Is there something sinister going on at work?



  • Hello,

    I work quite closely (meaning we're more or less on the same level of seniority) together with a scorpio guy. And lately he seems to be coming on my turf all the time. In meetings, starting to talk about things that are my area. And I'm starting to feel like maybe there's something behind it. That maybe he'll stab me in the back. I could just be paranoid, since I've had the misfortune of being stabbed in the back once before. And I've been perhaps slightly overly emotional lately for several reasons. I guess what I'd like to know is: is he trying to hurt me and get ahead by putting me down? Is there something up his sleeve that will be a nasty surprise in the immediate future? Is my position secure?

    If someone could help, I'd really appreciate it.

    Thanks and blessings,

    H



  • Hello, in reading your request all I can see is that this guy doesn't really like you, yes he is sly...not sure if he's the one trying to deffamate your caracter at work. Meaning there is possibly someone yes, but someone who is less evident, more hypocrite. Smile at you, might even have a conversation out of the blue here and there. I see another woman.

    Advice: Keep doing what you do at work and don't share so much of your personal info with anyone for awhile...stay low, like that you will see that person trying hard.

    ScorpWolf



  • Why is he trying to step over you and what specifically has he done. I get the influence of a couple men in backdrop of situation. Know it all. Step up communication there's a reason you're there. Totally dissassociate from him. Something tells me that you need to elaborate more, something you know pertaining to job he doesn't, explain more. Is it training or have to do with training, how something is done.



  • So the problem is, I guess, that the roles are quite similar (even the job title is the same) but within it, we have different areas we work on that compliment each other (or at least should). Recently we've been over the nature of our roles (and how they're different) in detail with our superiors and I thought it's all clear and we both feel comfortable within our roles. But now I distinctly feel in certain situations that he's stepping on my toes. And I just don't understand why because I feel like we're both given the opportunity to shine. His input is so big and important that I don't get why he feels like he needs to fight for my bit. Is it that he feels unappreciated or does he just not respect me and doesn't feel I deserve to be where I am? Our boss is male and our bosses boss as well - they would have the most influence over us both. At the moment he may just be trying to impress the bosses boss. But I just hate that he's trying to do it at my expense (I'm trying my best not to let him get away with it). I love my job very much and I hate the feeling that I have to be looking over my shoulder. That's why I wanted to know if he is seriously out to 'get me'. Thanks for your help Daliolite. Hope this gives you a better idea?



  • Hi Scorpwolf,

    Thank you so much, this is very helpful. Would you say this woman works on the same level as me or is she higher up? Do you see what she looks like? Do you happen to see if she is absent at the moment (like just had a baby etc)?

    I can tell that the guy doesn't really like me. He sometimes tries to have a heart to heart with me and i can feel he's being fake. But I think my boss is happy with me so at least that's good. Your advice is great as well. I will do just that.

    Thanks so much,

    H



  • Scorpwolf, could it be a feminine man? Or is it definitely a woman?



  • You're seeing this man's true nature. It's different than yours so you don't get it. I feel in order to excell will be in communication. Disassociate w/him as much as you can. Still have to be friendly. What's he contributing--negatiivity. Is he taking on your workload or re-directing, suggesting different ideas. Communication comes to me--You can be creative.



  • Thank you Daliolite. You're right. Still have to be friendly, althought very difficult because of my personality - when i don't like someone, it's written all over my face:)

    I'm so uncomfortable in situations like these. I don't really like confrontation. I'm ambitious but i feel helpless when someone's threatning my position. I'd rather get promoted because I'm good, not because I've underhandedly eliminated my competition. And anyway - we're meant to be a team!

    He's both taking on my workload AND counter-suggests what i come up with and occasionally nonchalantly takes credit for something I've done - i really feel like choking him when he does that! He's not that great with people - he doesn't really want to communicate with the teams we have abroad. Whereas i love that part. He doesn't understand that he can never do certain aspects of this job unless he becomes better with people. He's very intelligent and adds value to the team. I just don't understand what he hopes to achieve by undermining me.

    Do you mean creative when it comes to my job or creative at evading him? Or should I be fighting him in a covert sort of way?

