Captain, some perspective please?

  • Hello, I feel lucky to have reached this site and I welcome your perspectives immensely.

    I met someone while I was married who inspired many were positive changes in my life ... one of which was to leave my marriage. I feel and have always felt that through this other man I am accessing parts of my soul I was previously unfamiliar with, and that I welcome. But even though I'm trying to depersonalize the experience of this love a bit, and just take it to my heart in pure form, and not connect my actions to him directly (does this make sense?) I can't seem to shake him from my head, he's like a shadow or a friend in there, or sometimes the thoughts of him move me to tears or anger. He is a powerful force to/in me.

    I understand spiritual connections do not always lead to relationships on the physical plane. I know this logically, and we are estranged right now, but I do wonder and he has left open the possibilities. What do you see? What do I need to see? Is it OK to "use" his image and memories as a positive force? Or is something more left for us to do in this life?

    My DOB Jan 3 1971

    His Jan 21 1972 (don't know if you need those, just put them here in case)

    Thank you so much! and best wishes - Liv

  • The synergy of this relationship tends to intensify the fantasy-oriented side of the both of you, particularly in the area of dealing with the more unbelievable aspects of life. Everything to do with imagining the impossible fascinates the two of you, and indeed the focus of your relationship tends to be the domination of your waking thought by the supernatural elements that often arise from your unconscious. That personalities like the two of you value your sleep highly is not surprising, but you may not be aware that this is the storehouse you are tapping into for your waking visions. Whether you give in to your domination by the unconscious or choose to fight it is immaterial in the long run, for you will be best able only to put limits on your desire, never to control it.

    The presence of the unconscious is felt in everything the two of you do, but in no area more than that of love. Here your fantasy is given full rein, and the romance inherent in this relationship is of the most fantastic, even mythic, sort. Consciously or unconsciously, you two assume roles that are usually reserved for storybooks and films, and do it with apparent ease. Unfortunately, this relationship is not autonomous; in fact, the two of you are too often moved by the vagaries of fate. Marriage here would certainly begin with such romantic dawnings, but would become quite ordinary under the deadening pressures of everyday life. Friendship is also not particularly recommended here as its unconscious drives can push the two of you into antisocial or, in extreme cases, even sociopathic behaviour through the revelling in the world of fantasy, horror, violence, and black comedy that it encourages.

    So, as you suspected, this relationship works best on the subliminal levels rather than in real life. Its teaching and learning capabilities are intense but should be confined to the world of thought and spiritual connection.

  • Ah, to have a talent that can touch someone else's heart! Thank you for your time. I wonder if I could just ask a few questions related to what you have to say? If there is too much here, I understand, and appreciate anything you have to add. I just have been so overwhelmed with this.

    • It's very funny you mention unconscious aspects, as last fall I began having dreams involving this man that were the most moving, inspiring of my life. I did share them with him as he was actually taking a course in dreams at the time ... funny coincidence (or not :). But - I'm not sure what you mean by domination by the unconscious (although I feel dominated) as I'm unsure what my option would be. If I could command myself to stop thinking about this man I guess I would. Is putting limits on my desire referring to limits on my unconscious, or limits on my more earthly desires and what is best practice in these areas?

    • You rule out marriage (and I can't imagine it myself, the little I know about him) and friendship (which we tried and which did indeed blow up like a big psychological bomb). But - all the in-between? Is it not advisable to take him on as a lover should the opportunity arise, because of the same intensities? Or - maybe more to the point - do you see us as ever having a relationship in the physical plane ... in that limbo between friends and married?

    • Do you feel he experiences the same inspiration I do, from psychic connections with me? Do you feel he is still connected to me though physically estranged?

    • I do journal my dreams and have religiously since the rich dreams began last fall. Is this a way of maintaining spiritual connection if that is the connection I should maintain? Are there any things I can do to further enrich my dreams? Or deepen or follow my thoughts more consciously?

    Lots here, I know - and I want you to know I appreciate everything you have said so far. Thank you - Liv

  • Liv, I am not here to tell you whether or not to have a physical relationship with this man - just that it would probably not turn out like your fantasies. When I said this relationship was almost mythic, I meant you have projected far more onto this man than he is in the flesh. Of course we are all immortal wise souls in our true forms, but here on earth we are fallible. Your admiration for this man and what he has taught you has triggered feelings of infatuation, but it is not love. I know this because you hardly know him. Real love comes from knowing someone down to the soul level, knowing all their weaknesses and faults, and still liking them.

    What you are in love with is an ideal, a state of spirituality or love to which you desire to aspire, not an earthly state. Your souls have connected as everyone does on a higher plane - that is all. You can get the same feeling from other similarly-minded folk. The reality would be much harsher for you if you ever had a physical affair with this man. I also don't feel he feels what you feel - this teacher-student type infatuation. Making this a physical relationship would only cheapen the experience you had.

    By 'domination of the unconscious' I mean that your fantasy life is quite rich but you need to get it under control so that it doesn't control you, as has happened here. Daydreaming is quite relaxing but it must not be allowed to take the place of reality, harsh as it may sometimes be. You mustn't let the line between fantasy and reality become too blurred for you. You would be very disappointed by what your dreams about this guy would be like if you became intimate.

    What this all suggests is that you are longing for a soulmate, for someone to love and 'get' you in a grand, movie-style type of way. Are you getting enough love from those real people around you?

  • Thank you for your insights. I agree that I am on a spiritual mission and I have felt inspired through this man. There is a lot of love in my life, from my kids, friends, and family, and I create a lot of love too - that is my mission on earth - so I don't feel this is a response to feeling bereft or misunderstood. It's simply a vibration of a certain flavor of love that I haven't had much experience with and it's kind of overwhelmed me, and deepened my understanding of love and its many forms. I thank you again for your perspective, it's been very helpful. - Liv

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