Please help with my cancer girl

  • Sorry, this will be long: I am a 34 year old Pisces male, who two years ago met the love of my life. She was much younger than me-21 years old, and a cancer. We worked together and it was love from the first moment. she was the most beautiful and interesting person I've ever met. She was a straight A student driven to be an artist. She was unbelievably talented and extremely mature for her age. She was living with her boyfriend of 1 and a half years at the time and she confided to me that she was very unhappy with him. He paid very little attention to her and I gave her all the attention in the world. After several months of flirting- she left him and stayed with me til she found a place of her own. We were inseperable. Everyone said we were the perfect couple. While she was in school I did everything for her: dishes, laundry, earrands, cooked, cleaned. I was as supportive as one could be. She made me so happy. She was so sweet. Eight months go by and we are perfect- both very happy. She says I'm the perfect boyfriend for her. I love her so much. I give her all my time and energy Then she moves in with her estranged best friend from freshman year (we decided things were moving fast). Her friend is not in school, single and way less mature. We started seeing less of each other, out of respect to her roomate-we aren't as lovie dovie. Things are still good but have changed. I had a hard time adjusting to her new roomate but was supportive. Over a few months we get into a few drunken fights ( we are both stressed) that I said some mean things in. But I realized that's bot how she should be treated and I stopped. Another eight months pass with her busy in her senior year. I'm the same loving boyfriend as ever. As soon as she graduates college, she starts flirting with a new guy at work- basically in front of me. So we talked about it and she feels like she has lost her independence, and with those fights we had she lost respect for me and didn't know if I was the one for her. being so young and busy with school, she wanted to explore more and get a different perspective. I was very supportive, although my heart was broken. She said we should take a break. That was four months ago. We work together and we promised we would still stay close and text and be friends. I gave her her space and after a month was her birthday and she asked me if we could hang out. We went to dinner and had a blast, but later on she had to go because she had to go to a party with the new guy she was seeing. It really hurt, we kissed and cried and she left. The next week I asked her if she wanted me to date other people too and she got really offended and said that " I told her I would love only her forever". It sounded really immature. Through out those months I would bring her lunch at her day job and we would hug and talk briefly and again talk briefly at work. The texts got fewer and fewer. She told me about the guy she was dating- she said that he was her age and they went to school together and he has liked her for 4 years, they had just been friends. She said he wasn't perfect and she wasn't serious at all, he was just fun and they go to parties and stuff that I don't do. She told me she stopped hanging out with him for about a month and we went to a wedding together and we danced all night and later in the night she texted me that I swept her off her feet. She has told me that she doesn't know what's gonna happen in the future, that she still loves me. About two months ago things got odd. One night she texted me and called me our pet name she used to call me. But the next day she ignored me at work. We got into a tiff that night and she asked for my keys back and got really distant. No texts no talking ,nothing. For two days( the longest we haven't spoken) until I apologized and we talked it over- she feels like she is hurting me with her behavior, she is dating the guy again, and feels guilty and thinks we should be distant. It hurts that the person I used to know everything about, I now know nothing. We were as close as two people get- we shared everything. Well, we say hi at work and have a little hows the weather banter. But none of the emotional connection we used to have. One morning bright and early she called me to tell me that she was putting her cat down, she was balling and I was the only person she wanted to talk to, she told me she was glad I was always there for her. She was leaving for Europe with her roomate for a month and before she left she told me we weren't meant to be together and she doesn't love me the way I love her, she just wanted to be friends.It really hurt. Later that night she sent me a text that said she wad so sorry for her behavior this summer and she has been selfish and that she could never throw me away- I treatedher so well and I was a huge part of her and she truly deeply cared for me and she would miss me while she was gone.she put me on a list with her mom sister and favorite aunt and really close friend- to send an email update of her trip to Europe. She has contacted me twice with email just asking how I was doing and that she had bought me a gift. She comes back in two weeks, my heart is broken. I want that sweet loving girl back in my life. I miss her so much. What can I do or is it hopeless?

  • Be there for her as a friend if you can, take care of yourself and remember there are other people out there you can date/get to know etc, dont put all your eggs in one basket. Ask yourself and her are you both getting what you need and want from this relationship and discuss it with each other and go from there. Good luck.

  • Thank you- that is really great advice. It's just really hard because I dont see her as a friend, everytime I work with her I see her and I think that was the love of my life. And I feel like I'm betraying her by seeing other people and I feel like I'm using this new person to get over her. It's really complicated for me. One day I'm really cool with being friends and the next i really want her back. She never leaves my mind.

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