Issues? What issues?

  • OK. I had a visit today by a social worker who comes round to the house now and again to check up on me because I am alone with 4 kids and as this is a rare event in Holland I have been offered this help. We were talking about aims and goals and she told me it seems like I do not know what I want and where to go and what to do. OK she is partly right, I have not yet found my niche in life, but then how many have. I told her I would love to go in to healing. And she told me I needed to heal myself first and deal with my issues. You know what my problem is? I do not even know what issues I am supposed to be dealing with and what I am supposed to heal. That I have an unfinished issue with my father and his role in my past is the only issue I know I have to deal with. What else am I supposed to be dealing with? Why is it wrong to become a healer? Or rather seeing as that is a natural gift, why is it wrong to develop it? What do I have to heal first? A tarot reading says- - deal with issues from your past as they are hindering you in moving forward. Yes I would like to, but WHAT ISSUES?

    Anyone care to share some insight or ideas? I have asked and so I am open for the truth.


  • Hi paddifluff there is nothing wrong with wanting to go into healing & sometimes the path to healing reveals what you are supposed to heal from the past what ever the issue(s) if that makes sense. everyone has issues from the past and if you want to become a healer go for it!!!! even if it is learning a little at a time. I think it is remarkable that you are raising 4 kids on your own. I know it is not easy to do. but remember you are human and have dreams too and you can follow your dreams a little at a time. I have learned this and I sometimes feel so old at 52 lol bur I did pursue my dream of starting my own biz and I am at the final hurdle the hardest part the funding but I do it a little at a time & I will get there

  • The woman may mean you have to be careful not to pass on any negative feelings you may be experiencing at the time to your 'client' through the healing process.

    Paddifluff, I have noticed lately a lot of bitterness, anger and frustration (maybe even some cynicism) coming through your posts that you may wish to confront. This may be from your present circumstances or prompted by old unhealed wounds of the past.

  • An insight on giving advice by a PhD clinical psychologist :

    "A root cause for many issues is acting the role of the royal advisor. We just love to give advice because it gives us status and a satisfying sense of self-justification. We love playing the archetypal role of the rescuer especially when we should be taking our own advice. Besides, when we feel stressed, giving someone else advice serves as a distraction from our own problems. Givng advice also expresses the subconscious need for self-reassurance (i give you advice, therefore i am more powerful and knowledgeable than you-Ego defence mechanism in people with low self-esteem)

    So you see Paddi there's always the other side in every coin.....

  • Sounds to me like there is something wrong with HER not you. She was being judgmental and she isn't as superior as she would like to think she is...

    And I have to ask - does Holland send a social worker to you because they think there is something WRONG with staying home to raise your kids??? I truly hope it's because they recognize how difficult the job of raising kids can be and are just trying to give you support, but I gotta tell ya how judgmental it sounds 😞

  • Seehorse, your reply is serious but you still managed to put a smile on my face, no actually make me laugh out loud. ;D

    WG you know I never considered there might be something wrong with her statement. Nor did I ever consider the rest of what you said but it is true when I stop to think. Most Dutch women go back to work 3 months after their child is born and a lot of them do it so that they can retain their identity and not just be a mother. When we decided to start a family I decided to stay at home and be a fulltime Mum, at least until my child was in school. The fact that 3 more came along so quickly was not anticipated at that time, nor when we bought this house, but so it was and I have never for a day regretted my decision, hard and lonely as it might sometimes be. I get my rewards when my kids throw their arms around me and tell me they love me. Having 4 kids is already out of line here in Holland, most families would have 2 with the trend going towards 3. The school where my kids go to decided I needed some help and sent the social worker to me. Unfortunately she cannot provide me with the help I need ie a cleaner or a babysitter and she made that clear at the first meeting. I am rather looser in the upbringing of my children than the typical reformist Dutch parent, I come from Ireland where children are allowed to be children and having 4 of them is normal and when you go to the supermarket there are two kiddie seats on the trolley not just one (that cracks me up, love it). I always get complimented in public about how pretty and well mannered my kids are so I must be doing something right. She actually started talking yesterday about the fact that kids need stiff rules to keep them in line and that this seemed to be missing here and I was very quick to tell her I did not need her help to bring up my kids, what works for another does not work for me. I mentioned that I wanted to return to ireland and she got really flapped about the change for the children and was I sure and was it all planned and and and. I am already very indecisive about this so she really chucked me into the sea.

    Anyway to make a long story short, I love to heal and I can do it, and indeed Captain you gave me that advice a long time ago that we should not heal or read if we are not feeling so good in ourselves, and I think it is a ground rule for healing anyway.

    Oh and I have told her I do not need her help thank you anymore, I am going to go to a therapist who knows their job.

