Reading for my daughter
HI there, I think I may have addressed this before but I am really a bit worreid at the moment. My daughter Siobhan is 8 going on 9 (24th feb 2003) and she is the model student at school but at home she is like the devil let loose. Not all the time, if she has a good day she is the sweetest thing on earth. He vocabulary usage to her sisters and to me is unacceptable, she speaks Dutch which is a gutter language anyway but it just sounds awful, she is so nasty to her younger sister who really suffers under her. I do not know how to deal with her. I have been advised to get professional help for her but am very loathe to do so as they are very quick to diagnose kids with symptoms and fill them with tablets. Can any of you see if there is anything bugging her? I have always classed her as a spirited child, I have been told she is an indigo child, her last IQ test was 118 but I cannot control her and I need to put an end to it. Would a new environment away from the hard town kids help? A new school? Professional help? Is it because her father is mainly absent? Is she under-stimulated? Am I just an overworried mum and she is a normal child? (well I know she is not as normal as most normal kids but well define normal then).
Thank you to anyone who might be able to help.
watergirl18 last edited by
Your daughter is coming through as a very precocious young girl. She has a very sharp mind, but is still at the age where she has not learned to control her impulses. Smart children are a blessing, but they are also a lot of work! She may have a tendency - due to her keen intellect - to become frustrated or even judgmental of others so teaching her teamwork and cooperation (and acceptance) is vital. Also, i believe there is some sibling rivalry here which is normal, but once again the impulse control is a caution. She needs to know that there are consequences for her bad behavior - this is especially true of smart kids. Do not just ignore it...make sure there is a consequence. I had a friend who was an impatient child so whenever she displayed this impatience and became unruly her mother made her go bake an apple pie (LOL). A guy friend of mine was a bit of a handful as a child so whenever he became too much to control they made him go outside and chop firewood. Then, reward her GOOD behavior. Especially since she is jealous of the attention her little sibling received when she came along Make sure she has extra activities that keep her mind occupied and challenged since she is on the upper end of the intelligence scale. She should also be involved in something that will work off some of her extra energy - a team sport would be ideal as it will also teach her some of that teamwork and cooperation!
It's funny - most people that were a handful as a child end up having a child just like them as payback. Not sure if this is the case with you, but my sister who is as sweet and loving as can be had a devil child (LOL). I didn't have any children so I apologized to her and told her she got MY payback kid!!
Good luck! Just remember....boundaries, consequences, and rewarding the GOOD behavior.
Hi Paddifluff, can it possibly be that your elder daughter is jealous of attention (or perceived attention) that your younger daughter receives from you ? This could particularly be the case if you always come to your younger daughter's rescue whenever they fight. This can be perceived by her as you "love" your younger daughter more than you do love her. If that's the case, that's a very tricky situation. Your younger daughter might eventually develop a guilt complex over this, and quit standing for herself at all out of fear getting her sister into trouble with you. Let her learn to stand for herself, even thought it might be difficult to watch, as she is smaller and weaker, obviously.
Well, that's assuming that this is the case...
HI Watergirl, thanks very much for your input. My daughter is like her father was as a kid actually. The twoof them sometimes really rub off eachother sometimes and all war breaks out. Usually when she gets mad and throws tantrums I give her paper and pens and make her draw things. Any kind of diversion is good but this works best. I am not good wth consequences at the moment but she is very materialistic so I could get her with a sticker board I think with 2 lines good and bad because stickers earned do not get removed. Worth a try. And yes she needs more brain food. I do reward good behaviour. As far as sport is concerned, she does dancing and is a member of a swimming club but I will see if I can find some real team club for her. More mummy effort required.
Yes these kids are extremely hard to manage and it is tough on the sisters too..
HI VoplySoply, I have 4 girls so she has 3 younger sisters and yes she gets jealous of attention which is why she is allowed to stay up later so we can have a moment together. I can tell when it is that and treat it with ignoring her because negative attention is attention too. She is actually more jealous of time that her father spends with the other girls, even though she gets more than her fair share of that. But it is an issue for her, especially since he is so seldom here for her to pick his brain. Her younger sister is a very soft person by nature but she can stand up for hersoef quite well and the other two were born with hair on their teeth so she leaves them alone as they fight back with claws. I will keep an eye on the jealousy thing though and try to spend more time with her.
Paddifluff, you are absolutely right about negative attention. I just speak from my own childhood experience, as I wished my mum would give less of a negative attention to my sister, when she was giving me a hard time. It actually would've made my situation much less complicated, as I felt being caught between the rock and the hard place during most of my childhood. My sister blamed me for her rocky relationship with our mum, and I hated being the "cause" of her misery, therefore didn't stand for myself when I should have to. Anyway, I'm sure everything will get resolved with time and patience. xxx VS
I read your story and the comments/reading. I have to ask you did you ever sit down on a quiet moment and ask her why she acts out like that at home? I don't think it's a full on jealousy thing with the siblings. I know of the Dutch system as you mentioned and it's good of you not to give in. Yet I do think you need a heart to heart with her. I think you might be surprised what she will actually say to you. Remember our children are mini us. And the key is to go back at that age and wonder how it felt and what was important. If you think she resemble her father more in all she does ...try to find out how he was and approach it from that angle.
The point is you can put the boundaries, consequences and rewards all in place yet if you don't exactly know what exactly is bothering her you will enforce something that might not work in the long run.
I have had this with my son and I did the heart to heart on many occasion just to cultivate the trust factor between us. Make the time and actually listen to her and let her feel that you take her very seriously which you will do. Any reason she gives you is valid so treat it as so yet reminding her that you are her mother for life. And also share with her how you was as a little kid in details so she can compare and understand.
It's a jungle out there and while they (our childrens) behave and comply they feel "free" at home so understand the pressure next to the high energy she has who she truly is and developing into. Succes ermee.
PS. Our children also sense when we (parents) are restless or when changes are around the corner and they act out.
Hi Flow dank je wel! Yes I actually sat with her this morning, she is anearly riser and we got a half hour in for us. I think she is letting off steam here at home, giving her sisters what she sees or even gets at school. And my husband is away a lot and that takes its toll too.
Thanks for your comments, I have a lot of homework to do but which mother doesn't, just when you have them sussed they get older and change again.
Your welcome and if you can make this a regular thing in the morning. Giving her a base to start her day with. With time you will get some other results/behaviour out of her.