Cancer Man, And He Is Confusing Pt. 2
Cancermen, I know what you're going through, believe me I do. I sometimes wonder if we want them so much because they are so....unavailable. If he chased you around, called, emailed, hung around everywhere he thought YOU might be, came on strong, would you still care that much about him? I have a feeling not. I think it's just human nature to want what seems just a pinch out of reach. Unpredictable. These Cancers are romantic, sensitive creatures, unlike a lot of men. That alone is a HUGE turn-on for a woman. They want to cook for you, send thoughtful cards and letters, want to snuggle to you and get warm one minute, then POOF!!! They scurry away quickly because something in them makes them feel threatened and unsafe. I think that's why this thread about Cancers is so long! Almost every one of us has this same problem!! They create this LONGING for more that starts to live in your brain. It gnaws at you day and night....because you've tasted the sweet wine and you want MORE!!
The only way that works for me (to live with it) is get busy and STAY busy. Go OUT. Do something with other friends....ANYTHING! Be a bit mysterious yourself. It never fails with my "J"..........he comes looking for me. I've gotten so I know the signs of distraction and I beat him to it. (3 years of this torture.) If I sense a distance in an email, I say something sexy in my return mail. He replies because I got his attention, then I don't answer for a few days. It's kind of "Talkus-interruptus," if you know what I mean. It bugs the hell out of him but it works like a charm. However, it goes down as game-playing to me and it gets OLD. BUT? I love the guy.......it's the only way I survive. I keep hoping someone will just walk into my life that I can care for and have fun with, and I can just stop this madness. so far, no luck, probably because after him, every man I meet seems like an insensitive idiot.. When a Cancer clamps his claws down on you, it's hard to get away. Best of luck to you......
Cancerman- You told him that you didn't want to end it on a bad note. The implied is that you wanted to end it. You ended it.
Toons4u- I was the one that had wrote the quote "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it" I was in a mood all day ( Scorpios are also known for them) and my Cancer had sent me 32 emails. Sounds like a lot but it only took me about 7 hours to find the information and put it in files. He is having me be part of his business and the emails were just showing me HOW the business works. That is what I asked for. To be partners with my mate. I am one of the few women on here, that is happy with her relationship with her Cancer. I'm not a romantic person and neither is my Cancer. We are very practical people That suits me. I see mine every 4 days or, when he gets back from his trips. I'll see him this Thursday when he get back from Cleveland, it's scheduled. We are a couple so, we don't have the game playing. We coordinate our schedules and make dates accordingly. We will talk about the business but we will do other things too. I'm not obcessed with mine either. I'm not "in love" I like mine. I had enough of guys that want to tell me that I'm sexy all the time and promise things that they never come thru on. I think paying big money in a fancy restaurant for piece of meat, salad and a drink, is a waste of money. I got tired of men who just viewed the outside of me. That always want to impress me with who they know and what they have. It's not mine and they aren't going to give it to me so,I don't care. I got tired of the BS.
Men are human too. 10 years ago, we did a test to see what it is that men really want in a woman and part of the research showed that men are very basic. I read some of these post and I see that a lot of women have given certain men this Superman aspect that they can't possibly live up to. I've seen it in a lot of relationships over the years too. Men are also subject to being unsure about where they stand with women, fear of rejection, ridicule.....many other things. Women are very complex creatures and we can go from sweet to very nasty in the same minute. A lot of women expect a man to read their minds and instead of what they are saying. Men can't do that, they respond better to simple communications. Thats why when we use too many words, they shut down and get confused. Women yell " Your not listening to me" women over communicate.
Your friend that marries a lot. She is a Gold Digger. Marrying men for money is her job. She is at risk that she's going to play that game with the wrong man and end up shot thew the heart. No one likes to be played or made a fool of.
As for playing the game. Don't. If you can't be true to your values and what it is that you truly want and need, stay by yourself. Game playing is selling your soul. You feel empty.
One of the hardest things to do is to let go of a relationship, It's not working and all you do is scar yourself for the next person. It takes loving yourself and being honest with yourself, to admit it's not working, it's not anyones fault, it just doesn't fulfill a need. Then to mentally cut yourself off from that and shut that door. And not feel bad about it. Not everyone is meant to be together, even if we have crossed each others path for a little while.
Another quote "we got to kiss a lot of frogs before we meet our prince" and " stop beating a dead horse'
WOW!!! 2knowmeisto2luv me.........what an incredible insight. You know what's really helpful? it isn't always the well-intended "advice-to-the-lovelorn" stuff, it's hearing from a woman who has a whole other "take' on all of this. There IS another way of life out there and thanks for your eye-opening post. Now all I have to do is grow a set of balls to be like you!
I'm not a whiney-type, normally. I do for myself. I have been very hard-working and a risk-taker in a career that would scare a lot of people away.....and have done well in it. But I never do totally grasp MEN. Never have. As far as my "friend," ("Marryin' Sherry," we all called her.)......she wasn't my friend, and probably wasn't ANY other woman's friend. But she was amazing, in that she ALWAYS won! If she set her sights on a guy, she always ended up married to him. SHE knew she was a taker....and so did everyone who knew her, even the MEN! But the fascinating part was, they didn't seem to care! And this was not even a beautiful woman! SO? There has to be a lesson in men-management in there SOMEWHERE, I think.
