Communication issue-needs resolved.

  • Can someone please tell me how long I am going to have to wait to hear from my sons father? This isn't driving me crazy just wondering how long it will take before he comes to terms with me saying no I don't want a relationship right now without communication? The reason why I ask is that I had hoped he would spend Christmas with our son and myself but he's made the decision to go to rehab. So he says. Which is great. So i support that decision totally just not sure where our relationship would stand so I let him know I wasn't going to sit on the sidelines because he made a conscience decision and told me he would not talk to me for 3- 4 months while he gets help. yes I know i made the smart move everyone i know tells me that. Can't support someone if they dont want to talk to you right? How would that work? It wouldn't. A little unfair if you ask me. Even though I love him, I feel he will be back in our lives at some point just don't know if saying no to him was asking for trouble or not. Maybe it will make him realize the support and love that I have been giving freely to him all this time? He says he loves me his family says he does and he's shown it. Basically I was trying to make him realize that I am seriously not willing to stay in a relationship without communication. I have alot of positive things going on in my life and want to continue working on my goals and on my inner self. I don't want or need to be worrying about a relationship that would be at a standstill. I am trying to prepare myself for just about anything here and would like some input about the future if possible. Thanks in advance.

  • luckyne,

    Your husband problems are due to his not being able to communicate well and he now knows that or soon will know it through getting help, and in so doing may have to release you and the marriage. He does love you and is trying to get well, but you must face the deceisions he will make on his healing journey. Are you open to this? If not than you will have to consider and ending of the relationship you knew with him. Because he will change and you will have to change along with him or it will be a no go when he does contact you again.

    I do feel that at Christmas time he will want to be with you and your son. It should be a happy time of new beginnings if the past can be left behind.

    You are a strong woman and know how to move forward with new positive goals, he is learning to become strong and will have goals of his own soon.


  • Shuabby,

    Thank you I love this man so much and I know that I can't save him, he has to want to save himself. All I can do is be supportive and he made me feel like he didn't even want that from me. I had told him that I wanted to remain friends since he didnt want contact then I wouldn't have expectations. Also so that I wouldn't feel as though I was completely losing him from my life. His cousin interferred and he cut me out completely. She made me feel like a worthless pile of poo for a couple days but then I told myself get back up and get back to working on getting your business started. I reminded myself that I love him and to keep having faith in him and pray for him everyday. I am going to have to move in order to put the past behind. I can see this happening very soon. I am faced with a decision that will not only affect my son but my daughter from a previous relationship as well. I may have to give up my rights to custody of my daughter. I do not want her father to move when I move and feel that he doesn't really want to move. Yet my husband(sons father) said to me that my ex always comes between us and I think this is a clear indicator of a problem that i just haven't wanted to acknowledge but he is right. I feel like as long as my daughters father is hovering around I can't have a life and can't be with the man that I love. Which causes me great pain, stress and anxiety at times. Not really sure how to get him out of my life without losing my precious daughter? I want more than anything to have the man I love and my children by my side. What aspects of myself need changing to keep him in my life? I'm willing to do anything to save this relationship. I just don't know where to start. I felt I had no where to turn too for advice which is why I came on here looking for help. I think i have commitment issues with the relationship because of his poor communication skills and how hes always coming in and out of my life. for almost 3 years now. Should I go to al non meetings for support so that I can get help there. They offer support for families with a loved one suffering from alocholism. I am open to standing by his side through it all. Only thing is other people interfer and always try to keep us apart and if we are going to face life together we need to live away from friends and family and make new friends. Start over with everything and I mentioned that to him when I spent some time with him in august. Which was wonderful we had been apart for so long. We both agree on moving to hamilton area and in my heart I feel it would benefit us all. Is there anything else you may be able to tell me that can get things back on track so that I don't lose him? Thank you again Now I'm looking forward to christmas again and will make sure to save some money to go home for christmas with my boy, my daughter will be spending christmas with her father and his parents.

  • Bump!

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