All my fault
Recently I met up again with this Cancer man of whom I have loved for at least five years. He knew it then, but just wasn't interested. He had plenty of attention at the time. He came back into my life around mid April and began helping me do some remodeling and has done an awesome job so far. As he has been working on the house our bond grew stronger.
But now I am afraid that I have just lost the only person that I ever really needed in my life. You see my aunt died about a week ago and I have been under alot of pressure with work, family and trying to deal with myself. Yesterday afternoon I suddenly grew very angry at him. He sleeps with me at least five days out of week and in those days it's like we live together and are a couple. Problem I was having is his affection level is weak and I can tell he wants me, but he gets up when I get him excited or turns with his back facing me. He knows this is an issue.
Well to make a long story short, yesterday I started gathering his things together and was going to pack them up when I decided to have a drink instead ( he was a cross the street helping my Dad trim his bushes) before I could finish my drink and put everything back he came home and asked if I was packing him up. Without thinking I said you left a long time ago. Needless to say there was no talking he was yelling, the conflict lasted maybe 3 minutes. I barely said anything because it's hard to think when someone is yelling at you.
He left and then came back for his things without saying a word and now I can't stop crying and I can't sleep, I keep asking God to please give me one more chance with this man, but I can't even reach him on the phone. I don't know what to do, or if I can do anything. I really didn't mean it and now I can't take it back or even......
Ok, so I’m trying to understand the situation here. He’s helping you remodel your house, and he sleeps with you 5 days out of 7. Is he a friend or lover? Because you say his affection level is weak but he gets up or turns his back when you feel him getting excited. Were you angry that he wasn’t responding to you and started packing his stuff up? Then he got angry that you were packing his stuff? Can you clarify a little more please.
I was angry about life and he knew this. My aunt died last Monday, I worked 55 hours that same week and got shafted on the payment. I was on my monthy ( or the last stages). Plus I had been drinking since 10 am that morning. And yes I have been mad about him turning a cold shoulder when I can tell he wants it to. ( he keeps saying that he isn't ready)
At the begining he said were friends and about three weeks ago he starting calling me his girlfriend. I am still confused on that one, when the levels are the same nothing has changed. ( we have not done anything beyond a few small moments of passionate kisses, oh and me doing some heavy petting)
So, basically you can say that I was having a manic moment and I had only picked up some of his clean cloths from the floor and a few other little things and laid them on my bed. ( He has his own spot in the closet for his things, things I hadn't even packed yet.) I stopped myself after putting the things on my bed and went out for a another drink by the pool and kinda fell asleep in the shade ( it was a nice day). I didn't even wake up until the pool guy woke me up, I chatted with him for awhile and realized I better go inside and put things away. ( I never intented to let him see his stuff like that on the bed, that's why I had to take a break from my manic moment)
By the time I got to the bedroom he was confronting me.
I think I might have said maybe five words he was yelling and defending his self and his first main point was " He wasn't ready yet!" so he knew one of the reasons I had did what I did. I don't think that he thought of much else. He then asked me if I could take him and his tools home in my truck ( since his cousin has came over earlier that morning a borrowed his), to this I didn't reply, I didn't want him to go , but I had no chance to explain anything. Before I could take a deep breathe and explain about my moment he was blaming me for flirting with the pool guy and stormed out.
Well now you know the whole story or at least 92% of it.
No one has anything to say? That's why I put a posting on here. If I was out of line then so be it, if there is something I can or something someone can suggest that would be great. I have never been with a Cancer man before.
A couple months ago, mine started introducing me as his gf without even talking to me about it. When I asked him afterwards if he really meant it, his response was “What did I say? When did I say that? I did? Are you sure you heard that?” I could feel his nervousness. It wasn’t until I finally told him that it sounded nice and that I liked it, that he calmed right down. Funny that he couldn’t tell me directly, even though we have talked about everything else under the sun (and I really do mean everything!). Now, he has backed away a little bit, but only a little, and he let me know ahead of time. There was a time when the retreating really bothered me and I would tend to take it personally.
I do think your guy was over-reacting and was maybe looking for an excuse to retreat. Maybe it was the pressure he put on himself or the pressure he might be feeling from you to be “ready”. Does he normally have a short fuse? Why are you blaming yourself? What was it that you did that was so wrong that you deserved to be yelled at and stormed out on? I’m not asking for the answers, but I think you need to know. There is a difference between being patient and letting things unfold naturally than having to tip-toe around waiting for him to be ready. A factor of when he’s ready will be when he feels you are ready. Does this make sense?
This is probably not the answer you’re looking for because I guess you’re looking for a quick fix to win him back. I just get the sense that you are not communicating effectively with each other.
