Cancer Man, And He Is Confusing Pt. 2



  • I can offer the benefit of my experience with Cancer men. I have dated three of them seriously in the last few years and I have to say that for fun, converstaion, and just plain emotional support, I was crazy about them. They are generally sensitive, interesting, intelligent, kind, generous (when it suits them to be) and good natured. I am a Cappy and my Cancer boyfriend used to joke with his mom, that we never fought with each other. He said " It's the funniest thing we really don't fight with each other. We disagree about things, but we can always talk about that stuff. We might have two serious arguements a year and it's never about something small like who is squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, it's about "why will you not give me the car keys when your drunk?" We just get along with each other. We do. But, and here's the but....When we have a serious argument we say what we are going to say and then we go away from each other for a while, we don't talk for like two days so we can cool down a bit, but by the third day, we really miss each other so one or the other will go find the other one and we will eventually apologize to each other (and its' not always the same person who does this) and we fix it. The reason I am not together with these guys now was that the drinking thing with all of these guys was a problem. But I cared about them deeply when I was with them and they still have a place in my heart.



  • I am seriously just lost I have never ever fell for a cancer guy before nor have I ever just had a guy just stop talking to me out of the blue when everything was going so good. He just wont talk to me at all I havent actually tried to call but I sent a text and he never texted back so I dont want to make an ass out of myself by calling thats how I at least feel. I'm a pisces and honestly I have done all the readings and we are a good match and it wasnt until I actually started spending time together that I actually started to like this guy alot I'm just upset I find myself missing him and wanting to call him to ask why we dont talk anymore should I just leave it alone and move on? Will he ever come back? Please help I'm lost at this point in my life.



  • Hey cancerman, I just read what you wrote and I think at this time maybe he might just feel the need for some him time. Basically what I mean is maybe he just needs time to himself to sort through his feelings. You never really can tell with men. He could have something that he is going through at this point that has nothing to do with something you have done. I say just give it time to let it blow over and if it is really meant for the two of you to be together he will eventually call you. If not it probably wasn't meant and maybe you should just move on... I just say don't over think it and just give it time to blow over. In the end you'll know what to do.....



  • Thank you so much for taking the time to write me back. The weirdest thing though is I see him everywhere and recently I have seen him drive by my house? I dont get that part I knew he had recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years about 3 months ago now and myself have just got out of a 5 year relationship so I believe we were in the same boat as far as not rushing things but omg everything just clicked everything was just perfect nothing had to be explained never an argument or complaint just fun fun fun. And even the sex was amazing and it happened more than a dozen times so honestly if he were just wanting a one night stand why even bother you know I have just never been in this position in my life. Honestly I know your right cause he knows everything about me where I live, where I work, and my number but still nothing I have read in his horoscope that he has been needing to take some alone time and the last time he came over which was the 22nd he was telling about his money problems he was stressing about it, but I'm a pisces thats what we do help people that are in need of help so it is killing me at this point that up to this point we cant even talk or him tell me whats going on with him so I dont trake it as something I did you know I know all I do is cry and I miss him and its just torture having to see him and a daily basis at this point please help



  • Hello everyone! I can't believe I have found all of you. It's as though YES, we are all in love with the SAME GUY! And guess what...My Cancerman is ALSO a "J!" is that unreal?

    I don't know where to begin........all I can say is we all seem to be experiencing the same things, give or take some different statistics. I have to be somewhere so i'll keep this brief for my first time, but I have noticed incredible similarities in our stories, other than we

    're all in love with Cancer men.

    Such as: We all seem to be independant, vibrant, working women. A lot of us are older than our Cancer men. Lots of us have been married, divorced with kids. It seems to me that the Cancer men seem to be attracted to this a lot! I wonder why? We all seem to agree how they avoid committment issues........and walk sideways at any given moment. Most of us have noticed they are excellent family men, and they love their kids and their home, if not their home-life. Mine is so romantic and poetic.....he FOUND me and pursued me like a crazy man, almost stalking me. THEN? I go for it, and he does his best to sidestep me......without losing me entirely. (Long story, more later.) I tell him to f-off and he comes back. I get loving again and he disappears. He is making me CRAZY, and I'm not a pushover for guys...never have been, so why do I allow this? I truly can't believe I found you all.......someone to talk to about this! There's so much more and no time, but you all have me hooked on this thread! I'll be back later, because i'm hoping I've made some new friends!