    Thanks,

    H



  • sorry to hear that you are goin thru this. Document all your ideas & projects also keep notes on what this coworker is doing. also pull this coworker aside and let him know that he is overstepping the boundries and ask if he needs help in his work area/function. and the next time he tries to take credit for your work speak up say something like: thank you (what ever his name is) for bringing that up for me then explain what your idea is or what you did after a few times doing that he should backoff also keep records of your work so if it becomes necessary with your boss you will have proof that it was your idea not his



  • thank you shadowmist:)



  • I have been thru similar situation. There are aspects about you that threaten him. Continue to be your sunny, dynamic self. In my situation, people like this are really big babies. If you talk to him or confront him there may be more trouble. If he takes credit for something you did, better point that out to someone else. Be all inclusive but non-inclusive with him (know what I mean.) It won't change anything, point is, you can't change him.



  • ps--documenting as shadowmist pointed to is great...



  • Dealing with a Scorpio takes some back bone--if he's not the evolved kind yes he can undermine---plot and manipulate if you are not proactive. He could also be just normal high achiever--bold--take charge --in control kind of guy. It's up to you to set boundries. Here's your two options--first you can ALWAYS just say what's on your mind point blank to a Scorp---they may grumbleor show irritation but really they do respect speaking up as long as it is truth---it can't be an imagined slight. You can have a talk and say--can I vent? Then you tell him exactly what bothers you and why and let him explain---then trust your gut when he answers. (i'D TRY THIS SECOND ONE first) The second thing you can do is proactive---keep your ego in check---be confident and use humour. Next time he speaks up in a group and offers sggestions on your responsabilitys---listen smiling but then cut in and say "thank you mother" I apreciate your input on my behalf---and then give your opinion on the subject--even if it is the same opinion you need to make yourself heard and after awhile others will get it that he speaks over you----and it's not because you have nothing to say. Scorpios can not stand looking the fool in a group and he will get the message that every time he crosses your boundry you will not sit quiet. Boundries are important. Scorpios are loyal but hate weakness in people and will exploit that if they sense it so if you think he is poking you in a soft spot he is---but you can stop that--just do not get angry in front of everyone but learn to take back control---use your humour---even be extra nice when he oversteps. Like--after he again gives feedback on your turf--say Thank you again Mr. overachevior what would I do with out you--smile---and then give your opinion. Worst thing you can do is let this man cross the line continuely while you silently fume. Show your leadership---remain professional--leave emotions out of it. Be confident you know your job and be vocal. If he still doesn't get it--try giving him what he dishes out annd see HIS reaction and you'll learn something. BLESSINGS!



  • Thanks Blmoon:) I was actually going to start with the very last one - give him a taste of his own medicine. Us Leos aren't to be jerked around with either:) I can fight, I just prefer not to.

    The craziest thing is... It seems like he's doing this because he's not sure of his position - I can't believe that could be the case. He's held in such high esteem. Plus he knows I'm looking to move to a different area from him. I just don't get what's gotten into him.



  • Daliolite, thanks for your last messages. Sorry to hear you've had it happen to you as well. It's so unpleasant x



  • Hi helbells, I see a dark haired woman..with a tint of maturity (white hair)...not sure if the man you mentioned is gay though (twospirited), people are hard to read sometimes. Look like the "test" period is over though...not to worry about your job. Usually in this context, the ones who seek the most attention and approval are the ones whom are not trusted and the boss' boss sees this.

    Good Luck with everything, let us know...

    ScorpWolf



  • the word that is stared out is g a y



  • Hi Scorpwolf,

    Thank you so much for getting back. There is a dark haired woman I don't trust at all. She's my age, around 30, but has some grey hairs that are visible. She's all about gossip, I would never tell her anything about myself (but people like that don't have a problem making things up). And I don't like her attitude at all. She can be quite rude and full of herself.

    The guy is g a y indeed. He gossips even more than that girl:) Ha! He's known for doing/saying things that are quite inappropriate.

    I'm so relieved about what you said about the test period being over. I was stabbed in the back once by a close colleague. And I know the circumstances are different now, I'm dealing with different people and I have a lot of faith in my superiors. But still touchy I guess.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to help. I feel much better.

    Lots of love,

    H



  • Glad I could help.... stay in your realm of positive! They are completely jealous about this quality of yours...if smiling makes them upset or give them something to talk about...then so be it!

    If something comes back not so positive....call on me, I'll try to help again. For now your work situation is pretty much secure!

    ScorpWolf



  • You know, after that message of yours a week ago, it was the first goodnight's sleep I'd had in a while:) He has fell on his ass everytime he's tried to steal my thunder because I've had more/better info. Our boss is back next week so presumably that will defuse the whole situation. Thanks for your help and offer to help in the future:)

    xx


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