Yes, he is waiting until I am ready or at least that is what he says. He wants to go out of town to seal the deal, so he puts that on me. But I am never going to be ready to go out of town if he shows a little interest in touching and kissing me on home base ( you know his moody and uncomfortable self, he has alot of things he is working on lately) . Granted I do understand about his past with women and the fact that I am very very different from any woman he has ever been with. Communication is one of the most important things to me, even if it is something that is really tuff. I have worked on him with this and I must admit he is 15% better which really is alot.
And yes he does take flight when he can't handle things, at first it was for days and then it turned into hours. So the will is there and I am not a tip-toe kind of person which he is very much aware of. Not being a tip-toe, quiet type is one of his main attractions to me. ( at least that is what he says, and really he gets fired up when I have to show that side of me)
My one concern is that I might have lost the one thing I have been searching for in a partner. Most men are set in their ways and we as women either settle or drive ourselves mad trying to "Help" them. With him and I, most of it is already there and the main course is late. Everything happened at the wrong moment and I am not one to believe that time heals misfed words. Words can make or break someone.
So, I guess I came on here to get advise about what happen and if there is anything I can do before to much time passes? I have only had one other interacting with a cancer and it never went anywhere. I need all the info I can get.
Hi, I don't know if I can be much help, just offering ideas. You know, there's really nothing wrong with taking your time in a relationship. I think the problem here is that you all are in a living (almost married) type situation and it's still partly platonic. I think I would be kind of confused also. Are either one of you in need of financial help. I mean, is this arrangement helping you financially. I think it's really great that he's helping by remodeling. I understand how you can get moody because of the death and everything else. I think he needs to understand that you all are looking at things thru two different lenses at the moment.
He probably feels like you don't want him there and basically kicked him out. You feel like he basically doesn't understand you and life isn't always cherry. If he is testing the waters to try and feel the relationship out then, I think, it could be better served by living apart. That way you all could avoid a lot of confusion. If he is hurting financially then I can understand his anger when he is trying to help-out.
If he is willing to talk, then I would. I don't really see him as being a bad person. Maybe you could meet him half-way.
I had the very same thing happen about 2 wks ago. I popped a cork because everything was going wrong. I apologized about 5 minutes later. I have helped this person out but haven't been as loving as he is. Don't know what the outcome will be all I know is that he's not talking. All I can really say is try to look at the good in this person and hopefully he'll do the same.
He did tell me he loves me and is on my side. I think he might be having a few problems, but nothing he can't handle. He hasn't asked for a cent. Our goal together is to be together and at times I push a bit to hard ( by making him hot and heavy), maybe that is the Leo in me. But if you feel something you shouldn't hold back or hide things no matter what sign you are.
I feel that if one is in love with the other truely then, there is always time to talk and mend. Since I was not allowed to fully explain my madness one can only think with one view. It is only fair to me to beable to defend myself and I am sure that is why I am crying as much as I am. Having the chance to explain and then have him make a choice on what he is going to do would be easier on my soul. I can be blunt with words and I never really mean to insult or hurt someone's feeelings.
I am not mad at his reaction I just want to beable to make peace for him and me and what will be will be and until then I am trying to hold it together.
y8779: have you read the monstorous thread cancer man and he is confusing? part 1 & part 2 has started. you might find some insight there. is it that he's a cancer or that +.
just wanna help you. sometimes men in general tune you out when you need support the most, dated a libra like that last year, if he thought i needed emotional support he'd come up missing. have you ever had S** with this man? I mean in the whole time you've known him?
CancerCan; we have not that is one of the problems. When we first met through a friend he had his hands full they were all ( the women) interesting. We were slight friends with basic info about each other and then a few other tidbits we shared.
The same friend mentioned that he was interested in seeing me and then once we met up again it was sparks and major interest. It does bother me that there is no affection in the middle, you know those sparks during the day that start the fire or keep them burning until the matter can be handled no matter how long that may take. The fire has not died but I think my recent problems took them up in flames and burned them out. I can't anything but myself and I don't want him to be anyone else either. The only thing I ask is that he be true and work out issues that come up. After all he is a few years from being 40 and I am a month or so away from 30.
You poor soul, you have all my sympathy!
I'm an Aries and all my life I've had to put up with tantrums of the water signs. It really is a case of water putting out the fire.My son is a Cancerian,(almost 19) and he is so affectionate,but when he's down it's like nothing else matters.
Your man must feel a great attachment to you,or else he wouldn't stick around.But having said that, you have to consider your feelings as well and drinking will not help! So now you have to have a word with yourself and weigh up all the pros and cons of this relationship.I suggest a good long soak in the bath,It always works for me.Cry your eyes out if you feel the need,but decide what YOU want and don't be a doormat!
Yes it's going to hurt,but it will be worth it just for some peace of mind.
Be strong my Leo friend. I will be thinking of you.