I'm glad you have a GOOD relationship with your Cancer.......it's good (and encouraging) to hear a positive post!!! thanks!
I appreciate the advice that you have given me. No the girl that he is with is not my friend. I don't even know her. I guess I did feel a little guilty though because I felt I wouldn't want to be cheated on myself, but at this point I have found myself falling deeper for him and I really don't want to play the role of girlfriend #2. I want him to be my man, although I did take quit a risk hooking up with him. Do you think I should just leave him alone?
Aries05, sorry I interpreted you incorrectly. I wondered if you were in that situation where you are a FRIEND of the girlfriend and happened to fall for her guy, That's a BAD situation and I'm glad it isn't you!! The only thing I can say is, if you don't know the girl, I wouldn't kick myself over it....it seems to me as adults, we're all coming and going from relationships.....she probably started seeing him when some OTHER woman was involved. That's life. BUT? I wonder why this guy wants you BOTH, and I think you should seriously consider what kind of man you have become involved with. Keeping both of you going from HIS standpoint might be fun, but that sucks. He should make up his damned mind. If he doesn't want to, he isn't worth losing sleep over, little one. He'll cheat on anybody, including YOU if you "win" him. You've already established that you'll put up with it...so you have some tough choices to make. I can see how a "friendship" might roll into a love affair..that's nothing new. But? He can't (shouldn't) get away with juggling the 2 of you forever. Enough, already. Maybe at first, but not for this long. Personally, I don't think you would ever trust him, even if he did dump her and come to you. If he'll do it to her, he'll do it to YOU. Tough one....good luck!
Thank you so much Toons4u,
I totally agree with everything that you just stated. I think that having it come from someone else made it all the difference. I think that I just wanted to believe that it could work out for the best because I really wanted to be with him and he makes me feel so good when we are together. I think I'll take my chances with someone new who isn't already involved with someone else......
Oh and also you were right about her meeting him when he was with someone else. I guess that's just a cycle that he repeats. I don't know how you could have guessed that.......
Aries05....just guessed....most guys that do that stuff, "It ain't their first rodeo."
Arie05- Yep, your best bet is to try and find a guy that isn't living with or otherwise involved with a female. The involved guys always seem to be the most charming and aggressive, don't they? I had sooo many of those type come at me in the last 2 years, I started thinking I had some sort of scent that only married and guys in relationships could smell or a tattoo only they could see, on my forehead. Don't give up hope, the one I have now, I made sure he lives alone. He hates his ex-wife to the point that when he has to talk to her or about her, it looks like someone is choking him. ( they have a 17 year old daughter) Smart not to take on his drama. You know that you were just the " Next competition in the mans Rodeo!" - to use a interesting quote from TOONS! You know, there are some guys who are never without a girlfriend,
2knowme: Great post.....you have keen insight. Wish I had run across you guys a long time ago........this is eye-opening. Thanks to all of you.
Ugh, this guy sounds like my brother.
2knowme - You know, I thought that for a while too. I kept getting all these guys who were married or in long term relationships asking me out, or staring me down 24/7. But because that kind of stuff makes me angry beyond words, I ignored them. It's not so much the one's with girlfriends who made me mad, it was the married ones. So I started to wonder if the only guys who would ever be interested in me were ones that were unavailable. I still kind of think that, LOL. I guess it helped that I wasn't interested in them to begin with.
The thing that confused me was that one of the guys who was married, I met his wife a few months later and she was soooooo pretty, and so nice. So I don't know WHAT he was staring at, as if he doesn't have a beautiful woman infront of his face all day.
You need to stop making yourself crazy over this. I am a Taurus and I was in a relationship with a Cancer man for 15 years. It should have been a wonderful match. But we were together for ELEVEN YEARS before we got married. The marriage lasted three years.
If you are trying to tell him to "piss or get off the pot" he will stifle you every time. You cannot give an ultimatum to this man and expect him to pick. He'll resist just for the sake of resisting. He will feel that you are trying to control him (hence his never giving you a straight answer).
I look back at when we were together and I can say that we had, at times, a very wonderful relationship. I remember the very moment I feel in love with him.
I can also look back at some of the most painful emotional experiences of my life and I remember the very moment I fell out of love with him.
A note about our long relationship but short marriage. The first time he lost his temper with me, it scared me emotionally. From that point on, it was extraordinarily difficult for me to be open and honest with my feelings, much less anything else. I was constantly worried about how he would react to one thing or another. Everything I did depended on and was decided based on whether it would make him happy or not. I had considered on several occasions whether to leave him but the fact was I was in love with him and couldn't stand the thought of him no longer being a part of my life.
Finally, after eleven years and a pretty serious car accident, he finally asked me to marry him. I was so excited because we were taking our relationship a step beyond what was necessary (after 11 years, most people would ask "why now?"). We were getting married because we wanted to, not because it was the socially acceptable thing to do.
