is past, that my ex would persue me if I started going out with other people but did not really want me back and would be jealous of any new relationship I formed, he also said that he saw a man coming into my life Oct/Nov time who would be more on a level with me and would treat me how I deserved to be treated by a man.

    So now I'm confused.

    My ex told me over a week ago that he wanted to try again but take things slowly, I agreed and we met several days later for a drink, which was fine, in conversation later that evening he said he wanted me to take more of a lead and so the next day I invited him out the following Wednesday.

    We met last night and I could tell by the things he said and didn't say that something had changed since we last saw each other and after much probing he said he was still confused and was scared of us going back to how we'd been (in a rut), he keeps running scenarios in his head which confuses him even more, he doesn't know if he wants to risk trying again or just be friends, but everying he says and does tells me he wants more but is afraid to take that step. He has an emotional barrier around him which he says he doesn't know how to lower or why its still there, he has been hurt in the past, but admits that we get on really well and the only problem in our relationship before was him not being able to communicate when we had little disagreements, I thought he was being more open with me but last night the old him clamming up surfaced again.

    He says he doesn't have feelings for anyone else only me.

    Please help.

  • I'm afraid I agree with the psychic. I feel you are only one of several love 'options' your friend has up his sleeve and he is keeping everything open and everyone dangling until he makes up his mind who he wants. But even when he thinks he has made up his mind, he will change it again. Get away from this unreliable unstable person.He has an obsession with being secretive to the point where he gives in to every temptation, seduction, and distraction that allows him to flee the grind of daily life. You are merely one of those distractions. He actually fears being controlled by another person and will put off commitment forever if he could. This is a very self-centred dishonest man - leave him at a run.

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