  • You totally!! We might as well create some kind of a support group at this point since were defintely not getting anything from them! Unlike many others mine has no kids, I have met all his friends spend months together and now nothing I already told him to fuck off, and he started driving by my house but still nothing via phone. Then I apoligized and said I was sorry and defintely didnt want to end on a bad note nothing and still nothing til this point but we bump into each other almost everyday because we live close and its all so annoying so then I read my horoscope for this month hoping at this point for some relief and it says supposedly he will come back honestly I have hoped, prayed, cryed and then cryed some more and still nothing. Has anyone felt or known in your heart that you were made to be with someone and everything was very strong and intense and no matter what you did or who you tried to replace him with it just doesnt work so am I supposed to be taking this as a sign that he will return one day or that he defintely isnt interested in me anymore.. waiting for something possibly a miracle at this point



  • Absence makes the heart grow fonder...Every woman loves a mystery man! It maybe a case of a old childhood game. Hide and seek! He probably wants to see how much you care and whether or not you'll seek him out. Cancerians live in the past. So, if you want to connect with him...Talk about old times or the way things used to be. Also, get to know his mother and make alot of her. Maybe hang out with his mom, chances are if he likes you...he probably sees something in you that reminds him of his mom. So if you get to know her, you'll get to know why your cancerian is the way he is. He probably wants to found...Go Seek him!



  • Thanks for the reply, Rudy! What a great group. I need to catch up to you guys, so? I'm a Capricoprn, Leo rising. ( He's a Cancer with a "J" name!!) He found ME, blogging in a local paper, and went to my homepage and left the cutest note, asked me to email him, so I eventually did. I'm not easily impressed, as I have had an exciting life in a challenging business and met plenty of men, but this guy rocked my world. His gentleness, genuineness, cowboy-ways without being a bumpkin, were so refreshing. He lives in another state, so I didn't think it harmful to play a bit with him...even though he came out and said he was married. (I know.....I deserve what i'm getting, but I didn't think I would be so stupid as to get involved.) He didn't even know my real name at first, but somehow found out and Googled me (?) to find my address. Then he Google-earthed me to get a virtual look at my house. At first I was afraid I had picked up a stalker. I knew he had been driving by because he left cute little things on my gate. I told him I didn't like that....he instantly apologized, just said he was so entranced by me he had to know me, meant no harm, and actually sent me copies of his driver's license, birth cert., pics of his lovely home and himself and his kids, and a huge letter of apology. He said he just KNEW I was the one and fell for me instantly...and knew he could trust me with his life. I responded and we started writing daily, calling and online chatting for 2-3 hours every night. He's not sleeping with his wife, yada yada yada, and only staying for the kids...doesn't know how to split it up because he owns his house outright and would lose it. His computer is in "their" bedroom, but she sleeps in another room so that's why he has time with me. His little business collapsed in the economy so he would be really in bad shape if he split. ALL bad signs for me, but by now, we're getting very romantic online. I kept telling him this is a fantasy...no way we could be in love, we don't even really know one another. But the truth is, we both spent so much time online talking about stuff that NOBODY else has with me, I felt like I DID know and love him, though I didn't say it. He said he felt the same way. In time, it got very, very intense and finally sexual. He sent me the most personal cards, funny, sweet, cute little presents, very thoughtful, so next thing I know he's HERE and wants to be with me. I'm not a liar...he knew I was older than him, said he could care less. He saw my pictures and said I was CUTE. I told him we were exact opposites...he's Mr. Outdoors, I told him the only camping I have ever done was a disaster...poison ivy, constipated for 2 weeks, dirty, bug-bitten and PISSY, and I hated it. He thinks that's FUNNY and says "opposites attract." NOTHING stopped him. I met with him, his kisses sent me to the moon, we had incredible sex. Pretty soon, the emails slowed down. Had I ruined the fantasy? Was he disappinted in me? He said NO, but I sensed that I had screwed up and what was coming so I told him I wanted to back WAY down and just be friends...not someone he reluctantly agreed.......but STILL wrote me, called me, sent more loving, cute cards, and eventually, they got personal again. So it happened again and again. He still comes here and we do get it together like crazy bunnies. I am now an official "special friend," or whatever you call it. Love it while he;s here, feel guilty when he leaves. We have a routine now. I say I want to QUIT. He gets all upset and pursues me. He won't take no for an answer, but when I warm up again it makes him run away! (For periods of time.) WHY?? The thing is, I DO want him. He's all I think about. Who IS this man?? Is he just a self-serving sexual predator? It seems to me he could do that much easier where he LIVES, not carry on this out-of-state romance. Maybe there's more of us and I'm one of many? I don't know, but I don't see how for several reasons. I have gotten disgusted, angry, all of those things and he still keeps coming back...but I suffer in between. It seems that when I have exciting work-stuff to tell him and can't be reached while I'm working, he goes crazy for me. He misses me, needs me, confides in me, wants to be with me. But when I'm back to "normal," (what ever that is) he cools down. I know I ASKED FOR THIS.....he's married and unhappy? Aren't they all?? I don't think I can care about anyone else....he's totally magnetic, but I have to try. This forum sure helps..I don't dare tell any friends about him...I HIDE him. Thanks for listening, my new friends...now it's YOUR turn to unload on ME! I'm listening.........