    Captain, bitterness, frustration and anger. yes prompted from my past. It does come up now and again, the pill was bitter and the bile does not leave. I am not a saint. You were abused too as a kid and if you manage to never ever feel bitterness or anger then you are a saint. What I am better at doing is converting that bitterness to positive thoughts.

    But I still have not identified my "issues".

    Thanks guys,xxPaddi

  • Shadowmist, thank you for your reply, yes babysteps. I ahve a whole notebook filled with dreams and plans and all worked out with babysteps. If it was not so difficult to get motivated...


  • Hey Sheelagh,

    It ok to feel anger and negative now and then we wouldnt be human if we didnt .and i dont feel you posses these traits at all . As far as im concerned you have always been a strong positive influence on me .

    Love you my friend

    Hugs Mags xx

  • Something i found about Ego Defence Mechanisms :

    Level 4 - Mature

    These are commonly found among emotionally healthy adults and are considered mature, even though many have their origins in an immature stage of development. They have been adapted through the years in order to optimize success in life and relationships. The use of these defences enhances pleasure and feelings of control. These defences help us integrate conflicting emotions and thoughts, while still remaining effective. Those who use these mechanisms are usually considered virtuous. One of them is :

    Sublimation : Transformation of negative emotions or instincts into positive actions, behaviour, or emotion.

  • And now the other side of the coin :

    Level 1 - Pathological

    The mechanisms on this level, when predominating, almost always are severely pathological. These four defences, in conjunction, permit one to effectively rearrange external experiences to eliminate the need to cope with reality. One of them is :

    Projection: The blatant denial of a moral or psychological deficiency, which is perceived as a deficiency in another individual or group.

  • Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

  • Not all advice is bad though.....

  • Issues ?! What issues lol...

  • Oh Seehorse all your posts make me laugh, my kiddie is laughing at me. I guess I am mature then. One issue less to worry about LOL.


  • Paddi - I would probably take anything this woman says to you with a grain of salt. Seehorse was correct in bringing up projection. This situation is about projection more than anything. In the micro - this woman projecting her own "stuff" onto you; and in the macro - the Dutch society projecting their own values and belief systems about family, motherhood and raising children. You know what is best for you and your children. Don't allow anyone to rattle your cage in this regard (although I sense that you don't really - just a weak moment yesterday). Listen, you are in a very demanding time in your life with 4 small children to raise and take care of. There is probably precious little time for you to recharge your batteries physically let alone time to work on things that are for you and you alone and recharge your spirit. This too shall pass and I think you will start to feel more replenished once you get back to Ireland. I don't think it's just your house...I think it's the Dutch society that is bearing down on you and making you feel stifled. Not that there's anything wrong with being Dutch! It's just not the right fit for you....

  • YOu know what WG, I never even really considered being stifled by the actual country, but when I read it I see that it is actually very true. It suddenly makes my decision making an awful lot easier and makes me wonder if I do actually have half the issues I keep getting told I have. Captain says if we are at home in ourselves we can be at home anywhere in the world but I do not agree with that, the social interaction has to be right too. The human is not a solitary animal, it is a herd animal. Thanks WG it is nice to know it is not just me behaving abnormally.

    Thanks Mags hugs to you as always.

    OK Seehorse, picture time.


  • Lol! And now that "Speak your Truth" card I got for you has even more significance, doesn't it? It is fine to be open to others opinions and hearing Divine messages through others, but I think Spirit might be trying to tell you that you may allow others to sway you too much. Speak your truth.....stand in your means knowing who you are, what you stand for, what you believe in and standing strong in that regard.

    And you are right. Although I love the phrase "wherever you go, there you are" which is a statement that you cannot escape yourself - sometimes we just find ourselves in situations that are not the right "fit" for us. Jobs, relationships, and yes even countries! It feels like so many of us these days are being re-routed in a way....directed to new people, places, situations where we will encounter more of our Soul Family. The image of a herd of cattle is a good one....all of us seemingly wandering aimlessly and feeling somehow out of place and not knowing why - but we are being Divinely guided to our "home." For some it is merely metaphoric, but for you it seems to be more literal 🙂

  • " it is not just me behaving abnormally."

    Lol i can't help but laugh at a society who rushes to stick labels of "abnormal behaviour" to everyone, a society that does nothing significant to prevent the murder of our home planet.

    I'll have to disagree with that spiritual "home" concept. Maybe i'm a not so "advanced" spirit but i could never really understand why we must consider the material world "evil" or corrupting or of "lower vibration". I like to believe the material and spiritual worlds are intertwined and both necessary, like the two strands of DNA. You know sometimes i think of the symbol of infinity and can't help but thinking of the possibility we got the whole thing of ascending to spirit and eternal bliss a bit wrong.....

  • Heracletus said Everything Flows......

  • back to itself 😉

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