Advice please, Captain, Watergirl18 someone who can see a path
I hate to be so needy but I can seem to see an answer myself.
After 25 yrs my significant other (husband) has moved on to another woman in another state. We communicate rarely but when we do it is very pleasant and he treats me like a dear friend. He demonstrates no inititive to get back together as a couple, I have reached out to him on more than a few occasions over the past 8 months which seems to make him think about "us" but he then questions why I care now. He thinks I haven't cared about him in the past.. He then seems to become more entrenched with her.
I have had readings that say that reconciliation is a real possibility but he must come to me. That he is going though a change of life crisis (me too ya' know) I also have been told that I must continue to reach out to him for it to happen. Any insight is welcome
So to my question is what path do I follow.We had made plans for a winter home in the south. We both own a house there and they are across the street from each other. One was to be rental income. He has gone to one of the houses to be with her. Do I go to live across street from him and appear to be chasing him (and warm) or do I rent my house out and stay in the north and appear to be unconcerned and disinterested.. Will either plan bring us back together. If not will anything?
I love him but have decided I can make a happy life alone if I need to but will need some insight into how . I guess I just need some answers.
My birthday 12/18/44
It is my impression than he has been seduced by his need for feeling empowered. She strokes his ego. You are self sufficient and there is a smooth running stability that he takes for granted--interpets as boredom. He has security with you but has lost that apreciation. I do not see him staying with her so if your intention is that you would take him back keep that door open and he is likely to return. He will either have learned something--will re-apreciate why he loved you to begin with and it will cure him of ever feeling he's missing something. It will be you that will make the choice to forgive. I believe they are still in the romantic high on newness stage plus both are on guard to be pleasing. You know that at some point a real relationship gets past that---she makes him feel powerful but she is just seducing him and he is being romantic---and delusional---the reaper is fast on his trail and god forbid he misses something! The bubble will burst. He's lieing to himself about who he is---that's his lesson. Right now he has options---he's on the fence so he is still a bit secure on your behalf. Money could be an issue soon. Be careful if you are indeed legaly married ----your finances are not so seperate--you could get surprised by liability if he gets careless or in debt beyound his means so protect yourself--I feel you are wise in buisness so know how to do that. I think you need to make this more REAL for him and discuss some kind of seperation agreement--legal on paper. If you truelly do not want him to leave be honest but not desperate and needy. Always make it clear he is the one leaving the marriage. Letting the ego fightback and forth may feel good temperaroly but if you really love him--would forgive him if he came to his senses be true to that but also make it clear you are realistic and if he is going to leave then it is what it is and there are legal issues. Do not present it in a vindictive way but in a reality way--as he needs a reality check--right now he's still married and enjoying a joy ride. Also, I think she expects him to be more financialy secure than he really is and they need that reality check as well. I feell he will linger on the fence at this speed because HE CAN. I believe you should get legal counsel about your situation and know your rights and possible liabilitys and discuss a legal seperation. He needs to know how real this is. He knows you take care of buisness so this is not out of character for you. I think you should be exactly how you feel--no games. Be honest during confrontation---if you are hurt be hurt and do not act like you don't care if you do BUT no you can't make him do anything--you can encourage and lead but he has left with another woman. It's his mistake or not and you can only take care of you. If living across the street from him is going to pour salt on the wound---be painfull why be so cruel to yourself.. Rent the house out and use the money to visit and stay somewhere you've always meant to visit. Spirit advises you to be good to yourself. Do not give him too much freedom to decide. And get legal advice. BLESSINGS!
I feel so much stronger between you helping me to see where things really are and paddi balancing my chakras.
I believe that you are correct when you say he has been seduced by her feeding his ego. He does have an insecure streak and I am so self sufficient he didn't feel needed. He also likes women (as people) and I was not there as a companion. (I was still working while he built our retirement home in the south)
We are truly not married but I will check with an attorney to see if I have any financial or legal obligations to him or from him. We have lived together for many years. We do own one house together which is for sale and he has a mortgage obligation with me for that property. You are correct that he will soon if not already have financial problems and I believe he will try to not pay his part. I also believe he will try and make it fair for me. If necessary I will have papers drawn up to firm up that obligation and anything else that may not be secure, but can't think of how to do separation papers since we were not married.
I do need a little clarification though. I thought I made it clear I was not interested in a relationship as long as she is in the picture. I pretty much told him it is what it is. Is that not clear to him? Or is he so secure that "he knows" I'll just be there and is not concerned. Or he really doesn't care at this time and can't see beyond the fog. Do I need another confrontation? I will tell him I have rented my home for the winter and will not be coming down as planned, that it is not in our best interest at this time. (that is the truth of it) Will that be enough? I reread he is on the fence because "he Can"
One further question Spirit says don't give him too much freedom to decide. I am not clear on that. Decide what, who, how, when??
I will be good to myself and try not to accept the blame for this. I am thankful myself esteem is mostly intact and Paddi has plugged the holes in my heart chakra and thankful that there are souls that help to support each other when needed. I will pay this forward as I can. Blessings to you
He is on the fence because a part of him really believes this is his descion and you would take him back---I just pick up on him strongly that he's still "playing" is in denial---being led by a need he doesn't understand himself. It's more compulsion not love. You both have a silent communication in your charts together---you often communicate FOR him. Despite him leaving he still feels connected to you so you still must be having strong feelings for him and a desire he come back. He is picking that up from you. That is why spirit advises making it more real--the consequinces of his desicion. You can't fake moving on. So this will take some courage as you can't make empty threats as he reads you. So you must honestly take steps to move on. It's up to him if he chooses to run after you. Sometimes a man must see his love from a "distance" to apreciate her. BLESSINGS!
Ahhhhh Now I really need to think. I thank you and may impose on you in the future for more insight. Now I need to think about what is best for me. I am realizing "limbo" is not working
I guess in some ways it would be good to have that unspoken connection if we were together but under the circumstances it is not beneficial for either. I am surprised I communicate FOR him. He is the talker.To my introspection. I thank you Multiple blessing
He may be the talker but relies on you to read inbetween the lines---he expects you to know how he feels without him having to intimately express that. In fact, most chatty people are really just avoiding true communication on a deeper level.
Hi, I wanted to add something that I feel from reading over this. Feel he doesn't want to hurt you (confrontation either.) That's why there is alot of avoidance. Get feeling he knows he's in wrong for whatever reason--compulsion is right. Don't forget how it feels right now--that's my advice.
When I read compulsion addiction comes to mind??
Daliolite I thank you for telling me that he knows he is in the wrong. My head always wants to tell him I don't deserve this. Now I don't have to. I can work on putting that away. I hope that as I close doors it takes me closer to a life I enjoy living. I don't ever want to feel this way again. Weak, needy, sad and without vision. I think I am making progress but it is sooo slow
Blmoon I believe that I am moving closer to detaching but i can't seem to just let go. I don't really know why except my path has been rained on and slid off the mountain and I can't see an alternate one as yet. I'm thinking you folks can see it and I just need to move where you're pointing
Real estate agent has been hired to rent out the house