  • I guess my questions is now how do I go about it? I'm at a total loss of words to say or how I should even go about it. Another thing that worries me I guess is if cancers love to live in the past then whos to say that he hasnt ran back to his girlfriend of two years that totally messed him up from the beginning so I have to mend the pieces of his heart which is totally me because thats what pisces do best !!! 🙂 I just want him to at least talk to me and explain what it is that he is going through and just let me know that it was nothing I had done to him. That way at least if he doesnt want to be with me I can move on knowing that it was nothing I did or said that was wrong and I did everything I could to make this work. Thanks again for all the help and support I really do appreciate it.



  • Cancermen, I think reading all these posts (I'm still reading...there's TONS of them!) has pointed out a lot of similar character traits for these guys...and one of them seems to be that they like the uncertainty of you when they first meet you, but when it feels a bit "sticky" and like they have you where they want you, they back off. My "J" won't admit that.......but he has a pattern now. (3 years of this.) I'm hardly the one to give advice....I SEE it, just don't accept it. But Rudy is a Cancer MAN, and he is worth listening to, as are some of the other posters here. The way to get him back, (at least for a WHILE) seems to be to ignore him. I hate game-playing, but apparently they react to it. Yes, they do live in the past....another good point......and he won't like letting you go. The thing is, do you want them when they come back, and is it worth all the agony? I don't know. For some, it seems to work out. I still have no answer to that, but at least you might have the upper hand for awhile if you DUMP him. Go OUT and be seen. MAKE yourself do it..and hopefully, you'll at least win a round! I do know calling, texting or emailing HIM will not make things better, will make you look desperate. Tough call.



  • I agree with Toons4U. They may be Cancers, but they're still men. But the thing is not to get his attention, its to get him totally. Ignoring only brings him back until he's sure he's still in the clear, then he wanders off again. I can say for sure that seeking him doesn't work that well, either. Its a crazy balancing act none of us can figure out.

    LOL little insight, Rudy?



  • I just wonder if , like another poster said, "Be careful what you wish for, you might get it." I don't understand why we WANT them! Would you have a lifetime of this game-playing or would they settle down? Who knows. Thanks, MariaRia.......I've read your posts and I totally see what you go through. (And the others.) At least YOU aren't fooling with a married man like me.......I shouldn't even complain.

