I don't know what I've done



  • I fell madly in love with my best friend 2 years ago and needless to say it didn't go well at all. He ended up breaking up with me for an ex girlfriend but decided that that was not the right decision about 2 weeks after. I tried for months to mend the broken friendship (because he begged me to several times). After a while, I realized that this actually caused me more pain than letting go, so I decided to ask him to leave me alone for the rest of my life. He agreed. six months later he calls me, i don't return the call for a couple of weeks but I end up giving him a call back and he says that he is just calling to check on me. That is all for another 6 months and he calls me again and we repeat the same conversation. He begs me to give him a call when I am in his city again so that we can meet up. I don't return the call. 6 months later, same thing happens again. I agree to meet him for a couple of drinks but I am dating someone else by this time. Again, nothing happens and I explain that I can not be his friend because my existing boyfriend knows who he is and would not be happy. 6 months later, he reaches out again. This time we have dinner and a couple of drinks and we end up in bed. Damn Drinks!!!! Anyway, I don't know what to do. I know how stupid I am but I can't figure out why he is so persistant in a passive aggressive way. Any one been here before?



  • Hi, I think you got it right w/the Damn Drinks. It happened, probably should not have (should not have.) It caused you a lot of pain before. I wouldn't worry too much about it. But, yes, you do need to just end it--right.



  • I recently got engaged to a great gal. The guy she dated before me would go thru spells and call repeatedly. Would not hear from him as far as I knew, then call my girl up out of the blue. I mean call and call. This psycho would call, leave a message to call him back and immediately repeat this. 18 times in 50 minute period. First all he wanted to do is talk. Finally I told her you need to tell him something! She finally spoke to him and of course wanted to meet for drinks and talk. I thought it was a good idea, but he did admit he wanted more than to talk. She told him of our engagement and he was cool for awhile, then it started all over! So I gotta hand it to my gal...she knew better than me. Finally she had to change her number to avoid any issues I had about him calling. So the drinks wouldn't have worked in this case either. good luck



  • Well you know the old saying, "You've made your bed and now you have to lie in it." This would apply to you now. You don't say in your post if you told your new guy about this physical encounter so I am assuming you didn't.

    Living in truth is very, very, hard to do, but it's the only way to live. If you turn your back on the truth you will only keep ending up in these types of situations.



  • Ouch! No pain like losing a good friend. You can't go back once you cross that line. But you have no control over love. Don't kick yourself over this. He's probably missing the closeness you once had, too. Let some time go by(a few years) and maybe the both of you can approach each other again without the entanglement of emotion caused by being intimate. Is this possible? Some can do this. I know I'm not wired that way. The head says one thing but the heart doesn't follow logic. Best to end contact for now, though.



  • edwjennifer:

    Come on now, you DO know what you did (and so does he)....it was fun and felt like the right thing at the time. Now you both have up'ed the anti in your friendship(which will never be the same as before BTW). I lived a similar situation where my love at the time would come back and forth in and out of my life for almost 5 years after dating and a physical relationship. Every 2 years he would call me up and ask me out. I went and things always ended up in the bedroom leaving me wanting more. Then one day I realized that he really was trying to be my friend. He wanted the closeness of our bond, but didn't want to hold me up from finding the right mate for myself (which wasn't him). It was like he was guardian angel - and when I found my true soulmate - I eventually never heard from him again. Now he married with kids (happy I hope), and I will never forget how he looked out for me and I didn't even realize how much he loved me....Lesson learned - my advice: Enjoy yourself...if you are open to the next meeting, keep your control (don't give it up to him), have fun with your good old friend and know that having an everyday true loving relationship is not with him - remember that man is out there getting ready for you like you are getting ready for him - I promise. Know there are always times when we are going to go "retro" on ourselves - be forgiving of yourself and move on.

    Take Good Care - The Blessed Lioness



  • Change your number. Don't agree to see him for ANYTHING unless he's dying and can prove it to you. He is drama. 'Meet for drinks' should ALWAYS sound like 'meet me so I can set you up for more drama and confusion in your life'. It sounds like you had let go and your just meeting him to be nice. I wouldn't tell your current boyfriend, it will only hurt him, he will start wondering if you have feelings for this guy, I know you don't want to lie but, it was a mistake.....DRAMA. There are guys that always want what they can't have. It's an ego trip to see if he still 'has it' and can get you back whenever he wants. You see he does it every 6 months. It's when he gets lonely. Or trying to find an out from his current relationship. Your probably not the only ex he's calling. Remember the ex girlfriend he left you for? You think she just popped up all of a sudden? It's a pattern for him. If you don't want to change your number and he keeps calling, tell him he's becoming a stalker. You've asked him NOT to call. And you WILL get a restraining order. He doesn't respect you, it's a game.



  • the saying goes: when the man turned around he turned into a grain of salt.

    your friend is confused. don't be confused with them. at least not enough to give up the goodies regardless of the high, ok.

    when someone breaks up with you that should be the end of any thoughts of an intimate relationship again.

    ok. friends. no meeting at anyone's house or going back to anyone's house after drinks or what have you.

    feed that friendship with a long handled spoon.

    and keep going forward in your life the whole way. you don't have to be mean about it you just have to mean what you do.

    keep promises to your self. if you know you feel good letting go don't disappoint yourself by picking it back up. console your inner child. protect your own neck.


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