After we got married, the relationship changed. He was less tolerant and would complain about everything. He would no longer want to go to the movies or have friends over. He just wanted to pursue his hobby and leave me to do whatever I could to distract myself (though he would often times pick on me about money issues). I found other things to do but it drove us apart and I eventually moved out.
After we were divorced, he told me "before we were married, I would continue a fight with you just to be right but only to the point that I thought that you were just short of leaving me. After we were married, I figured you would never leave me."
Please be wary of giving in to the Cancer man. I am not saying that all Cancer men are bad and should be avoided. I am saying that you need to be careful with your heart and do not allow yourself to give up who you are or what you want for the sake of a relationship with him. If you give an inch, he will take a mile. When you ask for an inch back, he will get offended, guilt you into sacrificing yourself, and you will give him another inch when asking for his forgiveness.
Either he loves you or he doesn't. You are letting him sit on the fence at your expense. If he really does love you, you would not be having to put ultimatums to him. At this point, try to get over him. If he contacts you again, wanting to see you, tell him that if he wants to date you, he is going to have to commit to the pursuit of the relationship. Tell him that you can't accept anything less. If he's not interested in that, let him go. Don't speak to him, don't see him, don't talk to him. It will take a while to get over him. It's been three years since we were divorced and I still miss him but that chapter of my life is over and that relationship will never be what it was.
Sorry to go on so long but I hate to see anyone suffer through the struggle of loving a Cancer man. Take it or leave it. Either way I wish you the best.
I'm very sorry that u have to go through all that **** being with a cancer guy...but honestly...I think they suck!! Our situation is so alike that its difficult to put it into words now. I too am a piscean just entering into a 'relationship' (Frankly, dont even know if it IS a relationship for him yet) with a cancer man!! But for now, I love the way he talks, the way he voices his opinion about myriad things possible, his laughter...the intelligence peeping out every now and then along with the casual laidback mannerisms!! The thing getting on my nerves is his vanishing act...He's here today...am over the moon...don't know if he'd call or see me tomorrow!! I am forever guessing what his mood is and so how to behave accordingly. In a nutshell, I think i am getting sick of his games and absences!! Don't know whether to stick, give him a chance or to simply look for someone better!! Any suggestions?
Gosh...u guys are AMAZINGGGG !!
I joined this site just 2 days back...got great insights about cancer men...learnt how to play games and NOW HE'S CALLING MORE OFTEN THAN he used too. Can't believe its happening...Thank ya people!!
Hi Maria Ria
I am married to a Cancer man and its the worst thing I have ever done, he is so selfih, big headed and self centered a no all . If we have a arguement he has to win or he wont talk to me for a week, Cancer men like to be coddled you will become his mum, once a ring goes on your finger they show their true colours and if you dont praise him every few minutes he wants to know whats up. They are very emotional and insicure and are noted for being unfaithful, they like a few woman at the same time they dont like being tied down.
My advise to you is to GET RID OF HIM NOW he will try emotional blackmail but dont let it work.
This forum has really been an eye-opener. I have always been a devotee of Tarot, but took astrology with a grain of salt. I thought it was more of a fun thing to check out daily horoscopes, etc. but didn't take much stock in it. NOW, after this unbelievable discussion of Cancer men, I am a believer. All these posts have such a common thread......this is too much to be a cooincidence. True, there are different circumstances, and they aren't ALL carbon copies...but enough similarities are here that one can see the common denominators. WOW.
Hey guys I would just like to start off by saying thanks to everyone who responded to my thoughts and questions. I never thought of cancermen in that way until I realized that all of us had alike experiences with those types of men. I also don't believe it's just cancermen that act that way. The guy I was speaking of was my first cancer. I have dated leo's,scorpio's,tarus, and they all seem to be the same to me. I think that linking it cancer's is fair though because they seem to be the one's with the most issues behind their ****. However I truely believe everyone had some wonderful insights to the whole situation. I just hope that eventually in my life I can find someone that truely makes me happy...... Once again Thanks Guys!!!!!!
You sound like you already have everything figured out the only words of advice I have for you is love him at a distance If I had known now what I didn't know then I would have played alot harder to get returned less phone calls,made myself just alittle more unavailable that way he is longing for more. But I am on 17 days at this point and still no phone call, no texts, I get calls at all hours of the night and they are all unknown numbers imagine that not to mention I have caught him driving by my house but not a word actually spoken to me. I'm almost to the point where I am almost over him but I have to constantly worry about running into him all the time. I just wished at this point I had never met him. But for every door that closes another one opens except this time I will be ready
Silly Me !! Just when I thought I had something figured out...He's back pedalled once again!! Just got a text from him sayin...
"I don't want an affair with you...But yeah, ur brain is the specimen i'd like to know. P.S.- u've a great body too. Now keep guessing whts in my mind"
Go figure...He knows I'm not into one night stands...and what about those phone calls every few hours yesterday!! Gosh Cancermen I'm driving myself nuts thinking about just what in God's name he wants!!
Well...fine...if he wants to play games...I'm on...Will be my piscean self from now on with him.
Just hope ya'll gonna be there to share the miseries