    I just thought of someone (a woman) I knew a long time ago. She seemed to marry every guy she ever wanted...then SHE dumped them and they all still loved her! I asked her what her secret was, and she said, "I never let them think I'm totally reliable. I am always just a little hard to figure out. I love them like crazy, then deliberately disappear for a few days and don't return their calls. It throws them way off....they can't handle it." I told her I thought that was ridiculous to play games when we're all adults, and she said," It's ALL a game. LIFE is a game. If you want to win, you PLAY to win, don't just sit there like an idiot and wait to LOSE." I still have never gotten the hang of that but it must be true...last I heard, she was on husband #5 and owned a fabulous home in Marin County. Who knows.........and she wasn't even beautiful!!



  • Cancermen- I've known a lot of guys that won't take help from anyone, esp. a woman. He might be feeling that since he can't "provide" for you, that he shouldn't be occupying your time. Leading you on, so to speak. Have confidence that he will figure out a way to overcome his financial issues without you "fixing" them for him. Your de-manizing him by offering. if the subject comes up, briefly, just let him know that you know he will find a way. I've known of men who will leave a marriage because they aren't the "provider' anymore and felt the wife was "better off" without him. Actually, the wife is usually shattered. I've had to remind the man of their vows, for better for worse, for richer for poor, there is a REASON that those vows are in there! If the last message you left is that you didn't want to end on a bad note, the implied there, is that you WANT IT TO END. If you decide to call him and, don't second guess it. I mean if you don't call what does that prove? If you do call will he yell at you, call you names?no. if you call a lot, will he get tired of you calling and call you back 2 weeks later because he's annoyed? I say, do what it takes to get some action cause your sitting in limbo! and crying all your water out and lookin a mess! DON"T talk about money or ask how things have been, you can ask how he's been and let him know that you miss talking and hanging out with each other, tell him you miss your friend. If he's anything like my Cancer, he will come see you, it might not be that day, though. Mine likes to be needed, it's that damsel in distress thing. Guys like to be the knight. Mine "came to my rescue" one night when I was feeling lonely and just needed a friend ( this was before we were a couple, we weren't even dating) I had been dating other guys and, they were being putz and looking back, I really didn't like them and I was frustrated with dating. Hence my bad mood that night he came and got me. I wasn't mad at him, We vented about dating. we didn't even get together then. When I realized a while later that how he is, is what I've been looking for in a guy, I texted a friend about it and I accidently sent it to him so, I had to explain and I used the term love in there but, not that I WAS in love and he texted me back that he wouldn't see me anymore. I agreed since I was wanting a serious relationship and I knew he didn't. I couldn't stop thinking about him because he has all the qualities I want in a man. I texted him everyday (what did I have to lose?) sometimes it was just good morning. and I appealed to the logical side of him( we are both nerds) and his personal feelings for me. I knew he couldn't be in my presence as much as he was and not have some feelings for me. so I asked him to be honest with himself about having feelings towards me, he said he'd get back to me, I wrote, you don't have to give ME an answer because I already know. 2 nights later, he texted me, He did finally admit that he loved the THINGS that we do and that he missed them. We were "broken up" 6 days but, it felt like a long time. We usually see each other every 4 days. When he went to work in Santa Barbara, last month, I went with him and we saw each other every evening. It was nice. felt like we were playing house!! I had asked him if I could go if I paid for my plane ticket and groceries. I only had to pay for the plane ticket because the job provided for food and I cooked. I love Santa Barbara!!

    Lemerba- there are actual Cancers who don't drink or, drink very little. I hope you find one. Mine drinks a little. He drinks a beer once in awhile, esp. if we eat Mexican food ( I think it's the hot sauce he likes to drown his food in, that he's trying to put out the fire!). He's pretty health conscious but, his one addiction is Starbuck's coffee! If he comes over in the morning, I always know I'm going to be kissing Starbuck's. I think that's how he's keeping skinny, I hear his stomach making those coffee happening noises!!



  • Toons4U - Everyone says that to me. Play the game, play the game. I hate games. I'm too blunt for them. But I'm starting to realize that humans have been conditioned this way, so it seems to be the only thing they understand. There's gotta be drama. Ugh. Your friends game seems to work for her, but I wouldn't want to live like that. I don't know if you do either. So, I guess we have to find a balance between playing smart and playing honest.