Oh by the way, as you are nearly 30 you would have had your Saturn return over the last few years. This is all about relationships and family life, so do read up on it.
It is a confusing living arrangement and I’m not sure I understand the physical aspect either, but this is an open forum and I’m sure you don’t want to discuss this. He does seem like a good guy and it appears he is making an effort to be ready with you, but maybe frustrated that things aren’t working out as planned. I don’t think that you lost him completely, and with some open communication you can get through this. katiechicks brings up a good point, Saturn return can be a very painful and difficult period in your life. It’s the time to really think about what you want and what direction you want to take. So, if you still want this then I think you need to sit down and discuss what is working and what isn’t working for the both of you and to change the things that are stopping you from moving forward.
Katie, thank you. Right now I would just die in over joy to see his face. I am so overwhelmed with sorrow that I am so confused as to what he looks like (strange but true). Honestly I should have not went there with him, but I feel like I was taken over everything is such a blur to me. All I know is that I have not been granted the power to time travel ( of which I have been praying for) . The crying hasn't stopped and I have a giant headache. My sleep is maybe three hours to five and I sure that is not going to make me a very nice person.
Where can I find the info that you talking about, if you don't mind?
Aqua, only if I could. Seems like I am the laughing stock of the town here ( we together know people and they have been asking about him) I am honest so I tell them a very very short version of what happen. If he would come over or pick up the phone those things can happen, but as of today I am still in tears and wishing to head for the hills. If anything I wish for a break, eveyone does things that can dampen one's life force and mine was really unintentional. I can't stand this my short strings are breaking slowly.
I think you should stop, take a step back and look at how things were going before your aunt died (I'm sorry about that). He could truely not be ready to be sexual with you, he may feel it will mess eveything up. Give him some time to cool off he may feel really threatened by you thinking about moving him out.
Lil, if he would pick up the phone or come back I would gladly move anything and everything he wants in the house. You hear eveyone say I've been waiting all my life for this person and then that person that they have been waiting for wasn't the one. 90% of the things done and said we agree on or already know. When we touch a surge of energy fuses in us. Most people may think that it is lust or wanting, but I know what both feel like and I have NEVER felt the way I do about anyone like I do for him.
I never wanted him to move out. He came back and picked up all of his things that he himself put in the garage. About 10 minutes before he arrived to pick it up I was going to put them right where they should have been. Words weren't said and things went the way they went.
I am trying to give him time and this may sound selfish, but I can't sleep ( going on 4 days), my head is pounding, and my body is weak. I want to throw things and rip things up and scream at the top of my lungs.
HE DID A REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!!!! CANCERS ARE VERY GOOD MANIPULATORS WHEN THEY FEEL THEIR BACKS ARE AGAINST THE WALL.... sorry for all caps, I REALLY wanted you to hear me.
YOU NEED TO TURN THE TABLE ON HIM AND SEND A MESSAGE LETTING HIM KNOW THAT YOU'RE DONE WITH HIM AND YES, MAYBE THE POOL GUY WOULD BE BETTER!!!! LOL
But seriously, don't worry about it, he WILL COME BACK. Just give him 2 weeks for everything to cool off. I know that sounds like an eternity, but you will be surprised what 2 weeks has the power to do. I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE........ This has happened 2 me a lot of times, in which I felt like my world was over because I had said some things out of anger. Trust me, just start doing some things that you like to do. Yoga really helped me and meditation also.
You will be okay, Pray every night and be patient. WHEN HE COMES BACK TELL HIM THAT YOU CARE ABOUT HIM AND YOU NEVER MEANT TO HURT HIM. BUT PLEASE DON'T MENTION THE ARGUMENT!
Please trust my advice.... The man is VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU! He doesn't know how to express his deepest feelings.
About the Saturn return. Ask in any good bookstore for New Age or Horoscope material, or failing that this website could probably help.
My son found a dead clothes moth in his tea this morning and it was like World War 3 had just started. Never a dull moment when you love a Cancerian!
So how's your head? I feel that you are going to make yourself really ill if you don't sort this mess out. You are in the prime of your life and it's such a shame that things have got so bad. But a good talk is what is required between you two. He has to appreciate how low this relationship has made you.
Bye for now, BIG BIG HUGS
Lov; In two weeks I fear that I will be an outer shell of what I use to be. For a person like me I can't move on or cope without being able to at least express my sorrow. I really don't think he had that much time to think about playing games with me. But I will think about what you said, in the mean time I have to learn how to repair my fence and finish up my floors. Paint my kitchen and bathroom. Put back my base boards. Try to install my ceiling fans and steam clean my carpets. I only have until the 12th of July. And even though I have many things to keep me busy, it hasn't made me cry one less tear. This man is the love of my life and was a gift from the universe to me.