    And yah, I'm starting to think along those lines. I know what I want, and a relationship full of game playing is not it. I think the only reason I've (and everyone else) has held on so long is because we assume when everything is established it'll all be different. But the scary part is that might not be the case.



  • I don't know what to think either. Maybe we think TOO much? Maybe if we weren't crazy about them, we would be running about doing our thing and they would be attracted to that, like they were in the beginning? It's funny, when you don't have a thing for a man, you go out, (maybe) have some fun, then disappear because you really don't care if they call back! You seem to keep those guys around you ...they hang around and can't beat them off with a stick. WHY? because you really DO NOT care if they come back...you're really not interested! I don't know........maybe she's right. It just seems funny that these cancer men ALL seem to be that way. More than others, I think. But that stuff doesn't appeal to me and NO men are as sensitive as these guys are, it seems. I'd be afraid to get to carried away with that...maybe just back off a bit, go places with girlfriends and forget to tell him. In your case, you see him all the time.......don't know how you could pull that off anyway. Maybe I should just mind my own business? I'm sure I'm not helping anyone.........i'm trying, but?



  • Hey guys, i'm kind of new to the website, but I need some help... I have been messing around with a guy for about a year now but he has a girlfriend. When we first started hanging out we were susposed to just be friends and we were for about 3 months but then it went to another level and I'm really torn. He has me being like really stupid for him when I know I should just probably leave him alone and find someone else. What should I do or what is your advice?????



  • I get the feeling, Aries05, that the girlfriend is also YOUR friend, so you feel guity? If not, him just having a girlfriend isn't anything terrible....most adults do have something going on when you meet them. If she's YOUR friend, that's a bit of a problem!



  • Okay so I caved in and actually texted him and told him I missed him which was extremely hard to do for me being a strong independent woman who felt up until this point that you didnt need a man in your life to complete you. Im seriously dying slowly at this point I guess part of me knew that he porbably wouldnt respond but there was still the other part of me that was praying he would. Me being a pisces we thrive on love and passion but I still have a hard shell at times and this is why because of people that cant express how they feel just think at this point he will never call or text me and I need to move on before I embarrass myself any further. I'm seriously drained at this point I am just so tired of thinking about him and getting constantly rejected. Why hasnt he responed no one time but can have the nerve to drive by my house seriously this is the weirdest situation I have ever been in and I'm just starting to think that this pisces is just not meant to be happy I feel like I'm being for punished, but dont know what it is that I did



  • Cancermen, I know that feeling of total fear of rejection , and embarrassment at your lack of self-control. It's AWFUL, and I feel for you. The only thing I can say is deep-down, only YOU know what you need to do. Everyone wants to help, but most either don't know that agony or have forgotten it, or they would just try to distract you, not advise you. But that said, I think getting YOU back is the only thing that helps. That independant, carefree you.....the one that attracted him. I think maybe it depends on what mood you're in at the moment? If you feel vulnerable and weepy, I personally think it's best to hide until it goes away. But when you feel BALLSY, maybe address it with him, and say, "What the hell are you doing driving by my house? If you want to see me, why don't you DO something about it? Why don't you answer my texts? If you want me to go out with someone else, just SAY so because I'm a great woman and you are losing me and pissing me off."



  • Toons4U I have already done the addressing part as far as him driving by my house complete accident totally a drunk moment I honestly didnt mean to send it but I did and even then I had no response I know your right and I am slowly getting back to being carefree but I am still looking for some type of closure so I can move on at this point I would rather him tell me to fuck off so at least I would know where I stand you know? I do feel at this point since I still have not heard even a peep that I will never know what it is that I said or did wrong if I even did and so I dont expect to get closure any time soon. The only thing is I know no matter what one day or another I will run into him and it will probably be just when I'm about to get over him knowing my luck and thats just it I am supposed to be having the greatest month ever with the eclipes and my two planets ruling this month this is supposed to be my month to come back on top and here I am at the bottom and I do know the only one that can truely save me is me I just have never felt like this before and I wanted to make sure I gave this everything before I quit which isnt even like me I would have moved in a long time ago before this cancer its like I have a spell that has been put on me and I just cant get him out of my head so thank you for taking the time to write and help me I appreciate it very much..


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